Las Vegas Buffet Guide .com: Las Vegas South Point Buffet ...

continuing
As I was picking myself up off the shooter’s shack floor, I glanced over to the TV.
The ballplayers were all wandering around the field, looking skyward. Evidently, there was this hellacious explosion…even the television sports commentators were speculating as to what happened.
Whoops.
I looked out into the quarry. The wall that I had charged had receded some 75 feet.
There was rather a large amount of shattered, blasted dolomitic limestone now in the quarry. Enough, I found out later, for a full month’s worth of orders.
We never did find the blasting mats. I think they sort of evaporated.
Luckily, the quarry is essentially an open amphitheater in plan view; basically a big hole in the ground with vertical limestone walls. The shockwave of the blast that didn’t spend itself shattering the limestone into which it was housed, blew out laterally, hit the opposite quarry wall, rebounded, and then dispersed, rather energetically, vertically upward.
I set off car alarms for a 20 block radius.
There were no broken home windows, as the lion’s share of the shock wave was redirected upward.
Good thing there were no low flying zeppelins or dirigibles in the area...
I waited the requisite time to allow for any loafers. There were none, so I jumped into the nearest wheel loader and began clearing the quarry floor. Hell, I had to so I could open the front gate.
As I was clearing the floor, making pile number eight of the loose rock I had liberated, I heard the characteristic whoop-whoop of emergency vehicles.
I parked the wheel loader, opened the front gate, and raised the green flag. That was enough blasting for one day.
A few minutes later, three police cars zoom into the site. Two were local city cops, and one was a state trooper.
“Hi, guys!” I waved, “Nice day, innit?”
“Doctor Rock! We should have known.” One of the local boys groaned.
“Hey, I did call you beforehand, as per procedure,” I said.
Polack the cop walks up, just knowing I was responsible. “Yeah, but we didn’t figure on you terrorizing the entire city.”
“Polack! How goes it?” I asked.
The other local cop and the state trooper look to Polack, “You know this maniac?”
“Oh, hell yeah. For years. Don’t worry, the good doctor is mostly harmless.” He chuckles.
“Damn. OK. I guess everything’s OK. Just no more shooting today, please, Doctor. It’s going to take hours to calm everyone down.” He laments.
“Yes, sir. I’m done for the day.” I reply, snickering slightly.
The one local and state trooper depart, shaking their heads in amazement. This left Polack to follow me over to the shooter’s shack to mooch a cigar and whatever else he can find.
“Jesus Hula-Dancing Christ, Rock. What the hell was that? I was all the way out in Whitewatosa and heard you.” He asks as he sneakily snakes a smoke out of my case.
“Just some common chemicals in the proper proportions.” I snicker.
“Which were?” he asks.
I go in the back of the shed and toss him an empty container of one of the parts of the binaries I used. He catches it, reads the label, and drops it like a live grenade.
“Binaries? Fuck! Like what you used at the tower?” he asks.
“Yep. I used just a little more.” I reply.
“Little more? Damn, as I said, we’ve been briefed on the stuff. This shit’s nasty.” He shakes his head.
“Yeah. Fun, too.” I reply.
Polack grabs a Sprechler’s Cream Soda out of the fridge as I opt for a cold Cream Ale and shot of potato juice. Hell, I was done for the day, so…
We sit around and have a chat, just shooting the shit, as it were. Manly topics, so the conversation eventually steered over to guns.
“Hey!” Polack remembers, “That’s right! You fucking owe me. Let me borrow that fucking cannon you carry. I want to show the chief a thing or two.”
“Yeah, that’s right”, I agree, “When do you need it?”
“This Friday, after shift. It’s the monthly qualifiers for us.” He notes.
“Are pyromaniacs allowed in?” I ask.
“To observe? Sure. To shoot? Nope. Insurance regulations.” He says.
“What time?” I continue.
“1800 hours.” He tells me.
“I’ll be there. I’ll bring my gun and an assortment of loads. Hey, this could be fun!” I evilly smile.
“Doctor. You’re doing that thing again. You’re grinnin’ like a shithouse rat. You know how much that scares me. Stop it.” He pleads.
“No worries. Friday at 1800 hours.” I reply, grinning.
Polack slurps down his Sprechlers, snitches another stogie, and squeals out of the quarry in a cloud of dense dolomitic dust.
I arrive back at our flat, after stopping for two frozen custard Turtle Sundaes, to go. I give one to an appreciative wife and I ask her about her day.
“Oh, went shopping with Oma. Got the cutest shoes, and a new purse, and…oh well, never mind. You’ll see.”
Between bites of Turtle Sundae, she asks how my day went.
“Oh, my dear. I had a real blast.” I replied, not lying in the least.
Monday, after my first classes, I’m back in the faculty lounge, savoring a Greenland Coffee.
There was the usual instructor chatter when Dean Vermiculari walks in.
“Good morning, Dean!” I say. “Care for a sit-down and a coffee?”
“Good morning, Doctor Rock. Yes, please to both.” He replies.
I fix us both a fresh Greenland Coffee and return to our table. I hand him one and sit down to savor my soupçon.
“How was your weekend?” I ask the Dean of the College.
“Oh, very nice. Had a fine time catching some perch and crappie out on Lake Genever. I see you had a victorious weekend as well. Twice.” He smiles.
“Twice?” I asked.
“Well, your handling of the tower demolition made all the papers. Very, very well done, Doctor. I congratulate you.” He smiles.
“Thank you, Dean. That means a lot. Just doing what I can with what I’ve got. But twice?” I replied.
“It wasn’t front-page news, but I saw there was some, well, let us just say, ‘energetic activity’ out at the Silurian reef limestone quarry yesterday.” He grinned.
“Oh, yes. I had a job to do and well, as I always say: ‘Nothing succeeds like excess.” I smile back.
“Quite. This beverage you’ve created is really rather extraordinary, Doctor. Again, I thank you.” He tips his mug my direction in the age-old Midwestern salute.
“It’s a little recipe I picked up on my last expedition to the northlands. I grew rather fond of the concoction.” I replied.
“Ah, I see. Marvelous.” He smiles.
“Thank you, Dean. High praise indeed.” I reply.
“Which leads me to…ah, Doctor Rock. I have another favor to impose upon you.” He says, all serious.
“Yes, Dean? How can I be of service?” I ask.
“We, as you no doubt know, have many, many fine extractive mineral company connections. We actually receive quite a large amount of funding and endowments from them. They recruit here extensively for our young geoscientists. Now, since Dr. Pataariki has left for industry himself, I would like to appoint you as the College of Natural Sciences corporate liaison.” He explains.
“Indeed?” I replied, too stunned for words for once.
“Yes, indeed.” He continues, “It will require travel, mostly domestic, and delivering symposia at various companies on differing extractive geological subjects. You will also serve as host and university coordinator when they are present on recruiting tours. There will, of course, be additional remuneration to accompany the added responsibilities.”
I slurped my coffee, thinking furiously.
“Could I please first discuss it with my wife before I answer?” I ask.
“Oh, Doctor. Of course, of course. Take your time. I will not require a reply until… tomorrow.” He smiles, finishes his coffee, thanks me again, and toddles out.
“Yow, Es!” I exclaim, “This is one hell of an opportunity. It’s never before been offered to a junior professor. This will cement my tenure-track. It’s going to be a bitch with time, though. What do you think I should do?”
“Well, Rock, honey, I think you should do…” Es begins.
“No! None of that ‘do what you think is best’ stuff. I want your own thoughts, just like when I decided to go after my doctorate.” I explained.
“OK, then.” Esme looks all serious like she’s going to deliver a bipartisan political speech.
“Yes.” She says, firmly
“That’s it?” I ask.
“Yep. You asked I answered. We’ll make it work. We always do. You can’t let the Dean down. You will accept tomorrow without fear or qualms of your wife’s hesitations, of which I harbor none.” Esme proclaims.
“Did I ever tell you of the myriad reasons I love you so?” I ask.
The next morning I meet with Dean Vermiculari. He’s pleased that I accept and hands over to me the charter. Then the lists of company representatives, their contact information, and some other secret stuff that I can’t divulge right yet.
A raft of oil companies will be coming in the late spring semester, so I need to contact each and every one to solidify dates, times and positions for which they’re recruiting. But that’s for then, I have something more proximal for now.
I have a Friday appointment with Polack the cop at the town police shooting range.
I arrive spot on time with my Casull .454 Magnum pistol, in its carry bag, along with a small duffel crammed with Pyrodex, Tannerite, and selection of specialty loads I had Herman the German, the inveterate gunsmith, create.
Herman the German, his actual sobriquet, was this incredible gunsmith, craftsman, and all-around artillery specialist. Have any sort of problem with a rifle, shotgun, or pistol? See Herman. Gun holding too high? See Herman. Barrel warped? See Herman. Need solid gold projectiles for a certain one-off job? See Herman.
Herman the German can sort it out.
Just never ask him: “How?”
“Ach! I’ve lived so long to learn, and you want it free? I’ll fix it, you pay, but I am only one knowing how!”
Herman was a cranky old Kraut, and has lived here for as long as anyone can remember. Even my Grandfather had deferred to Herman when he had some particularly delicate machining operation that need special attention and was unique.
As far as anyone knew, Herman had no family, but was never at a loss for friends. He was one of the most popular, and well known, but still oddly really unknown, kind of mysterious, old bastards in the entire community.
Herman the German liked me because I could obtain for him certain high-energy things he couldn’t. All were entirely legal, but some were sort of out there in the gray zone.
He also liked that I was educated, as he held education in the highest esteem. He also liked that I was of German extraction myself.
I often made it a point to drop by with odd and unusual high-octane potables while never expecting anything in return other than a story or a shared cigar.
Herman created some special loads for my .454 Magnum, which he prized.
“I like your gun, Doctor Rock, it is so big! I can still see well enough to build things for it.” He told me one day over cheroots and Schnapps.
Herman was a character to be certain. It must have been the pixie in him to dream up some of the specialty rounds he created for me to share with the local constabulary.
He lived out in the county by himself in an old farmhouse. He had a full machine shop in his basement, complete with forge, metal handling equipment, and a firing test range.
He handed back my .454, rather solemnly.
“Doctor, I am afraid to say I couldn’t test all the special rounds I’ve created for you. I need to patch the hole in the cinder blocks in the downstairs range. Your gun punched right through the back…” he apologized.
Now, Herman does all sorts of work on the local’s deer rifles, the police’s ordinance and has even worked some with the Baja Canada National Guard. Some of the little novelties he’s dreamed up for me are the first to escape his homemade basement test range.
I felt oddly honored.
After proving who I was to the nice range officer, I looked around trying to find Polack.
“It’s 1550. Where the hell is Polack? I wondered.
“Rock! Over here.” Polack calls to me.
He motions me outside to the police department’s tactical outdoor range. I had thought all along he was referring to the indoors police target range. This might pose some problems.
The tactical range was a series of clapboard shacks, all setup and designed to represent some downtrodden urban inter-city landscape. There were a couple of junked cars, broken sidewalks, storefronts, houses, bus stops…in short, all things necessary to replicate the seediest sections of a settlement where malefactors live and breed.
The cops all run around this range, shooting at bad guy pop-up cut-outs and avoid the not-bad-guy pop-up cut-outs. They’ve got music blaring, firecrackers going off, all trying to re-create a shady deeply urban environment. Points are awarded by the accuracy of fire on the run, time to maneuver the course, and the ability of not gunning down innocent bystanders.
It is not the best place to test a .454 Cusall. This hand cannon recoils like a fundamentalist Christian being solicited for donations to Anton LaVey, shoots flames and incandescent gasses like Smaug after a hard night of drinking and a stop at the Taco Bell buffet, is louder than a dime-store Karen demanding to see a Manager, and more powerful than a Ghost Pepper suppository.
To quote Joe Piscopo: “It shoots through schools.” Especially faux-schools made of plywood.
A .32 or .38 cop special is the correct weapon here; even a 9mm is a little heavy. Enough power to make a serious dent, easy on control, light on the recoil…a good tactical weapon.
But, nothing succeeds like excess.
Polack’s Chief is running around, capping off his ‘big ol’ .44 Magnum, and making the valley echo. He punches considerable holes in the pop-up cut-outs, but has such a hard time handling the recoil, his score is barely passable.
Polack runs his test with his standard 9mm sidearm and qualifies easily. However, he’s nowhere near done with his Chief yet.
I suggest to Polack we have a shoot-off. And since a .44 Magnum bullet ‘is so close to a .454 Magnum’, which it isn’t…the .454 Casull generates nearly 85% more recoil energy than the .44 Magnum; that we’d need something other than holes punched in plywood to judge the efficacy of each.
We are literally just down the road from Max Yazzer’s farm and market. They’re the place you go for your Halloween jack-o-lantern. However, now, he has a surplus of melons.
I think you can see where this is headed…
I borrow Polack’s personal conveyance and run down to Max’s farm. I return with a trunk-load of elderly, overripe, cheap as chips, melons. Watermelons, Honeydews, Musks, and Casabas.
We place them in strategic areas on the course, five for the Chief to find, and five for Polack.
A .44 vs. a .454 melon-wise results in pretty much the same sort of mess: high-velocity fruit spatter. Although, the Chief was very impressed by the report of the .454. So, after running the tactical-melon course, clear demarcation of a winner was elusive.
OK, OK, clever dicks. How about this? A standing shoot-off? We’ll set up 3 melons each at 30, 20, and 10 yards. Beginning at 30 yards, your time will be until you take out all three melons. But, they’re not going to be in a straight line, we’re going to make them somewhat camouflaged. You will stand in one small demarcated area, hunt those miscreant melons, and bring them to justice. Fastest time and greatest display wins, as determined by the Police Peanut Gallery.
Polack and the Chief agree.
The Chief goes first and dispatches the melons, with a fair amount of spatter, in 15.3 seconds.
Not bad.
Polack is next. He wipes out all the melons and creates some thoroughly impressive displays with Herman’s ‘special’ rounds. Normal ballistics for the .454 are, for a 250 grain (16 g) bullet, a muzzle velocity of over 2,400 feet per second, developing up to 2,800 ft-lb of energy.
Herman’s hot loads are double that.
Polack wins the day on impressive high-velocity melon distribution, but misses, so close, with a time of 17.0 seconds.
Recoil’s a bitch.
Then there are Herman’s ‘specialties’.
The Chief is duly impressed and even comments that his ears are ringing even with the ear protectors. He asks to inspect the weapon. He is even more than duly impressed.
Polack knows what’s up and asks the Chief if he’d like to give a whirl.
Of course, the Chief can’t back down.
Polack loads the .454 with 5 of Herman’s specialties: hollow-point rounds loaded hot, compressed, and tipped with alkaline earth metals, like metallic sodium and metallic potassium…
We set up the nastiest, glorpiest, just barely-holding-together, overripe, laced with Tannerite (an impact-actuated low-explosive) watermelon at the ‘Concealed Carry’ distance of 5 meters.
We slowly fade back into the distance to avoid the inevitable ‘Gallagher reaction’.
The Chief fires one, and just nicks the top of the melon. Don’t laugh, with the type of recoil and heft of the sidearm, and tensing up in anticipation, it’s easy to be off the mark initially.
The second round impacts dead-center. Now, alkaline earth metals and water don’t get along really well. In fact, their relationship is explosive. Especially explosive when delivered at 2,900 feet per second.
The Chief catches a huge smattering of vitamin-packed watermelony back blast goo.
He’s not entirely happy. He looks positively grisly with all that blown-up melon schmoo on his nice, neat uniform.
He returns my gun and bans me from ever showing up at the police range again.
Polack is on traffic duty for the next month.
He figures it was well worth it.
Back at the flat, Esme is shaking her head and wondering if I’ll ever grow up.
“I may grow old, but I’ll never grow up.” I reply.
I see I have several missed phone calls. Ah, me; no rest for the weary. Back to company-university liaison duties.
After I had contacted these companies, I receive no less than 12 requests for symposia, talks, and seminars to be given to various level of industrial scientific employees in their respective companies.
I am now slated to give academic conferences on stratigraphy, sedimentology, and seismic structural geology to different companies in Houston, Oklahoma City, Denver, Casper, Corpus Christi, New Orleans, and Tulsa. In the next 12 weeks, I’ll be giving no less than 8 talks in seven cities.
I speak with Dean Vermiculari on how best to handle the situation. He understands and appoints two graduate student teaching assistants to handle my classes while I’m on the road. That relieves me of being physically there, but I still have to grade papers, compose lesson plans, and keep things running smoothly until finals.
