Sure, there are plenty of posts from people who applied to a job and got an offer 30 seconds later. Good for them. But if you're on this sub, you're probably running into more difficulty. I did. Job hunting these days is inherently pretty hard, but there are plenty of things I did wrong during my job hunt that could have saved me time and trouble. I'm a 35 year old in product marketing in the bay area, so this advice may or may not apply to you.
Most of this advice is not new, you may have seen it elsewhere. Well, HEED MY WORDS! You should take that advice.
Here are my don'ts of job hunting:
e: Here's the real #1 piece of advice because someone brought it up in the comments: Don't Not Have A Network. The main reason I had such a hard time was I moved to a new city where I didn't have a professional relationship with ANYONE. I think if you're applying without a friend on the inside, it reduces your odds by 80-90%, based on random factoids we've all seen that say 80% of jobs are never posted publicly.
I went to networking events and coffee meetups and blah blah blah, but COVID put a stop to that before I could make much progress. The biggest piece of advice (by far) is just to have a friend who can get you a job. But if you're reading this, you would have done that already if you could have.
Don't try to get by without doing the standard "best practice" stuff.
I spent a while thinking I could get away without making a customized resume for different jobs. I also thought I would probably have the right keywords naturally, and that I didn't have to worry about that either. WRONG. I wasted many weeks submitting poorly optimized resumes and getting few interviews.
What you should do is have at least one version of your resume customized for each job title you're applying to. That means if you're applying for Sr. Widget Fiddler and Director of Widget Fiddling, you need 2 versions.
Keyword optimize each resume version by copy-pasting 50+ job descriptions for that job's title into a tool like Voyant Tools, which will spit out all the most common words and phrases. Find the most frequent ones that seem important and relevant, and work them into your resume, even if it seems weird to refer to yourself as a "team player" or "entrepreneurial".
Don't be bad at interviewing, not even a little bit bad.
Being a good interviewee is a skill. Most of us aren't born with that skill, and most of us are rusty when it comes time to look for a job. I knew I wasn't great at interviewing, but I really didn't want to go through awkward practice interviews with friends, so I told myself people would understand why I was all nervous, and realize I was still super talented and experienced despite my 'rough edges'. WRONG. I blew it on a lot of interviews before admitting that I had to practice, a lot. I did a bunch of practice interviews, got feedback, and I even talked to an interview coach. The latter was expensive, but I think the dose of outside perspective really helped. YMMV.
I practiced enough that I started getting to final rounds instead of washing out in the first couple rounds. It made a huge difference. Practice.
Don't wing it during the interview.
For 'behavioral' questions (i.e. "tell me about a time when..." questions) everyone says you need to have multiple answers memorized for every major category of question. Ugh! So much work. Greatest weakness. Success story. Failure story. Conflict story. Collaboration story. YAWN. I thought I could come up with good answers on the spot. It's "supposed to be a conversation", right? WRONG. I blew it on a couple interviews before realizing I was coming across as both unprepared AND inexperienced.
Sit down and work out your bullet points for every answer, BEFORE you land an interview. Pain in the butt? Yes. But not as big a pain as getting an interview, blowing it, then ending up doing the work anyway.
Don't apply to old job listings.
If it's still up, they're still hiring, right? WRONG. I have found that job listings are good for about as long as fresh bread. You mostly want to apply the day they're posted, 2-3 days is OK, 5 days is pushing it, beyond that, it's literal trash. I started out applying to anything relevant that was less than a month old, and my app-to-interview yield was around 1%. Started applying to new listings exclusively, and my yield went to more like 3%. YMMV.
Don't apply to listings that aren't on the employer's own site.
It's become disturbingly common for 3rd-party sites to steal and re-post job listings they have nothing to do with. You click on a link on LinkedIn or Indeed, and you end up on Neuvoo or some random BS. Don't submit any of your info on those sites. Very often the jobs are expired already, but these 3rd-party scammers are still re-posting them to steal your info. Even if they're not expired, there's no reason to think they actually send your application to the employer.
If you land somewhere unexpected, go to the employer's actual careers section on their site and find the listing yourself. Otherwise you're just giving your info to someone to sell, and the employer probably never sees it. Please report these listings as you go.
Don't be too picky with job titles.
Unless your resume precisely "fits the profile" employers are looking for, you're going to have to apply a lot. I had to apply a lot. At first, I was exclusively applying to one title, because although I didn't "fit the profile" I didn't want to compromise. I ended up getting a really solid job with a different title, after I loosened my criteria JUST a tad.
Have a serious talk with yourself about how many months you're willing to apply before broadening your search, and don't talk yourself out of good jobs because they have the "wrong" title.
Don't be too loose with companies you apply to.
At a couple points in the process, I ended up with interviews at companies that I seriously didn't want to work for. I was playing the numbers game and I would apply to anything with the right title, even if I hadn't heard of the company. I figured if I got an interview, I would worry about the company later.
Difficulty: If you are on unemployment, this can lead to a sticky situation - if you turn down an offer, you legally can't collect unemployment anymore in many places. It's also pretty hard to justify to yourself turning down ANY interview if you actually need the money.
Have a loose idea of who the company is before applying, to avoid those awkward moments.
Don't stop applying until the ink is dry on your offer letter.
My advice is to apply to every suitable listing as soon as it's posted, which could be as many as 10-30 per day depending on your field and geography. If things are going well, you'll also have interviews going on during any given week, which also put heavy demands on your mental energy and prep time.
It is tempting to stop applying for jobs if you are doing multiple interviews and they seem to be going well. You need the time, and one of them has to work out, right? WRONG. It happened to me multiple times - I'd get further along in an interview process, I'd be focusing on prep, and I'd let my application routine slip. Bad idea. If your application pipeline runs dry, it can be another 2-6 weeks before the interviews start flowing again. ABA - always be applying.
Don't get your hopes up. (maybe the most important tip.)
Your mental resilience to rejection and your self-regard are finite resources. They are resources you need to conserve to maintain your overall mental health and good job-hunting habits. Job hunting can burn through these resources like Joe Exotic through a bag of meth. Don't be like me and get emotionally invested in any given job before you get an offer. Don't start picking out all the stuff you're going to buy with the new salary. Don't start thinking of what doors are going to open up for you with this step in your career. Don't mentally pick out outfits for your new commute. Just don't.
I consider myself a mentally tough person, so I should be able to handle the repeated rejection, right? WRONG. If you allow yourself to start caring about a job before you GET the job, you WILL be crushed to bits. Maybe not the first time, but after the 5th, or the 10th, it becomes hard to take.
To some of the newer job hunters I've seen on this sub: Caring about a job from the day you APPLY? Sheer lunacy. You shouldn't even remember where you applied by the time you go to bed that day.
Keep in mind: It's a numbers game. It's not personal. You WILL get the right job eventually, if you keep going. You have to maintain faith in yourself, but hold no hope for any particular job.
In emotional terms, treat it less like a poker game, (where any hand can be a big deal) more like a slot machine (where you care zero until you finally win). No matter how tough you think you are, take care to maintain your mental state, especially during COVID where so many aspects of life are also wearing down our mental health.
Don't be afraid to be a try-hard.
The role I finally got was based largely on a "take home project" used to demonstrate my working style. It was paid, also really long, the minimum suggested time was 10 hours. Usually I put 70% effort into trial projects, because I don't want to bust my ass for a throwaway, and I don't want to look desperate. My thinking is "Well, we're all professionals, so as long as I mention a few of the right things, they'll know we're on the same level, right?" WRONG.
On this one, I decided to go HAM on the project. All or nothing. I ended up putting over 20 hours into it, (the max time they suggested was 20) and came up with a total overkill amount of material, it was probably 20 pages worth, if not more. To give some idea, I spent like 4 hours just doing addressable market sizing, which everyone including me acknowledges is fairly pointless.
