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A Great Herd Main Battle Tank Type XIX. IXTB-38A8r4. One hundred fifty tons of armor, molecular circuitry, guns, and hoverfans. Designed 638 thousand years ago and never having needed a single upgrade. A 180mm main gun that fires an eight pound plasma shell. Two rows of 80mm vertical launch systems capable of delivering a variety of variable fuzed munitions. A driver's, tank commander's, communication's officer's, and an electronic warfare officer's external 18mm quad barreled plasma machinegun that could be controlled inside or manually by partially exiting the appropriate hatch. Capable of reaching a top speed of nearly forty miles an hour. The crew can survive inside the compartment for up to 11 hours without discomfort. Single layer medium grade battlescreens often used on light frigate naval vessels. Waterproof, soundproof, able to be piloted and operated even in vacuum thanks to sixteen antigravity pods, although at a much slower speed and slower response.
The mighty armored fist of the Unified Military Council, in support of the Unified Civilized Council.
According to my trainers, the last time a single tank had been damaged to the point that it could not fight, excluding operator error or sabotage, was nearly 23 thousand years prior to my introduction to my first tank.
I was excited as I inprocessed. I was to be assigned to one of the most modern tank designs around, military war machine made manifest. Perfection achieved and domination assured. I was almost eager the day I was allowed to enter the motorpool and taken to where the tank I would be a crew member of was parked.
It was love at first sight.
My fellow crewbeings thought I was a bit insane, to be honest. I worked on my tank, learning everything about it that I could from the neo-sapient mechanics. The driver was happy I could start it up for maintenance, meaning he could continue on with his long running alcohol related binge.
Within a month I could tear apart my gunner's sight, even the firing mechanism, and rebuild it from spare parts found in the motor pool supply shed. I even knew workarounds and field repairs that existed only in esoteric manuals and passed down in whispers between mechanics.
I earned my "gunner's bite" at my first live-fire range, where I learned that it was best if I let my helmet push back a little instead of pushing it against the padded sight. Pushing my face against the padding, using only my forward eyes, concentrating on putting each shot right where I wanted it.
Everyone took notice when I scored a perfect 1,200 points.
Some were happy for me, considered what I'd done proof of the Great Herd's might.
Others were jealous, starting whisper campaigns that I had somehow rigged my software to give me an illegal edge during live fire gunnery practice.
My fellow gunners led the campaign to have my accomplishment gone over with a fine toothed comb, many of them accusing me, to my face, of cheating.
My gunner's station was pulled apart, each block of circuitry examined, each byte of firmware and software gone over, even the gearing examined closely to see if I had somehow pulled off the shroud at the base of the barrel and adjusted the microgears that did the minute changes to barrel angle and elevation.
In the end, my score would have been stricken from the record, since my gunner's sight had gotten early maintenance, the neo-sapient maintenance crew replacing it twenty years before necessary. I would have been sent to do manual labor as punishment, or perhaps worse.
There was even talk of a court martial to put me in my place.
Mil-Sec officers had arrived in our motor pool to place me under arrest when the sirens began to wail. Everyone looked around confused, even the Mil-Sec officers, at the tone of the siren.
It came over my implant at the same time as everyone's else, my lockout being lifted.
ATTACK IMMINENT -- PRECURSOR VESSELS IN SYSTEM IN FORCE
My platoon Most High began rearing up and down, screaming at all of us to get into ranks for inspection. The platoon Second Most High began galloping in circles, shrieking that we were all going to die.
He was wrong.
Only most of us were going to die.
--Excerpt From: We Were the Lanaktallan of the Atomic Hooves, a Memoir.
"I hate landing into an ongoing fight," General No'Drak said, staring at the various holotanks. He had been in the same place for six hours, watching everything take place. The counter-attack, the first in the five days since Confederate forces had arrived, was moving in fits and jerks.
"It's a mess out there," General Moffeta said, watching a map of the megacontinent where her air support assets were spread around widely.
"Are you concerned, Most High?" Grand Most High Ge'ermo'o asked.
"Always when even a single one of my men are engaged in combat," No'Drak admitted, tapping a cigarette against the railing he was leaning against. "There are a million ways this can all go sideways on us."
"Sir, signal from Space Force!" came the cry from below.
"Throw it up here," General No'Drak snapped, bringing up a secure holo-port.
The twinkling cone resolved into a tired looking Rigellian female with admiral's pips on the brow of her armored vac-suit. She had bags under her eyes from stress and her eyes were bloodshot. Static kept rippling across the hologram and General No'Drak knew it was from phased wave plasma motion guns and C+ cannons firing.
"General No'Drak here, can you hear me, Admiral?" the Treana'ad said, slowly and distinctly.
She spoke for a second, obviously to someone outside of view, then looked forward. "Admiral HawGawk here, General," the rippling went over the hologram and she waited a second. "We've got a status change out here."
"Go for sitrep," No'Drak said.
Ge'ermo'o watched interestedly. He had seen how his fellow Lanaktallan reacted to a changing situation obviously getting worse and was curious as to how the lemurs would react.
"Eighty plus point sources just came in at the Hellspace limit. The stellar stabilizers and the Hellspace interdiction craft from the Crusade of Wrath helped. We have eighty plus Harvester Class, including what look like mostly new classes, out near the far gas giant," the Admiral said.
"I repeat back, Eighty plus Harvesters at the far gas giant, primarily Type-III," No'Drak said.