Besides giving the talks, there’s travel to oil fields, production facilitates, manufacturing plants, hotels, restaurants while I’m in town…the pace is excruciating. I’m gone more than I am at university. Plus in my time back home, I’m still the ad hoc master blaster for the limestone quarry.
Then, there’s the companies arriving on campus, and the roles are reversed. Now I’m the welcome wagon and have to sort out the logistics of receiving the company representatives. I need to set up the colloquia to introduce the companies to the prospective students, arrange lodging, arrange passes for the university, transportation, “Meet-and-Greet’s, ad infinitum.
I knew this was having a bit of effect on me when I came back to the flat after one particularly grueling ordeal of canceled flights, full hotels, missed connections and lukewarm reception by the company workers.
“Hello”, I said, as I walked in the flat, “I believe you have a reservation for…”
Esme just stood there, wondering if I was having a laugh.
No, I wasn’t. I was completely hallucinating from road weariness, lack of sleep, jet lag, and total disorientation. This continued on for the next approximately 18 months.
Esme was beginning to have second thoughts about all this.
My teaching load was diminished by one whole introductory course. However, I was still flying hither and yon, delivering symposia, meeting with young geoscientists and getting to know the ins-and-outs of the Oil Industry.
I found it particularly fascinating.
Time marched on and it was once again it was the recruiting season. We had no less than eight oil companies visiting the university in their quest to swell the roster of their junior scientists.
I’m still busier than a one-armed paperhanger in a windstorm, but have settled into a groove of sorts. I know the company recruiters and they now know me. I’ve actually struck up friendships with several. Particularly since I take them to the best local restaurants and bars after their recruiting duties are finished.
I’ve met with recruiting representatives of Shrill Petrol, Mexxon, Nobil, Nocono Oil, Flug, Geddy, Brutish Petroleum, and Qexaco.
The recruiting season is winding down and I find myself with Red (not Adair), of Nocono Oil.
“Well, Doctor Rock”, Red states, “Another fine recruiting run. We’ve snagged two of your young geologists and one geophysicist. I’d say it was almost a perfect score.”
We’re sitting in the Norton’s Steakhouse. After a couple of prime pink porterhouses, we’re working on the post-dinner double vodka and bitter lemon for me, and Lagavulin for Red.
“Almost perfect?” I ask.
“Yeah. There’s been this one small nagging concern from our company higher-ups.” Red continues.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“We need some more senior people. For one thing, we’ve recently opened a new petroleum laboratory down in our Houston office. Going to need some serious talent to run that show.” Red says.
“I see”, I reply, “And…?”
“We need mentors. Those with varied and far-flung knowledge. They must be well educated, global in experience and stature, with an [ahem] diverse set of skills.” Red notes.
“Whew”, I agree, “That’s a tall order. You want my help with names of possible candidates? Is that it?”
“Not as such, Doctor.” Red drains his drink, motions for me to do the same, and orders another round.
Our drinks arrive and Red downs half his in one gulp.
“Well, then”, I continue, “How can I help?”
Red chuckles, “For someone so educated, you can really be thick as two short planks at times.”
I sit back, and sip my Old Thought Provoker.
The mercury-vapors light off.
“No!” I say, incredulously.
“Oh, yes.” Red smiles.
“No?” I ask, slowly taking in the possible effects of what he’s hinting at…
“OK, Doctor Rocknocker”, Red gets all serious and corporate, “We’d like to offer you a position at Nocono Oil as Senior Laboratory Manager and Head of Corporate Continuing Education.”
You could have knocked me over with a grenade. I was stunned. I fumbled with my drink.
“Red, you old con artist” I reply, “Is this a set-up?”
Red, serious as a heart attack, looks directly at me and replies, “Doctor Rock, absolutely not, it’s a genuine offer.”
He slides over a folder with some papers inside. “Here are the particulars.”
Reeling, I accept the folder. I open it and right after the corporate logos and legal bullshit, I see a tall figure with a whole raft of zeros trailing behind it.
I read furiously. The job would be both interesting and challenging. It would be in Houston, with travel and teaching at all other company outposts on a regular basis. I reexamine that figure from before and verify that I’m not now hallucinating.
The job comes with furnished, corporate-paid housing, incredible benefits, loads of opportunity for advancement, more opportunity to travel, really generous vacation time…
“Right. On the level?” I ask again.
“Yep.” Red bluntly says.
“Well”, I gulp, “you know I have to discuss this with Esme”, whom he’s met several times previous.
“Of course, and you probably want to finish out the semester, correct?” red asks.
“Oh, yes.” I reply. There would be a monsoon of paperwork and other grunt work I’d need to conclude or hand over if I were to accept this offer.
“OK, then”, Red finishes his drink, motions for me to do the same, a real rarity; but I was in another dimension at this point. He orders another round and sits back, waiting on a refill.
“You have two weeks to reply” Red states.
“I know that’s not a terribly long time, but we need to fill this position ASAP. Can I ask for that? Your answer, yea, or nay, within a fortnight?” Red demands.
“Yes”, I reply. “I at least owe you that.”
And that was the end of the discussion for the night about me joining the private sector. We stayed a few more hours, chatting, smoking my cigars, and discussing everything but the lumbering elephant in the room.
We part outside as I need to head back to our flat. Red wants to go downtown to one of those “Gentleman’s Clubs” he’s heard were so famous at the time.
I was flummoxed the whole cab ride home.
It was late when I returned, but I simply had to wake Es with the news.
“Rock, for pity’s sake, its 2 o’clock in the morning!” Es protests. “Can’t this wait until later?”
“Sorry, my dear” I reply, probably as serious as I ever had with Esme. “This is a potential game-changer.”
“What is it? Are you OK?” Esme trembles.
“Oh, I’m fine. Better than fine.” I reply.
She’s relieved.
“Then what’s so important?” she asks.
“Um…how would you like to move to Houston?” I ask.
“You going to teach at Cougar High (University of Houston)?” she inquires.
“Nope. Brace yourself. I’ve been offered a job with Nocono Oil.” I finally spill the beans.
Esme is slightly stunned and sits down.
I go to the wet bar, fix me a bracing potato juice and citrus and Esme a stiff white Zinfandel.
I hand her the wine and she is still semi-dazed and digesting the information.
I slurp a good portion of my drink, retrieve her Sobranjes and me a cigar from my Turkmenistan humidor.
I sit on the couch next to her and hug her soundly.
“Esme? Es? Earth to Es? You in there?” I joke.
“Oh, Yeah. Rock. Really? Hang on”, she leaves, returning with her housecoat as this might take a little time.
“So?” I ask, “Your thoughts. Now! Immediately! Initial reaction!” I try to jar her back into reality.
“Well, what do you want?” she asks.
“C’mon, my dearest. You know I hate that. No, what do you think? What do you honestly think?” I reply.
We both fire up our smokes, and I refresh our drinks. We return to the dinner table where Red’s folder lies.
“Es, here. Look at this.” I say, sliding the portfolio over to her.
She reads like a hungry man at a Vegas casino buffet. I can tell where she was stopped by something extraordinary.
“This is for real?” she asks, “Red’s not pulling a fast one?”
“Nope. It’s the genuine article”, I tell her, “He needs my reply within two weeks.”
“Rock, Rock…I just don’t know. It’s a lot to process at 0230 in the morning. Let’s go to bed and have a think in the morning. You have the luxury of at least that amount of time.” She notes.
“Right again, as usual”, I say, “Stuff it. It can wait.” We toddle off to bed.
The next morning, over Cuban omelets and Greenland Coffees, we sort through the particulars.
“Rock, it’s an extraordinary offer. But, do you want to leave teaching? I remember how you got all animated by Dean Vermiculari giving you the corporate liaison job and how that would improve your shot at tenure.” She notes.
“I just don’t know. I’m still shell-shocked.” I tell her. “Let me go to school and we’ll pick this up tonight. We both have work to do no matter what. Oh, bloody hell. I hadn’t considered your job. Another wrinkle in the mess.”
“Don’t you worry about that”, Esme smiles. “One catastrophe at a time.”
“I do so love you.” I hug her soundly. “Think I should mention this offer to anyone at school?”
“No. Definitely not.” Esme shakes her head. “Let’s figure this out on our own.”
“I agree”, I say, kiss her and depart for school once again.
The next week was a blur. Recruiting duties were dragging and I was being preoccupied.
Even my students noted the lack of in-room explosions lately.
I spend the next Saturday at the quarry, doing some small amount of blasting. I quiz the quarry owners about their progress in acquiring a new master for the quarry’s operation.
“Oh, Doctor Rock” they gush, “You’re doing such a fine job, we haven’t really looked. Why do you ask?”
“No particular reason at this time, I reply, “But perhaps you might want to begin looking”
The chinks in my armor were finally starting to show.
Sunday was spent out on Sliver Lake, with Esme and me chasing the elusive crappie, perch, and bucketmouth bass. It also gave us a chance to clear our heads from work, school and other such intrusions. We both needed a bit of downtime.
Later that night, after a meal of beer-battered fillet of crappie and perch on the barbie, we sit down at the dinner table.
The portfolio sits there, taunting us.
I get up, makes us both our drinks, sit down and declare that this is it.
“Es, darling” I say, “its nut-cuttin’ time. We need to make our decision.”
“You’re right.” Es agrees, “Time for risk-reward analysis. Get some paper and some pencils.”
We spend the next few hours listing the pros and cons of accepting the Houston position or staying here and pursuing my tenured professorship.
After several hours, I stretch, stand, and go to the fridge. I retrieve the bottle of Bollinger Les Vieilles Vignes Francaises I had purchased the other day.
I return to the table with the wine and the glasses, pop the cork and pour us both a glass of high-brow bubble water.
I hug and kiss Esme like I had just returned from a long, solo expedition.
“Esme, my darling. I’d like to propose a toast. First to us. Hа здоровый!”
“Cheers!” Esme replies.
“Secondly to Red, Dean Vermiculari, the quarry guys, Polack the Cop, and all the others that makes our life weird around here.”
“Seconded”, Es echoes.
“Finally: to Houston, Texas. Our new home!” I finally add.
The next morning, Dean Vermiculari peers over the top of his pince-nez glasses. He’s not looking overly happy with me right now.
“Why is it, Doctor, that everyone that receives the job of corporate liaison ends up going with corporate?” he asks.
“Perhaps it’s just the exposure to another world that exists beyond academia.” I reply, truthfully.
“Doctor Rocknocker,” the Dean gravely states, “I am not at all happy about your decision. We had great hopes for you here and you were riding right up the tenure track. Another five years and it would have been assured.”
“Five years is a long time, Dean”, I state the obvious.
“Yes, indeed.” The Dean replies frostily. “However, you are young. Perhaps you need to get this private sector nonsense out of your system, then you can return to academia where you belong.”
“Perhaps, perhaps”, I reply.
“Please, do consider this option down the road. You and your antics will be missed here, by students and faculty alike.” He says.
“I will, Dean, I promise.” I reply “However, for now, it’s time for my boot heels to be wanderin’.”
“Doctor, I will miss your strange and unique way of looking at life. I reluctantly accept your resignation at the end of the current semester and wish you all the best in your newest endeavors. Please remember us when corporate support for academia is mentioned in your new company.” he says.
“I promise you, Dean, I will not forget what I’ve learned here and what you’ve taught. It’s the least I can do,” I reply. “I will never forget my roots.”
“All I can ask”, he concludes. He stands to shake my hand. We shake and my audience is over.
I resign from the quarry a week later. They haven’t found a new blaster but wish me well on my new journey. I tell them I’m here until the end of the semester, so I won’t leave them high and dry.
I tell Polack the Cop about all the goings-on.
“Who the hell can I roust for beer and cigars now?” He whines. “Let me know when you get to Texas if they need any cops. I wouldn’t mind trying’ that. Hell, maybe a Texas Ranger!”
“A Cheesehead Ranger…?” I assure him I will and pass a box of cigars to him as a parting gift. He gives me a mayoral-signed get-out-of-jail-free card.
“Now you can drive that old Harley just as crazy as you want.” He chuckles.
“Thanks, Polack.” I say, shaking his hand. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I sold my bike a week earlier.
Red was very chuffed with the news.
“Snagged me a big one this time!’ He laughed, over the phone.
There was enough paperwork, considerations and decisions to be made to last the remaining time Esme and I had in-state until our move. Already, a moving company had arrived, done inventory, and was preparing for our move to Houston.
Esme resigned her position and decided she wanted to take some time off. She wanted to be a housewife, a colleague, and not have to work for once at an outside job. My new position allowed for that in spades. Besides with her credentials, anytime when she wants to re-join the workforce, there are myriad opportunities in the Bayou City.
We made the choice of housing out west of town, in Katy, Texas. We could have chosen Sugarland, Addicks, Greenspoint, Greenway, or the Memorial area. However, these west Houston company properties were closest to the job and largest in square footage.
My students got wind of my resignation and relocation. They threw me an unexpected farewell party at the Gast Haus. It was nickel-beer night and since they were footing the bill, it all worked out just fine.
I would miss the old place. The camaraderie, the seasons, the university; hell my home these last many years. I’ve been on many, many expeditions, but I always returned home.
Now, home was moving and was awaiting our arrival.
Esme and I said our farewells to our families as well. We were the first through college, the first ones to travel international, the first Doctor in the family, and the first to leave the state.
That’s a lot of familial firsts.
I had to keep reminding everyone it wouldn’t be the last. Hell, we’re just moving to Texas, it’s not like we’re off to Greenland or Mongolia…
[Gasp]
We saddled up Es’s old Chevy Nova, took one last, lingering look in the rearview mirror, and said fare thee well to our previous lives.
“We’ll be back. Someday. I promise” I told the city of our youth and young married adulthood.
We decided to drive to Houston because we had the luxury of a bit of time. We needed the stretch to chew over some interpersonal and private things on the way to the next chapter in our lives. Besides, the weather was good, the roads ahead open and clear, and Texas had no ‘Open Container’ law, yet.
We pointed the old Nova south and hit the gas.
A week later, we’re wandering around our new house in Katy, Texas. Our belongings, scant though they may be, arrived the day after we did. Esme and I spent the next couple of day rearranging the house, buying necessary domestic bits and pieces, and getting to know our new neighborhood.
First thing, though, Esme wanted to replace the old Nova. I concurred, but insisted we keep it as a second car and went out to purchase our first new car as a couple.
I wanted a Land Rover. We ended up with a glossy black Toyota 4-Runner. Close enough.
I was scheduled to show up at my new job the next Monday.
I had my own parking spot, complete with “Reserved for Dr. Rock” painted on the bumper block. I was shown my new lab and was introduced to my seven laboratory assistants. I was shown the catalogs I could use to order what I needed and went over the requisition procedures.
I was trotted around to meet the company CEO, CFO, CIO, VPs and many, many more company executives and managers. I’ve met with presidents and heads of state, I was impressed but not overly. They seemed like a more or less nice bunch of chaps.
Almost exactly five weeks to the day from our arrival in Houston, I come home, yelling “Darling, I’m home!”
Esme comes to greet me with a rib-rearranging hug. She tells me to sit at the dinner table, where my long hard day at the office drink, cigar, ashtray, and lighter are already set.
“How was work, dear?” she asks, sitting down with her Perrier water.
“Oh, it’s going great. The knotheads let me have an open-ended budget until I get the labs sorted just the way I want it. These guys pay their bills on time and I have carte blanche at Wards Scientific, and other supply houses. My crew is great, no interpersonal crapola, and hard workers. I can smoke in my office and no one dares give me shit about my cigars. I’m getting to know the exploration department quite well. They’re really interested in our expeditions and are more interested in my opinions of their new exploration directives.”
Esme just smiles and sips her water.
“Odd”, I thought.
“That’s great, dear.” She says. “I am so glad to hear it.”
“Me too”, I say, “How are you holding up after all these weeks alone?”
“Oh, I’m getting used to it.” She smiles.
And smiles. Beatifically. Glowing.
“What?” I ask.
“Remember what we talked about in the car on the way down here?” She asks.
“We talked about a lot of things…” I say, suddenly my eyes grew very, very wide indeed.
“Yes. You’re going to be a father. I’m pregnant, Rock.” Esme smiles.