Part of the project was also to see how we communicate about our work - they put me on their company slack, so I logged onto it pretty much every day to update them on my progress. It was firmly in try-hard weirdo territory. But it worked!
So I guess my lesson from this is, if you're going to bother with these projects, be the one who turns in the blue ribbon material.
NB: Be aware of "free work" scams where they try to get you to do the actual job without hiring you for the job. If it's pertinent to the actual job and it's more than an hour or two of work, it should be paid. Unpaid trial projects that don't relate to the actual business are OK, but you'll have to decide for yourself how much time you're willing to put in for free.
Don't assume ***anything*** until it's final.
In 3 instances, I got much further than I expected in a hiring process, and in one I was blindsided by a rejection where I thought I was a shoo-in. #1, they interviewed me for the role (up to the final round) even though the job called for an actual engineer and I have zero engineering experience.
In #2, I blew an interview and got rejected. I knew exactly how I blew it, I got the yips and did poorly. So I sent an email reply explaining what I SHOULD have said, and that I really believed in the company's mission, and that I realize I was a poor interviewee, but I was working on it - they actually gave me another shot and I made it to the final round.
In the last unexpected twist story, they actually scheduled a final interview, then CANCELLED IT. I have been rejected for about a million jobs, but I've never been cancelled on. They said that instead of an interview, they would just review my trial project. I couldn't imagine cancelling an interview with someone you intend to hire, so I assumed this 'review' was just a consolation prize and the job was going to someone else. On the day the cancelled interview was meant to take place, they offered me the job. Huh???? Later that day I rode to heck on a flying pig and bought a snowcone there. But I also got a job.
On the other side of things, I was told directly I was the top candidate for a role, the only one who was really qualified, but because of COVID they were putting the role on hold. OK cool, I figured I was a shoo-in once they actually hired for it. Well, they re-listed the job about 45 days later. They didn't reach out to me. I messaged them. They told me I wasn't even going to get a phone screen for it. WTF? They lied to my face for no reason whatsoever? Yep. They did.
The lesson: Do not assume anything! ANYTHING!

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Rhythm and music have probably been a part of my life since I learned how to walk. My mom and dad were both involved in the jazz scene, her as a dancer and him as a trumpet player, so I guess you could say I was meant to dance.
When I met Seth it was the same way. His upbringing wasn’t as happy as mine though, his family always had to move due to financial constraints but we kept in touch over the years. Especially when it came to dance competitions.
It was at one of these that our lives changed forever. We met the Guiding Death.
I’m not one to believe in arcane powers or spirits but that was the only way I could describe it properly.
We had just left a competition in south London, headed for an after party when we saw this thing. Seth was half drunk and shouted in alarm. I kept my composure. I didn’t know what the hag wanted, but I had to protect my friend.
“Your feet are mighty fancy, ain’t they?” he said with a widening grin. His face looked like it was a twisted jack o lantern that was about to spoil. Half of him seemed constantly shrouded in shadows.
“What do you want with us?” I asked bravely.
I knew this was no ordinary beggar. But he didn’t strike me as a danger or a threat. Just unsettling as his crippled fingers reached toward Seth.
“You are a cursed one. A token to be taken. Like me, one day your days will be up. Your game over.”
I kept Seth behind me.
“You don’t know anything about us,” I warned.
“I know you’ve been chosen and therefore it doesn’t matter what fates may say. The death I have spoken will be your path. So enjoy the time you still have. Dance til you die!” the hag cackled as he ran into the night.
We both didn’t know what to make of that bizarre prophecy. A token? Was Seth supposed to be some supernatural chess piece?
It seemed like a bad dream and we tried to not focus on it.
But try as hard as we could, the Guiding Death’s warning was true. We couldn’t escape fate even if we tried.
This is how it started.
Seth struggled a lot with his sexuality, his parents strict Roman Orthodox wouldn’t have it if they knew their son was interested in ballet. In fact it got so bad that during senior year they actually sent him to conversion therapy. When I heard about it I begged my dad to let him come stay with us, just til he was well. He didn’t hesitate.
“I can’t believe the audacity of some people,” he said as we drove to the ward where Seth was staying.
I could tell the moment I saw him that they had tried radical treatments. He was a shell of his former self. He hardly talked or ate. My dad was furious. He wanted to file charges.
“You can’t. His parents don’t even know Seth is here!” I said.
I remember that got me a good tongue lashing for tricking my dad. I knew it could get him in trouble for helping Seth out, but I didn’t care. This was my best friend. And he needed to heal.
That didn’t come easy though. For days Seth kept to himself, hardly even bathing or drinking. He was a walking corpse. His eyes sunken in. His body shaking and convulsing. I knew they had performed shock therapy on him, amongst other radical treatments. As though it could “cure” him of some affliction.
And nothing we did was bringing him back. It felt like the curse the demon had given us was coming true.
Then one day I had an idea to grab my old Walkman and turned on some Billie Eilish on the local pop station. It was one of the newer songs playing and I turned it up as loud as possible and grabbed Seth by the hand to dance.
At first he hesitated and was as stiff as a board. Then he slowly moved his feet. He was getting back into the rhythm.
In a few short minutes my friend was back alive. The music saved his soul I think.
After that he still had his struggles, but dancing was what helped him be able to cope. We got good at it too. Like really good.
So good in fact my parents had us get into a few tournaments in the local city. It really emboldened Seth to open up and try new things.
It didn’t last forever though. One tournament we accidentally found out that his parents were there in attendance. Somehow they had found out he was performing, and they came to set him straight.
“You aren’t supposed to live this way,” his dad declared.
For the first time in his life, I saw Seth defend himself. “How would you know? You don’t even know me!”
“I know that you’re making a fool of yourself!”
“Just because you’re stuck in the past doesn’t mean we all gotta be!” I snapped.
“Stay out of this! It’s because of you my son is like this!”
I was at a loss for words. But my dad overheard the conversation and he knew what to do.
A fight ensued.Blood was spilled. The two men were both charged with disturbing the peace and hauled off.
When we got to the precinct I found out that the bail was probably more than my dad made in 3 months time. Meanwhile Seth’s dad got out in a single night.
“Son. Just come home. We can make this right,” he insisted. But my friend stayed strong. Despite all that he had gone through, he was finally able to recover. It was thanks to us. To his inner resolve. Our belief in him. No curse was going to stop him.
“If you think that changing who I am will make me happy, then you never knew me at all,” he declared.
We never saw his parents again. But now we were faced with a new problem. My father locked up for the assault charges.
“This is my fault, Raul,” Seth said as we made our way home amid the dusty and foggy streets.
“We’ll figure out something. There’s got to be a way we can earn the money,” I told him. At the time I didn’t have a clue how.
But then like a miracle amid the twilight gloom we saw it. A single lamppost flickered to life and the glistening poster stood out like a beacon in the mist.
This is what it said.
CORPUS ARCADE HOSTING DANCE COMPETITION THIS UPCOMING SATURDAY. COME ONE, COME ALL. DANCE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!
there were comical styles of death and skulls drawn all around the edges like it was designed to be a haunted house themed party plaza, but the part that interested me the most was the bottom. The reward money was double what we needed.
The only thing that disturbed me was the artistic drawing on the side. It reminded me of the weird demon we had met almost a year ago. A gentle voice in the back of my head was warning me, the arcade might be dangerous.
I wish I had listened. Because instead I was pushing forward and straight into this trap.
“This could be it!” I said showing Seth the poster.
“What? A dance contest? You can’t be serious,” he said nervously.
“What’s the hesitation? We know we got the skill!”
“Yeah but… this doesn’t seem like our scene. Something feels off.”
He could feel it too.
And yet I reassured him it would be fine, but I gotta admit that weekend when we made it to the Corpus Arcade I had some misgivings again. That nagging chilling feeling of dread that comes up your spine as you know you are somewhere you aren’t supposed to be.
Finding it was hard enough. It was in the underbelly of the downtown area, a place riddled with crime. And I knew that as two gay men from middle class we would be easy pickings for thugs and lowlifes.