The Admiral nodded. "At least three hundred are coming straight at you. I've detached two Battlecruiser Groups to defend the planet, but the heavy hitters have to stop those Harvesters from spamming ancillary vehicles and swarming you under," she said. The lights around her flashed and she rocked slightly to the side. "We were right not to break up into hunter killer groups to go after the last of them, looks like the initial wave was simply to pull us out of position."
No'Drak nodded. "So, whatever gets through, we're on our own," he said gravely.
Ge'ermo'o felt a little bit of fear at that.
"Sorry, General. Space Force has its hands full up here," she said. "We've already sent out a distress beacon. The Crusade ships have sent out a call for reinforcements, but with the Case Omaha on TerraSol, options are limited for them."
"Understood. Have you tactical forward what they can. Good luck, Admiral, and Fight the Ship," No'Drak said.
"Pound the Ground, General," the Admiral said, and then she was gone.
No'Drak tapped the cigarette a few times against his bladearms and Ge'ermo'o could smell the scent of freshly cut grain. The Treana'ad stared at the holotanks down below as he slowly put the cigarette into his mouth and brought out the lighter.
Ge'ermo'o was slowly learning Confederate map symbols, he could see how the soldiers of V Corps were spread all over the planet, fighting the landing Precursors and their forces.
General No'Drak unfolded his lighter with a snap of his fingers, spinning the striker in the same motion and bringing up a yellow flame. He slowly lit the cigarette, staring down. He puffed on it for a moment and exhaled the smoke around his footpads as he put the lighter away.
"The Precursors have adjusted their tactics," he said softly. "Never count on the enemy staying stupid."
"How many of the next wave do you think will reach the planet?" Ge'ermo'o asked. In his opinion, the planet was lost and there was nothing anyone could do about it. But if the lemurs were willing to fight, he would stand right here next to them.
He'd come to like them.
"Just a little over a third. Sixty or so units," No'Drak said. He brought up the map. "We got lucky they didn't catch us out of position. We knew there were still Googly-Eyes in the Oort Cloud, which meant either they were going to come back in again or we'd missed something."
"Harvester-Twenty-Nine is breaking up," Someone called out from the floor below. "Harvester Thirty-Eight has dropped out of formation, looks like someone got a piece of his engines."
No'Drak nodded.
The icons for the lighter units, the Dreadnoughts and below, were burning brightly. Space Force was concentrating most of their firepower on the massive Harvester Class units that had been forced to drop out further from the gravity well of the stellar mass burning brightly at the center of the system.
The Treana'ad officer knew that every kill counted with the big Harvesters. They'd sit out there and keep producing lesser units until the sun burned out if given the chance.
He had ordered the BOLO units to switched targets, ordering them to engage the incoming planetary assault units, leaving the already planet-side units to the ground forces.
It was a calculated risk, and General No'Drak was an excellent mathematician.
General Moffeta's units were hitting the Precursors as soon as they made atmosphere, pushing through the leading wave of fire to attack the Precursors during the short time their battlescreens were down. The interference from entering the atmosphere was scrambling the Precursor's sensors, putting their point defense offline. That let General Moffeta's units take long strafing runs at the massive machines.
No'Drak winced when one of the incoming Jotuns broke up at 15,000 meters up, the huge chunks tumbling to the ground.
The planet was taking a pounding.
General No'Drak made a motion, bringing up the communications section. The PFC who answered was a Terran had oversized eyes and whiskers.
"Is the hypercom still functional?" he asked before she could speak.
"Yes, sir," she said.
"Contact the Telkan system. Tell them we're going to need a full elven court here," No'Drak said. He sighed. "Tell them we're going to have massive Precursor wreckage as well as..." he paused, took a deep drag and exhaled it.
Ge'ermo'o noticed that it was pushing back the smell of freshly cut grain.
"We're going atom smasher. We've got over two billion civilians in shelters. Put out a request for evac ships, even on the junker channels," he said.
"Yes, sir," the female Terran said. Ge'ermo'o wondered why her eyes were so big. If they helped with her job, if her parents had possessed big eyes in their DNA, or if she just had liked them.
No'Drak cut the link and looked at the surrounding officers. "I'd give my mandibles to have Tik-Tak here."
That got chuckles.
No'Drak knew that the elven queens could repair the damage he was about to order his troops to commit to.
But if his men couldn't get it under control, couldn't smash the Precursor threat, there wouldn't be a planet to fix. He could see that the Precursors had arrived to strip mine the planet, probably down to gravel.
Part of him wondered why they wanted the planet so bad. The asteroid belts had been mined to nothing over the last twenty thousand years. Most of the easily accessible minerals were gone.
Then he remembered that elements of Third Armor were engaged with mining machines.
He looked at the icons for the Treana'ad Infantry Hordes and Air Mobile Clouds and a small part of him wished he was a Lieutenant again, charging across the ground in armor with his heavy weapons on the top of his abdomen.
After a moment he made a decision.
"Order all personnel on planet into armor and to draw weapons from the armory," he said. He turned to the two Lanaktallan. "Gentlebeings, I'd advise you to prepare yourselves."
"You think we will be attacked here?" Ge'ermo'o asked.
"Can't discount it at this time," No'Drak said. "The reinforcements were a high probability and it looks like our cards weren't as good as we hoped."
"Surely you won't be defeated," Ge'ermo'o said. "You won't withdraw!"
No'Drak shook his head. "No. There's too many people in shelters, too many people in hiding. We'll fight to the last."
"The Confederacy doesn't leave civilians behind to die," General Pulgrak said. He stretched, his shoulders popping. "Glad I qualified on my armor and weapons two months ago."
