Discover the best tinder pickup lines, from cheesy to funny ways of starting conversations on Tinder the dating app. Vote on the pickup lines that you like and downvote the ones that are cringe-worthy.
Sometime back I made a post encouraging people to do self-improvement. Starting in October of last year, I starting going to the gym and cooking for myself. I managed to continue this until February of 2020 and I lost like 20 pounds. I decided to start trying the dating apps in March, which may not have been the best timing due to the virus. Anyway, I put a ton of time into the apps and messaging for about three months.
Being a person of faith, I started on Christian Mingle. I ended talking to a scammer, which I realized when they asked for money. After that, I created new email accounts and a Google Voice number for dating. This was where I learned to reverse image search and check where the phone number is from. I talked to one other girl who was local on that site, but she didn't want to continue since we went to different kinds of churches.
Next, I subbed to Match.com. There is a good 200 profiles on there for my area. I sent a lot of likes and tried sending some messages too. Nobody ever responded to those. One girl talked to me for several days, but then decided to continue with someone else. Another girl found me and we texted for a while, followed by a date. She ended up being heavier than the pictures and I wasn't attracted to her at all so I called it off after the date was over. Finally, I went on a date with another girl who was pretty. We went out to eat and there was a lot of talking and we went for a walk. However, she decided that she did not feel any connection and didn't want more dates. I'm not really sure if I did something wrong here. I don't have enough experience to know. If I should be forming a connection better, I don't know how. There hasn't been much activity on here for me since July.
Next, I tried Tinder. I am probably at a disadvantage here though being bald and on the lower end of the attractiveness scale. The first time I installed it, I only swiped right on people I was attracted to. I swiped left on single moms as I don't think I am ready to deal with kids just yet. As you can imagine, I could count on one hand the number of matches I got. I do not understand this app, maybe it is because I am 37 and it is an app geared towards younger people. I match with someone and then send them a pickup line (this is how I understand it is supposed to work). I might get one response then they go silent. I also tried asking questions, but that didn't work either. I tried it a second time swiping right on everyone except single moms and got like eight matches, but never got further than a few messages. I eventually gave up and uninstalled it due to lack of responses.
Next, I tried Plenty of Fish. I talked to like 12 people from that site and I believe that they were all scammers. They wanted to talk off the app fast and they had out of state area codes. Some were using stolen pictures. I don't think I talked to any real people from this one. I eventually uninstalled it because I was tired of scammers.
I tried Ok Cupid, but it is dead where I live so I deleted it.
I installed the Facebook app to try the dating part, but no one liked me at all so I stopped looking at it.
I installed Hinge, which has a unique system of leaving a comment when you like someone’s profile. I went through all the profiles there in less than a week, I got two likes from a scammer and 1 from a normal person who did not reply. This app lost my data twice so I decided to delete it.
I also tried Bumble. Occasionally, I will get a match on this app. I talked to one girl for two weeks. I then asked her on a date and she declined, saying she was too busy. Later that day, I got unmatched.
In conclusion, I don't think online dating is going to help me get a relationship. I give it maybe a 5% chance. I started with a lot of momentum and hope. That is gone now. It has been discouraging to see the lack of interest, but that does seem to be common for most guys in online dating. I was messaging and liking a lot at the start, but that doesn't do much good. Maybe that works for guys that look like Brad Pitt. Now, I have profiles active on Christian Mingle, Match, and Bumble. If a girl likes me or messages me, I will talk to them. I had planned to try more in real life, but I am now completely demotivated. Maybe that will change in the future. Well, the positive part of this is I got to go on dates. I never did that before. I bet it would be a lot of fun to go on dates if you had a girlfriend. If you read this far, thanks for listening. I felt I had to talk about this.
TLDR: Online dating is a tough crowd for unattractive people.
submitted by Take Your (intellectual) Medicine – An introduction to the Molecular Virology of Coronaviruses
So, about that thing called “the coronavirus”.
As I am sure you noticed there is something of a global pandemic going on right now. Some are calling it a hundred year plague. Some are calling it a Chinese Bioweapon. Others are calling it a “hoax of the deep state”. Still others are getting
more creative, if a little uncouth for polite company.