CB ITW on Easter!

Vegas Trip 2/4-2/6 Follow up

2/4:
Took an early flight into LAS with friends. Was way too early to check into my room. Headed North on the strip from Bally's. Stopped at Margaritaville, tables were extremely crowded, even at about 8:30am. Decided to keep walking. Checked out the Linq and Harrah's. The tables were also pretty crowded, the staff reminded me it was the morning after the Super Bowl, which explains the crowd.

Finally made my way down to Casino Royale. My previous post it was suggested. They had a low limit table at 10$ and the table was just as people had explained to me. An enormous table, clearly seen a lot of mileage. A true testament to the classic game of craps. I bought in 120$, my friend who's never played craps had bought in 100$. I mostly do The John Boender Inside/Out Press/Regress initially using the field as coverage. It's a slow build strategy that I thoroughly enjoy. It feels pretty safe in regards to a low buy in, and I have the option to add odds as I please.
The table was extremely cold when we bought in. Immediately two shooters roll a point, seven out. Finally it's my turn to shoot. I always play with a hardway set, 5's on top with 3 and 4 face. I didn't really think about how much longer the Casino Royale Table was at first. Initially threw a Hard 4. Threw quite a few short rolls realizing that the table was much longer than my local casino. The dealers were nice, and had been dealing there for quite a few years.

At the end of my hot roll, which had to have been at least 20 or so. I had tripled my money. I always take down everything but the pass and add odds when I feel my luck has been pushed. I finally seven'd out and it was my friends turn to roll. He went about 11 rolls, I placed 6/8 and told him I'd cash out after his roll. He also did. I wanted to end on a high note for his introduction to craps.

Showed my friend the White Castle, and the foot long hot dogs at Casino Royale. By the time we got back to Bally's it was well past the Check in time. We had a nap and proceeded to walk the Vegas Strip at night.

We headed down the Strip South this time. Stopped at the Taco Bell Cantina to show my friends they served Alcohol here. It was their first time in Vegas. We proceeded to the NYNY Casino. I didn't like the 15$ tables. I was ahead on the first day, didn't want to immediately lose it. We drank and played slots for awhile, and headed to the Excalibur. Users had told me there was a 5$ table there and it would be a good place for my friends to learn more without risking too much. Table was cold as it could be. Only one winning was the don't player which my friends were curious about.
Bought in 120$, lost 80$ over an hour, decided to colorup and mess around on the Roulette table. I was pretty drunk by this point.

Took my friends to see the inside of the Luxor, then caught a cab back to Bally's.