General Vandu licked her lips, looking around, her eyes moving back and forth. "Are we staying here?"
General No'Drak put away his cigarette. "Yes. We will still coordinate the battle, but we must be ready to join the ever put upon lower enlisted and junior officers should the Precursors assault our command and control area."
General Vandu nodded, her lips twitching in a smile. "Just standard body armor, or can we..." she started to ask.
"Put on power armor?" No'Drak asked. He gave the equivalent of a shrug. "There are several companies of power armor troops here to defend this base, you know that. If you wish to lead them from the front, you have my blessing."
General Vandu hurried off.
"She will see if the taste of combat is as sweet as the fantasy of combat awards," No'Drak said softly. He turned to his aide. "Let's suit up."
The Colonel nodded. "This way to the armory, General."
A Terran captain next to Ge'ermo'o touched his lower right elbow. When Ge'ermo'o looked at him, he noted how grave the Terran looked.
"If you Lanaktallan gentlemen will follow me, we should have time to fab and fit you with armor."
Ge'ermo'o was proud of himself for how calm he knew he looked as he nodded.
----------------
Trucker dropped down into his tank, slamming the hatch shut over him.
He'd waited till almost the last second. The tank shuddered as the lead of the debris wave hit his tank. The wave was thick dust, formerly ferrocrete and asphalt, all ripped up by the massive Precursor combat machine going nose first into the suburbs beyond the city and scraping the bedrock for nearly eight miles before it had lost momentum and slammed down into the channel it had carved.
"Can't see shit, sir," his driver said.
"Tell all units to hold position, give the air a minute to clear," Trucker ordered. He heard his radioman passing the orders and looked at his sensor tech. "How many?"
"I saw four entering atmosphere before that big monster hit," he said. "Maybe more. The sky's on fire."
"331, how's it look in there?" Trucker asked.
--rough shape-- the Mantid Engineer Team Leader admitted. --try not to let them hit you--
"We're a tank. We're a little obvious," Trucker chuckled. He tapped his software and tossed a meme at the Mantid team of his tank, with great big googly eyes, trying to hide behind a tree, with meters of hull and an eye on each side of the tree. The caption "I R HIDYN!" at the bottom.
That got back giggling emojis.
"All Regimental Commanders, check in," Trucker said. He scooped out his dip and slung it into the can. He repacked it while he waited for his commo tech to get in touch with the different regiments.
"Trucker wants a sit-rep," Colonel Dremsal heard faintly over the roar of his quad-barrel.
"TELL HIM I'M BUSY!" Dremsal yelled back. As soon as they'd moved in between the two massive Precursors their air support had come out to play.
The sky above him was a whirling gnashing death snarl, with 19th Air Cavalry Regiment fighting six times their numbers with seemingly infinite reinforcements. So far they'd only lost three strikers, but each casualty counted.
"Told him you were still alive and we've still got tanks even if we're rolling coal," his commo tech said. He put his hand to his ear. "Most High A'armo'o wants to talk to you."
"Put him through," Dremsal said. He let go of the quad-barrel and ducked back into the tank, pulling the hatch shut. The last thing he wanted is some Precursor machine getting past the battlescreens, reaching down into the tank, and snatching his head off.
"Dremsal here, go ahead," he said.
"We're coming up on your rear. We've got 15th Sustainment inside our ranks. We had to drop back from the river, large machines were making landfall," A'armo'o said.
Dremsal closed his eyes, bringing up how his vehicles were arranged. He gave the orders and shot A'armo'o his plan.
"You keep 15th covered, we'll drop back to get refit," Dremsal said.
"What, may I ask, is our target?" A'armo'o asked. He glanced back at the half dozen Telkan Marines on the back deck of his tank. A quick glance showed his second in command had several Terrans on the back and it looked like they were doing something important.
"Juggernaut. It looks like it almost broke up, but if they get the auto-factories running we'll be in a lot of trouble if we let it just sit there without busting up its plans," Dremsal said. "We'll knock out the supply lines, get close, and open fire on it."
"What about the Great Gobbler back there?" A'armo'o asked.
"He can watch from behind us. He won't be able to catch up to us," Dremsal said. "We'll keep ahead of it close enough to keep its attention, keep it from diving, but we won't let it get close."
"I understand. Your warplan is loaded, my men are moving up," A'armo'o said.
The tanks of the Great Herd slowed for a moment as the Terran tanks widened the wedge they were in, giving room for A'armo'o to bring his brigade up tight to the formation and slot into the middle. Once the manuever was finished, the Lanaktallan tanks formed another layer of protection for the lightly armored and lightly shielded (for Terran vehicles) vehicles of 15th Sustainment.
A'armo'o looked through his laser designator ranger at the big vehicle behind him that his men were still 'teasing' with random shots. He frowned and dialed up the magnification.
Was that... people on top of it?
-------------------
Vuxten stared down at the grinders below him, kneeling down on the ten foot thick protective housing right above them. He stared right into a massive glowing eye that looked back.
"Howdy, sailor," he heard a female's voice over the radio. "Buy a girl a drink?"
Vuxten chuckled. "We thought you were dead," he said honestly.
"I'm stuck. I came up from under me, I got caught on the cables and conveyors, then sucked into the grinder," Glory said. She wiggled her fingers. "I'm OK, probably scuffed up real bad, but I'm definitely stuck."
The gears tried to reverse, jammed, then tried to pull the massive skull and shoulder in.
"My feet and shins are outside the grinders, but they're hung up on my hips and shoulder," Glory said.