More sober minds call it either SARS-CoV-2 or COVID19.
Me personally? I am calling it a very real, very big fucking deal and likely the most significant world event since World War II. You need to pay attention to it, you need to be careful about your actions, and you need to all swallow your pride and not be terrible fucking culture warriors for a few god damned months. But who the fuck am I? I am glad you asked,
modal mottleman! The answer may surprise you.
In short, something you may not have noticed is that about the same time the global pandemic struck, I disappeared from the subreddit. Part of this is because of some now resolved job related personal issues, and part of this is because I am, in fact, a coronavirus researcher. Specifically, I hold a PhD in Microbiology and Immunology and, as a postdoctoral fellow, spent nearly 3 years studying coronaviruses prior to the emergence of COVID19. When the current pandemic hit, my professional life was turned upside down - meaning that I couldn’t participate in the subreddit. Being frustratingly vague, that is all fixed now, so I am taking it upon myself to do what I wish I’d done months ago: educate you to the best of my ability on what the hell exactly is going on in a series of effort posts in the main subreddit. What I am not going to do is wade deep into various CW issues, giving you definitive answers about what
ought to be done from what I know
is true. I won’t shy away from these topics, per se, cowardly Mr. WHO representative dodging the Taiwan question I am not. However, my real goal is to tell you what I know about coronaviruses and answer those questions you pose accurately and honestly, being as transparent as possible and not being afraid to say “I don’t know” or “No one knows”.
As a final note, I have included a list of definitions to what may be unfamiliar words in Appendix I of this post, to save you from having to google what I’m going on about.
Introduction:
Titled “Take Your (intellectual) Medicine – An introduction to the Molecular Virology of Coronaviruses”, this first post may sound rather boring, more like something you heard in a Biology class than anything you can practically care about. However, IMO this post is the most important one, as I will provide you with the background information you need to understand the answers I am going to give you to the questions you actually care about. Please, stay with me on this – things that seem boring are often the most important for you to know. Reading this first post will help you contextualize the remaining 4 posts I plan on writing (see below).
With that out of the way, let’s get started.
I. What is a Coronavirus.
First things first, what precisely is a coronavirus (properly abbreviated CoV)? Your gut instinct is something like
this or
this. Me, the expert, am going to point you towards
this image stolen from
nature which is a detailed graphical model of a coronavirus showing the important structural features. Additionally
this is a (rather crappy) unpublished
transmission electron micrograph of HCoV-229E, a coronavirus responsible for the common cold, I took about a year ago (because why not).
From the standpoint of a Virologist communicating to the laymen, there are a handful of fundamental characteristics of a coronavirus virion that I think you should understand. These will help prevent you from making basic mistakes when talking about coronaviruses, while providing you with a tool kit for determining if someone speaking with authority about this subject is actually full of shit. They are as follows:
- Coronaviruses are a class of viruses, SARS-CoV-2 (which causes COVID19) is just one of many. In short, think of the term “coronavirus” in the same way you would think of the term “primate” or “feline.” Humans and chimps are both “primates”, but not the same species. In the same manner, MERS-CoV and SARS-CoV are different species, both falling into the group of viruses we call “coronaviruses.”
- Structurally, the coronavirus genome is protected by the nucleocapsid (N) protein, which is in turn surrounded by a viral envelope consisting of a lipid membrane, the membrane (M) protein, envelope (E) protein, and the spike (S) protein. So, back to this picture. At the center of the coronavirus is its genome, which is directly protected by a viral protein called nucleocapsid or “N”. Surrounding this is a lipid (i.e. “fat”) membrane. Embedded into this membrane are 3 important proteins, the envelope or “E” protein, the “membrane” or “M” protein, and the spike or “S” protein. Of these, the spike or “S” protein is the most well known and important for you to remember. In all likelihood I won’t discuss the others in future posts.