2/5
Got back pretty late in the morning, so we all slept until about 2pm. Headed to Bellagio, wanted to show my friends the amazing Casino floor there. We only played slots there, I had won 80$ in my first couple spins and was ready to go. We then headed to the Bacchanal Buffet. After eating we headed down to Fremont St. I had never been there same as my friends. An absolutely amazing experience. Initially headed to Fremont Casino. Their table was crowded and the placed seemed a bit old. Headed to The D instead. The D was by far my favorite craps table during the whole trip. Dealers were friendly and a huge part of celebrating our wins. They were informative to a family of new players were next to me. They were very friendly with my dice setting. I had a hardways streak in which I was rolling 4's and 10's like no tomorrow. I had yet another hot roll and was enjoying the night, winning big as were my friends. On the third Hard 4 the dealers called the pit boss over. I was initially worried, then he simply told me to "Throw another one" When I did, he cheered with the whole table. It was clear to me that this casino cares more about their patrons fun than scolding a dice setter. The dancers by the tables games were a big hit with my friends. By far my favorite craps table.

Headed back to the Fremont around 1am. Lost 120$ there, the table was cold as all hell. The dealers there were no where near as friendly with my dice setting as The D. While they were friendly with their reminders to really hit the back wall(I was just not hitting the pyramids). I sensed they were getting irritated with me. Which I don't have a problem with, I was also pretty buzzed. Finished my game, tipped the dealers and headed back to the Hotel.

2/6
We had a late flight back home, so I figured we'd end where we started, Casino Royale. I bought in 240$, the table was a 5$ min on Wednesday. The dealers and pit boss were rather rude this time around. I had seen 4 people get kicked out off the blackjack table during my game. They were outright ignoring new players next to me asking questions. They were extremely rude to me while setting the dice this time around. A completely different vibe from day 1. Berating me "not to play with the dice" when I was setting them just as I was the previous 4 rolls. I had one roll where I landed an Easy 4. only one of the dice had bounced off the back wall. They reminded me to hit the back wall with both. I tossed out a dollar on each of the hardways, one of my chips had rolled across the table. I was met with a rather uncalled for "Really dude?" followed by a sigh from the dealer to my right. The stickman was the one to retrieve that bet anyways, this dealer clearly just hated his job. So I throw another roll, hard 10. This time I don't give a shit what the Casino has to say. They've showed their clear dislike of me and had no intention to change it. I was constantly apologizing for prop bets I threw rolling elsewhere, and they simply kept berating me and trying to make me feel bad for it. I was called "Unbelievable" when setting down my place bets and accidentally knocking the stack over with my sleeve. Mind you the stack was 10 chips tall and they had not rolled anywhere in this instant. Getting back to my roll, I had had enough of this Casino's staff. I got damn good at throwing hard 4's short during my stay, was certain this casino was gonna kick me off the table if not off the property. I tossed 5$ on hard 4 and a 25$ place bet and went to work. First Hard 4 was short, I told them to press both my 4's. second roll was a 9 which I also had placed, third was a Hard 4 again. In which the pit boss had reminded me to hit the back wall with both of the dice. My forth roll was yet another hard 4 at which the pit boss came to me and stated that both the dice need to hit that back wall, or I am off the table. I politely agreed and followed by taking all my bets down except for the pass with full odds on the 8. I slammed the dice against the back wall and hit the point. When hard 8 rolled, I immediately saw disappointment in the staff. All their heads tilted down and let out a sigh at the fact that a player was winning.
I was thoroughly disgusted with how the staff was that day. Instead of continuing, I asked to color up and pass to the next shooter. I was quite through with the dull attitude of their staff. I came out 338$ and still tipped them 8$. I could not believe how obnoxious they were. Every winning shooter was met with attitude while I was there. I took my money and left. I had told my friends about my experience. They both met me with similar stories about the bartender being rude to them. We headed to the Bellagio Fountains for a show and proceeded to the airport, ending our trip.
This was my first time playing craps in Vegas, I hadn't been here in a few years. Overall a successful trip and an unforgettable experience, especially at Casino Royale. I can't help but be happy I left 300$ up, and that most of the winning were from the Casino that was treating their players like absolute shit.

If you made it through the post, thanks for reading! I just figured I'd post a followup from my initial post asking for casino suggestions. The D by far was the funnest most friendly place to play. Even the players were an absolute joy to be around.
Thanks again! I hope to see some of you at the Craps tables in the future!
-Kyle

Las Vegas trip report (restaurant heavy)

I went on vacation to Las Vegas with my wife from July 2nd-7th. This was my 5th trip and our 3rd together. Here's my (excessively long) trip report:
Hotel
This time we stayed at the Cosmopolitan, and we had a Terrace Studio Fountain View room. It was our first stay at Cosmo (I'd been to Wynn, Luxor, Aria Sky Suites, and Bellagio previously), and the hotel was great. I thought our room was nicer than the one we had at Bellagio last year and for a cheaper price (friend who is a travel agent got us a pretty good deal). Literally the only downside I can think of is not being able to listen to the fountain music on TV. We were in the Chelsea Tower (which is larger than Boulevard), and had a great balcony view.
Cosmo definitely attracts a younger crowd than some of the other casinos on the strip- lots of people in their 20s and 30s staying here. There are two main pools, one in each tower. When we went down to the Chelsea Pool around 11am on the 3rd, literally every seat was already taken. Note: Chelsea Tower is much larger than Boulevard, but its pool is much smaller. We hiked over to the Boulevard Pool and settled in. Great view looking over the strip with a livlier atmosphere than you'll find at the Bellagio's pools. Also worth noting the water is pretty shallow- no more than 4' deep. The most amusing part of our swimming experience was watching an Asian kid, probably 10 years old, swim all around the place, bumping in to every other group there, and saying hi. Seemed odd that he was basically on his own at that age, but he was clearly having a helluva time.
One of the best parts about Cosmo is its location- right in the center of the strip, which makes an easy walk to most of the other casinos. It has a great selection of restaurants (see below) and modern decor as well. One notable omission in my opinion is it doesn't have any shows/productions in house. The casino also doesn't have a poker room, but I didn't end up playing during this trip anyhow. Easy walk to the Bellagio or Aria poker rooms regardless.
Checkin to the hotel was very easy. Our flight got in to Vegas at about 8am on Sunday, so the room wasn't ready yet when we arrived. They took down all my info, and we left our bags with the bellhop. They sent a text message when the room was ready around noon, and they brought the bags up to our room. I used the online checkout on Friday morning. Easy peasy.
Uber
Side note- I'd never used Uber before this trip. Definitely recommend it for others in the same boat. Cheap/easy to use, and I liked riding with the average Uber driver more than the average cabbie. Each hotel has its own pickup/dropoff location for UbeLyft- just ask any employee, and they'll point you in the right direction. I never had to wait more than five minutes to get my ride.
Shows/attractions
The only show we saw on this trip was Ka at the MGM Grand. I'd pretty much recommend any Cirque du Soleil show on the strip- they're all pretty amazing. O at the Bellagio is probably my favorite, but Ka was great in its own right. Supposedly it's unique among Cirque shows in that it has a big storyline, but uh... I'd just say there's not much of one. Amusing moment before the show: I get a text message from my wife, who is sitting right next to me. "Am I sitting next to a drag queen?" I looked over. Yes, yes you are.
We also made a trip to the Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay. I felt like the line for tickets was pretty absurdly long. I realized the reason for that when we got in- the whole aquarium was about half as big as I expected, so they needed to keep the flow of people in fairly slow. Having said that, the exhibits they did have were great, and there was no shortage of staff floating around to answer any questions you might have. Definitely a good spot to bring the family to in Vegas.
Food
The biggest reason we love Vegas is the food. Yes, my wife and I are the annoying people who post pictures of thier food on Facebook. The great thing about Vegas is there's multiple restaurant for just about any cuisine you can imagine right on the strip.
Wicked Spoon Buffet at Cosmopolitan (7-2-17 brunch): I like to hit up a buffet once whenever I visit Vegas, and none have disappointed. These places definitely aren't the Golden Corral. Our flight got in pretty early Sunday, so stuffing ourselves at the buffet and having extra time before dinner seemed like a good idea. To start things off, I'm a sucker for an omelette station, so I grabbed a Denver style omelette. Added some cheesy hash brown casserole (one of the best things I had), and a verrine. I have no idea what a verrine is, but it was basically a shot glass filled with mashed avocado, grapefruit, and a bit of crab. Good stuff. Had I stopped here, I would have had a normal sized brunch by most people's standards. Of course the entire point of a Vegas buffet is getting full value by stuffing yourself so full you can't walk, so I made more trips.
Next up I grabbed a jerk chicken thigh, a few pieces of spicy tuna sushi, some house-made italian sausage, and yogurt/fruit. The jerk chicken was perfect in that after the first bite I thought- that's not that spicy. 3 bites in, I'm feeling it a bit. By the end, I'm chugging my coffee/juice.
Finally it was time for dessert. When I first visited Vegas back in 2005, my friend informed me that the #1 rule of Vegas buffets is that you must try the bread pudding. You are not supposed to question the reasoning behind the rule, nor are you supposed to debate whether it's necessary. You simply do it. Wicked Spoon featured a bourbon white chocolate bread pudding. It was good, but I wasn't sure what to make of it since it tasted more like butterscotch than bourbon to me. I also had half a mango danish and some little chocolate tart. I thought I was done at this point until my wife brought back some gelato. I couldn't sit there and watch her eat, so I ended up getting some coconut-lime gelato for myself. The selection is pretty ridiculous- about 18 flavors to choose from. After the gelato, I finally waved the white flag.
Picasso at Bellagio (7-2-17 dinner): We've been wanting to visit Picasso for a while now. I was going to book a reservation here for our honeymoon back in 2014, but as it turns out they typically take a 2 week vacation in July every year. We ran into the same problem last year, but they were open on Sunday the 2nd this time before closing. Finally, we had our chance.
Picasso is basically fancy-pants French fine dining at its best. If you've ever seen the movie Ocean's Eleven, the restaurant scene was filmed there. We were seated at a table next to the window with the Bellagio fountain outside, and my wife had a real Picasso painting above her shoulder. So uh... not bad. I wore a suit and tie, but you really don't need to- wear khakis and a nice shirt, and you'll fit in fine.
We both ordered from the four course prix fixe tasting menu. My goal when eating out at nice places is to get stuff I don't cook myself / haven't tried much before. First course I got the poached oysters. The dish was basically smooth, melt-in-your-mouth like butter. Next up was the foie gras. This was the second time I've foie gras, and I've decided it's just not my thing. I could tell it was prepared properly, but I just don't think it has much flavor. The rhubarb chutney on the side was good, though. For the entree, I had the roasted milk-fed veal chop. After the first bite I literally started laughing, basically thinking, "Where has this been all my life?" Literally one of the best things I've ever eaten. If I had to nitpick, it was cooked a touch rare for my liking. But it was amazing. I wanted a lighter dessert given how much food I'd stuffed myself with that day, so I got a pineapple tart with prickly pear sorbet. Almost too pretty to eat.
Picasso is definitely the type of restaurant you take your date to if you're wanting to impress them. I like Le Cirque a bit more based on my two trips there previously. Le Cirque is a much smaller restaurant, just feels like a more intimate setting, and the service seemed a little more personal. But really you can't go wrong either way. Also, it was a nice touch seeing the chef, Julian Serrano, as we left the restaurant.
China Poblano at Cosmopolitan (7-3-17 lunch): The best way to explain China Poblano is that it seems like one person wanted to start up a Mexican restaurant at Cosmo, one person wanted to start up a Chinese restaurant, and then some executive asked, "Why don't we have both?" There are literally two different kitchens in the same restaurant, and the food is served tapas style- dishes just come out one by one whenever they're ready.
We started off with the queso fundido for an appetizer- pretty standard stuff. I ordered two tacos from the Mexican menu, one taco suadero (brisket), one carnitas. The brisket was good, the carnitas was great. Because if eating a taco with pork rinds on it is wrong, then I don't want to be right. I decided to get Mongolian beef lettuce from the Chinese menu, because I remember reading an IAMA from a Chinese restaurant owner a while back who said that was one of the best things on the menu that people rarely ordered. And he was right. We skipped dessert since our stomachs were still half full from eating the day before.
Estiatorio Milos at Cosmopolitan (7-3-17 dinner): Milos is proof that food doesn't have to be fancy to be fantastic. They just use high-quality ingredients, use a simple preparation, and let the food do the talking. The neat part about this place is that they really don't have specific fish on the menu. Instead you walk up to the fish case, pick out the one you want, and let your server know how you want it prepared. And marvel at the produce while you're at it.
We ordered the tzatziki as an appetizer, and at first I wasn't going to take a picture of it since it's just tzatziki. And then I tasted it. And I decided it deserved a picture- the best I've ever had. Next up was a Greek salad which was ridiculously good. Those definitely aren't the tomatoes you buy at Kroger. We chose lithrini, which seemed like a generic white fish, for our entree. Pan-seared with lemon, capers, and herbs. Some basic potatoes and broccoli for our sides. Milos is one of our top recommendations for people visiting Vegas.
Milk Bar at Cosmopolitan (7-3-17 dessert): We skipped dessert at Milos because we wanted to try out the Milk Bar. I grabbed one of the much-hyped compost cookies, which I actually thought was nothing special, and a spiked chocolate malt milkshake. The shake was awesome. I ended up coming back later in the trip and got a spiked coffee shake as well. Not sure they're worth $12 apiece, but you're in Vegas, so what the hell.
Eiffel Tower Restaurant (7-4-17 lunch): My wife had put this on the list of places to visit a month ahead of time, so we ended up going here for lunch. You enter the restaurant by going up an elevator in the main floor of the casino, and the doors open to give you a nice view of the kitchen. I always like restaurants where you can see people work in an open kitchen, so I thought this was a nice touch. We had reservations for when the restaurant opened, so we managed to snag one of the best tables in the place with a great view of the strip. We started off with the cheese tray as an appetizer, which was most notable for the honeycomb. I think that's the first time I've ever had real honeycomb, and it was delicious. I decided to go brunch-ish for my meal and order the lobster eggs benedict, which was easily the best eggs benedict I've ever had. We shared a frozen strawberry souffle for dessert, and the best compliment I can give about this is that we immediately began looking up recipes to make our own when we got back to our hotel room. Overall a great meal, and I think we'll head back here for dinner during our next trip to Vegas.
Tetsu at Aria (7-4-17 dinner): I'd wanted to visit a Japanese steakhouse while in town (especially since the favorite place in my town was run down by new ownership and closed), and I was a little surprised to find there weren't many options. Tetsu is actually a sectioned off portion of the BarMasa restaurant in Aria, and you can order sushi from BarMasa's menu while there. Which I did. I'm far from a sushi connoisseur, but I thought it tasted like a standard salmon roll- good, but I wasn't blown away by it or anything.
As far as the hibachi grill itself goes, the first thing to note is that the chefs basically just prepare the food in front of you but don't put on any sort of show. So if you're wanting to impress the family with a flaming onion volcano and eggs juggled on a spatula, this isn't your place. It's about the food, and the food was fantastic. I had the whole lobster, which is every bit as good as it looks. The chili shrimp cilantro fried rice was as good as the lobster, and I had some brussels sprouts on the side. My wife got the fingerling potatoes as a more photogenic side dish to her chicken. They also serve prime A5 Japanese Ohmi beef, but I couldn't justify spending $132 on a 4 oz steak. We had chocolate sesame ice cream for dessert, and the sesame was actually a lot stronger than I thought it would be (might actually put some people off).
Of course one of the fun parts of eating at these places is talking to people seated with you at the table. One of the ladies next to us teased a server, trying to get his name badge, Harvey (definitely not his given name), since apparently a guy named Harvey founded the golf club she worked at. Even went so far as to summon the manager to see if she could get the badge, but ultimately she failed in her negotiations. Everyone at the table had a laugh about the situation.
Burger Bar at Mandalay Bay (7-5-17 lunch): We were looking for a lunch spot down on this end of the strip before heading to the aquarium, and the Burger Bar (actually located in a walkway between Mandalay Bay and Luxor) came recommended by several people. To start with, they had a great beer menu. I ordered the classic bacon cheeseburger with onion rings. Great burger, cooked perfectly. I know there are several excellent burger joints on the strip, so it's probably not worth making a special trip far out of your way to come here. It's a great option if you want a burger and are on the south end of the strip, though.
Lemongrass at Aria (7-5-17 dinner): Next up, some Thai food. We had some pot stickers for an appetizer, which I thought were pretty average. Nothing to stand out here from your average takeout in either taste or presentation. My wife decided to order some wonton soup to share, and I'm glad she did. It was freakin' amazing- easily the best part of the meal. I wanted something light for my meal, so I ordered the garlic and lime steamed cod. The surprised reaction of the waitress seemed to imply that nobody ever ordered that. It was good, but you better love lime if you get it.
As luck would have it, the one time we received poor (exceptionally slow) service on the trip was when we had our meal before a show. We had to skip dessert so that we could make it down to MGM Grand in time to see Ka.
Olives at Bellagio (7-6-17 lunch): We thought about hitting up Lago for lunch, but since we were headed to Sinatra for dinner we wanted to avoid back to back Italian. Olives had a nice deal on a 3 course prix fixe lunch menu, so we ordered from that. I had the Caesar salad to start, followed it up with fish and chips, and finished it off with tiramisu. A bit of an odd combo, but a good meal. Nothing exceptional. Great server, though.
Sinatra at Encore (7-6-17 dinner): Another place we'd wanted to visit on previous trips but never had a chance to. There's tons of Frank Sinatra themed memorabilia in the place, including a Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar as you walk in the door. I'd describe the place as lively but classy as hell- which is pretty much what you'd want when going to a Rat Pack themed place.
To start off with, I ordered an Old Fashioned. It's one of my favorite drinks to order because everyone does it differently, and you never know what you're going to get. Well, it was the best Old Fashioned I've had in my left. I meant to ask the waiter what type of boorbon they used, but ultimately forgot. We ended up sharing the estiva for an appetizer, which is basically a watermelon salad. I ordered the gnochetti for my entree, which tasted great, but the portion size kind of left me wondering where the rest of it was. We shared the panna cotta for dessert, which was as good as it looked.
Eggslut at Cosmopolitan (7-7-17 breakfast): Eggslut is a casual stand at Cosmo that pretty much sells egg sandwiches all day long. I had the Fairfax with bacon, which is pretty much what they're known for. I think the reason why it was such a great sandwich was they kept the eggs inside creamy, whereas most breakfast sandwiches have the eggs cooked hard as a rock. When you walk up to the place your first thought is- whoa! Only $8... finally a reasonably priced meal. And then you realize they charge $5 for a cup of coffee or orange juice, and you remember you're still in Vegas. Regardless, this place is a good stop for breakfast or a late night snack.
Overall a great trip. Can't wait to go back again and try some different places.