"Gonna have some greenies check it out, see if we can help you out," Vuxten said.
--hopefully no fall whirr blarg dead-- 471 said.
"Can you move your arms?" Plunex asked.
Glory shifted slightly and the grinders howled, showering sparks everywhere. "Nope. My arms are at bad positions, I've got no leverage."
"Lemme look," Casey said. He grabbed onto the edge of the housing and swung down.
"Wait..." Plunex said.
Casey dropped down, landing agilely on Glory's face.
"Aw man, first date and you try to do me right in the face?" Glory laughed.
"Don't kinkshame me," Casey said, moving slowly and carefully. Vuxten could see his feet had the bluish purple of active graviton generators around them.
"Really? Graviton? Wow," Glory said. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have you walk on my face with grav-stickied boots?"
"Don't kinkshame me," Casey said again, his voice slightly distant.
"Kinkshaming is my kink," Glory laughed. The grinders whined, clattered, and bucked. "Ow, it's starting to pinch."
"Enough leverage and pressure and they'll bend the warsteel," Casey knelt down, looking at the gears.
"What do you see, Sergeant?" Sergeant Addox asked.
"Drive shaft is exposed on two of them. Look about three to four meters of endosteel," he said.
"What..." Plunex started.
"Shh," Vuxten said, watching the Terran. "Listen and learn."
"Looks like she shattered one of the grinders and when it tried to bring up a new one it hung up on her shoulder armor," Casey said.
To Vuxten it just looked like a whirring nightmare of massive toothed screws. He started tracing the lines, looking at them. A small window in the upper right of his vision showed 471 was zooming in on sections.
--stress points here here here here-- 471 said, tossing the red dots. --bearing housing covers here here here here--
"Casey, my greenie's ID'd a bunch of stress points and stuff," Vuxten said.
"Pass it to me," Casey said.
"What if it sucks you inside?" Vuxten asked Glory.
"My arm's at a bad angle. It might rip it off," she answered. "Beyond that, I'll probably be inside a massive area where ore and rock are pulverized and I'd like to avoid that."
Vuxten remembered the First Telkan War. "How's your coolant?"
"Good. All my lobes are intact," she answered.
"All right. We can get her out," Casey said. He jumped up and grabbed the lip of the top of the housing and pulled himself up with the hiss of loading frame hydraulics. Vuxten noticed his eyes weren't amber any longer. "I'll mark the areas, in order. Those armor defeating missiles you Telkan's use should do the trick."
"Sergeant Canton, I need ten men," Plunex sent out. "All with rocket launchers."
"Roger that, sir," the section sergeant radioed back.
"We're going to free your right arm first. Once we do that, I want you to pull it out, brace yourself, and we're going to blow the driveshaft on the one on your left shoulder, then the one pressing against your chest," Casey said.
"With missiles?" Glory asked.
"Your warsteel hull could take a direct hit from them. They're forged up for Precursor armor," Vuxten said.
"Units on top of Precursor mega-structure mining vessel, fire green star cluster flare if friendly," came a voice across the command channel. It was staticy and full of pops and clicks.
"I read you," Vuxten said. He ordered the round in his grenade launcher to reconfigure to the right munition, aimed it straight up, and chugged out three, slightly spread apart.
"We validate three green star clusters. Mark with single red," the voice said. "No voice commo, IU say again, we are not receiving you."
Vuxten fired a single red flare into the sky. "This is first platoon, HHC, First Telkan Marine Division," he said.
"We read one single red flare. Signal with red white red star cluster flares. I say again, red, white, red star clusters, when in need of assistance," the voice continued. "One green flare if under operation."
Vuxten fired another green.
"We read green. Will designate spotter to overwatch. Pop orange smoke or two green star cluster if in need of assistance at later time," the voice said. "Dremsal out."
"Telkan out," Vuxten said.
Dremsal looked back at the massive vehicle. He could see the Telkan Marines plainly, and they were involved with something on the massive vehicle's port side, but the huge scoop wheels blocked whatever it was they were looking at.
"Can we even hurt that thing?" He asked. "Without killing them?"
His gunner shook his head. "Negative, sir. That thing's shields could match a BOLO."
Dremsal frowned.
Where the hell had it come from?
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Hey all! I’m Kay and I’ve been a burgle rogue aficionado since Witchwood. Being home for the holidays this month has finally given me the time to push to legend for the first time ever with this Wild homebrew Cutlass deck. I think this deck has the chops to hit high legend if a better player with more time was able to pilot it. I had a lot of fun playing this list and got to learn it fairly well. I would love to see more Burgle Rogues in Hearthstone, and am writing this guide to hopefully inspire some of you to give it a whirl.
While I play on mobile without a deck tracker, here is my proof of Legend.
The Deck:
Margaret Thatcher
Class: Rogue
Format: Wild
# 2x (1) Deadly Poison
# 2x (1) Dragon's Hoard
# 1x (1) Patches the Pirate
# 2x (1) Secret Passage
# 2x (1) Swashburglar
# 2x (1) Wand Thief
# 2x (2) Cavern Shinyfinder
# 2x (2) Clever Disguise
# 2x (2) Sap
# 1x (2) Swindle
# 2x (2) Underbelly Fence
# 1x (3) Beneath the Grounds
# 2x (4) Spectral Cutlass
# 2x (4) Tinker's Sharpsword Oil
# 2x (4) Vendetta
# 2x (5) Cutting Class
# 1x (6) Vanish
AAEBAYO6AgTEAZsUkbwC590DDcsDzQOvEJK2AuXRAurzAvuaA/6aA62oA7euA6rLA6TRA/fUAwA=
Why is a burgle rogue deck called Margret Thatcher?