- The coronavirus genome is relatively large, single stranded, and made out of ribonucleic acid (RNA). As most people are aware, your genome is made of Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), which is “double-stranded” and forms the familiar double helix structure you see everywhere. From bacteria to your crazy ex, all livingi things utilize DNA for their genomes. Many viruses, such as your crazy ex’s best friends HPV and Herpes also use double stranded DNA, but not all viruses do. There are single stranded DNA viruses, double stranded RNA viruses, and single stranded RNA viruses. The variation is mostly a matter of stability; genomes made from double stranded DNA are stable and less prone to mutations while those that are single stranded or made of RNA are more prone to mutations. There are advantages to each, alas, that is too much to go into here. What is important, is that the type of genome a virus has is one of the fundamental characteristics used to classify them into different categories. Additionally, when I say coronaviruses are “large”, I mean for RNA viruses, which due to stability issues tend to be smaller than their DNA counterparts.
II. The Coronavirus Lifecycle
Now that we have covered what a Coronavirus actually is, let’s talk about what a coronavirus actually does. Like any organism, viruses have a life cycle they want to carry out in order to reproduce. For humans, mammals, and other higher eukaryotes this process is fairly familiar. Using humans as an example, in the simplest terms each of us start as an infant and then grow and develop until we eventually reach sexual maturity. At some point between thinking MTV is cool and learning that MTV actually sucks, most of us start looking for a suitable mate, have sex, and then intentionally or unintentionally cause the human life cycle to start all over. Moving beyond this extremely simple model into a somewhat less simple model, as this process moves forward each of us engage in various periphery activities to ensure our life cycle runs smoothly. Such peripheral activities can range from finding food, to swiping on tinder, to browsing
/tinder for
pickup lines, to finally browsing
/tinder for
sick burns we can deploy to protect our fragile egos when rejected.
Like humans and other organisms, viruses also have life cycles they engage in for the purposes of reproduction. However, unlike organisms that are “truly” alive
i, viruses cannot carry out this process on their own – they have to have a host cell to carry this process out. What we commonly call “infection” is just the virus carrying this process out. Thus, instead of trying to find a mate to have sex with, the primary goal of the virus is to enter a host cell and hijack its cellular processes in order to make new viruses, aka virus babies. Also like us, the virus carries out various secondary processes to ensure this process runs smoothly – mostly focused on either defeating the host’s immune system, gathering materials, or constructing little virus factories rather than ensuring they have the perfect profile picture
ii to maximize right swipes from the thirsty.
For coronaviruses, a visual representation of this process can be found
hereiii. Seem complicated? Don’t feel bad, it really,
really is, which is why the talking heads on TV don’t bother even trying to explain it to you. As far as I am concerned, this looks bad on them, not you. Legacy media is not optimized to be informative, it is optimized to keep you glued for 3-minute commercial segments. They worry if they take the time to teach you something they are going to lose you. I, on the other hand, have faith in you and will attempt to explain it below, because 1) it is my expertise, 2) understanding both the origin of the virus and the therapies against it require you to understand the life cycle as background knowledge. If you don’t understand something below, don’t fret too much. However, do keep the below description in mind for the coming posts.
Steps in the viral Life Cycleiv - Receptor Binding – If a virus wants to carry out its life cycle, the first thing it needs to do is identify and attach itself to a cell that is likely to be permissible to productive infection. To do so, a protein on the surface of a virus binds (aka attaches itself) to a particular host protein called a “receptor”. For SARS-CoV-1 (2002-2003 epidemic) and SARS-COV-2 (responsible for COVID19) the receptor on the surface of host cells is a protein called ACE2. The viral protein binding ACE2 is the previously mentioned spike or “S” protein.
- Entry – Once the virus has attached to a host cell, it must enter it. The specific method used by a given virus varies and the specifics are often still a matter of debate. For coronaviruses, receptor binding (step 1) causes the spike (S) protein to alter its structure and fuse the viral membrane/envelope and cellular membrane, thereby granting the virus entry to the cell.
- Uncoating of the viral nucleic acids – In this step, the coronavirus virion disassembles itself, freeing the coronavirus genome from its protective coating and allowing it to express its genes.