When we did locate the building it looked like a half destroyed western saloon on the outside, smooshed between two buildings. Not the typical fancy arcade that I was imagining, especially since they were offering so much prize money.
The inside was a different story though. Once inside the double sided skull painted doors, we were in a gaming wonderland. The sound of slots and loud techno music filled the air. I saw girls dressed in gothic skirts and skull masks on roller skates serving drinks and kids of all ages running about the blood red carpet floor like wild. It definitely had the air of mystery about it.
One of the employees, a girl named Jess introduced us and laid out a few simple rules about how to get tokens and such. I could smell burnt pizza and grease in the air. It was appealing and overwhelming.
“We’re here for the dance contest!” I said.
That changed her tune quickly and she nodded, guiding us toward a curtain in the back. This room was darker, more subtly lit by candles and what looked like glow in the dark Halloween beads. There were fewer people back here and Jess immediately explained why.
“Some of our games here at Corpus aren’t for the feignt of heart. If you got an invite to the dance contest it must be because Sr Arthur seemed you worthy,” she said gesturing toward a the massive game machine that took up a large portion of the floor. It had 14 large glowing panels on it, each a shade of either blue, yellow or red and then twin dragon statues rising up on the sides to mesh together over the view screen where the animatronic display was.
“Is Arthur the owner here?” Seth guessed. “Unofficially,” Jess said with a smirk as she left to go tend to other guests.
Meanwhile I was already putting tokens in to give the dance game a try.
“What are you doing?” Seth asked.
“Just a practice run before the competition starts,” I told him.
The screen lit up and in front of me a computer animated dancing skeleton appeared.
“Welcome Player One! Get ready to Dance. With. Death!”
The music started to play and I watched as the skeleton made a few moves. It was just like a more advanced version of Simon Says.
I followed the pattern and slowly the pattern became faster. The music grew louder. Around me I saw that some of the other patrons were noticing. We were drawing a crowd. Finally, I messed up and the game announced my final score.
“You’ve made it on the board!” Seth said pointing to another screen that showed who’s scores we would have to beat in order to win.
“Huh. That’s strange,” I commented noticing that the two highest scores were just a bunch of gibberish with a score of 333 each.
“You two here for the dance?” a voice said to my side. I turned and nearly jumped out of my skin to see a tall lanky man wearing a devil’s costume standing there. Or at least I thought it was a costume.
“Yes. We need to win,” Seth said.
“Well. The contest is about to begin, but be warned. This isn’t like a typical tournament. You will find your body and soul pushed to the limit,” the devil said. I wondered if he was paid to frighten the contestants. But we just brushed it off and we went ahead and put in the tokens.
This time two skeletons were on screen. Interestingly I was sure they actually resembled our real body frames. Then the announcement chimed to tell us it was time to begin.
“Do you want left or right?” I asked Seth. He shrugged and took the left. The patrons in the shady were gathered to watch. Something in the way they were fascinated by the rhythm and music isturbed me but I couldn’t put a finger on it.
Then it was time to begin.
Tap tap tap
Tick tick tock Tic tic tic tic tick tic tock tick tick
Slowly it built up. The pattern was becoming harder to match. But our score was rising fast.

“we only need to go a little further,” I told my partner as the music built tempo. We were sweating. The entire room seemed to spin. I know this sounds crazy but it didn’t even feel like we were in that same room anymore. The colors blurred. All that mattered was the dancing.

Tap tap tap tap Taptaptaptaptaptaptap Tic tic Tic toc tic
321
“Shit we can do it! We’re gonna win!”
334 for me!”
Then I realized the score wasn’t going up anymore.
“Shit is it broken?” I asked.
Seth was still dancing but the machine wasn’t moving. Even the skeletons were frozen.
The patrons were starting to laugh.
“Well fuck, whatever we won fair and square!” I said as I tried to get off the platform. But suddenly my body felt jolted back.
My feet were still moving.
“What the-“
For Seth it was the same. Suddenly we were moving our bodies but I didn’t feel in control. The skeletons on the other side of the screen were just watching us dance now.
“What the hell is this??” I asked.
My feet were sore. My body felt like it was going to collapse. But we kept dancing. The blur of the room got stronger. The patrons' faces all seems to blur together.
How had we even gotten here? I couldn’t remember.
I can’t remember.
Seth screamed as he tried to stop it again. His hands and ankles were bruised and bloody. But we still kept going. Moving as marionette dolls on the dance floor. The lights got stronger. The room flashed in and out of reality.
Were we in the arcade? In hell itself? The patrons looked like demons now. Their faces are gone and devoid of life. Then I saw the score board. I saw our names being screwed on the screen with an invisible hand. In blood we were now the winners.
The winners of what? My body writhed with pain. It wouldn’t stop. It couldn’t.
I saw Seth desperately try and break his bones. But even that wouldn’t stop The madness. His body was contorted and twisted by the unseen force. I watched as he fought it but to no avail.
His skin slowly peeled off his body, taken and meshed into the screen in front of us until only his bones remained. Then at last when it was done, those scattered to the floor and the music stopped. I collapsed, unable to think or move or even breathe.
The devil that had warned us of the danger stood over me and gave me a hand.
“Your prize money is at the front. Be well my friend for you were lucky to have not traveled alone here.”
I looked toward the dark screen where I could still see Seth’s corpse now trapped inside. He had given up, wanting to die. Just as the machine had intended. It drew us there, knowing what we could give it.
I took the money and ran. I got my dad out of prison and told him the whole story.
But we never could find the arcade again to try and press charges.
All I know now is that I continue to wander these same streets, my broken body hardly able to stand at all let alone move to any beat. And I search for another flyer to the Corpus Arcade.
Yes I plan to go back. I plan to save Seth if I can.
How you may ask?
That is perhaps the simplest plan of all.
A simple invitation will do, to his father of all people. To have him be there to think he is going to sway his son to come home.
But what he doesn’t know is the lesson I’ve learned the hard way.
When you dance with death, you must have a suitable partner.
330
TCA

Part 2 is finally here! I'm very sorry it took this long to get out but I had a lot of things happen during the past few months but things are back to normal and part 3 will be out much quicker than this took I imagine. Enjoy! Introduction Season One
3 Best Duels- Joey Vs. Weevil: Weevil went from bad to worse in terms of character, going so far as to cheat to win in Battle City, but this time around he's facing Joey instead of Yami and it's a much better duel this time around, Weevil's insect lockdown strategy is quite smart for the early anime and watching Joey try to overcome it was a special treat. seeing Weevil actually summon his Ultimate Great Moth this time only for Joey to defeat it before Weevil reveals that it had nothing to do with how he plans to win the duel was great as well. The only fault I could give this duel is how Joey wins since Gearfried doesn't work that way but it's a very small complaint in what's otherwise a great duel.
Joey Vs. Mako: Another Duelist from one of my Worst parts of the season one retrospective, they really turned these characters around huh? This time around with Mako playing a lot more by the rules and having more interesting cards and strategies plays a big part in this duel being entertaining. The Umi/Tornado Wall strategy is one I've used myself before so it's cool to see that here. The character moments here are great as well, Joey and Mako relating to each other and Joey even reinvigorating Mako's will to duel after Legendary Fisherman is destroyed is a really nice moment and shows that you can even respect your enemies. The one fault I can give is the backstory of how Mako got Legendary Fisherman, in the dub he assumes it's from his father as a sign that he's still alive, but if he's dead how did he send him a card? Overall though, a very solid duel and a great way to solidify Joey as a duelist worthy of the Battle City Finals.