My first Burgle Rogue deck ever was named “I will steal your shit.” Then I listened to Robin WIlliams last standup album, and it included this bit about the Falklands War. “I will sink your shit” sounded similar to “I will steal your shit” and thus Margret Thatcher has been the name of all of my burgle rogue decks since.
It makes sense in my head, I promise.
Why Cutlass Rogue?
I love playing Burgle Rogue and finally decided to put my time towards making a truly viable list and hitting legend. Playing Burgle Rogue gives you three paths. You can play it with the quest, which simply delays your demise against aggro decks (Rogue lacks both taunts and ways to heal) and doesn’t put combo or control decks on any kind of timer. If there were a hardcore midrange meta for some reason, the quest might be worth a look. But until then it’s on the back burner. Another tack you can take is a deck I affectionately refer to as Cheese Rogue. Put your normal burgles, Academic Espionage, Tess Graymane, both Yoggs, and anything that helps you not die, and you have a deck that will either pull out glorious wins out of nothing or draw three Totemic Mights in a row and sputter. The other problem is that when you run an Tesspionage based list, you’re totally punting aggro matchups. While a phenomenally fun deck, Tesspionage Rogue suffers from the simple problem of being very bad (it’s hovering around a 30% winrate on HSReplay) which makes it a poor choice to actually win games with.
Cutlass Rogue instead plays more like Kingsbane Rogue on mushrooms. You’re still trying to build an enormous weapon with lifesteal that lets you outheal aggro and chip decks as well as put slow decks on a clock with heavy damage every turn, but instead of doing it with normal cards, we do it by thieving random things from other classes.
How We Win:
By getting a Spectral Cutlass with 6+ Attack and using burgled cards to disrupt our opponent’s gameplan and pump up our weapon’s durability. Occasionally, we also pull off wins with hilariously bullshit burgle synergies.
Our ideal line of early play is something along the lines of:
T1: Swashburglar (and Patches)
T2: Cavern Shinyfinder or Underbelly Fence
T3: Shinyfinder or Fence with a 1 mana burgle card, or just coin Cutlass
T4: Cutlass or a barrage of burgling
T5: Deadly Poison and Tinker’s Sharpsword Oil
T6+: Imagination and RNG!
Strengths and Weaknesses of This List:
This deck outputs ridiculous amounts of healing. Once your weapon is at ten plus attack, you will eventually escape the range of any deck trying to burn you down. The weapon also gives us decent single-target board control, essentially allowing us to take out any must-kill minion while still gaining health. Fence and Vendetta give us efficient small removal. Value is easy to find despite the low curve of the deck, with burgles adding lots of stuff to your hand and Secret Passage and Cutting Class allowing you to find more cards whenever you’d like. Sap is a phenomenal card against the meta right now and will singlehandedly win you games.
This deck heavily struggles to clear wide boards. Occasionally your burgles will help you out a bit here, but the Odd Paladins and Even Shamans of the world will simply build another one and another one and another one until you can’t clear it. Weapon hate cards also give us fits, including Zephyrs the Great who is the single biggest reason that you’ll rage at your screen. It’s also a fairly draw-dependant deck. You need your weapon, your buffs, and your burgles. If you don’t find one of these, you will lose the game. I found myself doing okay on this front (thank God for Secret Passage) but sometimes both Shinyfinders and both Cutlasses will be the bottom four cards of your deck and you will lose.
Card Choices:
Weapon Package:
(2x) Deadly Poison
(2x) Cavern Shinyfinder
(2x) Spectral Cutlass
(2x) Tinker’s Sharpsword Oil
(2x) Cutting Class
The two Shinyfinders (and to a lesser extent Secret Passage) help us hit our win condition of Cutlass as soon as possible. Once we have a cutlass equipped, Deadly Poison and Tinker’s Sharpsword Oil give the weapon enough attack to kill any threat, put our opponent on a clock, and restore massive amounts of health at the same time. Because we’re aiming to equip a big weapon every game, Cutting Class is nearly always a 0 mana draw 2 in the mid to late game which is obviously phenomenal.
Burgle Package:
(2x) Dragon’s Hoard
(1x) Patches the Pirate
(2x) Swashburglar
(2x) Wand Thief
(2x) Clever Disguise
(2x) Underbelly Fence
(2x) Vendetta
Swashburglar is the only one mana burgle card with a body in the game. It thus gives us a free card that activates our synergies while also contesting the board on turn one. The inclusion of Patches thins the deck and allows us to play on even footing early with even board-centric aggro decks. An important note is if you’re against another rogue (I saw very few during my climb) Swashburglar will take a random rogue card, which won’t activate your Underbelly Fence or Vendetta, nor will it add durability to your cutlass.
I originally included only one Wand Thief but it turns out Mage has some very good tools for our purposes. The wide variety of AOE effects, card draw, and freezes were nice, but the strongest part of Wand Thief is that Mage has so much shit that costs 0, 1, or 2 mana. While burgling Flamestrike is fun and can be the correct choice in some matchups, most of the time I’ll find that I’d much rather have a Freezing Potion that I can squeeze on top of other cards than a big spell that will take up my whole turn. While Mage does have some dud spells (Glacial Mysteries anyone?), the discover aspect means that you can almost always find something that will serve your purposes. This deck generally wants spells over minions because spells tend to have initiative and we rarely need to build a board to win the game. All of these aspects raised Wand Thief from a fringe inclusion to one of the strongest cards in the deck. Beware of picking Brain Freeze or Potion of Illusion as dual-class cards will NOT activate your burgle synergies or add durability to your Cutlass.