SHOT 2017/My tales of adventure in Las Vegas

So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease.
If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas.
However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean.
We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me.
Anyways, onto the play by play.
Monday, January 16th. One day before SHOT show.
http://imgur.com/a/HoFUm
Every time I've been rejected by a woman, I move $1 from checking into savings and I take the bankroll down to the Wynn for some play. Lets do this.
The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA.
I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over. This trip's light reading is trying to finish "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Such a good book as well as "Outliers" if you want a good read.
I walk up to the podium to find out that my upgrades do not clear, even as an AA Plat thanks to the addition of a FOURTH elite tier. Goddamn fucking W. Doug Parker. Asshole. I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks. The gate agent calls concierge key and executive platinum passengers. I look down and realize I'm wearing a suit and board with the executive platinum folks because I do not care and I look the part. If you walk with a purpose and are dressed reasonably well, you fit the profile. I settle into my window seat and try to finish outliers. I pass out before takeoff and I'm awoken by the dulcet tones of the flight attendants preparing for landing. We land at Dallas a few minutes early and I hightail it to the Centurion for a quick bite to eat. I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent brisket, pecan encrusted chicken and some roasted jumbo asparagus. Yes, my pee is going to smell funny. No, I do not care. The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to Mccarran as I walk out of the lounge. No time for a stop in the spa on this trip. I make it to the gate just as the call group 2 boarding.
I bypass the main line and walk up through the priority line giving no heed to the people that have been waiting there before me as I hold up my paper boarding pass with PLATINUM to the gate agent. I board and take my usual seat - the exit row without the seat in front of it. I'm aghast to see this sight.
http://imgur.com/a/dygil
The savages. Literally. The savages.
I put my loathing away for a moment and look down at the exit row. I have the window. The aisle is a large middle aged man and in the middle is what I believe to be a formecurrent linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys wearing a 52 regular sports jacket. He's not a fat guy in a little coat, he's a big fucking hulk of a man stuffed in an exit row seat that is already an inch narrower due to the tray table. I grimace as I take my seat and give him the manly nod. He does not look happy about the fact that his knees are in the seat in front and I'm stretched out like a Cheshire cat in front of a fireplace on a cold January afternoon.
The boarding door closes for an on time departure and Stephanie the FA takes her seat. He leans over and asks if he can take the empty row across the aisle and she takes one look at the three of us and gives him the nod. I bail out to give him a path of egress and suddenly the trip to Las Vegas has just become way more comfortable. I finish The Tipping Point somewhere over west texas, so I pop a xanax and dr pepper and zone out for the rest of the ride. I awake to feel one of the FA's jostling me awake telling me to put my seat up. I do so and we have a ride so smooth that not even the Delta guy behind me can complain about light chop. We catch the TYSSN4 arrival and the next thing I know it the Messier Dowty landing gear of the A321 touch the paint at Mccarran for a smooth rollout down 25L.
My phone battery is approaching grim death since this seat has no power plugs and I find bartman383 has sent me a message. He has been enjoying LV with his wife and their due to bad weather they are in the city of sin for a few extra nights. He invites me to dinner. I'm still pretty full from DFW and I tell him I'll be over there once I get my bags and the car and I'll see him when I see him. He gives me the info for the hotel as we pull up to the gate.
First stop: Centurion lounge. AA's app tells me bags being unloaded. I grab a quick bite of fried chicken and brussels sprouts since they are good for you and a chocolate pudding. The brisket and pecan encrusted chicken from DFW still has me full but I'm well aware of the speed of a union baggage handlers nowadays and who doesn't like chocolate pudding? Terrorists. That's who. Want to know how to screen for terrorists TSA? Set up a table of free chocolate pudding at the airport. The people who don't take any are members of ISIS. It's just that simple.
I grab my bag and hoof it to Hertz. I'm an idiot and I am an hour late for my pickup. Oops. Will an Audi A3 suffice? I sigh and I accept my Teutonic quattro chariot. I do a burnout in the parking garage and hightail it to the exit. I flash my #1 card and my ID and the gatekeeper gives me the go ahead. I get onto the the strip and traffic is awful. I'm going to be late for dinner. I make a left onto Russell Road and hightail it up the 15. I manage to get the car up to 100 as I pass the Luxor. My phone is dead so I can't message Bart about being late. Fuck. The exit approaches quickly as I put the 4 wheel disk brakes to work and sling the car around and head south on Las Vegas Bl. I accidentally turn into the Bellagio and I'm now running even more late. Fuck. Eventually, I get the car into the garage at the Cosmopolitan and head upstairs. I cannot remember the name of the restaurant but I head up to the third floor where all the restaurants are and I see this sign that's reminiscent of my days in retail.
It says RESTAURANT - LOUNGE - PAWN SHOP.
I laugh. I walk in. It's literally a pawnshop. I look around puzzled.
FC: Is this a restaurant?
Bald Headed Guy: Yes, through that door.
He points towards a door. I walk in to find a bustling restaurant, lounge via the entrance of pawnshop. This is insane. I pass a mirror and check myself out. I adjust my tie, after all it is YSL and the ladies LOVE YSL. Remember that. I find the hostess and inform her I will be joining some friends for dinner. They probably do not have me on the reservation though but I turn on the charm and she smiles and says no problem at all. She asks if my tie is from Hermes. I say no, I'm a YSL guy. She looks impressed as I tell her I'll make a quick lap of the room to see if they're there and surprise them. She gives me a nod and tells me to go right ahead. Still got it.
I spot bart and his wife who I can only remember vaguely from gunnitlive after party video and I pull up a chair. Bart is surprised to see I made it and they are in the middle of dinner. They offer to ply me with food and beverage but I decline as I'm driving so no booze for me and no food since I am stuffed from Dallas. We chat about life and liberty over libations. Bart's wife thinks I am hysterical. She's had a few drinks and they are already into their main courses. The brussels sprouts are way too salty and we have to send it back. No bueno.
Bart invites me up to his suite on the top floor of the hotel where we are to meet Brogelicious later in the evening. I say, when in rome......we head to the top floor of the hotel tower where Bart shows me his view from the balcony and cracks open the mini bar for some more libations. He asks if I want a drink and I say I better not. I'm driving.
Not 30 seconds after arriving, brogel shows up. Bart's wife hugs brogel. She's infatuated with him. We start shooting the shit and bart opens up the minibar and tells us to take anything we want, it's on the hotel. I laugh and I look outside as bart opens his yeti 110 for some silver bullets. Apparently he is so baller the hotel will send up a yeti 110 filled with beer to make him happy. His wife is apparently such a baller. I ball on a budget. They just ball. Hahaha.
We shoot the shit some more about guns, gun stuff and people on the reddit for a while. I get a little thirsty and I crack open bart's cooler. I ask him how long the stuff in the cooler is supposed to last and he says until Wednesday.
I look down and I am agape at what I see.
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
I mentally prepared my butthole and I decided to help myself to a coors light against my wishes but Bart, Bart's wife and Brogel are all drinking so I let peer pressure take hold as I cracked open a beer with them. We head out to the balcony to smoke some cuban cigars together as bart's wife takes a photo of all of us. We all look like hell. Haha.
As bart downs his second beer, he asks me a question.
Bart: ever go hunting?
Me: Ducks a little bit but not much
Bart: ever want to hunt some deadly game?
Me: Like on african safari?
Bart: No, I mean like.........man.
Me: Hahahahhahaaha you're just fucking with me. Hahahahahhaa. That's really funny.
Bart: No really, the concierge here at this hotel will set it up for us. It's amazing. I remember my first hunt......
Brogel starts laughing and I realize they've been doing a bit. I've been had.
We bullshit about SHOT and Barrett's shotguns and other things and next thing I know, it's late but bart hands me a mixed drink. I sip it a bit and I was in the middle of a tirade complaining about my customers. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the city, and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals? Nobody seems to understand what I'm talking about. It's cold on the balcony. Our cigars are done. We head indoors. No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastards will see them soon enough.
Back indoors I realize Brussels sprouts and coors light is a bad choice. Seriously no bueno. I excuse myself to the bathroom and drain the vein. The asparagus funny smelling pee and the side effects of beer and brussels sprouts is a noxious combination that a defense contractor should weaponize it. It's pretty bad and not even cuban tobbaco can mask the smell.
I sit back down and continue to talk about guns and stuff with bart and the gang and bart asks who ruined the bathroom. I apologize as he sprays a bunch of febreze around and opens the balcony. I apolgize to brogel. He is not accepting my apology. (sorry :( )
Nearly 11, it's about time to pull chocks and mosey on down the dusty trail. I don't want to prompt an evacuation of the hotel due to noxious odors so I decide to leave and bart seems to be kinda mad that I've ripped ass and polluted the sanctuary of his hotel. Half a coors light and brussels sprouts are no bueno in my book now. Bart decides to party hard with his wife and I offer brogel a ride home. He seems skeptical to share a confined space with me after I have just destroyed bart's hotel room. The car has 4 windows and the Uber will cost him a few bucks he can put towards ammo. He relents as we head down to the garage to find my car. Thankfully we find it quickly and I manage to contain the weapons of ass destruction for the 16 minute ride off strip to casa de brogel.
He says I'm not that bad a dude and I agree as I hightail it to my hotel. I cannot find my hotel reservations so I call my travel agent to see.
Apparently the Wynn was not in my travel budget this year. I have come to find out I have been booked at Circus Circus, much to my chagrin. How bad could it be? I've stayed at the Wynn. I've stayed at Encore. I've stayed at the hotel that Elisabeth Shue's character got raped in in Leaving Las Vegas - but Circus Circus? Did I mention that I HATE CLOWNS? I HATE CLOWNS. Fuck.
I pull into the parking garage and the check in line resembles something straight out of the TSA line at Mccarran. 45 minutes to check in. The clerk is friendly and says he's also from Louisiana which is neat. He asks if I've stayed there before and I, being a connoisseur of old vegas history I decide to make a joke and I tell him the last time I was there, Jay Sarno owned the place. He got a laugh. I head up to my room and unpack. The lobby is clean as an old vegas casino can be, the room is clean and there's no way to plug anything in since the hotel predates personal electronic devices. I plug my phone into my external battery and collapse on the bed. I message Bart and chugbleach instead of falling asleep about show tomorrow and I offer to pick bart up early since there is no shuttle from the cosmo.
Tuesday, November 16th SHOT Show Day One
I awoke several hours later in a daze......the clock said 10AM. The show opened at 8:30. Fuck me to tears. I hurry up and get dressed and down to the sands convention center. The parking lot is FULL. The entire complex is a mess. When my man Steve Wynn built his joint he didn't build enough parking. So people would park at the Venetian and now FUCKING NOBODY CAN GET A PARKING SPACE. Holy shit. I eventually say fuck it and park over at the Wynn and walk over to the Sands. I meet up with a few of my regular suppliers and I see nothing interesting at all. Bart went to bed at 6AM after spending all night partying with his wife over at the palazzo. I joke and say that he just should have stayed there. Bart is amazed at the size of the show and we have lunch at the most disgusting place in las vegas - the convention center bistro snack bar. Bart is a wise man as he grabs a powerade and a fruit cup. I decide to try an "italian beef" and a fruit cup instead of fries to stay semi health conscious. The "italian beef" is the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. It is flat out depressing. They give me fries with it and I demand a fruit cup. The sassy black woman working the stand asks me "DID YOU ASK FOR FRUIT? CAUSE RIGHT HERE SAYS FRIES" and I channel my inner Louis CK from the "this is how I talk" bit from SNL as I shoot back "WHY YOU FRONTIN ON ME I ASKED FOR FRUIT AND YOUR ASS BETTER BACK UP AND GET ME SOME FRUIT" so she goes back and gets me some fruit.
The "italian beef", my fruit cup, bart's fruit cup and powerade comes to $81. My platinum amex comes out and I treat bart to "lunch". We bullshit about guns and stuff in the Springfield booth as we wait at the world's worst concession stand. We eat and Bart is so hungover that he thinks he is in need of physical therapy and a wheelchair. There is no way he is going to party tonight before his trip home. Or so I think. Haha.
I meander around the show a bit more and I find this, the most USELESS PRODUCT OF 2017. It's made by a company called radetec.
http://imgur.com/a/GOiCB
It's a shot counter. For your gun.
A digital odometer, for your gun.
The only person that would buy this is the guy like my dad that kept a spiral bound notebook in his car where he documented how many miles he traveled per tank, gallons dispensed, PRICE, service station and whether they had a different price for cash/charge, oil consumption, tire rotations, alignments, all services - scheduled or otherwise, and a running odometer. Does anyone know the gun owner who asks for a round count when they are looking at a used gun? The question I always shoot back is "do you want to be lied at a little or do you want to be lied at a lot?" because that's what you're asking for when you ask for round count.
UNLESS YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT!
I roll my eyes so far back into my head that I nearly lose my balance. This is idiotic. I cannot fathom anyone willing to buy this. What a waste of perfectly good exhibition space.
Bart heads back to his hotel after visiting SHOT show for a few hours, not getting any swag and to get an IV of fluids since he looked like he was rapidly approaching grim death.
I wrap up visiting prime vendors and checking out the new products, or lack thereof because I have something on the schedule. At 4:30 there's a suicide prevention for retailers seminar hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. As many of you know this is an issue that is important to me and perhaps we as retailers should be doing more. The keynote was from their chief medical director talking about the accessibility of firearms and the mindset of the "typical" suicide. Mostly men. If you are a veteran you are at a significantly larger risk. The information was presented very not surprisingly and one of the things discussed was that we only spend around 21M a year on suicide prevention.
A few take away facts from the keynote:
When suicide barriers are put up on a bridge, suicide rates for the entire area drop. The key to preventing suicide is getting people to talk about their problems. Once you can get someone out of that mindset, they are statistically less likely to do it and live productive lives afterwards. There are certain terms that they are trying to get away from - for instance, they are not saying "committed suicide" they are now saying "died by suicide" in order to bring awareness and tell it like it is.
One thing that really was interesting to me was my reading on the flight in from Dallas. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell discusses how things stay the same and suddenly they all change. One of the things that he discusses is in micronesia - where teen suicide was practically unheard of became an outright epidemic. One teenager did it, for reasons passing understanding to me as an outsider and then all the other kids realized that they too could escape their pain by hanging themselves as well and suddenly the suicide rates in micronesia became so high to where it became a public health issue. I wish I could show you all the article I wrote on TTAG about my friend's death but it has been lost in the cloud and I am unable to find the last draft I sent to print, but it echoes some of the problems we have with suicide and mental health in the firearm industry.
After the keynote, the good doctor opened the floor up for questions. Her keynote posed a lot of statistics but not a lot of answers. I am a detail oriented granular data guy and I did not get a solid grasp of the AFSP solutions posed, if any.
Several firearm dealers discussed the lack of a cohesive solution and the takeaway was they're trying to develop awareness for the suicide problem. Their goal is to lower suicide rates but how they get there is yet to be determined. I didn't like hearing that and the comments from the crowd reflected the lack of a "here's what you can do TODAY to help this problem" part of the initiative.
Going around the room, one dealer who used NICS said that if a customer was just flat out acting funny - he'd lie to the customer and say there was a delay with NICS even though there was an approval just to get them to not be able to have a gun for a few days. The crowd applauded this initiative, however I'm not sure lying to customers is the best way to run a business and treat them with respect. Another dealer brought up an interesting point. When someone comes in looking to buy a gun and they don't know what kind of gun they want, what caliber, and are generally clueless - they're either buying a gun to kill themselves with, OR perhaps they are a very uneducated prospective customer - and there is no clear way of finding out which is which.
The problems presented by the AFSP are real. The solutions aren't there though. Yet. Ideally I'd like to see some change to that. However, there's some problems.
I hung around and asked the good doctor and her staff some questions and I am in no way denigrating her life's work and her dedication to preventing suicide since she has dedicated her life's work to the issue, but the conversation went something like this.
Did you do any research on the accessibility of firearms from a retailer from the legal standpoint?
"No, we haven't"
Do you know how the NICS or state POC background systems work in regard to mental health holds, etc?
"No"
One of the problems that I foresee right off the bat is that you talked about how you are fighting time, and if you can get someone out of that suicide mindset - even for a few hours, you can get them into that higher survival bracket. If we apply a one size fits all solution to it like California and put a 10 day wait on everything with the goal of protecting someone from their own life, how do we balance that with the needs of the woman who has been hiding from her abusive spouse and needs a gun right away?
"That's a good question that I don't have an answer for."
Their initiative, I admire - the lack of solutions is a little off putting however. I tell the doc about how my friend's suicide has impacted me and she seems to be sympathetic to the situation as does her colleagues. I am given her cards and told to call the next time I'm in New York so we can get together and discuss things within the industry. I'll give them a buzz in a few weeks when I'm up there on business. On my way out of the hall, I run into Massad Ayoob. Nice guy. I've admired his work over the years. Bart invites myself and chugbleach to dinner, I can't reach Chug and even though I am beat I decide to hang out with Bart and Mrs Bart
Bart: What do you want to eat?
FC: Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon.
I begin vomiting.
God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure?
We eventually head downstairs and order too much food. We are tired and not very hungry. Bart is still hungover and barely able to process food. His wife is grazing on all sorts of meat products. I am in awe of how they are both still upright after six nonstop nights of partying. I've only been here one day and I feel like I am about to die.
Dinner concludes with an awkward hug with bart's wife - I don't know how other men feel about wife hugs so I have just avoided the prospect entirely. Like flying through Denver on Frontier. Or flying on Frontier. Ever.
I drive over to the Wynn to set up my markers and the poker room is full. I draw a $2500 marker at the craps table and watch the game a bit. I have never played craps before in my life but the three people there seem to be having fun.
I look down at my phone and I realize a plane has landed. fluffy_butternut has landed in Las Vegas on business. I had lost a bet and offered to pick him up from the airport. I cash back in my chips against my casino credit and head back to my car. I cannot find my car. Fuck. I wander the wynn garage which is covered in construction debris. I eventually find it and haul ass to the airport. Now, I didn't know this but fluffy has the WORST SENSE OF DIRECTION AT ALL. Seriously. I have no idea how he even made it to the correct city. He lands and has to get his bag and stuff and I circle the airport. He lets me know he's at door 77 wherever the fuck that was. I drive into the pickup portion and I see no sign. He then says he's coming up a level, and I tell him that I'll be there shortly. I park the car and Metro PD starts yelling.
Metro: You can't park your car here.
FC: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Metro: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk!
I give the man a $20 and tell him to keep it running as I wander Mccarran screaming FLUFFY! HERE FLUFFY! I message fluffy to let him know I am the car parked on the sidewalk. I instantly figure out who he is having never seen a photo of him and I throw his bags into the car as we head for his hotel. I haul ass out of the airport and get the A3 on the highway.
Now this was a superior machine. Thirty nine grand worth of gimmicks and high-priced special effects. The rear windows lit up with a touch like frogs in a dynamite pond. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights and dials and meters that I would never understand.
We check in at the Rio where the desk clerk is friendly and flirty. I express amazement there is no line. Fluffy checks in and we take his bags upstairs and he offers to buy me food for driving him to the airport. I decline. We head to the bar anyways. He orders two beers and we decide to call chug. He's staying out in Summerlin or something because his company is apparently run by cheapskates. He asks if we want to hang out and shoot the shit. I say sure and ask if he wants us to pick up food or anything from CVS or something since I have the car and I'm able to do anything I want. He asks for some toothpaste. No problem. I may be an asshole on the internet but I have a heart of gold. We get some toothpaste get to the hotel.
Arriving at the lobby, we have no idea where he is. It turns out he gave us the address for the hotel across the street. We laugh and go to that lobby and shoot the shit till 3AM much to the chagrin of the hotel clerk. Fluffy has some beers and we plan on dinner the next day. I drive fluffy back and arrive at the hotel at 4. Fuck me to tears.
Wednesday, January 18th. Day 2 of SHOT show.
Alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Nice. I get some dillo dust and check out the new Sig 220 DA/SA and SAO legions. Daddy likey. I go to a competing firm and I piss of my state sales manager by telling him his newer designed triggers suck ass. He says the company tested them and they're the same in every way. I ask him why the triggers have two different part numbers in the catalog and how come they're not interchangeable and if that's really the case, how come there's X changes in the supposedly identical pistol parts that he's holding side by side. He gets mad at me and says I'm not an expert on their product and perhaps I should take his job since I'm so smart. I agree that I'm smart and I hold firm that if he didn't want me to complain about the shitty trigger, they should stop selling guns with shitty triggers. I am nearly kicked out of the booth.
I meet up with some of my wholesale reps and I'm mid convo when I see Itsgoodsoup and his friend walking around the show. I yell SOUP but he does not hear me. So I grab his friend and find him and I tell him we should get together at dinner with fluffy and chug. He agrees.
The show winds down, I get some business done and nothing much else. We break for a shitty gunnit live lite and I take a few questions from the crowd in fluffy's suite at the Rio. Dinner is at 8 and we arrive at the restaurant late to find soup and his friend sitting at one table and chug and his girlfriend sitting at another. Perhaps we should have gotten here a little earlier. Hahaha. So, fluffy said the place is really good and I order a few of the specialties of the house. Apparently according to yelp they do a kickass peking duck. Soon to be mrs chug is a vegan. But we can eat meat in front of her. I wonder how it's served and Soup's vancouver raised asian friend tells me that they normally carve it tableside. Our vegan says as long as there's no head she's cool. We're not sure if they can fulfill that request. So we order and food starts coming out and we tell tall tales of shot show BS and other stuff. Sure enough, the duck comes out with the head. No bueno. Haha. But I decide to treat us to vegan donuts at the vegan bakery across the street later. Seven courses later we are full. Vegan bakery closed. I am committed to getting her some vegan donuts though. We head to Fremont street to gamble. Fluffy wanders about and we try craps and we're not impressed. We hit some slots and eventually I hit the craps table where chug explains the game to me. We start betting on dice. And somehow we start winning. I find that the house allows you to take 10X behind the line. No idea what this means so I plop $5 on the pass line and the point hits 6. I drop $50 behind it and it hits. We go a few rounds and leave ahead. It's 2:30 AM. Fuck. I drive everyone back to their hotel. I get to sleep around 4.
Thursday, January 19th. Day 3 of SHOT show.
Wake up at 10AM feeling like crap. Debate whether to head straight to show and wander about. Fuck it. Went to halal guys for some halal. Delicious. Got vegan donuts. Dead drop them at the Palazzo lobby for chug and his girl. Show is a bust. Literally nothing exciting. Fluffy offers to buy me dinner. One of my customers who lives in Summerlin offers to take me to dinner. I pass on fluffy and he destroys the seafood buffet at the rio. I head to Sinatra at the Wynn for dinner with my customer. All good in the hood. Chug has been invited to the Glock dinneafter party and I'm not so we all go our separate ways. I call foghorn5950 and due to some weather, he's flying home early and our plans to hangout are fucked up unless I go tonight. I grab fluffy and we head to Whiskey Down. He orders a makers and I give him a funny look. I tell the waitress make it a bulleit. Everyone laughs. I talk shop with Jeremy also from TTAG and we shoot the shit over cigars and talk about useless products. Next thing we know, chug is out of the dinner and wandering the strip. We decide to meet up at the Linq. It takes us nearly 30 minutes to get out of Whiskey Down at MGM because the waitress was awful and messed up everyone's tab. It was a fucking disaster. To boot, MGM is now charging for parking.
FC: What a bunch of fucking jews
Fluff: You should just tailgate that lady in front of you out and screw them out of the $7
FC: I should
We pull behind her and watch as she gets flustered at the awful parking machine. Her nevada license plate says VETERAN. As the gate goes up we haul ass and screw MGM out of $7. I shout "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE" out the window as we blow right by her up to the Linq. Through fluffy's awful navigation, we wind up at the loading dock for the Linq. Eventually we find chug and gf hanging at the penny slots. They are holding vegan donuts, which she is very appreciative of. Least I could do after showing her the head. Fluffy plays the House of Cards slot machine.
He stuck $100 in, played for 6 minutes and then got really mad and hit the cash out button and $80 was left after 5 minutes.
ITS EXACTLY LIKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!
Chug's gf asks to play a special slot machine called kitty glitter. We ask and the linq does not offer it but Harrahs next door does. So we head over there and the slot tech finds the kitty glitter machine. Fluffy sticks a C note in there and tells her to play and have a blast. So she's banging away at the one armed bandit WHEN SUDDENLY I HEAR THE SOUND.
It's PUTTIN ON THE RITZ in shitty .wav file internal speaker format. Hahah. She's just hit the progressive jackpot on the penny KITTY GLITTER machine. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! We cash out after some play and a good time was had by all. I dump off fluffy at the rio since it was very close and drive everyone else back. It's late, I'm tired and the Palace Station oyster bar is open 24 hours......I head over there and there's a 45 minute wait.
So, I pull out my backup bankroll and using everything chug and fluffy have taught me about craps I belly up to the $3 min table where they let you take 10x behind the line. I'm still learning and the table is slow so one of the boxmen start explaining the game to me.
Box: So if you place the 6 or the 9 or individual numbers you can bet those but you gotta pay a little juice on it like a commission
Me: Like when you buy the hook?
short pause
Box: Yeah! Exactly like that! You got this!
So I played a little and went up a bit and down a bit. As you do. Plunked $5 down on the pass line and took full odds and the point hit. This game is pretty cool! So I hung around and watched for about an hour and finally decided to eat my winnings. I take $5 off my stack and, drop it on the pass line and announce dealer bet - $5 to pass. It hits. The dealers love me.
Maybe Vegas isn't so bad after all.
http://imgur.com/a/LGhDj
I have the pan roast at the oyster bar. No line. It is DELICIOUS. I get back to the hotel at 5AM. I don't care when I wake up.
Friday, January 20th. Day 4 of SHOT show.
Wake up around noon feeling like crap. Go to show. Debate destroying milk cart with wheels with an ax borrowed from fire station. Decide against it. Gas up car and find myself out by palace station again. Played some craps, hit the buffet and went for an early sleep.
It's midnight. The neighbors in my the hotel are having sex. A LOT OF SEX. I can hear everything. I gently knock on the door. No answer. I knock slightly harder. No answer. I head back to my room and close the door just as I hear their door open. I zoom back out to find a puzzled middle aged stocky and perhaps sticky Latino man looking both ways.
I get in his line of sight.
Me: Hey. I'm next door. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I get it. I really do. In fact I haven't had sex since the bush administration so I'm gunning for you man I really am. But it's midnight and I have a 6am flight and a rental car to return. So trust me when I say I'm really happy for you but if you don't mind I really need to get some sleep tonight okay?
The awkward silence is deafening. He nods without saying a word and mouths okay. I give him a manly nod and thumbs up.
Me: thanks. I'd shake your hand or fist bump but well you know.....
I give him a peace sign as he goes back into his little pleasure palace and I turn to realize that I have just locked myself out of my room. I am wearing boxers, a tshirt and barefoot. I head downstairs to the lobby. The check in at the front desk resembles the TSA line at Mccarran. Normally I would not be this rude but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The line is 50 people deep. I walk past every person. Fuck your queue. I approach the desk where someone is helping a guest and I raise my right hand as if I were in a deposition to get them to stop. The staff and guest looks puzzled as the angry barefoot man clad in nothing but boxers and a "uzi does it" tshirt approaches the desk.
Me: excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I have an emergency. I'm up on 8 and my neighbors are having a lot of sex. I mean a LOT of sex.
(This is the same front desk clerk who actually checked me in Monday night by coincidence looks back at me very awkwardly and puzzled.)
Me: this isn't your regular sex. I'm talking this is your (I begin air humping the front desk and slapping the granite counter with my palm and grunting loudly) sex. You could hear the plan B packaging open.
At this point - the ENTIRE FRONT DESK STAFF HAS STOPPED CHECKING IN GUESTS. The people in line and are watching the show. The clerk is stunned. Speechless. Shock and awed. Crapped out and busted. The women are covering their children's eyes and ears. The men are wondering if this show requires a 2 drink minimum.
Me: now I get this is Vegas. Everyone wants a good time. It's midnight. My flight leaves at 6 which means I have to be up by 4. And this just isn't working. So I asked them to keep it down and I locked myself out of my room. So if you can make me another key or move me I'd appreciate it.
The clerk nods.
Clerk: of course. may I see your ID?
Years of ballet have prepared me for this day. I step back to make sure my genitals are still ensconced in my boxers as I pirouette and gesticulate wildly.
Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE ID?
The floor manager steps over and asks me to head down to the end of the desk where she will make me a key. I give her the room number and thank her after she offers to have security sent up to shutdown the best little whorehouse in Vegas. I tell her it may not be necessary. As I take my keys and walk away the people in line break out in raucous applause.
I take a bow and miraculously my boxer shorts don't rip. These people are my subjects and I have been crowned the the king of the three ring circus that is the circus circus lobby. Im offered a $1 tip from a kind soul but I decline.
My walk back to the hotel elevator bank is uneventful. So much so that I realize it is going too well. The other shoe, if I were wearing one felt as if it was about to drop. Suddenly a dumbass in a rascal scooter is heading toward me at flank speed as his head is turned to look at everyone BEHIND HIM. There's no way this will end well.
For you gentle readers joining us mid conversation - it's midnight and I need to be at the airport in 4.5 hours. I can just see it now. (Cue the harp noises)
Scene: Emergency room
Nurse: Allergic to anything? Me: NKDA Nurse: cause of injury? Me: what's the IC10 code for "run down by drunken buffoon on motorized wheelchair?"
I saw my life and confirmed upgraded first class seats home being given away by the Mccarran gate agent flash before my eyes and my catlike reflexes kicked in and I jumped to my left into the wall, mid 1960's Las Vegas union construction being the path of least resistance. Think "The Bodyguard" with Kevin Costner.
The buffoon barely realizes what happens. Children are amazed. "HEY MOM! Look! That guy just ran into a wall!"
Me: it was that OR GET RUN DOWN BY SOME JACKASS ON A GODDAMN SCOOTER GOING FULL SPEED DRIVING LIKE A....
I look down and a midwestern nuclear family with two children of formative age are waiting for the elevator. I change my last word.
Me: LUNATIC!
I look over to the parents.
Me: I'm really sorry. This is a family joint and I shouldn't have cursed the drunken scooter driver like that. Sorry kids.
Parent: no big deal. They've heard fucking worse.
I crack a smile at her word choice. Fucking worse. Yeah. That sounds like my evening.
After jumping into a wall, I'm now wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. I make the plane and push on time. The 737 comes to a stop short of the runway and holds. Something is wrong. The pilots come on and say that they loaded more cargo and passengers than planned so they have to redo their numbers. We're waiting on the taxiway with both engines running as they do this and the waiting music comes on. What's the first song?
Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You"