- Early Translation – Translation is the process whereby the genes encoded in the coronavirus’s RNA genome are converted into proteins using the infected cells existing protein manufacturing machinery and resources. If you don’t remember your freshman Biology, then think of “genes” as “blueprints” for extremely complex “tools” called “proteins.” These tools are then used by the virus to accomplish all the things it wants to do during infection. Things the virus wants to accomplish can range from “make more of my genome” to “let’s inhibit the host’s immune response”. Unfortunately, they cannot allow the virus to swipe on tinder. This would enable some hilarious posts, but maybe that is for the best.
- Replication – Here the virus makes additional copies of its genome. In a very real sense, this can be thought of corresponding to the “reproduction” phase in human and other animals.
- Late Translation – The same as early translation, but “way fucking more of it.” This is a gross simplification to the point that I am embarrassed (there actually are a few important differences), but is good enough for our purposes.
- Building and Assembly of progeny – In short, in this step the coronavirus assembles new viruses, using the viral genomes produced in step 5 and proteins produced in step 6. This process is extremely complex and poorly understood, but I’ll provide a link below if you want more information.
- Release of progeny – In this step, the coronavirus virions built in step 7 are trafficked to the cell membrane and then released to start this process all over. Metaphorically, this can be thought of as the “birth” of the virus after pregnancy. Well, not really, but thinking of it that way might help you understand what’s going on so let’s roll with it.
III. The Coronavirus Genome and Replication
So as alluded to above, like any other organism viruses have their own genomes, which in the case of coronaviruses is made out of single stranded RNA. A diagram of various coronavirus genomes can be seen
here. Encoded in this genome are various genes (blueprints – see life cycle step 4) encoding proteins (tools – again see life cycle step 4) that help the virus carry out its life cycle described above. Rather than go through the boring process of describing each one in detail, I’m just going to talk about the three classes of viral proteins, giving you a broad overview of the function of each class. Additionally, keep in mind that this description is generalized towards coronaviruses broadly, the particular genes each coronavirus possesses varies somewhat, particularly those encoding “accessory proteins”. Nevertheless, they are broadly similar, which is why the category called “coronavirus” is meaningful.
1. Polyproteins – named pp1a and pp1b, these 2 large proteins are not included in the virion itself, and are instead produced during the first round of translation (step 4). Both pp1a and pp1b are broken down (cleaved) into smaller proteins to form the RNA-dependent RNA-polymerase, that is the enzyme responsible for making additional copies of the viral genome. Thus, they function primarily to drive step 5 in the viral life cycle.
2. Structural Proteins – S, E, M, and N, these proteins are physically incorporated into the structure of the virus. The remaining proteins, while important, are not physically present in the virion itself.
3. Accessory Proteins – A catch all term for all other proteins that do not fit into the above 2 categories. Often, these proteins are involved in defeating the host's immune system. Additionally, there is significant variation in accessory proteins of different coronaviruses, the ones present in MERS-CoV for instance are not the ones present in SARS-CoV.
Conclusions, and a preview of upcoming topics
In conclusion, I know I gave you A LOT of information that answered exactly zero of your urgent questions. However, I felt that the context of this post was necessary background information for everyone to understand before I continue on to other topics which you may be more interested in. Yes, that is right, this will not be the last post – I intend to make this a whole series of posts in order to convey to you as much information as possible. Currently, these are the planned topics I intend to cover.
1) Take Your (intellectual) Medicine – An introduction to the Molecular Virology of Coronaviruses. You are here.
2)
Nostradamus Would be Jealous – Viral Zoonosis and the Origins of SARS-CoV-2 (COVID19) 3) Of Masks and (Actual) Medicine – An explanation of what is known about the preventative measures, vaccines, and potential therapies to COVID19.
DISCLAMER: I hold a PhD in Microbiology and Immunology, not an MD, so do not consider this post medical advice when I get to it. This is (obviously) a rapidly progressing area of research. Consider this post informative rather than prescriptive – I am giving you knowledge to help you understand why advice is given, not actual advice. Seriously, listen to your fucking doctor. Now, why your doctor, the CDC, and the WHO refuse to explain to you why you need to do the things they are telling you to do is beyond me. Perhaps because they don’t like the scrutiny? I am more or less anonymous, avoiding that, but still. Sorry, pet peeve of mine.
4) Coronavirus Testing: The difference between an A and an F.