Joey Vs. Odion: This duel surprised me in the best way, I used to remember this duel as nothing special but I was wrong. Odion's convictions to follow Marik not because what he thinks his actions are justified but because he's his brother and he'll do anything for him, kind of like a certain other Brooklyn duelist we know hmmmmmm? Odion and Joey go very back and forth in this duel and I love it, the early lead and strategy by Joey before Odion takes control with the introduction of Trap Monsters to Joey coming back around with Jinzo and Odion closing things out with Mystical Beast of Serket. All of this duel's great moments culminate in Joey calling out Odion's disguise as Marik, leading him to be forced to summon the Winged Dragon of Ra with a counterfeit card Marik gave him, the moment where Odion says "I'm sorry I failed you Master Marik." And is struck in the head by Ra's lightning as the music swells is a moment in the series I won't soon forget.
3 Worst Duels- Yami vs Seeker: Yeah so in case nobody knew this guys name was Seeker in Legacy of the Duelist so that's what I'll be calling him, for those who don't know this is the guy who has 3 copies of every Exodia card stuffed in his deck and took Joey's Red-Eyes. This duel to me just boiled down to one thing, boring, Seeker is a boring character with a boring deck, all his strategies are just related to sitting there and drawing cards for as long as he possibly can while stalling his opponent out, he's even cheating to see what card he'll draw next to no real avail, it doesn't help him accomplish anything in the end. I won't harp any more on this duel for reasons you'll see later but needless to say the first duel in Battle City was a weak one.
Yami Vs. Arkana: Yami's second duel in the Battle City tournament is definitely a lot better than the first there's no doubt, and the introduction of the Dark Magician Girl is a classic moment, but Arkana is such a dumb character that having to hear him go on and on about "HAHAHA MY DARK MAGICIAN IS BETTER THAN YOUR'S BECAUSE MINE IS GREEN AND I'M CHEATING!" Gets really grating after the first 5 minutes, he didn't feel like a real rival to Yami's Dark Magician because he's some random dude who just happens to use a Dark Magician fighting the main character, there aren't any stakes, not to even begin to mention the "Dark Energy Discs."
Yami Vs. Strings: Noticing a pattern? Yeah basically all of Yami's Battle City qualifying duels blow. This duel may as well just be Yami Vs. Marik except Marik is standing in an alleyway so we can't see his face, Strings isnt a character, flat out he's the most puppet-y puppet that ever existed. But my real problem with this duel, and what put it above any others that could've made this list, is how basically every single card Strings plays throughout the duel doesn't work that way in real life, I know it was a manga first I get that, but when you've been playing the game since the anime first aired it's really annoying to see this sort of thing run so rampantly after we had seen so many rule abiding duels up until this point. Overall a terrible character with low stakes makes this duel nothing more than an excuse to give Yami Slifer the Sky Dragon so he's on equal footing with Marik and Kaiba.
3 Best Characters- Odion: Odion surprised me like I mentioned before, his sad backstory combined with his intimidating dueling style make him an interesting character for somebody who was just supposed to be Marik's number two. His desire for a family and his willingness to do anything for Marik in spite of his actions tugs at my heartstrings more than most characters do. Odion honestly stole the show for me during the first round of the Battle City Finals from the moment he started dueling to the moment he was struck by lightning, I won't go on anymore since I already gushed about Odion in the best duels section.
Mai: Honestly this was the slot that I struggled with for best character, the others were no-brainers for me but I wasn't sure who deserved this spot, but after her very impressive duel against Marik I decided she earned her spot here. Mai's character arc from Season one comes to a close here, she finally has the friends she wanted and she shows up just in time to be a Battle City finalist, only for Joey to have a really weird moment of "Oh God I don't want Mai to think that she's my friend, that would suck so I should lie to her." And shun her, she then starts to go back to her old lonely self in her duel with Marik. Forgetting her friends one-by-one during the Shadow Game against Marik she starts to feel even more alone until Yami reminds her that Marik is lying and she isn't alone, Mai then turns around and proceeds to duel circles around Marik almost always having the upper hand, culminating in stealing his prized card from him, the Winged Dragon of Ra. Yami had defeated an Egyptian God before but Mai said "That sounds too difficult I'll just take it and use it against you instead." If it wasn't for some stupid nonsense involving Ra and the way it works she would've (and in my opinion should've) won her duel against Marik.
Joey: Joey F***in Wheeler, my goodness what a duelist. Every single duel Joey has in Season two is amazing, he even starts off slow not knowing Kaiba's new rules and losing his Red-Eyes, but thanks to support from his sister and friends he keeps grinding and gets better and better every time. I also have to give a shout out to Joey's new cards during this season, I mean Panther Warrior, Jinzo, Little Winguard, Rocket Warrior, the dice cards, I could go on but I won't, I love these cards, some of the more memorable early yugioh monsters to me are in Joey's deck. Joey really solidified himself in my mind as a great character and a great duelist during this season, and knowing what comes in his future bums me out a little bit.
3 Worst Characters- Rare Hunters: I'm kind of cheating here by making this a group entry, but this spot includes: Seeker, Arkana, Strings, and Lumis and Umbra. These guys are all really shitty characters and they provide no real threat in my eyes because of their obvious background character status, none of their motivations go beyond "Gotta do bad stuff for good cards!" Except Arkana..... BECAUSE HES WORSE! This dude saw a mannequin behind a curtain and said "Yep that's definitely my wife, guess I better kill the Pharoah so I can be with her again."
Ishizu: Ishizu is an important character with a minor character personality, her place in Marik's backstory as well is just that it's all her fault for taking him outside their tomb, her deck isnt interesting, her dialogue isnt interesting, and she has no strong feelings towards anything one way or the other.
Marik: Marik spent all season taunting Yami from the safety of his mind controlled goons only to show up and be kind of underwhelming in my opinion. Pegasus had charm and spectacle as well as an interesting gimmick in the millennium eye allowing him to see his opponents hand at all times and his toon cards were fun, but Marik just has a bunch of random friends with the Eye of Wdjat stamped on their faces, the millenium rod also doesn't seem to do much in duels besides mind control and create shadow games. Marik's backstory also doesn't make a lot of sense, no kid goes from a bubbly happy child to evil alter ego who wants to destroy all life as we know it that quickly, I know there were signs of his alter ego showing up before hand but it's all a little stupid and I'm pretty sure that's not how any of it works. Also I know it's weird to criticize Marik and his sister but praise Odion but I'm prepared for backlash, it's my retrospective at the end of the day.
3 Best Moments- Beating Slifer: I realize it seems weird to have a best moment come from a worst duel but that's how I like to do things I guess. Yami creating an infinite loop using Strings' own broken cards against him was a jaw dropping moment even for somebody who's seen it before, Marik's reaction as his combo falls apart and Strings' deck gets smaller and smaller is priceless.
Roulette Spider: "IF JINZO HITS MY REFLECT BOUNDER ITS ALL OVER FOR ME!" Need I say more? I do? Okay fine, this moment really felt like a "Joey moment" to me, leaving everything up to luck but in a cool way, and when Espa called him crazy and he was like "yeah I guess so" was great and showed just how confident Joey had become in his dueling skills
Testing out Obelisk: I felt Kaiba didn't do a lot this season but one thing I enjoyed was watching him running around curb stomping people and breaking his computers by testing the power of Obelisk.
3 Worst Moments- The Millenium Necklace: May as well call this the Millenium Exposition Machine, because that's almost all it's used for, and even then the information it gives out is more often than not incorrect, so that's always fun, I mean who shows up to an official tournament and cheats the entire time and then acts like they're so skilled? (Hint: it's Ishizu)
The Winged Dragon of Ra: So again I'd like to state that I'm aware that the anime and manga are different from the real life card game but Ra is in a whole other league on it's own. Let's break it down: 1. Ra cannot be summoned properly without saying the incantation written on the card in ancient Egyptian, which doesn't make sense because pegasus made these cards so why would he put such a weird requirement on only this card? 2. Ra has effects that aren't even written on the card according to Kaiba and Evil Marik, which, just, what????????? I could go on about how horseshit Ra is and why it ruins basically every duel it's in but I don't want to waste more of my time writing about it.