6 Nights in Vegas - From Someone Cheap

6 Nights in Vegas - On a Budget

A little background on us. I’m 35 my wife is 28. We aren’t major gamblers by any stretch, but we usually hit up a local casino maybe once a month, twice if we do good, and usually gambling about $100 a piece each time. We are both huge sports fans, especially college sports (Notre Dame). I’m a bit of a tightwad most of the time.
The morning of April 2, 2016 I asked her if she wanted to marry me (both of us have been married once before), she said yes. I bought tickets that morning, didn’t tell anyone our plans and drove from South Bend Indiana area to Chicago O’Hare, and arrived in Vegas right around dark.
The first couple of Hotels I tried for were booked, but we ended up finding a room at Planet Hollywood (which we spent all of about 4 hours in). We then flew out the next morning, spending a total of about 12 hours in Vegas.
This time around, after finding out my kids would be with their mom over Spring Break, I decided to save up and actually plan a trip this time. We debated Florida, Canada, the Smokies, and ended up deciding on Vegas.
Tuesday – March 27 We stayed the night at Blue Chip Casino (BOYD Gaming) in Michigan City Indiana (halfway to O’Hare). Both of us had comps for a free room and Buffet’s as well and about $75 worth of food credit that we had been saving for our Vegas trip. They also gave me a $25 gas card. We decided to gamble $100, and lost pretty quickly. After eating our “free buffets” we decided to go to bed, anticipating an early morning.
Wednesday – March 28 Once we got to O’Hare, we went and checked our 1 bag in at the Spirit Airlines desk. Everything at Spirit is A la Carte, and I had paid for 1 checked bag, however the lady in front of me discovered that their checked bags cost even more if over 40lbs. I had gone with Spirit to save a buck, and overall the experience wasn’t terrible, but I’ve had much better experiences with other non-discount airlines. After arriving in Vegas, we rode the bus from the airport to the Rental Car facility, and in short time had our new car for the week. The nice lady at Payless tried selling me several extras, and I politely declined each of them. I’ve come to expect the sales pitch no matter what rental company I use, and overall my experience with these guys was very good. We ended up changing reservations last minute for our Hotel due to additional offers I received while at Blue Chip. After checking in at the Fremont (all 6 nights) we unpacked, stopped at IN & OUT Burger, and made a run to Wal-Mart for snacks and drinks. We then decided to go check out the Nuwu Dispensary, we were both very impressed with the selection, cleanliness, and friendliness of everyone we talked to there (we are novices at this lol). After making a “small” purchase, we decided to drive out to Mount Charleston for the evening and ended up catching the sunset before driving back into town. We spent the rest of the evening walking around Fremont Street mostly just people watching, before we grabbed a snack from the Café inside the Fremont and went back to our room for the night. The food was average at best, but the price was right, even if I hadn’t used my points.
Thursday – March 29 We slept in until about 9:30, and slowly made our way over to the Hoover Dam. On our way to the Dam, we stopped at Sunset Station for their Brunch Buffet, and were really impressed, especially for the $7 price. After gambling a little and not winning we continued to the Dam. Waze had me going some crazy roads that I’d never taken before to get there, and took us about 3 times longer than I had ever remembered. After getting closer and seeing all of the traffic/road construction I now knew why. All of the lower parking lots were full, so we drove to the little gift shop on the Arizona side (I was surprised to see the road now ends here), got a couple of little souvenirs for our boys, and walked around a little bit before exploring Lake Meade a little and driving back to Fremont. After relaxing for a little bit we again decided to walk around Fremont Street and ended up getting Margaritas and Enchilada Nacho’s at Nachodaddy’s. I would highly recommend this place if you want a good drink and great nachos, we both loved it, and our bartenders were great. After walking back to the Fremont and going back and forth on winning/losing at the slot machines, my wife got a bonus feature on the machine she was playing, when I noticed a guy standing behind her watching. He looked really familiar, and after seeing “Deez Nuts” on the back of his jacket, I realized he was the youtube star from the Deez Nuts video. He posed for a picture with my wife and then went on his way. We gambled for a few hours and went to bed about even on the day.
Friday – March 30 After grabbing coffee from Dunkin Donuts inside the Fremont, we decided to drive down to Primm, because my wife had never been to California. We stopped at the truck stop and decided against topping off on gas, due to the price being over $4/gallon. We walked around the shop, found some more souvenirs for the kids, and ate lunch at Qdoba. After driving around behind the outlet mall, I realized there wasn’t a sign saying welcome to California, so I hopped on I15 and continued South/West until she got to see her sign. We went a few exits and decided a trip all the way to Baker wasn’t worth the drive, so we turned around just past the giant solar farm on the right. In the stretch from about a mile outside of Primm to where we turned around, we passed probably a dozen of each Nevada State Police and California Highway Patrol, many of which were on motorcycles and all of which had at least 1 car pulled over. About the time we made it back into Vegas, my buddy’s flight from Washington DC had arrived (he’s getting ready to leave for Japan for the next 3 years) so we went and picked him up at his hotel (Hooters). My wife won some money on the “Vacation” machine in Hooters and we decided to go walk the strip, which wasn’t a bad walk at all. We ended up going through the MGM, across to the Aria/Monte Carlo area and decided all the bars were a bit too busy due to a Golden Knights game getting ready to start. We walked over to Excalibur and rode the monorail to Mandalay Bay. We spent the rest of the evening here, and I decided to bet on Notre Dame Women, which turned out to be a good bet. My buddy, being born in Connecticut bet on UConn and that pretty much set the tone for his luck the rest of his trip. My wife and I ended up getting a giant hot dog/pepsi combo for $3.99 at the Café inside the Fremont after returning, and it was a better bet than the Chinese food we had tried earlier in the week.
Saturday – March 31 Another buddy of ours had moved to Vegas about 6 weeks ago, while his wife and kids are moving out there today. He called me late Saturday morning, and had us meet him out at the RV Dealership he works for. After getting a tour of their half million dollar Motorhomes (built here in Indiana), we hopped in his convertible and rode out to Red Rock Canyon. The line to get in was about 100 cars long, and it looked like they were only letting a few in every 15 minutes, so we drove out along that area and headed back a different way to the south side of town. The company he works for sponsors the Horse Arena at the South Point Casino, so we rode over, watched some of the show, and got the behind the scenes tour of the stalls, practice arena, and got to meet the horses/cowboys. We ended up spending most of the day at South Point, and we really enjoyed it, probably our favorite one on the “strip” so to speak. We ate dinner at Baja Miguel’s and all enjoyed our food. Later on Saturday night we rode back to downtown. My buddy that now lives in Vegas, took us to Container Park, which was really cool. After that we walked back down Fremont Street and I had bet earlier on Michigan beating Loyola in Men’s basketball. Another good choice, however I had to find a casino with a sports book that could cash me out. We ended up going to “The D” and really enjoyed the atmosphere/older machines. My wife ended up playing the old school Horse Racing Quarter Machine upstairs and stayed on it for quite a while. We ended up heading back to the Fremont, where we gambled the rest of our “$200 limit” for the day, and did pretty good. After several hours of gambling, we decided we were hungry, so we walked over to the Café at Binions, and were really impressed with what we had.
Sunday – April 1 We ate the Breakfast Buffet at the Fremont (comped), took an Uber back to our rental car on the other side of town, picked our buddy up at Hooters and headed north to Zion National Park. A couple hours later we arrived and were somewhat surprised that it wasn’t completely packed. My buddy has a free pass (Military) so we saved $30 on the gate fee. We spent most of the day at Zion, climbing, hiking, and exploring, it was my 4th time there, but the first time for my wife and buddy, and while my wife isn’t a hiker like me, she really enjoyed it and mentioned that it was one of her top 3 things we did on our trip. On our way back to town we stopped at Casa Blanca in Mesquite for a few hours, we didn’t do any good, but enjoyed the change of pace from the Vegas casinos.
Monday – April 2 We walked the strip again, and ate the brunch buffet at the Bellagio. It was really good, but if I hadn’t used the buy 1 get 1 free coupon I had, I wouldn’t have been quite as impressed. We walked around the strip some more, and ended up buying tickets to X-Country for my wife and I for the 10pm show at Harrah’s. The lady at the Box Office didn’t offer any discount, but when I asked about using my players card, she gave me a $10/ticket discount on the tickets. After that we drove across town to Sams Town (Boyd Gaming) and gambled for a few hours, I remembered a Steak House from several years back that I really enjoyed here, but we ended deciding against it for our anniversary meal. After going back to our hotel to change and shower, we ended up going to Viva Zapata’s (based on Reddit reviews). We weren’t disappointed! The food was amazing, the atmosphere even better, and the wait staff was the best! Our waiter asked what brought us out there, I told him it was our 2 year anniversary and we had flown in from Indiana to celebrate. We were enjoying the live Mariachi music, but started getting a little anxious as we were waiting on our bill (we wanted to get to Harrah’s by 9:30). A few minutes later here came the wait staff/musician to our table, put giant sombrero’s on us, gave us a couple of churros and each of us a shot of Tequila (no charge) while they sang us a song. I tipped them well and we were on our way to the show. My wife is a huge country music fan, and while I enjoy some of the older stuff, I’m more of a metalhead. I was pleasantly surprised at the price of our tickets, and for the money, the show wasn’t bad. 1 of the dancers really stood out from the rest though, but all in all it was a good experience. I wanted to go see Absinthe but found out they weren’t playing on Monday night. After our show we walked down to the Bellagio Fountains to see a show before heading back to the hotel.
Tuesday – April 3 We spent most of the morning packing up from our 6 nights at the Fremont, I checked with the Casino host to see about possibly comping more than 2 of our nights, but she showed me where my score in their algorithm was only a 65, and needed to be 100 to qualify for more. I still only paid $165 for the 4 nights I had to pay for, which was more than fair in my opinion, considering how little time we actually spent in the room. We went to Hooters and gambled for about 20 minutes, winning a couple hundred dollars, then took my buddy to the airport. Our flight wasn’t until 6:30pm, so we drove back North and had to try another Reddit suggestion for our last meal in town. We ended up at Hamburger Hut as we love to eat wings, and although the location and building were a bit sketchy, we ordered hot wings, a hot dog, and chili fries, this was our favorite food of the trip. We also really enjoyed hanging with some of the locals while we ate lunch. After eating lunch we hit up Walmart by the airport to find some last minute souvenirs to take back home, and then returned our rental car and waited a few hours for our flight back home.
What I would recommend
Sight Seeing - Zion National Park, Red Rock Canyon, Lake Mead, Container Park (especially if you have kids)
Food - Hamburger Hut, Viva Zapata’s, In & Out Burger, Nachodaddy, Hotdogs at South Point, Breakfast Buffet at Sunset Station, also saved a bunch of money by getting snacks and drinks for our room at the grocery store on day 1.
Casinos – As a gambler, the ones off the Strip seemed to pay better, but the ones on the strip were much classier and had newer slots you can’t find elsewhere. My 3 favorite were the Fremont, The D, and South Point. My wife really enjoyed seeing the sights at the Bellagio, the Flamingo, and others on the Strip. No matter what, if you’re going to gamble, get a players card, it saved me a bunch of money.
Transportation – If you like to do more than just stay in town and walk all week, I’d highly recommend getting a rental car like we did (about $200 for the week for a nice sized car), but if you don’t plan on going on long day trips like we did, UbeLyft would be great.
Entertainment – XCountry at Harrahs wasn’t the top show I’ve ever seen, but 2 tickets for $80 something and a happy wife, I can’t complain at all. Watching all the entrepreneurs on Fremont Street as well as the stage shows for free was hard to beat, and any trip to Vegas should include the Bellagio Fountains, the Flamingo Habitat, and any other free entertainment you can find along the strip.
What I wouldn’t recommend
Airlines – don’t go with the budget airlines expecting to save a bunch of money if you plan on taking a bag with you, checked or carry on, prefer to pick your seats out in advance, or want to get a snack while flying.
Food – While we didn’t really have any “bad” experiences, the café and Buffet at the Fremont were probably my least favorite, but I can’t complain because I didn’t have to pay for anything at either of them. Also I was looking forward to checking out Heart Attack Grill (based on Ducktales review), but they were packed and took Cash Only fyi.
Sight Seeing – Fremont Street after dark really isn’t the place to take your small kids but be sure to take them to Container Park during the day, Hoover Dam (unless you go early), Red Rock Canyon scenic trail on a holiday weekend. Pawn Stars was packed and if you’ve seen it once, the excitement kind of wore off, and they apparently charge for parking now. I parked up the street for free and only had a short walk, but the people trying to push you to buy extras outside of the store really kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

Trip Report - A former Las Vegas local returns to vacation in Las Vegas for a week.

I am a former local(moved away from Las Vegas, not by choice) and I go back to Las Vegas at least twice a year, for Labor Day week for the first week of College Football and for March Madness. Stayed for a week, Sunday-Sunday.
Transportation
Flew in on Delta Airlines, and rented a car. I strongly recommend renting a car if you fly in. Las Vegas is bigger than you think, and cab rides/Ubers can rack up quickly. A car is great for convienience. It's better to have a car and not need it, than to need a car and not have one. Makes it easier to get around to places and expand your options of things to do. I did a lot of driving and only had to get gas once, which was $23 to fill up the tank. I paid $110 for the Rent Car for the Week, so I think $135 is a great price to have a car at your disposal to use for an entire week.
Hotel
I stayed at the Palms Place. When I was a local, the Palms was my favorite casino to hang out at. It's off the strip and away from the hustle and bustle and traffic, yet close enough to still feel a part of the action. They have a good, clean casino, a younger clientelle, a great sportsbook, and a pool that has the perfect ratio of quality to crowd. It's a big clean pool, but its not busy and crowded with dozens of kids running around like you find at the strip pools. This pool does get crowded on Fridays for Ditch Fridays, so I went to the Palms Place pool that day.
Palms Place is a great hotel for the price. It's a 4.5 star hotel according to the website I booked it on, Hotwire. You can get this hotel for cheap on Hotwire. It's the only 4.5 star hotel listed in the "West of Strip" zone, so its not difficult to get this one at a discount in the Hotwire Hot Rate section. When all was said and done, after taxes and resort fee, I spent about $700 for the 7 nights, so roughly $100 a night. That's not bad at all, especially for a holiday weekend. My room was on the 23rd floor with great panoramic views of the entire strip, from downtown to Stratosphere to Mandalay Bay. It's a large studio/condo style room with 2 flat screen TVs, a kitchenette, and a jacuzzi tub amongst other things.
Please realize resort fees are a thing and no, you can not negotiate your way out of them(unless you do some heavy gambling I am assuming). Both when I was checking in and checking out there was someone bitching about the resort fee to the front desk agent and trying to get it waived as if they didn't know about them. Every hotel in Las Vegas has them, deal with it or don't stay in a Las Vegas hotel.
Pic of hotel room: http://i.imgur.com/UGwF9Rf.jpg
Pic of the view from hotel room, day: http://i.imgur.com/hp7AKvD.jpg
Pic of view from hotel room, night: http://i.imgur.com/VOeLZoV.jpg
Pic of Palms Pool, Monday: http://i.imgur.com/otSaorR.jpg
Food
As a former local, I pretty much stuck to my go-to local spots when I lived there. There is no need to spend a fortune on food while you are here, you can find good eats for cheap. Most places on and around the strip are tourist traps. I spent no more than $100 on food when I was here.
Sunday I went to a place I loved when I lived here, a burger place called Original Tommy's. They serve burgers, with chili. It's a concept that works very well. I think this place is only in Nevada and Southern California. But it was the first place I went. I ordered a double cheeseburger and chili cheese fries. Cost about $10. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/tbDUyru.jpg
Monday I went to the Studio B Buffet at The M. I am not a big fan of buffets. I feel like if I am going to eat a lot of food, I'd rather eat a lot of one genre of food item that is above average, than a lot of mass produced average food. I went anyway since I still had a complimentary buffet from my last visit. This is still one of the better buffets in Las Vegas, and I'd say the best bang for your buck. It was $24.99 for dinner the night I went. The carved tri tip roast was really good. The other food I ate was average at best, but its buffet food. Still a lot better than places like Golden Corral. But the real highlight of this place is the dessert bar. One of the better buffet dessert bars in Las Vegas. Really good Gelato, and every dessert you can think of. I'd say its worth it for the desserts alone. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/ZDtw8I4.jpg
Tuesday I went to a local pizza place called Napoli. This place has great NY style pizza. What is great about this place is they have a special, which is a 16 inch one topping for $8.99 for pickup. That's a great deal. I bought a 6oz cup of their house made ranch dressing for a dollar so all together it was $11. You can also get free garlic balls if you text a number on the menu. Great value. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/vt6iVCh.jpg
Wednesday I went to a place that everyone should be familiar with, In N Out Burger. This place is on the west coast and in Texas only. It doesn't exist where I live, so I make sure to hit up this place each time I go. I ordered a 3x3 animal style, a double double animal style and animal fries. $13 total. Before you call me a pig, realize when I was here I only ate once a day to keep my calories down. It was good, as usual. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/SWO2eII.jpg
Thursday and Saturday I went to perhaps my overall favorite place to eat in Las Vegas. I love it so much I went twice. It's a hole in the wall wing place on Sunset Blvd called The Chicken Shack. They have the best wings and the best fries. I don't know how they do it but it can not be replicated anywhere. The wings are big and juicy, instead of small and slimy like the ones you get at places like Buffalo Wild Wings. They are also breaded and fried, something you don't see often with wings. The fries are close to shoestring size, but they taste so good. I don't know if its the seasoning, or the batter, or what, but the fries are heavenly.
It's a hole in the wall place thats small and always busy, not much seating. I went on Thursday around 2:30pm or so and the line was nearly out the door. I ordered the #1 Combo which is 6 wings(which are so big its like 12 wings anywhere else), fries and a drink for $9. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/mjmdY6j.jpg
Friday I went to a place I haven't been to before but heard good things. It is a place called Skinnyfats that is off I-15 between Mandalay Bay and South Point. It has two menus - a "healthy" menu which is food that would be considered healthy, and a "happy" menu which is food that tastes good but probably isn't healthy. Me being on vacation, I went with the happy side. Got the Patty Melt with Truffle Fries and the "Buff Chix", which is fried buffalo chicken tenders on top of truffle fries in a bowl topped with ranch dressing. The patty melt was probably the best patty melt I have ever had. It was great. The buffalo chicken tenders were average. I wasn't a big fan of the buffalo sauce they used. I am a sucker for anything buffalo, so this style of buffalo sauce was different. The truffle fries were average, I've had better.
Overall it was worth it for the patty melt alone. Their soda is really good too. It's house made sweetened with cane sugar. I got black cherry cola and it was excellent. Overall cost me $25. The place was very "hipster" in my opinion. The clientelle coming in was young, and if I had to describe them, I would say "Bernie Sanders supporters". Younger, millenial, hipster-ish, dyed hair, thick frame glasses, etc. I felt out of place with my button down pressed shirt and blue jeans. Almost everyone ahead of me and behind me in line, as well as those eating next to me, seemed to be eating off the healthy side of the menu. I am guessing that is the main draw of this place. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/G55y3Vt.jpg
Activities
I am a big sports fan so my week revolved around the sports books mainly. I spent a lot of time watching for college football line moves, and traveling to the certain book that was dealing the line I was looking for. Made wagers at 11 different books. Which was a pain on Saturday Night when I had to go to all those casinos to cash my winning tickets. I made a bet at Treasure Island(because they were the only book dealing a certain line), and I didn't mind if it didn't win because that meant I would have to navigate my way through the strip traffic and parking garage mess to cash it. The ticket won and I had to go to Treasure Island at midnight on Saturday to cash it. With the strip and parking garage traffic, took me a good 45 minutes. Now you know why locals avoid the strip when possible.
As far as watching sports there is no better place to do it than Westgate. This is my first time there since it got renovated and they did a good job. You should easily find a seat at this book during the week, but be careful on College Football Saturdays, NFL Sundays and March Madness. You have to show up early if you don't want to stand. On Saturday I got there at 7:45am, an hour 15 minutes before the 9am kickoffs and the place was already 75% full. If you want to bet, get your bets in the night before. The betting window lines were 75 people deep about 30 minutes before the 9am kickoffs.
Westgate Book, Thursday: http://i.imgur.com/1KA5ffL.jpg
South Point Book, Friday: http://i.imgur.com/xLwArwL.jpg
Westgate Book, Saturday around 9am: http://i.imgur.com/sjDpouv.jpg
I went downtown on Tuesday Night. If you haven't been downtown, I strongly recommend going to check it out at least once just to do it. It's different. If you have been, I only recommend going downtown if you are going with a purpose, i.e. to gamble, drink, watch the free concerts and street acts, do the zipline, etc. Unfortunately, I just went downtown just to go, and so I felt like it was a waste of time since I didn't do anything other than just walk around a bit and see what was new. It was my first time going downtown in 4 years, but it was mostly the same.
Pic of Downtown: http://i.imgur.com/NQN4CQO.jpg
On Wednesday Night I went bowling. Surprisingly this was one of the highlights of my trip. I went to the Red Rock Lanes at around 11am and bowled until it closed and had an absolute blast. On Sunday-Thursday After 11am, the games are only $1.50. So I must have bowled at least 10 games. 3 hours of fun for less than $20. South Point also has a bowling alley, and $1 per game bowling from 12am-8am Su-Th. So if you like bowling, there are good values to be had in the after hours.
Pic of Bowling Alley: http://i.imgur.com/fa2mGrl.jpg
DRINKING & GAMBLING
I didn't do any gambling apart from wagering on sports. I am a professional mathmetician, so I know how the deck is stacked against you on slot machines and table games. I prefer to put my mathematical ability into finding an edge betting on sports. Which I did well. Ended up winning about 10 units betting on college football when all is said and done. This is why renting a car helps, you can more easily travel across the different books to get the best lines.
I only drank once. Bought a bottle of Malibu and drank way too much of it. Since I was pouring it in my hotel room in the dark, I had no idea how much I was using. Ended up blacking out and spent all Wednesday hungover. It sucked. I swore off drinking the rest of the trip after that, it was miserable.
ADVICE
The biggest piece of advice I can give if you are traveling to Las Vegas is to rent a car and then the first place you go should be to Wal Mart or a grocery store and to buy gallon jugs of water. It's hot and you can get thirsty quickly. It's always good to have water on hand(unless you like drinking out of the tap).
If you want to walk the strip I recommend getting up early and doing it in the morning before it gets too hot. This way you can get around without the crowds and the clickers. You won't get the nighttime views and vibes but its easier to get around. The clickers are really annoying and its not just silent Mexicans clicking anymore. I was briefly on the strip Tuesday Night to go from Flamingo to the Linq. The short trek I made from the Linq to the Flamingo I encountered non-hispanic clickers and strip club promoters that were all up in my face and one of them screamed at me and called me a fag when I said I was not interested in the strip club he was aggressively promoting. I never recall them being so aggressive. I think strip clubs are trash that are run by trash and cater to trash, so its no surprise they have trash promoting them.
It seems like there are more panhandlers in Las Vegas since when I lived there, which is weird because I was in Las Vegas during the recession. They are everywhere and its annoying.
Avoid MGM Properties. I ended up doing so this trip to protest their charging for parking. I think its bullshit. Don't reward them. Which is a shame because I have a soft spot for Luxor and go there each time I am in Las Vegas to pay tribute to the first Las Vegas hotel I ever stayed at, back when Luxor was in its prime and one of the better strip properties.
CONCLUSION
Overall it was a great trip. Las Vegas is still my favorite place. I never wanted to move away, and will move back when I get the chance.