Dragon’s Hoard was another card that I didn’t originally include two of. In fact, I didn’t have it at all in the deck’s first iteration. On the surface, it doesn’t make much sense. Hoard doesn’t help fight for board and gives us a minion not a spell. And not only a minion which might not have initiative, but legendary minions tend to be more expensive than average. So what was I thinking? Turns out legendary minions are powerful enough to justify the card. From Inara Stormcrash to Archmage Antonidas to Lucentbark, Dragon’s Hoard can simply win you the game off of one highroll. Just like with Wand Thief, there are plenty of terrible legendaries, but the discover aspect tends to offer at least one decent choice. Also, the card is damn fun and slamming down a King Krush for lethal as a rogue will never get old.
Clever Disguise is simply a volume burgle. You need enough cards from other classes to pump your Cutlass up with enough durability to kill your opponent, and Disguise gets you two of them for two mana. I don’t love this card but it’s sheer efficiency makes it impossible to drop.
Along with Cutlass, we use shockingly efficient removal tools Vendetta and Underbelly Fence as our burgle payoffs. Against board-centric decks like aggro druid, and decks with must-remove threats like Big Priest, these cards make a load of difference. Vendetta being zero mana nearly always gives it more flexibility as a combo activator for Wand Thief and Tinker’s. Fence is also a phenomenal play with Tinker’s - the six attack Rush minion will clear midgame threats while allowing your buffed weapon to swing face.
Other Stuff:
(2x) Secret Passage
(2x) Sap
(1x) Swindle
(1x) Beneath The Grounds
(1x) Vanish
Secret Passage is broken and should be in every rogue deck ever. In a draw-centric deck like this, it’s even better. Can't find Cutlass? Secret Passage got you. Don’t have weapon buffs? Secret Passage got you. Don’t have enough burgles? Secret Passage got you. Need Vanish immediately? Secret Passage has motherfucking got you.
Sap is our carry against Big Priest and any other deck that cheats out massive threats. Not killing the Blood of Ghuun, Walking Fountain, or Voidlord means that it can’t be rezzed and your opponent has to play it when they reach the appropriate turn. By which point, we hope that they’re dead. Sap also makes us one of the few classes that can deal with an early Edwin.
Swindle is a true 30th card. When I cut Fan of Knives (More on that below) I needed one more card to fill the deck, and Swindle felt like a generic good rogue card that would make my draws marginally more consistent.
Beneath The Grounds is my middle finger to highlander decks, especially Zephyrs the Great who gets his own section later. If you’re against a Reno Warlock or Machine Gun Priest, having this card will likely win you the game. If you aren’t, it’s probably a dead card unless you’re floating three mana for some reason. It says something about the Wild meta that I felt like this was a very worthy tradeoff and seriously considering putting two in.
Vanish is a last hail mary against a deck that does manage to build a board against you. It pulls its weight especially against Big Priest, Evolve Shaman, and any kind of Deathrattle deck that tries to build an impenetrable board. But it also costs six mana, which makes it a very expensive and very dead card a lot of the time. I’ve had one copy since the beginning and it feels like the perfect number. A thing to note is that Vanish can bounce your own cards too - make sure to play your Swashburglars and Wand Thieves before Vanishing if you have hand space and mana to do so. Another point to remember is that if your opponent has more minions than they have hand space, Vanish will return the cards to your opponent’s hand in the order they were played. When your opponent hits ten cards, any remaining minions will be destroyed and their deathrattles WILL be activated. This is especially important for Scrapyard Colossus and Voidlord, who deathrattle into more taunts which block your weapon swing into the face of your opponent. Either destroy the original bodies so Vanish kills the deathrattle spawns or kill enough minions played before that the deathrattle taunts are safely returned to your opponent’s hand.
Didn’t Make The Cut:
I included two copies of Fan of Knives once I realized how terribly I was doing against Aggro Druid and Odd Paladin. For a while, they felt decent. A boardwide ping is nice, and Fan also cycles itself so it doesn’t even take up a valuable card slot. But then I realized two things about these decks. Odd Paladin has infinite minion generation potential with their hero power. Killing a board of 1/1’s might delay their buffs a turn, but doesn’t run them out of board refills because they can generate dudes without using cards. And aggro druid would either have a board buffed out of Fan range by turn three (and I would be dead) or they would run out of steam and awkwardly flop. In neither case was Fan drastically changing the game, even if it felt nice to kill a board of dudes. So out the door they went. Replaced with BTG because I was facing Reno Priest every game and Swindle because it just seemed good.
It really hurt to cut Tess Graymane. She’s one of the most fun cards ever printed and slamming down waves of burgled shit never gets old. But as I transitioned to a spell-centric burgle deck, her random nature became more and more annoying. When Tess is slamming 8/8’s and 12/12’s, she’s phenomenal. When she Ice Lances your face, Fireballs herself, and gives your opponent’s minion a Blessing of Authority, she’s much less useful. Her cost of 8 mana simply made her far too expensive for the minimal number of times she was remotely useful.
One thing I was consistently wanting in this deck was more weapon buffs. I experimented with Goblin Auto-Barber and Vulpera Toxinblade but neither ended up making the cut. Auto-Barber was too minimal a buff to feel particularly useful, and Toxinblade’s temporary status made her not worth the slot. This deck doesn’t exactly run minion threats, so Toxinblade was always eating my opponent’s removal and never really surviving more than a turn, which she needed to in order to be a strong inclusion.