Serenity: Okay so hear me out on this one, what this entry refers to is how much screentime is dedicated to Serenity, especially during duels with Joey, they try and develop her as a character during these segments but shes as one dimensional as they come, shes boring and serves as nothing more than character motivation for Joey. So basically this entry is a group entry like the rare hunters but it's all the time we spend with Serenity.
Favorite Deck- Destiny Board: So I'm sure you'll find out the hard way in the Season five section of the Retrospective but I like Bakura a lot, he's hot, he's threatening, he's well voiced, and to top it all off, I really like his decks, and this one is my favorite. Dark Necrofear is a very cool card combined with the Dark Sanctuary field spell and all its unsettling eyes, and the cherry on top of the cake is Destiny Board itself, my favorite alternate win condition in the game. I can't really describe that well why I like this deck so much, maybe its nostalgia, maybe its aesthetic, I have no idea.
Least Favorite Deck: Exodia deck: I tore into Seeker and his Exodia deck in his duel section so I won't go into it too much here but in short: stall decks suck.
Overall Impressions- Season two I'm sure is many people's favorite season of the original Duel Monsters series and it holds up remarkably well in parts, I'd say it's not as consistant throughout as duelist kingdom was but overall Battle City is a massive improvement in almost every area

hello, it's been four months since part three, sorry, i was in the bathroom, very long read ahead, should be long enough to last until the quarantine ends in about five years
part one
part two
part three
this part will feature fewer details and screenshots, since I did not take any screenshots along the way, I'm taking every screenshot right now in 2029, so yeah.
Summary:
I'm rolling over everyone with the apparently insanely broken narrow 442 I came up with when I decided to play with Atalanta a few months ago. (Personal instructions, both CMs on stay wider to make space for the regista, and both strikers with shoot more often and that's it) And when I say I roll everyone ever I truly mean it, winning every single league title ever since taking charge of the club in 2019, shattering every single record, but ultimately often falling short in Europe, because my players are pussies and it's not at all my shortcomings as a coach who never changes anything about his tactic ever.
2022/2023
This is a trip down memory lane for me, since i stopped around 2025 and took a 3 month break from the save.
Transfers out: Apart from the sad departure of old dog Papu Gomez for SPAL, leaving the armband to my (not-so) secret favourite Timothy Castagne, not much going on in the summer of 2022 in terms of departures, backup RB nissan qashai kristensen and youngster who didn't fit the system Amad Traoré leaving, netting me a little over 70 million, which were put to good use, as you will see later. In the winter, Manchester City came in with a 128 million bid for Milenkovic, and as much as I like the guy, you don't say no to that kind of money for a defender.
Transfers in: Okay fine I lost it and I bought Sergej alright shoot me, he's just too damn good, and he was surprisingly cheap. In other news, I brought in Pablo Maffeo to back up Timothy, and Weston McKennie, as well as Jordan Henderson to will the BWM shaped hole that De Roon left as he packed his bags and left for China.
The Season: Not quite the 100+ points hauls of the previous seasons, but still a very comfortable league win. In terms of top scorers, Ilicic only managed four league goals, having his importance in the lineup gradually decreasing due to his rapidly declining physical attributes, Zapata, getting up there in age too, scored only 12 league goals, and so this would mark this season as the breakthrough season for the golden boy, Sebastiano Esposito, playing all 38 games, and scoring 29 goals, grabbing himself his first of several capocannoniere awards. Fullbacks Castagne and Robertson continuing to run the show, 3 goals/7 assists for the former, 6/8 for the latter, sharing 7 man of the match awards in between them.
In the champions league, we easily toppled our group with Man City, Fenerbahce, and Celtic, got past Barcelona in the round of 16, coming back from a 2-0 deficit in the camp nou to salvage a 2-2 draw in the first leg, then in the second leg, going behind twice, and coming back twice to make it 2-2 at home, which meant extra time, in which Robin Gosens scored the eventual winner in the 116th minute, clutch. The next round saw us draw Porto, a supposedly much easier opponent, and yet we suffered the same fate in the first leg, going 2-0 down at the Dragão! Thankfully the boys pulled it back one more time, even finishing with 10 men. The return leg proved to be a return to the norm, and we cruised through towards the semifinal thanks to a 3-0 win and an SMS hattrick. PSG awaited in the semifinals. The first leg, away again, saw us narrowly lose out despite being the dominant team, to a single Lukaku goal. Nothing insurmountable, but unfortunately this time the pressure got to my boys, and the return leg did not save us. Conceding a late first half goal from Mbappé, the team found themselves needing three goals in order to advance, and only one of those would come, in the dying seconds of the game, from Zapata. Coming short in our first deep run in the competition, that would surely not be our last.
Oh and there's the italian cup which i don't give a shit about, so i lost in the semifinals to Roma, but I beat them in the supercup final so yay!
Our team of the season
2023/2024
Transfers out: Riccardi being underwhelming was very welcome to leave for Manchester united, where he still is to this day, earning 425 000 euros a week, despite only playing 70 games in 6 seasons and rotting on the bench. Mckennie ended up sucking dick, so I got rid, Varnier was a backup centreback, and I had a very good one coming up from the youth ranks, who you'll see later. Got rid of loyal soldier Gosens in the winter for a hefty fee, since he wanted to go back to the motherland.
Transfers in Boy oh boy did I want a striker replacement for the ageing Zapata and Ilicic, and boy did I get one. I scouted Vaassen when he was 19 at Dortmund and immediately thought to myself, yep, it's the guy. Unfortunately, the screenshot I'm going to provide is from now, at 24 years old, but he was already world class at 19, trust me: The beast
Also I signed a backup GK, LB and got sideshow bob on loan.
The Season Our actual worst season in terms of performances, lowest points tally, but still cruising to a comfortable 5th Serie A title in a row. Zapata, now fully transitioned into a backup role, featuring in 37 games but only starting two, scored seven goals in the league, Esposito, with all the expectations in the world on his shoulders, disappointed wildly with only 13 league goals despite playing every game except one. Ilicic, in what would ultimately be his final season, bowed out in style, starting out the season as a backup, but eventually regaining his spot, scoring 7 and assisting 10 league goals at the age of 36! At the end of the day, it's the new sensation, Jurgen Vaassen who ended up our top scorer for the year, with seventeen league goals in his first season, a meagre tally compared to the numbers I was used to.
The Italian cup saw us reach new heights of not giving a fuck, losing in the very first round, at home, after extra time, to 10-men hellas verona. We won the super cup three days later though, in extra time again, with a goal from Zapata.
Even the champions league was a disaster, almost eliminated in the group stages from a group with Real Madrid, Red Star, and Red Bull Salzburg, we got annihilated in the round of 16 by Liverpool, 0-3 at home, and 4-1 at anfield, for a 7-1 aggregate defeat. A season to forget.
Our team of the season
2024/2025
At that point, I got bored of the save about halfway through the season, I tried to switch the tactic a bit, didn't work, I started getting bored of the team of superstars, I debated whether or not to call it a day on my Atalanta career and look for a new challenge elsewhere, but after taking an extended break from the save, to do a save in England where I would take Burnley to European spots in the second season, I decided it was time for me to get back to work. I had some goals in my mind. First: win the champions league, obviously. Second: Become the invincibles and go a full league season undefeated. Third: Establish myself as the greatest manager to have ever lived. Fourth: Clear out the superstars, the egos, try to focus on the youth and developing my own players, despite my HoyD telling me all the new boys are dogshit every single year. I came back to the save around January 2025, and have been playing it and enjoying it infinitely more ever since.
Transfers out: After realising Inter apparently had a buyback clause on Bettella that never expired, for 11 million, and me offering him a new contract in three transfer windows in a row to stop him from going there because they kept triggering it, I decided to cash in from another club. Maffeo also wanted to leave, so I said sure, our starting keeper Gollini decided to my surprise to not renew his contract, and so left on a free in the summer. Yes, your eyes aren't deceiving you, I did sell Paul Pogba in the January window, for about 25% of what I bought him for not even three years before, no, he didn't want to leave, this was just the point where I returned to the save and decided to go back to my roots, instead of making dumb signings.