Incredible 6 Day Trip in Vegas

Vegas + LSD + Star Wars (Trip Report)

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS THREAD
Before I get started on this trip report, I want to say that this will be a very long report that I will most likely have to break up in chapters. I have so much to say and so much more to attempt to describe. This is currently known as the most impactful night I have ever lived through.
This entire trip was for my roommate Guyver, it was his birthday week and he is one of the biggest Star Wars fans that I personally know. I booked us a room in Vegas, and bought us two Star Wars IMAX 3D premiere tickets for his birthday. Excited cannot even begin to describe the hype leading up to this trip.
Chapter 1. "Preparation"
I wake up before my alarm clock goes off. I was unable to get much sleep the night before, despite the blunts and multiple dabs to assist me in my journey to an 8 hour slumber. I open my eyes, roll over as usual to pet my dog, check my phone, and see a text from (we will call her Ashley) Ashley wishing me and my roommate "Guyver" a safe and fun trip. She is such a sweetheart.
This girl Ashley is relatively new in my life. I am not usually the one to not only make new friends, but to actually care about them or want to spend time with them. Only about 2 or 3 weeks ago, we tripped together for the first time and I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it was. I have never felt connected to someone like that before, this was also my first time tripping with a girl with only myself so I was a little scared about how it would go. But man was that trip amazing. She did not accompany me and Guyver on this trip, but knowing who Ashley is will matter I promise lol
I get out of bed, shower, feed Bishop (my dog) and smoke a little herb. The time now is about 6:45am and our plan is to hit the road at 7:00am. We go over our checklist before we head out. Weed, LSD, half a Xanax just in case shit goes south, wraps, a rolling tray and some other stoner "must have's" including plenty of Kendama's and Doritos.
Our bags are packed and we are good, I give Bishop some extra love, turn off all the lights, lock the door, take a deep breath and smiled. As I turned to Guyver, he was smiling just as big. At this moment I knew that we were down for whatever the night wanted to throw at us.
We take the short walk to my car and load everything in except the bad with the "goodies" in it. That bag stayed up front with us. We knew that if at any point in time if we get pulled over, all of the drugs would have to be ingested. Not interested in taking that chance. I turn the car on along with the seat heaters, turn on some music and off we go.
Chapter 2: "The Road"
Traveling with Guyver is extremely easy. He is by no means high maintenance, we like the same music and are interested in the same things for the most part. I never have to second guess traveling with this dude. He is one of my best friends for a reason.
2 hours of driving and a blunt later, we decide to make a stop at a cafe/diner in the middle of fucking nowhere. The only people that were in this cafe, were people who very obviously live in this town as well. Typical "middle of nowhere" staff there also. Our waiter was approximately 50-60 years old with pink and blue eye shadow on, complimenting her foundation that was definitely a few shades away from her actual skin color. Small coffee stains covered her apron and I immediately noticed that she had about 1/3 of her teeth missing as well.
This all felt like I was in an episode of Twilight. If you are familiar with anxiety, you know how easily these factors can build up into something unwanted. So I was slowly but surely starting to feel anxious.
To make matters worse, there was a gentleman that had to at least be 90 years old was sitting down alone talking to a waitress across the room about a guy being frozen in Texas. This obviously added to the list of shit that gives me anxiety. Guyver gets up to go wash his hands and to use the restroom. While he is away, the worst thing that could have happened.... happened. The old man got up from his booth and stood right next to me asking if I had heard about the guy who froze in Texas.
At this point I was on the brink of total freakout. So as politely as I could, I walked away without saying a word to collect myself. When I turned around, the old man had started to talk to another couple. I went back to our seats at the "bar" to wait for our food.
Guyver and I had both ordered the club sandwich with a side of fries (breakfast of champions). Let me tell you, that was by far the best club I have ever had. After we had finished eating, we decided that if we ever pass this place again, we will stop and eat. We paid our 50 year old, sad attempt at sexually appealing waitress and tip well.
Back in the car we go, we pull out our "oil pens" and have awesome conversations until we get to the hoover dam.
As we are approaching the Hoover Dam, I ask Guyver if he has ever been? "Na man, only in transformers" Guyver replies. I get excited, as every tourist should. We pull off to start heading to the Hoover Dam, we get about 3/4 of the way there when we both notice a sign that reads "Any and All vehicles are subject to search."
The look on Guyver's face was indescribable lmaooo he looked so frightened and I am sure I looked the same. We had quite a few years of prison in my backpack and I am NOT trying to go down at the fucking Hoover Dam. So we did the obvious, flip a U-turn and continue on to Las Vegas.
Chapter 3: "Arrival"
"Dude look you can fucking see the strip!" I exclaim as we round the last blind corner passing through the mountains. "Fuck dude there it is" replies Guyver. We approach our hotel and I cannot stop thinking about all of the awesome stuff that we are about to do that night.
We park at the New York New York parking garage, grab only our backpacks (just incase we weren't able to check in yet) and head into the hallway leading from the parking lot to the casino. We make our way to the front desk and fail to notice the HUGE line for check-in or check-out. I mean completely oblivious to the giant crowd. So I walk up to one of the idle concierges and ask for assistance, she looks over at the extensive line out of the corner of her eye, then back at me. She giggles and decides to boot up a computer to help us. Lets call her "Lilly".
During the time of checking in, Guyver is off to the side playing kendama and I have my kendama around my neck. Lilly immediately notices and say to me "Check-in is not til 3pm but if I can do that first try, I will let you guys check in now (1:12pm).
I hand her my kendama and to my surprise she almost gets the ball onto the spike first try. "My son is very good at this and we play together sometimes" Liiy states. "CLACK" I turn my eyes up to look from the form I was filling out and sure enough, Lilly got the spike! So being the wonderful and honorable lady that Lilly was, she let us check in early. We waved goodbye at the adorable asian woman and never see her again.
On our way up to the hotel room, we start noticing how amazing the fake architecture is inside of the building. The attention to detail Las Vegas puts into their casino's and resorts are just insane. I knew that at least visually... this will be a very pleasing trip. Little did I know... it would be far more "pleasing" than I ever had thought.
Chapter 4: "The Room" (part one)
As we are approaching our room door in the long, curvy hallway, I can't stop thinking about how crazy this night is going to be. We made it to the hotel in one piece and now the reality of it all is starting to set in, I couldn't be more excited.
I put the key card into the door and wait for the indicator that it's now unlocked. "Bleep Blee Bleep" rings the door after about 4 attempts to get it open. We walk into the room and the first thing I notice is the view overlooking a couple of other hotels and also the roller coaster.
Me and Guyver had already agreed that since we are staying at the New York New York, and they have buy one get one free passes for people who are staying at the hotel, we are DEFINITELY riding this thing at some point.
Anyways, we get all of our stuff in our backpacks off loaded, appreciate the view, turn the AC on full blast, and head back out to get the remaining items from the car.
We get back to the car, take a few hit off our oil pens and walk back to the room. The time is now approx 2:45pm and we have decided that since the movie starts at 11pm, we should ingest the tabs at 7pm. That way, we can trip for a solid 3 and a half hours before the movie started. Our plan was so prime, nothing could go wrong ;)
So in preparation for the night, we bust out the small bottle of Bacardi Limon and take a couple shots right off the bat. We unpack our bags and pull out the herb and blunt wraps. I also brought about a half gram of concentrate to put in the blunt. I broke down the tree, put it into the Garcia Vega wrap, placed the work of wax inside the blunt, and sealed it in.
Guyver and I pulled up two chairs and placed them right in front of the window overlooking the city while I sparked the blunt. We were sitting there smoking, talking plans and about how awesome the night is about to be.
I was genuinely confident that we would just have a super fun, easily navigable trip. It was my first time taking 2 tabs (230mg) and it was Guyver's first time taking 3 with no tolerance. But we figured it would be crazy, but mellow enough to just cruise and have an awesome time.
As we were smoking this blunt, Guyver had the idea to make a little music video for one of the songs off his unreleased EP. I agree and we set up the camera's and have a blast filming it. After the blunt, we gather our kendamas and camera's to head out to the strip while it's still day out.
We make our way out of the hotel on to the strip, not much was mentionable about this portion of the trip except the planning. After filming some super prime kendama "tricks" we devised a plan.
"The Plan"
The plan was simple... Take the tabs, come up, go on the rollercoaster, take the tram to madalay bay to see the aquarium, then the the Wyatt to watch the LED ceiling light show. Head back to the hotel, order out Uber, and get to the movie theatre. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
So we decide to get back to the hotel room to try and get maybe about an hour or so to nap. I am laying down pretty tired still from the drive and Guyver and I fall asleep for about 40 min.
My alarm goes off... it's 6:45
Chapter 5 "Ingestion"
I take the small pieces of tin foil out of the bad and open them up. In the tin foil, was two Adventure Time tabs with Finn and Jake on them, and the other was 3 tabs with an odd, DMT visual patterned tabs. I place my two doses on the table along with Guyver's.
"Okay man... whatever happens we will be good dude. We just have to make sure we get to the theatre, that's really the only goal now."
"I know man, lets fucking do this." replied Guyver with an overload of nervousness and excitement in his voice.
I gave Guyver a huge, brotherly hug and we placed the small paper tabs with 115ug each of some of the purest LSD I can obtain into our mouthes. Shit eating grins smack us in our faces almost immediately. There is no going back now and we both knew that, but we thought we were 100% prepared.
Before we exit the hotel room, we make sure we have everything that we are going to need in our hands for the next 12 hours. This list included: Headphones, phones, sunglasses, a headphone splitter, oil pens, wallets, 3 cameras, and some other necessities. I was dressed in black dickies, brand new Airmax shoes, a fresh "Hundreds" hoodie with a puffy jacket/vest over the hoodie. I also had a black RVCA trucker hat on.
Guyver had on a pair of sunglasses, a windbreaker style trench coat with red and black plaid lining. An old star wars shirt, his huge 2 inch plugs for his ears, and sweatpants.
Chapter 6: "Come-Up"
I walk out of the hotel room of the New York New York in Las Vegas, I immediately start noticing subtle changes in my vision. I feel the awkward "warm" feeling in my jaw as we make out way to the elevator. We stop in the elevator lobby and as we are waiting I notice how awesome the floor patterns were. "No fucking way". I say as I cannot believe I am already starting to trip not even 20 min after the tabs had dissolved.
By the time we got out of the elevator, it was like someone turned the knob up to 8 on the trip meter. It was really strange how much harder I started to trip when the short ride down from the 24th floor to the lobby had ended.
I walk outside of the elevator and I am instantly hit with a plethora of lights, vibrating and glowing like something out of a trippy movie. At this point I am still 100% cognitive and aware of my surroundings. Guyer and myself made our way out to the main entrance of the casino out to the strip. We waddled our way over to a red metal table that was looked over by the insanely bright glowing lights of the New York New York and the Hershey's factory. The lights at this point were already significantly brighter than usual and starting to have a "palpable" glow to them. I had my headphones on listening to Cashmere Cat's "Paws" at that moment. I was just looking all around taking in how incredible everything looked. I look at Guyver and he has his Balaclava on to keep his face warm and his eyes were closed. I knew now that he was feeling it too.
As we were sitting outside in the 55 degree weather at about 8:15 we decide that we are definitely tripping hard enough to ride the rollercoaster. I have never taken a ride of any sort on psychedelics and I was actually very excited for this to happen.
We are bobbing and weaving our way through the traffic of miserable melting faces and the light so bright I almost had to squint. All the while me and Guyver are listening to our headphones separately with the biggest smiles you have ever seen on our faces.
We finally make it to the arcade... which is also the entrance to the roller coaster. This was my first time having to interact with a human.
"Umm... hi... how do we get on the rollercoaster please?" I say with my voice trembling, it is so difficult to formulate actual words at this point.
"Right around the corner of the neon coaster sign, you can pay there."
"t-thank you" I snicker trying my hardest not to burst out laughing.
I turn to Guyver with the new directions and relay them to him. I can tell the directions did not register properly, but it was okay.
"Dude that was so fucking hard to do" I whisper to Guyver.
This also didn't register with him correctly, I was met back with a blank stare and a laugh. Which then of course caused me to laugh back. Life is fucking great.
We are wading through this insane dome full of bright arcade games, kids smiling and running around, etc. We arrive at the paying point for the roller coaster and I can see that there are only about 8 other people that are getting on it as well. This was a comforting sight.
Chapter 7 "Let Go"
We take our seats at the back of the roller coaster to avoid any kind of unwanted attention. I then suddenly realize a bit too late that I still have my hat on and literally everything I had in my pockets of my pants and jackets. A slight panic set in as I had my phone, wallet, headphones, etc in my pockets and I knew this coaster had a loop. "Dude hold the fuck up I have everything in my pockets still!" Guyver whispers aggressively. I turn to the skinny miserable man working the coaster and ask if it's okay to put our stuff on the side? "Na man just hold on to it you will be good".
CLICK
The coaster starts to move forward instantly after that skinny fuck gave me the opposite answer I was searching for.
I feel this insane rush of adrenaline coarsing through my body, very euphoric but I was so fucking scared I was going to lose my things. I could not focus on what I should do about my items, this thought turned into panic again and at this point we began the climb to the top of the coaster.
I look over at Guyver and he is NOT having a good time at this point, which did not help my case either. Then all of a sudden, that insane rush of adrenaline faded away. As we were climbing up the coaster, I was comforted by a sense of "not being in control".
My personal outlook on roller coasters, even before psychedelics has always been: "One of two things can happen on a roller coaster... you wither die, or you don't. When you do live through that experience, it's usually just a fun story to tell afterwards."
I have never felt that feeling be so literal in my life. This entire rollercoaster is just a huge metaphor for life. Sometimes you aren't in control and sometimes, that is OKAY. Sometimes you just have to stop worrying and let go. Enjoy the wind in your face and the fact that you're on top of this roller coaster overlooking this beautiful city rather than worrying about my hat the whole time. This was the first beautiful moment that I experienced.
This was all in the matter of time it took the roller coaster to get to the top of the first drop.
When I got to the top of the coaster, my body was FORCING screams out of it. I was so fucking excited to finally be on this rollercoaster while on these amazing substances. The drop was insane, the next 45 seconds were quite possible the most intensely exciting moments of my life. Pure adventure, the kind of adventure that is so innocent. Guiltless entertainment if you would. I honestly cannot find the words to accurately describe how good it felt to just let go and enjoy that damn roller coaster.
After the coaster came to a stop, I was still audibly projecting "Oh my fucking god man, that was so nuts... I was NOT ready for that shit hahahahahah" probably about 3 times in a row. It was so hard to process what just happened.
I get out of my seat and decide it may be a good idea just to check and see if anything fell out on the seat. Wouldn't you know it... my phone was there lol
I pick my phone up, Guyver and myself headed out of the arcade to make our way outside to see the aquarium at Mandalay Bay.
Chapter 8: Feel Trip
Guyver and I walk out of the casino through a different exit than the first time that led us to the red tables. We took the side exit and started to make our way towards excalibur. During our walk there, I started to have a hard time knowing where I was. It would eventually come back to me, but I felt like I was losing track of where I was geographically.
We made it to the tram, we took the tram to Excalibur, which was close to Mandalay Bay. VERY exciting thought for me at the time. I was still feeling a little off because I didn't really remember where we were. But we took the tram to Excalibur and exited. I am so unsure if we are in the right place but Guyver just assured me that we were good and we continued our journey to the aquarium.
We make our way past the hotel valet section and now I am tripping extremely hard. I have surpassed the "level" of tripping I am used to b by about 2 fold at this point.
"Sundara" by ODESZA comes on in my headphones, the melodic house beat is slowly making it's way into my ears and I do not hate it because I know how awesome the rest of the song is. At one point in the song about 45 seconds in, the house beat stops and is followed by a very ambient, slow, beautiful melody and carries out that way for the rest of the song.
When this part of the song came on, I was 100% overwhelmed by visual beauty and appreciation. I was looking straight at the Pyramid hotel, only it was as night so there were hundreds of lights worming around the pyramid all the way to the top. At the top, there is an opening that shoots out a spotlight that is so bright, you can literally see it from space. This was the single most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I wish I would let you all borrow my eyes so you could witness this indescribable beauty. Not only how beautiful it was, but the FEELINGS that came along with it.