Of the other Burgle options, Hallucination and Blink Fox are the other ones that are even vaguely worth running. Hallucination would be a reasonable choice to experiment more with (potentially two over the Dragon’s Hoards) but I found them underwhelming due to the sheer number of dud or synergy-dependant cards in many classes. Oftentimes, I would have only one decent pick off a Hallucination with an expensive spell and an understated minion taking up the other two discover options. Blink Fox was too expensive for a Swashburglar effect and a 3/3 on turn 3 doesn’t cut it as a body in Wild. Both also suffer from the Swashburglar problem of being utterly cucked against Rogues.
I also briefly considered replacing Beneath the Grounds with Bad Luck Albatross in order to mess Big Priest up. However, I wasn’t having a huge Big Priest problem, and the only way to kill Albatross in the deck is with Vendetta, which is often better used to kill the minions the priest is cheating.
The Zeph Rules
Zephyrs The Great is a phenomenally powerful card and a staple in two of the best decks in Wild - Reno Priest and Renolock. It also utterly destroys this deck by generating an Acidic Swamp Ooze on command to send your weapon to an ignominious and oozy demise. While there’s no denying that Zeph really sucks for this deck, there’s a couple of things we can try.
Tactic 1: The Great Zeph Bait.
If you’re able to draw into both cutlasses fairly early (not an uncommon occurrence), you can go for this strategy. Play a cutlass, drop a Tinker’s or a Deadly Poison, and potentially play a Burgled card or two. If I’m trying to force Zeph specifically, I will usually follow this by skipping my next swing. Essentially, you’re trying to make your weapon look as threatening as possible without committing many resources to it. When your opponent plays Zeph and subsequently Ooze, you can play your second Cutlass and fearlessly toss all of your buffs on it. If you go for the Great Zeph Bait, make sure to kill both minions before developing your second weapon, as a fair number of Reno decks run either bounce or copy effects. If they’re simply able to add another ooze to their hand and save it for your second weapon, you will be sad.
Tactic 2: Make Zeph Whiff.
Zephyrs is a phenomenal card, but his inability to understand card text can be his downfall. While he understands that Spectral Cutlass is a big weapon, he doesn’t realize that it can gain infinite durability. He doesn’t generally seem to value Lifesteal as highly as he should either. He also can’t look at decks, so he doesn’t realize that our only win condition is to buff the weapon. My point is that while Zeph is strong, he doesn’t value killing Spectral Cutlass nearly as highly as he should (a priority above all else except avoiding direct lethal). But because Zeph is still a discover and offers three cards, it isn’t easy to get him to not offer weapon hate at all. Essentially, you have get Zeph to value three other things more highly than destroying your weapon. If you can do this, he will not offer Ooze, even when a cutlass is active on your side. Many opponents don’t recognize these whiff factors, and won’t take measures to maximize their likelihood of hitting an Ooze (like playing Zeph with exactly two mana remaining).
There are a few things you can do to maximize your chances of Zeph whiffing. These tips are roughly in order of effectiveness.

1. Keep your weapon as small as possible, both in Attack and Durability. Decreases the likelihood that Zeph will value weapon removal.
2. Build a board of minions. Increases the likelihood that Zeph will value AoE spells.
3. Play a Secret or two. Increases the likelihood that Zeph will offer Flare.
4. Play one large/must-kill minion. Increases the likelihood that Zeph will value removal.
5. Lower your opponent’s health. Increases the likelihood that Zeph will value healing.
6. Keep your opponent low on cards. Increases the likelihood that Zeph will offer draw. Careful about doing this if your weapon durability is more than one at 7+ mana as Zeph is more likely to offer Harrison Jones.
7. Niche cases. Keep an eye out for any conditions in the game that synergize perfectly with a basic/classic card that Zeph can offer. For example, if your opponent has a 1/10 minion, keep it alive as Zeph is more likely to offer Inner Fire. If they have three murlocs, Zeph is more likely to offer Coldlight Seer.

If you can create a game state where Zeph simply doesn’t offer ooze, you will be treated to a beautiful sight. Sex is great and all but a baffled opponent slowly mousing over each discover option before emoting and conceding is arguably the best feeling in the world.
Tactic 3: Fuck it.
Go balls to the wall and play like they don’t have Zeph. Throw all of your buffs on the weapon and come to terms with the fact that if they have him, you will lose. I will sometimes opt for this strategy if any of the following conditions are met.

1. At least two Beneath the Grounds Ambushes are still in the deck.
2. I have tried to bait Zeph and my opponent didn’t play him.
3. My opponent has played Lorekeeper Polkelt.
4. My opponent has very few cards or is topdecking.
5. If I don’t commit to the weapon now, I will definitely lose.

Zephyrs The Great is going to lose you a fair amount of games. But if you can pull off any of these strategies, you might sneak by him with some wins.
Matchups:
Odd Demon Hunter:
This deck is weird. The best builds seem to be made up of a glut of the best-statted one-cost minions, Stiltsteppers, Acrobatics, Leeroy, and Baku. Our early game generally lines up well against these minions, and Odd DH generally lacks the burst to power through our healing once Cutlass gets to a threatening size. However, if we don’t draw into our early answers or fail to burgle fairly well, Odd DH is a phenomenally consistent deck and will always run us over if they get any room to do so. Even matchup.