Transfers in: The last "dumb" transfer window where I just bought whoever I felt like. Audero to be our starting keeper, some backups, van de beek in the winter to replace Pogba, and also Guendouzi+Casemiro on free transfers to boost up the midfield.
The season: Closest title race in the save, all the way up until the final matchday. I was on pace for a record breaking season, but Inter just didn't want to drop points behind me. With five games to go, I was still unbeaten, but only had 4 points more than Inter. Following two games were absolute disasters: only defeat of the season coming at the hands of Lazio, in my own backyard, 2-1, followed by a 0-0 draw at Juventus, meant we were not at the top of the table anymore, Inter overtaking us by one point, with three games to go, no mistakes allowed. Of course, old habits die hard, and I did not forget the traditions and a good bitchslapping was on the cards, that game preceded a composed 2-0 win at Bologna, while Inter somehow ended up dropping points to Spezia, sending us back on top by one point! We walked into the final matchday, hosting midtable Perugia, a team we should comfortably sweep aside, needing a win to be crowned champions, as Inter would end up winning their game. And it looked like it would be the case, Esposito scoring two inside 20 minutes to see us 2-0 up. Unfortunately the boys got complacent. Waldschmidt halved the deficit after halftime, and in the 88th minute, the unthinkable happened, 35 shots to 4, but they equalise from a dodgy set piece, minutes from the final whistle... Devastated, I throw everything I have, tell the boys to go 10 forward leaving only the keeper back, until the very last second, and what would be our very own "aguero" moment, fucking sideshow bob himself scoring a shitty header from a corner to win us the title No complaints from me, the closest we've come to not being champions, and that lit a fire in my manager soul, I vowed to never come this close again, to make better signings, to never try to alter the tactic again and to overall stop being a dickhead and subbing in youngsters when we're 2-0 up at half time.
In a post-Ilicic world (but not really, he immediately became a coach for our U18s after retiring) the new top dogs were clear, their names are Sebastiano, and Jurgen. 27 goals for Esposito, 22 for Vaassen (the numbers I give are always league-only) with Zapata netting a respectable 10 as a backup.
Despite still not giving a fuck about the cup, we actually managed to win the whole thing this time, squeezing past Lazio in the semifinals on away goals, and defeating Inter in the final, thanks to a late penalty from SMS, and as if prophetic, an injury time header from Guendouzi to seal it. The supercup happened, and this time we lost it on penalties to Inter, I'm so sad.
Easily getting out of our CL group with Real, Nantes and Dinamo Kiev, we suffered possibly our most disappointing fate in the round of 16. Winning 2-1 away at Lyon, an opponent I was underestimating, turns out i shouldn't have. Despite going up 1-0 at home pretty quickly, the team was struggling, and soon enough you guessed it, Lyon scored, and the bastards even did it again! Taking us to extra time, we were still inexplicably unable to break them down, and with three minutes to go, they struck the killing blow by scoring a third goal. When Timothy Castagne scored in the 122nd minute, I thought I had won the tie and celebrated for about 10 seconds like an absolute moron, before realising "wait, i'm still out on away goals" and at that point, I was very glad I wasn't livestreaming the whole thing. Another RO16 exit for the boys, it was time for a change.
Our team of the season, as you can see I tried switching up the formation a little bit halfway through, NEVER AGAIN
2025/2026
Transfers out: No major departures, just Milan being my garbage bin and taking my rejects, special mention to the name Nick Begay, what a tough upbringing this guy must have had at school, he really do begay tho
Transfers in: Only two big arrivals, Bruno, a ball-winning midfielder from Brazil, and Lyon's goalkeeper, who made about one billion saves against us in the Champions League a few months prior, I decided well fuck it, if you can't beat them, buy them. 17 passing, 19 vision, this guy is basically Pirlo but in goal also he's the best goalkeeper in the world or whatever. From now on, necessary buys only, no more big names for the sake of big names, we're clearing out the dead wood.
The season: Back on top (even though we never left the top), back to our roots. 4-4-facking 2, no more fancy shit in the middle, the diamond is BACK, and in a big way. Over 3 goals per game on average, no faffing about. Zapata's final season with us, scoring 6 goals in 22 appearances, leaves him with 138 goals in 266 league games, which makes him the all time record goalscorer for the club. Van de Beek enjoyed his best season at the club, with 15 goals and 10 assists in the league. Vaassen netting 20 and assisting 10, Esposito scoring 30 and assisting 13, the best strike partnership in the world. This would be Robertson's final season as an out-and-out starter at left back, his age starting to catch up to him, he would still stay as a backup however.
We got eliminated in the semifinals of the cup, boohoo, we lost the supercup, boohoo. Champions League is where it's at. Out of the group with Atleti, Standard and AZ, we face real in the RO16, and this time we make sure this isn't an early humiliation. We beat them 2-1 at home, and to put the cherry on top, humiliate them 3-0 in their own backyard in the return leg. Same fate for Monaco, 2-1 at home, return leg was a bit scarier though, but we still came away with a 2-2 draw, sending us through on aggregate, to face old bitter foes Inter Milan in the semifinals. 0-0 at the San Siro, everything to play for in the return leg, at home, I've got the edge! Well apparently I don't. Eriksen scores a first-half penalty for them, meaning we need two goals, and despite creating chance after chance, nothing would go in until the 90th minute, Vaassen finally breaking their defense, but it would be too little too late, and we would find ourselves eliminated at the doorstep of heaven once again... I think that result fired the boys up for the final three games though so that's a plus.
Our team of the season
2026/2027
Transfers out: The Bergwijn flip, free transfer into 60 million to Brighton a year later, hell yeah, Fiorillo was a youth product who was very good, but unfortunately a winger, so he had no real place in the team, had a few loan spells before I decided to cash in. Dropped a fat salute for my homeboy Zapata before he left to get one last thicc paycheck in the united arab emirates, good on you mate, you've earned that one. Sold my backup fullbacks, Firpo and youth product Constancia, who was good as a defensive player but offered fuck all going forward.
Transfers in: Dearth of left back, no real good attacking fullbacks, I got tired of looking for one, so I decided, FUCK IT, i'm just gonna buy a winger and retrain him, and so I did. Breaking the bank to bring Kulusevski back, neglecting to mention to him that he'd play as a defender instead of the attacking midfielder spot he was so used to in Manchester. Nevertheless, he seemed to adapt well to his new position. Castagne ageing, I also needed a wingback on the right, saw Reece James was transfer listed, I hesitated for a long time because of his relatively high wages, almost cancelling the deal at the last minute, but I ended up going through with it, and boy was I right to do so.
The season: After a relatively shaky first year, Gunnarsson established himself as the best keeper in the world, saving me countless points with acrobatic save after acrobatic save, and a remarkable record on penalties, facing 11 of them (up until 2029, and excluding shootouts) and saving 8 of them. The wingbacks were back to being the absolute dominant kings they once were in my tactic, with Reece James having a disgusting season that saw him score 9 goals and assist 13 in only 32 games played, with 10 MotM awards, and an average rating of 7.79. Kulusevski scored only two but racked up 14 assists in 30 games, it's all coming together baby. Unfortunately, that season was a tough one for Esposito, picking up two severe injuries that saw him miss three months of action, he still managed to score 18 goals in 25 games, surpassing Zapata's record and arriving at 142 league goals, being our record goalscorer; with Vaassen taking the burden of main goalscorer,as well as the armband from Timothy Castagne, and getting 26 in the league.