5) Q&A with The Bailey Podcast
You may have questions, which I will attempt to answer them in the comment section of each post, as I am able. However, some of them I may reply and say “I’ll get to this in post X”. Others I may say “I am saving this for the Bailey Podcast Q&A session”. For these, it is likely that the answer is “it's complicated” and “I need to do some more reading”. This isn’t a guarantee that I will answer it, I am just one man
vi , but I will try to answer everything I feel confident I can give you a right answer for. Others may be ignored for one reason or another, but please don’t feel slighted if I don’t get to it.
Footnotes:
i – And I’m going to go ahead and sidestep the question of if viruses are truly “alive”. In the end, this is a
categories were made for man territory, and the answer is mostly a question of how you define “life” in the tangible sense, rather than the philosophical sense.
ii – Apparently shirtless pictures of yourself holding dead animals are
not appreciated by the young ladies of the world. Who would have guessed?
iii - stolen from
this paper.
iv – For anyone else with some expertise in the room, I know the language I use below is anthropomorphizing the virus more than just a little bit. I also know this is breaking sacred law
v, but when communicating with a layman it’s easier to write in an understandable manner if I just go ahead and do so. The odd sentence structure necessary to deny an unthinking virus agency just makes things more difficult to explain.
v – Fortunately, I wrote this while drinking whiteclaws, and as every bro knows: “There are no laws while drinking claws”. And yes, I did make a footnote within a footnote to say something this idiotic.
vi – With a day job where I am hella busy at the moment (as you might expect), a girlfriend I am head over heels for despite all my relationship jokes, and hobbies. Cut me a little bit of slack please.
Appendix I: Definitions
- Virus - any of a large group of submicroscopic infectious agents that are usually regarded as nonliving extremely complex molecules, that typically contain a protein coat surrounding an RNA or DNA core of genetic material but no semipermeable membrane, that are capable of growth and multiplication only in living cells, and that cause various important diseases in humans, animals, and plant. (Merriam Webster)
- Virion – A single, infectious virus as it exists outside the host cell.
- Lipid – Another term for the individual molecule commonly called “fats”.
- Protein – Constructed from amino acids and encoded in nucleic acids, large molecules made by a living organism for structural or functional purposes. Metaphorically, these are (usually) the tools a cell or a virus uses to accomplish some function.
- Viral envelope or membrane – Composed of lipids, this structure surrounds the genetic material of a virus, giving its form. Note: many, but not all viruses have envelopes.
- Cell Membrane – Composed of lipid membranes, this is the outer layer of a cell that separates the internal cellular structures from the environment.
- Nucleocapsid (N) protein – Coronavirus structural protein that binds to and encapsulates its genome.
- Membrane (M) protein – a structural protein that is embedded within the viral envelope. At this point, don’t worry about its function.
- Envelope (E) protein – also a structural protein that is embedded within the viral envelope. At this point, don’t worry about its function.
- Spike (S) protein – A third structural protein that is embedded in the viral envelope. This protein binds to the receptor on the surface of host cells and is also responsible for fusing the virus and host membranes allowing entry. Primary protein responsible for carrying out steps 1 and 2 in the viral life cycle as described above.
- Ribonucleic acid (RNA) – One of the 2 common forms of nucleic acids. Functions as the genome for coronaviruses, has other functions within a cell. See also, the central dogma of molecular biology for more information.
- Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) – The second common form of nucleic acids. Functions as the genome for all domains of life and some viruses. See also, the central dogma of molecular biology for more information.
- Eukaryote – one of the three domains of life, including all plants and animals. The other domains are bacteria and archaea.
- Viral Emergence/Zoonosis – the process by which viruses begin to infect new hosts or geographic regions, especially but not limited to the transition of a virus from an animal host into a human one.
- Receptor – A molecule, usually a protein, found on the surface of a host cell which a given virus uses to attach itself to the host cell.
- Translation – the process by which the ribosome reads an RNA sequence and creates a protein.