I was feeling so fucking grateful to be alive. I started thinking about how far I have come mentally in the past year, about the people I have lost and met along the way. Which brought me to thinking about that girl I told you about, Ashley.
For the longest time I have been emotionally unavailable to females as far as attraction, trust, and relationship goes. I have become a very self centered person and love the company of my own mind. What I am describing is in no way negative, it's just the way I like it to be. I don't waste my time with people I don't connect with, or who annoy me, etc. Which ends up being almost everyone.
This girl though, it is strange. In the midst of this positive emotional breakdown, I found myself thinking about her. Thinking about how I shouldn't be so scared to let her in. About how amazing my time spent with her thus far has been, nothing but good vibes, beautiful smiles and laughter. She is one of VERY few people in my life that do not judge me. "Your way of thinking is beautiful" she said to me once. That crossed my mind like a track on repeat. No one has ever been so kind and accepting of me, no matter how nerdy or weird I am. Not to mention she is absolutely gorgeous, way prettier than I deserve 100%.
I was just absolutely overwhelmed with all of these thoughts about Ashley, and how appreciative of life I had become and how I am no longer a depressed young man on the brink of ceasing to exist. I told myself not to be so scared, to let life happen.
So this realization was an immense one, and it continued on for about 20 minutes straight. I could not stop thinking about life and its wonders. I couldn't stop thinking about Ashley and how she doesn't even have to acknowledge me as a person, and yet she is the sweetest woman in the world to me. The list goes on and on about all of the thought process's I was having about everything.
Unfortunately, this also completely negated my ability to think outside of my own mind. I was completely lost, crying on the ramp leading down to the Pyramid. We were both lost, not knowing where the fuck the aquarium is anymore.
"Yo are you alright?" Guyver asks. "Yea man, this is just so fucking beautiful dude, I can't think right now."
"What do you mean you can't think?" Replied Guyver.
"I just don't know where I am or anything right now dude, I am lost."
"Follow me" Guyver says.
I can tell that his demeanor changed almost instantaneously, much more confident. Well at least one of us was. "Let's just get back to the room man and regroup." I nod my head in approval, and off we go.
Chapter 9 "Long Trek"
Guyver is leading me through a river of lights, peoples faces are continuously twisting and morphing. Slot machine characters became 3D and looked like I could high five them, shit was getting super intense.
Guyver and I had to stop numerous times to try and get our bearing on where the fuck we were. I was sure that we were never going to get back to the hotel room.
We get back on the Tram to take us back to Excalibur, so that we can walk straight across the bridge to New York New York, at least that's what he was telling me. We get on the tram, I am sweating my fucking dick off and we are sharing the cart with 3 other people. Extremely awkward by the way.
We get off and start walking towards the strip, this time there isn't even the slightest of knowing where we were. I was so turned around and tripping so fucking hard I literally couldn't even for a thought other than "OH MY GOD".
Guyver thankfully realized that we got off on the wrong stop and guided us back to the tram with surprising ease. After the third and final tram ride, we get off and make our way through the casino trying to find our elevators to our hotel.
When I was walking through this sea of people I was looking at everyone and time seemed to slow down. I felt like I could analyze their exact feelings at the moment, and in these moments everyone just looked disgusting. I saw greed and frustration written over every sloppy drunk bitches face. Every drunk meat head that lost his last $40 on a game of blackjack, now pissed off and walking around like a human bowling ball because he can't but a Red Bull for the broke drive home. I saw, sadness... immense sadness. Only this time I did not feel bad for these people, I said fuck these people. I never ever want to look like any of these miserable humans. Let this be the motivation to maintain happiness is what I was thinking.
"DUDE FUCK YES!!" screamed Guyver as we finally found our elevators to take us up to our floor. I can barely stand it feels like and I cannot wait to get into our room to recoup.
Chapter 10: "The Room" (Part 2)
I weasel through the twisted hallway, bumping into the sides of the walls to keep my balance. I finally reach the door, and I get out the keycard. When I look up at the door to insert the key card, I was smacked with constantly changing patterns on this door. I couldn't look away, yet I was still trying to get the card into the door. The pattern on the door was morphing and melting right in front of me.
I finally got the card to go in, and boom, we are back in the room.
The minute we open the door we smell the weed and start laughing hysterically, good weed. Before I could even take my jacket off, I looked in the mirror. The only way I could possibly describe what my face was doing, and what it looked like, is to compare it to the dreamscope app. My face had moving patterns forming on it in the shape of like old ass weird symbolic mini hieroglyphics. It was so bizarre, especially since I have never tripped this damn hard.
So I take my jacket off and go into the restroom, pull my pants all the way down and sit. I do NOT trust myself to try and piss standing up at this point lol
I get my phone out and I record myself saying literally nothing hahaha and so I turned my phone off and was stuck on that toilet for about 5 min. I couldn't stop looking at all of the marble designs on the walls of the bathroom, and the lighting was so crazy I just couldn't understand how it was all looking like this.
Eventually I get out of that bathroom and go lay down. Every single thing I look at is again, morphing and shifting. I was having my first TRUE psychedelic experience with LSD. It was INTENSE.
There is not a whole lot of detail to discuss about the room other than we were just getting lost over and over again in that room trying to get the fuck out so we can order our Lyft to see Star Wars. I eventually have to take the reins and lead us out of that room.
I gave what I thought to be a pretty fucking inspirational speech so to say. That brought us back into the reality of us being late to the movie. But before I did, I snapchat Ashley... I still have no idea what I sent to her or what have you, but she sent back nothing short of the sweetest thing ever. She is awesome.
Anyways, we get all of our shit together, double check our belongings, and we are finally good to go.
Chapter 11: "Uber"
We have an incredibly hard time finding an exit door to our hotel room now. I know that they have designated pickup areas for Uber and Lyft, I coulnd't find one to save my life. So we found our way out into the valte parking lot again and tried to request the Lyft. Only now, I had to put my credit card info in... this was so fucking difficult. I was shaking from the cold, couldn't see the numbers on the card cause they wouldn't stop moving. Life was in fucking shambles right now lol. So I eventually give up on trying to order a Lyft, I wanted to use Lyft since I have $50 free credits. But all in all... fuck Lyft so hard.
I got extremely irritated and just opened the Uber app and ordered one. I then saw a cop staring straight at me and Guyver. I did one of the most ridiculously stupid thing ever. I walked straight up to the cop and asked him, with my pupils as big as a fucking saucer "Hey where do the Uber drivers pick up?"
He replied with some crazy fucked up directions that I didn't respond to because I was so thrown off by the way this cop talked. Idk if he was deaf and use hearing aids, or if he had a stroke or what the deal was. He looked at me and knew I was lost in his words.
"I'm just trying to get out of this hotel, I am nowhere near sober enough to follow those directions."
"Tell you what, just tell em to come up here and pick you up, you guys have a safe night." The cop replies surprisingly.
I call the Uber driver right away and let him know we are in the Valet. We get into the Uber and shut the door.
I knew right away this is going to be awkward because I pretty much told the driver right away. "hey man, thank you so much for coming to get us. I literally have no idea what is going on but we need to get to AMC. Do you have the directions?" "Yes sir we are good" he replies. During the ride he is asking the typical small talk questions. Where are you guys from? How was our night? Any luck with the ladies etc etc. needless to say it was a pleasant ride that got us to our ultimate destination... STAR WARS!
We exit the Uber, I express my gratitude again and off we go.
Chapter 12: "Concessions"
Guyver and I walk up to the ticket counter, sweaty as all hell. Barely able to comprehend what it is i'm supposed to be doing. I take about 2 minutes to pull up our online ticket confirmation and I show it to the ticket dude.
The scanner isn't working and it is now 11:05 on an 11:00 showing. I start to get super nervous thinking something went wrong with the tickets, but eventually, all is well and we enter the movie theatre.
We get our spot in line for a couple of Coca-Cola's. At this time, there was this man with his buddy in front of us in line. This is one of those dudes that is not handsome, has spiky hair (OBVIOUSLY DYED), most likely about 32-35 years old, probably talks about how good he used to be at motocross when he was 18 kind of guy. The kind of guy I hate, and he was being so fucking disgustingly obnoxious and attention seeking.
I usually don't feel anger or rage when I trip but this time it was absolutely unavoidable. I started to think about how bad I wanted to fuck this dude up and shove his straw down his throat for acting like a douche bag. But I regressed, they got their orders and left. All was good.
It was my turn to order, I casually order two cokes, not stumbling too too hard anymore over my words but I cannot bring myself to look at the young lady taking my order. I am way too self conscious about how gone I look at the moment. Guyver and I take our sodas and go over to the soda machine.
This is one of the new machines that let you pick pretty much whatever soda your heart ever desired. This will go down as the hardest decision I have ever made on LSD.
I eventually went with Vanilla Coke just in case you were wondering.
After we had our drinks filled, tickets in hand, everything we needed to go into the theatre. Now I was lost again, I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. I had forgot that we came here to see a movie. Guyver guided us into the movie and found our seats.
Chapter 13: "The Movie"
This AMC was one of those prime ass ones that had leather seats that recline and all that cool shit. I was so impressed by how comfy they were. I was sitting at the end of the aisle and Guyver was to my left sitting next to a couple.
At this point I have never felt like this before. The movie was playing but I had no idea what was going on. The movie never made sense to me, Guyver was laughing but I was getting worried that we were gonna get kicked out of the movie cause he was laughing so loud. I started to feel like I wasn't even supposed to be there in that movie. I didn't know what was happening around me, if the Coca Cola tasted good or not, I was freaking out.
I whispered to Guyver that I don't know what's happening and he offers to go outside with me. We walk outside and I start to get emotional. There is no other way to describe how I was feeling other than "I just didn't know anything".
For the first time in my life I felt completely vulnerable, tp the point that if someone wanted to come take everything I had there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. I was so lost in my own head. "Dude I just want to make sure you're having a good time, cause I am so lost brother."
" I am man for sure, are YOU okay though?" replied Guyver.
"Idk man, I literally don't know what is happening right now, are we supposed to be in that theatre? I bought these tickets right? Is this a funny movie or not? Etc." These are some of the questions I kept thinking to myself and I was losing it.
Then I just screamed "FUCK IT!" "Lets just go inside the theatre and I am just going to sit down until the lights come on dude, I am losing it okay? This whole thing is for you man, this is your birthday present and i just want to make sure you're having a good time man." I said with eyes full of tears.
"Okay brother let's do this" Guyver replies as he guides me inside and we both take out seats in the handicap chairs since no one is sitting in them. This made me significantly more comfortable knowing that there wasn't anyone behind us.
I am still feeling so lost and confused but I am gritting my teeth through it all. Eventually, a undeniably funny part of the movie came on and I was able to hear everyone in the theatre laughing. I felt like I could laugh too since everyone was doing it obviously so I laughed along. That is the point where I was able to calm down and enjoy the rest of the movie.
By the way, the new Star Wars is so fucking epic it's insane lol. The cinematography was so amazing and not to mention the Imax 3D that we were watching it in. Truly an experience of a lifetime that I will never forget.
After several moments of crying, being scared shitless of the new Star Wars villain, the movie came to an end.
Chapter 14: "Lets Get Back"
After the movie, me and Guyver were standing outside. I was trying to get this stupid fucking Lyft app to work but I was still tripping a little too hard to try bothering with it. So I just ordered another Uber.
While we are waiting for the Uber, me and Guyver are discussing all of the crazy events that have led up to this moment. How I was still definitely tripping and I just wanted to get back to the hotel now. Guyver agree'd and we waited on the Uber.
We finally get into the Uber and have a comfy, warm ride home back to NY NY. The ride was very humbling as the driver was speaking about how he has 3 kids and that Uber is such a blessing allowing him to work his own hours to get that extra couple hundred dollars a check to provide for his family. I began to tear up and had to look away. People's lives are so different from one another and I can always tell when someone is sincere. This man was exactly what I needed to witness to feel that overwhelming sense of appreciation again. It was wonderful. I said my goodbyes to the Uber driver and I started the walk back to the hotel.
If didn't take us nearly as long as it did previously to get back to the room, but it was still no easy feat.
Chapter 13: "Blunts and the Comedown"
We get back to our room, hotel door still moving slightly and making me giggle. I walk into that hotel room and have never felt so relieved in my life. I immediately take my clothes off and lay down in the bed. CEV's are still pretty present but I don't mind at all.
"Dude do we have any blunt wraps?" Guyver asks. "No dude we don't but we should."
"Ughhhhhh fuckkkkkk okay i'll go get one"
"We will go fucking get one" I say hesitantly.
We both get dressed AGAIN, plug in our headphones and start back out to find a blunt. We walked WAYYYYY too far in search of a blunt and the only thing we could find was these nasty ass chocolate Zig Zags. ( I fucking hate swishers and zig zags, white owls, etc.) But I said fuck it, we bought the wraps and headed back to the room.
We get back to the room, I break down the weed and start to try and roll up. Now I am not trying to toot my own horn... but I can roll the shit out of a blunt. But at the end of this trip in Las Vegas... I was defeated. I wasted both of the blunt wraps trying to roll up and we just ended up smoking out of my pipe till our throats hurt.
We smoked til we got tired and I had layed down again. I was just laying there, thinking about my life, about home, my dog, Ashley and all the wonderful things in my life that attribute to this happy state of mind I have finally reached.
Me and Guyver watch some of the videos we took throughout the trip and cannot stop laughing at how hard we were tripping on video. We eventually got tired at about 4:30 but didn't end up falling asleep til about 6 or so.
We woke up, went down to the buy one get one free breaksfast, which turned out to have a whole bunch of special rules and shit that was far too confusing for me to deal with still.
We ditch the buffet, check out and hit the road. We survived the night and lost not ONE item.
Mission Complete.
This was not revised in any way, I don't plan on going back and proof reading. This is my recollection of my night in Vegas with my best friend. I hope you enjoyed the read! Safe Travels!
-Yeee

south point casino las vegas buffet video

South Point Hotel and Casino: Buffet - See 6,253 traveler reviews, 1,654 candid photos, ... We hope this issue does not deter you from choosing the South Point for your future visit to Las Vegas, as it would be a pleasure to serve you. Have a great day! Sincerely, Hotel Operations . — South Point Hotel (@southpointlv) January 2, 2021. It also has a very reasonably-priced buffet that has recently completed some remodeling and refreshing. With just over 137,000 square feet of casino floor space, The South Point is, surprisingly, one of the ten biggest casinos in Las Vegas. Search Las Vegas South Point Hotel and Casino Buffet pricing, times and Reviews. Post your own Las Vegas Buffet review. Las Vegas Buffet Guide .com Search Las Vegas buffets and all you can eat locations with tips, pricing and times on and off the Las Vegas Strip. Get my Las Vegas Secret Travel Guide and save time and money on ... History. The South Point Hotel and Casino is located in Las Vegas Boulevard in Enterprise, Nevada. Michael Gaughan currently owns and operates the hotel and casino complex, which started under the South Coast name in 2005. South Point Hotel, Casino & Spa is a resort located in the heart of the premiere southwest Las Vegas valley, just minutes away from the famous Las Vegas Strip. Some of our many amenities include a 16-screen Century Theatre movie complex, 64-lane bowling center and a variety of 11 restaurants that cater to all appetites and tastes. 9777 Las Vegas Blvd S South Point Hotel, Casino & Spa, Las Vegas, NV 89183-4013 +1 702-796-7111 Website Menu Open now : 11:00 AM - 8:00 PM All photos (182) Garden Buffet - Staff Served Top Buffet In Las Vegas. With a colorful design and a bright, welcoming atmosphere, South Point’s Garden Buffet Las Vegas is now staff served for your safety. The restaurant offers a wide array of selections for unbeatable prices. Find South Point Casino restaurants in the South Las Vegas area and other . Make restaurant reservations and read reviews. Garden Buffet is located inside of SouthPoint Casino as you come into Las Vegas on I-15. ... The buffet at South Point is fairly cheap for dinner it was $18.99 with players card with tax $20.50. The way they have it, not all tables to sit are open its pretty spaced out that's the positive. The only buffet open on the Las Vegas Strip temporarily closes in January. Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas closes on January 10 after a seven-month run at the resort. “Effective ...