Oh no I lost in the semifinal of the cup again, oh no I lost the super cup
CL time boys, the crew is coming together. Ajax, Celtic, and these fuckers at Lyon in the group. 6 wins out of 6, 15 goals scored, 0 goals conceded. Next. Barcelona in the round of 16, first leg at the nou camp, 2-0 loss. Uh oh, stinky. The boys came through. Mental fortitude. Oh and also we built a new stadium, so that's why I cut back on the spending a bit. Quarterfinals against Bayern, we're taking on all the big boys in this run. First leg, Allianz Arena, 1-0 loss, alright boys you know the drill, let's fuckin run it back. Semifinals, I'm not on that weak shit anymore, no more playing dead in the first leg, we're facing Atleti, and this time, first leg is at our place, and we win 2-0. Return leg went smoothly, Reece James seeing us to a 1-1 draw to send us to our first ever Champions League final! We will be taking on Liverpool. Esposito, coming off a month and a half long injury, starts the game, and opens the scoring for us after nineteen minutes, and two minutes later, I'm in heaven. Our homegrown centreback Agostino Lissoni heads in a Malinovskyi freekick (Yeah, he's still here and going strong, starting a CL final at 34!) and we're 2-0 up after 20 minutes. They grab one back in injury time in the first half, and the second half is unusually quiet, until the now cursed 88th minute, and a Ben Chilwell equaliser. Extra time goes by, nothing happens. Penalties it is, unfortunately, my resident penalty machine Esposito had to come off during extra time, as he was exhausted. (Seriously though, he's very good at them, he scored 67 out of 79 total) But much like Ronaldo in the EURO final in 2016, he gathered the team around and decided to overrule my list of takers and pick them himself by placing his hand on their forehead and sensing their chakras. I trusted him. Malinovskyi goes first, of course, absolute legend, and leathers it top bins. Dybala steps up for Liverpool, and Gunnarsson saves yet another penalty. Melegoni up next for us, 2-0. Hesso for Liverpool, Gunnarsson prevails again. Vaassen, 3-0. Frenkie de Jong grabs one back, but match point is at the foot of Kulusevski, and he buries it. Champions of Europe at long last.
Our team of the season
2027/2028
Transfers out: Getting that CASH baby, selling off unwanted, ageing players who don't really fit the system anymore is becoming my crack. They must be replaced by younger, better versions of themselves!
Transfers in: "Did he smack another potential 200 million on a midfielder after saying he wouldn't do it anymore?" yes he did, fuck you. Here he is, over time I switched the RCM from a carrilero to a CM-S with the stay wider instruction, I find more success with it, and this guy has the perfect stats for it. SMS's replacement ended up being known FM wonderkid Ilaix Moriba, Van de Beek's replacement, a regen from Nice who's pretty damn good.
The season: My greatest shame. So close to going unbeaten in the league, our only loss coming in the 37th matchday, at home, to fucking Milan of all teams... Bruno getting sent off one too many times, this isn't Millwall mate, and that ended up being his final game for the club. It took the son of God himself to end our run, only letting in 15 goals all season, equalling the Special one and his 2005 Chelsea side. Consolation prize, Sebastiano Esposito did what Zapata should have done almost ten years ago and finally broke Higuain's record, and scored 38 goals in 38 games, fourteen of them being penalties, earning him the nickname of "penosito" on /soccer. Vaassen got 16 in 34, his worst tally as of yet, but he is still at over 0.5 goals per game overall. Reece James started the season like he ended the previous one, on fire, which earned him second place in the 2027 Ballon d'Or, which is the only time any one of my players made it to the top 3 in the entire save. His final tally in the league was 11 goals and 16 assists, for a god damn fullback! 7.93 average rating, even Esposito with his 38 goals doesn't have that rating. Kulusevski decided to calm down on the assists but score more, 7 goals and 6 assists total.
This season would be Malinovskyi's final, the old dog would retire from all football related activities at the age of 35, declining my offers to become a coach. Over the years, he took part in 211 league games and scored 39 goals, it may not seem much, but boy was he loved by everyone during his time, never complaining once even when his playing time decreased with his physical attributes, he always put in a solid shift when called upon, and guided the youngsters who wanted to master the art of the longshot. I salute you, you Ukrainian legend, you will be forever missed.
Out of the cup in the first round, big deal, won the super cup, bigger deal. Champions league, Barça, Ajax, Celtic, 18/18 points. Monaco in the RO16, I'm unstoppable now. 0-0 away, all according to keikakulusevski. Return leg, record scratch. Oopsie boys, happens to the best of us, that's what I get for starting the B-team in the 1st leg and for playing my cup keeper, sorry Audero, from now on after the groups it's Gunnarsson time.
Our team of the season
2028/2029
Transfers out: Bruno the only notable departure, his aggression of 18, bravery of 17 and his "dives into tackles" personal trait, combined with his role of ball-winning midfielder saw him pick up 42 yellow cards and 5 red cards in 82 league appearances, what a fucking pitbull. Unfortunately, he did not offer much else, and I decided to let him go out of rage for costing me my unbeaten run. I tried to terminate his contract but the board wouldn't let me, probably because they remember what happened to my head physio all those years ago, who is no longer searchable in the game which I choose to take as meaning he passed away after being homeless for years.
Transfers in: Florian Ferrère, who I'll show further below in the team recap, to replace Bruno, has been a breath of fresh air in the midfield, and the only major arrival in the summer, as we were finishing up our second stadium expansion, bringing the Stadium Fermo Favini to a capacity of 55 902 people, which is much better for a club of our reputation.
The season: The promised land has been reached. 0 losses, at least one goal scored in every single game, José's record smashed, highest ever amount of goals scored. (tied with ourselves) We gave ourselves a big scare in the final game, hosting Roma, the Milan scenario of a year before that still fresh in our minds. The first half went by with no goals, and with only twenty minutes to go, Roma get a penalty, converted by Orsolini. I think to myself "please god, please not again" until the heavens open, and God himself spoke to me "A year ago, my son had to put a stop to your run, for you were not ready to bear such a burden, but this year, I've decided to be on your side" and after a kerfuffle in the box, Esposito scored a scrappy goal to tie the game up with a quarter of an hour to go, and save the unbeaten run. Esposito followed in the footsteps of his previous season, scoring 36 in 38, with Vaassen getting 19, Ichim, Ferrère and Melegoni all getting 10 to round off our top 5 league goalscorers. 8 goals / 5 assists for Kulusevski, 2 goals / 15 assists for Reece James.
I beat Inter in the supercup final, 4-2, and went all the way to the cup final, smashing Bologna 5-1 to secure my first ever domestic treble! Now onto the Champions League, strap in, because it's a wild ride. Our group of Rennes, Benfica and Dortmund went smoothly as always, only dropping 2 points in a 0-0 draw to Rennes, and then came the knockout stages. I reminded the boys that our strategy during the year we won it was to tank the first leg, and so we did just that. Lyon in the round of 16, 1-0 away loss. Luring them into our trap at home, where they would fall to a 3-0 defeat thanks to a Reece James brace. Liverpool in the quarter finals, first leg at home, we go down early, but Lissoni equalises late in the first half to salvage a draw, conceding a home goal was not ideal, since we now needed a result at Anfield to go through. But who am I to dare doubt the boys? Real Madrid were waiting for us in the semifinals, and we repeated the wounded animal act, falling to a 1-0 defeat at the Bernabéu. The return leg was ridiculously one-sided, Esposito and Melegoni scoring inside five minutes, and the former adding a third early in the second half, to send us to our second ever Champions League final, and deny the world of a Clasico final, as Barcelona would be our ultimate opponent.