Appendix II: Further Reading
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41579-018-0118-9 https://cmr.asm.org/content/28/2/465.long https://www.nature.com/articles/nrmicro.2016.81 https://www.nature.com/articles/nrmicro2090 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0065352716300422?via%3Dihub In a sense I'm surprised I ended up here but when I look inward, it was almost hilariously predictable. This girl was everything I ever wanted. Smart, cute, hot, edgy, dangerous, curious, exciting, loving, interesting, diamond in the rough, I could go on and on. If I asked my 15 year old self to describe his dream girlfriend, I'd give him a 10/10 for manifestation because she would be his dream girl.
I started dating her in Summer of 2018. I knew her as we were in the same social circle and she was the girlfriend of a friend at the time. He went away for the summer and she broke up with him. Two weeks after, she sent me a message saying we should hangout. I had no plans to pursue her, I was just glad that a cool hot girl wanted to hangout with me. I had a full house to myself and she was currently running away from her parents house and crashing on her dealers couches so it was a perfect fit. We would get high and spend whole nights talking about people, the meaning of life and why we were such misfits in this world.
It was purely platonic and I was just glad to finally have made a good female friend. Two weeks later, we got drunk, she made out with me and in the morning she asked to cuddle me and we made love while snorting lines of cocaine. I wasn't a big partaker of drugs apart from weed but I've always fantasized about living the bad boy dangerous exciting lifestyle and I don't know if I ever lived up to it but I'm a far ways away from the shy kid never leaving his basement and playing League of Legends all day.
Over the next year, we tried to build a life, got in debt, got jobs, lost jobs, partook in various illegal substances and activities, talked about getting married and having kids, fought, broke up about 7 times, tried to figure out how to have a functional relationships, made friends, lost friends, went to couples therapy, went with her to the hospital when she went psychotic/almost attempted suicide a few times, went on long walks by the river, ordered a lot of Uber Eats, tried to figure out how to trust eachother again after I kept looking through her Facebook account and finding out she made out with a guy at a club and flirted with a few others and eventually cheated on me and we finally broke up in April 2018. She moved back into her parents house the same day.
I was prepared for this. I read up a lot on BPD and this subreddit and knew that going no-contact was the way. I knew I had to establish boundaries and fix my emotional and life issues as I found out I had plenty more than was apparent. I told her I didn't want to talk to her for a bit but I'd still perhaps want her in my life at some point but I needed some time. She gave me space and I appreciated that. Three days later she said she missed me and asked to come over to take a shower together. She hates taking showers together. She came over, we showered, cuddled and fucked.
Then started two more months of talks, getting back together, her saying she was committed and then planning dates with guys on tinder only to say she was lonely and needed validation and in the end me breaking pretty much every boundary I thought I had. She then decided to pickup some meth one day. I had pretty much helped her get rid of her coke habit and she was just taking Xanax and drinking 3-4 times a week which seemed to me to be reasonable in comparison. I told her not to dare touch that stuff but in the end went with her to pick it up. She took a line and we went out on a couple double date with some friends for some drinks. She seemed to have a great time on it and not at all the effects I would've expected from someone on meth. She was mellow and in a good and talkative mood. She then picked up a full bag and we stayed up three full days, buying two more bags. It was one of the best and most terrifying experiences of my life. At the end of it I had lost almost 10 lbs(and being skinny already its not something I can afford), could barely form a coherent sentence, couldn't walk properly and started physically tweaking. I now know why they call meth addicts tweakers, good to know.
Crazy time but I knew we couldn't afford to become meth addicts. It was good but let's never do it again. We need to build a life for ourselves and she just started a new job walking distance from my place , things were looking up. We did it three more weekends in a row and she ended up losing her job. We fought every time(even got physical once) as I begged her to not buy more to eventually end up going with her or coming over to her place while her parents were out of town to do more. It was actually some of the best times we've had. Her BPD symptoms seemed to go away while she was on it and we had deeper, more intimate and longer talks than we've ever had and the sex was amazing which was great because our sex life had started to become a chore for her it seemed but she was always horny when high which, if I'm not lying, definitely contributed to why I was down to partake with her.