The final would see us face off against our former player Sergej Milinovic-Savic, and would see Ilaix Moriba return to see his old teammates. The Stade de France would host this confrontation between two of the best teams in the world, and the drama was there. Full strength teams on both sides, no excuses. The first half was relatively uneventful, a couple of heroic saves from Gunnarsson and an old Ter Stegen who was playing his final game before retirement and the game was understandably tight, both teams reluctant to open up. It would stay that way until the 79th minute, and following a Barcelona free kick, Bastoni shoved a Barça player to the ground, forcing the referee to award them a penalty. None other than Sergej Milinkovic-Savic would step up, and despite my prayers that he would deliberately sky it, take his barça shirt off to reveal an Atalanta kit underneath, he ended up wrong-footing Gunnarsson. It really be your own... I decided to make some changes, James, exhausted, would make way for Timothy Castagne, whom I was hoping would bring some fresh legs. The old dog, now 33, was eager to get it done, he was angry, he was ready to go. He would end up staying on the field for, I shit you not, twenty-four seconds before seeing red, after two-footing Ruben Vinagre. Not ideal. Well, might as well go for broke, we're 1-0 down, with 10 men and 10 minutes to go, Moriba slots in as a makeshift right-back, and I decide to play a lopsided 4-1-1-1-2 with no BWM.
The gambit would end up somehow paying off, a desperate run from an isolated Moriba on the right flank won us a free-kick in the 92nd minute. McMillan whips it in, and Melegoni heads it home from close range! the 43 thousand fans who made the trip to Paris (imagine being able to go to another country lol) are all going insane in the stands, and so am I. We see the rest of added time off, and I get an extra substitution for extra time, in order to bring some fresh legs that hopefully won't get immediately sent off. We suffer during the extra 30 minutes, but Gunnarsson pulls out some wonderful saves, Esposito almost wins it for us with a hail mary longshot, but the game finally ends 1-1. Delighted to have held on with a man down, I'm feeling confident about the shootout, all my penalty takers are on the field this time, we even had an extra training session on penalties earlier in the week to prepare ourselves. Our second ever Champions League final would be decided the same way as the first. Sergej goes first for Barcelona, I tried to communicate to him my scenario during the water break, but he did not seem to care, that damn professional player... He sends Gunnarsson the wrong way for the second time in the game. Esposito is our first taker, and doesn't disappoint, 1-1. The wonderkid Cherki steps up for Barcelona, but the pressure was too much, despite Gunnarsson staying planted on his feet, he sends it way wide and we get a break point. Moriba follows in Sergej's footsteps and plants a dagger in the heart of his former club for 2-1. Chiesa levels it up, before our captain Vaassen scores his penalty, 3-2. Abraham scores for Barça, McMillan scores for us, 4-3, match point. Saul Niguez scores despite the keeper getting a touch on it, and now it falls to the left peg of belgian wonderkid David Vazquez to take us to heaven. No pressure, lad. The kid does it, and we complete the quadruple, after the unlikeliest of scenarios. I cannot be mad at Castagne, feel free to point out my hypocrisy and obvious bias after selling Bruno a year before for the exact same thing.
Our best season as of yet comes to a close, and it's time for a little team recap.
The players
Goalkeeper - Linus Gunnarsson: Best keeper in the world, bar none. The amount of points this guy won us is astronomical. His distribution is unmatched, it's the first time I've had a goalkeeper I was so fond of in any of my saves. Playing every single league game since arriving, except the very first one after his arrival, he conceded 27 in his first season, then 17, then 15, then 11 goals, keeping 97 clean sheets for 70 goals conceded, in 151 games, an absolutely insane record.
Right-back - Reece James: An absolute monster, has absolutely transformed us since he arrived, his lowest average league rating over a full season being 7.72
Centreback - Agostino Lissoni: Academy product, got his first minutes at the end of the 2023/24 season, became an immediate undisputed starter the following one, and has been a rock ever since, scoring many important goals, and being a crucial cog in the defensive machine.
Centreback - Alessandro Bastoni: My Italian partnership has been the same for many years now, he has never left my side, and is looking to be there for many years still, rarely a foot wrong, and many goals scored as well.
Left-back - Dejan Kulusevski: Yeah, I know, I signed an attacking midfielder and gave him the club's highest wages just to retrain him as a left back, but hey, he's been good, so sue me, right?
Defensive Midfielder - Ilaix Moriba: The regista, he has every trait I want him to have, the only thing I would love for him is to be a little bit more of a team player, his 12 in teamwork sometimes coming back to bite us. Still, in his three years at the club, he's averaged over 7.5 ratings every year.
Central Midfielder - Filippo Melegoni: The unsung hero. Slotting in anywhere needed in midfield, he keeps delivering. Every year I keep saying "right, you'll be a backup for us" and every year, he brute forces his way back into the team with his performances. After his first season loan at Pescara, he has been a mainstay in the squad, as an academy product. No doubt in my mind he will retire here as an icon, and perhaps one of the most underrated players in the save. He will always be in the history books for his stoppage time header against Barcelona to tie the game up.
Central Midfielder - Florian Ferrère: The ball-winner. Amazingly clutch player, has only been here for one year but has been on our tabs for several more, since he broke through the u19s at Lille. An average of over a goal every three games for a BWM is an insane stat that I don't expect him to keep up as he racks up more and more games, but he is looking like he could be part of our midfield for a long time.
Attacking Midfielder - Sorin Ichim: Signed from Nice at the age of 19, with the entire world trying to afford his services, the wonderkid has taken some time to adapt to the different style of the Italian league, but is looking to be fully ready now, scoring ten and assisting eight in the latest season.
Striker - Jürgen Vaassen: The absolute machine. Though maybe his goalscoring record doesn't match his insane stats, (120 goals in 203 games) he is our captain, already a club legend, and isn't looking like leaving anytime soon, perhaps ever. All my coaches keep telling me to play him as a midfielder, which I will probably never listen to.
Striker - Sebastiano Esposito: The man, the myth, the legend. What is there to be said about him? He's kicked into a new gear since his long term injury two years ago, scoring 72 goals in his last 76 league games, (27 penalties!) playing every single minute of every single league game since the injury. Club all-time record goalscorer, hopefully 2029 ballon d'or if things go well in the first part of next season? Here are his stats season by season.
Honorable mentions:
Gareth McMillan - Midfielder: Signed for a potential 200 million euros, the Englishman has not lived up to the expectations fully, and has been displaced by Melegoni, still, his performances have been satisfactory, and he provided the assist for Melegoni's equaliser in the CL final, so in you go mate.
Timothy Castagne - Right-back: It's beginning to look like the end of the road for ol'Timmy. Loyal servant for over 10 years, most capped player at the club currently with 317 league apps, (probably won't reach the record of 396 set by Gianpaolo Bellini) but age is starting to catch up to him. He did live up to his name by getting sent off after twenty four seconds in the champions league final. I won't be looking to renew his contract after it ends next year, and hopefully he will decide to pursue a coaching career after his retirement and join his old pals.
Andy Robertson - Left-back: It is definitely the end for Robbo, after eight seasons at the club, I will not renew his contract, the 35 year old scotsman has been nothing short of amazing throughout his run, despite a few shaky appearances towards the end, which showed he didn't have much left in the tank, unlike Mark Henry. He still picked up over two hundred appearances for the club, and will always be loved by the fans for his italo-scottish accent.
David Vazquez - Striker: Our backup striker for the last couple of seasons now, always gets the job done when called upon, scored the winning penalty in the CL final shootout.
Alejandro "Papu" Gomez - U18 Assistant Manager: After his retirement following two years at SPAL, I immediately signed him as a coach for the U18's where he would stay for two years, then Inter came for him with an offer of U18 assman which he took and stayed there for a year, but since mine left, I decided to bring him back and give him a promotion and he has been there since. If my current assistant manager Mikel Arteta gets poached, I plan to give him the job, I don't forget my legends.
Josip Ilicic - U20 Coach In the same vein, Josip retired with us, and immediately became a coach for the under 18s, and got a promotion a few years later to go up to the under 20s. His stats aren't really good enough to warrant a first team promotion, but who knows what the future holds...
Conclusion
In conclusion, the narrow 442 is still broken as fuck with the right players, and I'm still having a lot of fun playing this save without buying every superstar available to me, and I'm definitely a tactical genius. (Last one is debatable) Thank you for reading this very long chapter, don't know if there's gonna be a chapter 5, we shall see!