Enough was enough, though. She started hearing voices and having hallucinations and was definitely no where near a functional human being. Queue me having to call the police a few times on her when she was over at my place and was convinced the neighbors were listening and talking to her through the walls or when she thought there were ghosts in her house that were stealing her parents cars. I told her that she had to pick me over the drugs otherwise I was done with her. She picked the drugs and I told her I loved her and I'd have her back no matter what and I'd help her get better.
We got back together officially and she was clean for 13 days, the longest streak in two months. I had struggled to keep a job during this time period and I finally got one after a few weeks of looking. I texted her and she was so happy and proud, our lives we're looking up again. She went out with a friend from high school for drinks and I went with some friends to a concert and we'd meet up after to celebrate. She never got back to my place and I didn't hear from her until the next day. Turns out the friend bought her 100$ worth of Liquor, told her that I wasn't good for her and he'd treat her better and that he'd had a crush on her for the past 7 years. She got high on meth, they got a hotel and they fucked and he left her covered in hickies.
I think you're seeing a pattern here. I see one as well and I choose to ignore it every time. I don't know why I do this to myself. I learn a bit every time but it never gets better. I read stories on here and the regular relationship subreddits and always think people are stupid for putting up with abuse/lies/unfaithfulness all the time yet here I am.
I tell her it's not her fault and he took advantage of her and her efforts at sobriety. We get high and she really wants to have sex and so do I. Until she asks me to reassure her that I don't see her any differently. I want to, I love her, some things are worth more than physicality. I can't though and end up rambling on a tangent for an hour. It's now September 2018. We end up breaking up for good and I block her contact a few times but leave her unblocked on WhatsApp/email a few times and she reaches through those means and we end up trying to stay friends and still sleeping together.
In November, she still hasn't gotten off meth and hasn't been able to get a job/her side effects are getting worse. I haven't touched it since September. I end up telling her parents as it reaches a boiling point and I'm worried she's either gonna permanently lose her mind or die. They get her into a three month rehab program 4 hours away from my city. We tell each other that we love eachother and we'll try to get better individually to eventually build a healthy life together. I talk to her weekly on the phone and she wants me to come visit her but I hesitate, I like the distance and don't want to get close together with her again. A month and a half into it, she calls me one night and says she left, she's at a hotel getting drunk and she'll be back in town in the morning. I'm nervous about seeing her again but also very excited, she's my favorite person in the world although she's the one I also hate the most.
She starts doing meth again everyday. She has no money and starts escorting to fund her habit. I tell her this is way too much and I need time away from her. We don't talk for two weeks and she messages me at 2 am saying she misses me and wants to fuck. This was two weeks ago. I've been seeing her every 2-3 days since then.
I'm moving across the country for the new years. I need a new start and I need to get away from her because I'm not strong enough to do it myself no matter the insane stuff she does. I tell her this and she's sad. She says I'm her best friend and she loves me and she'll miss me. She comes over and we talk some more. We go out for new years one last time last night and we have a blast. She takes pictures/videos, tells me she'll never get over me leaving and that she wants to have the best night with me. We go to a club and dance the night away. I go out for a smoke and when I come back she's dancing with an acquaintance. She tells me it's nothing, just dancing and I pull her away from him and we make out for new years. We go back to my place and have sex. I learn that she was making out with him while he was fingering her.
Happy new years to everyone here. My year has been a long one and I'm looking forward to a fresh start. Thank you for reading my story about my best friend, lover, intellectual counterpart and life destroyer. The only girl I've ever been in love with in the time I was born to this day. Even after reading hours upon hours of BPD stuff, it still boggles my mind. This girl knows me better than anyone else, and same I, we have compatible life dreams and personalities. Why is it such a massive train wreck? I don't hate her and try not to and reflect on my own evident mirrored issues but it still baffles me.
If you have any thoughts please do share as I feel quite alone with my thoughts at the moment, which is why I decided to write this monument. I have read all the advice before and it hasn't helped but more can't hurt.
I wish you guys the best in 2020 and please for the love of God don't make the same best friend I did, I'm lucky I'm not dead. Part of me still wants to marry her in 5 years and raise cute babies when we've got our shit together. Be careful because once they're in your head, they're very hard to get out. Thinking or talking about it rationally doesn't help. I'm generally a very rational person and it has helped me 0 with this.
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