Soul DH:
This deck seemed to be mostly piloted by standard players trying to climb in Wild. The burst of a Soul DH that hits all of its pieces can be impressive. But these combos often come online late enough that our cutlass is healing us for 8+ health every turn. Find something to deal with a full Soulciologist board, look to burgle taunts and freezes to stop the huge attacks from going face, and you’re cruising. Favored matchup.
Aggro Druid:
By cutting Fan of Knives I was essentially conceding the matchup if the Druid drew well. This has held true - if Aggro Druid has an explosive opener, you will lose the game. If they don’t, the deck is fairly easy to run out of resources. Voracious Readers can refill once or twice, but if I’m not dead by turn four I can frequently use removals efficiently and prevent them from ever building a threatening board. A card that deserves special mention is Bloodsail Corsair. If you’re careless against Aggro Druid and leave your weapon at one durability, a well-timed Corsair can snipe it and lose you the game on the spot. Unfavored matchup.
Combo/Maly Druid:
They can’t really do anything about us loading our weapon up and killing them. I only faced a couple of druids that weren’t aggressive and none of them put up much of a fight. Favored matchup, not much to say here.
Hunter:
I think I faced fewer than five hunters my entire climb, and they were all hyper aggro or janky deathrattle decks. We can generally prevent aggro Hunter from building a board, and their hero powers, Kill Commands, and such generally aren’t enough burst to beat through our healing. Deathrattle Hunter with plenty of taunts could potentially be a problem but it’s rezzes are much slower than Big Priest and it gets arguably even more destroyed by a well-timed Sap or Vanish. It’s a good idea to play around Zephyrs in this matchup until you know you’re not facing a Reno Hunter. I honestly didn’t find enough hunters to even say what might be favorable or not. Poor Rexxar.
Quest Mage:
Quest Mage is an annoying matchup for one reason and one reason only. They can generate a lot of freezes, which keep us from swinging our weapon for a turn. The amount of Freezing Potions, Ice Lances, and Frostbolts that seem to come out of Evocation, Magic Trick, and Mana Cyclone makes me want to tear my hair out. Our healing is rarely relevant against the OTK potential this deck brings. Otherwise, save Vendetta or another removal for your opponent’s Flamewankers and bring them down to low health as quickly as possible. Quick note on this matchup - Hitting your opponent in the face for lethal damage while they have Ice Block active will NOT heal you for any health. This interaction is consistent with other Lifesteal effects but still annoying and you will sometimes have to choose between setting off Ice Block and healing for 12. Even matchup.
Secret Mage:
I think before this expansion, Secret Mage would’ve been a much worse matchup for us. The switch to Rigged Faire Game as a main draw engine has a serious downside against a deck that is able to hit your face with an infinite weapon every turn. I won a significant amount of games by chipping away at my opponent every turn and denying them the all-important three cards. Play around Counterspell and Explosive Runes whenever possible as most decks run two copies and cheat them early. If we can get our weapon big enough, or run them out of face damage, we can safely heal out of the deck’s damage range. However, a Secret Mage firing on all cylinders is one of the best decks in the game and will win with a combination of well-statted minions, free secrets, and burn. Slightly unfavorable matchup.
Odd Paladin:
We struggle the most against decks that can build wide boards without committing many resources. Odd Pally is the unquestioned king of this strategy and thus tailor-made to bork us. I was able to win against this deck a couple of times when they filled up their board with 1/1’s and had no way to buff them, which was funny but not a particularly consistent win-con. Play around Oh My Yogg and Never Surrender, try to burgle AoEs, and accept that this is probably a 20-80 matchup or worse for us. Very heavily unfavored, and the bogeyman of climbing ladder with this deck.
Not Odd Paladin:
I ran into a couple of Even Paladins here and there which seemed like Odd Pally but slightly worse, a few Pure Paladins which got defeated by timely saps, and a single Mech Paladin who blew me out on turn four. They were so drowned out by the sea of Odd Pally however that I can’t write about them in extreme detail.
Reno Priest:
Beneath The Grounds carries another matchup. If they are able to get Raza and Anduin online, your main priority becomes keeping Anduin’s health below half to ward off Spawn of Shadows burst turns. As long as you can do that, we can mostly heal through their turns of chip damage with the hero power and eventually beat them down. Developing any minions we can will help with this plan because the low-health Anduin will be forced to waste hero powers clearing the minions, buying us more time. Favored matchup.
Big Priest:
Sometimes when you’re playing against Big Priest, they cheat out a Vargoth and a Blood of Ghuun on turn 4 and you just lose. Sometimes, they do nothing for nine turns and you win. It’s the matches in between these extremes that we focus on. Keep your Saps and plan your Vanish turn wisely. Most Big Priests nowadays don’t run Obsidian Statue, but place the highest priority on sapping it if they do. The combination of lifesteal and taunt means that we essentially lose the game if it ends up in the rez pool. Even or slightly favored matchup.
Rogues:
I faced a hodgepodge of Rogue decks, none of which really felt like a complete list. Combo-style rogues lack taunts and healing and get subsequently demolished by our weapon before they can do anything interesting. Kingsbane Rogue does what we do, but slower and without Lifesteal on every turn. VS says Odd Rogue is a decent deck, but I only saw one on my climb which wasn’t able to do enough damage to burst through the Cutlass healing. Mill Rogue is cute but terrible. I also ran into another Burgle Rogue but he was playing a version with Blink Foxes and Hallucinations which performs very poorly against other rogues. Favored matchup against the entire class I suppose?
Even Shaman:
I barely faced any of these on my climb, but I think I lost every time I did. We can’t really clean up their wide and efficient boards, and Sea Giant and Thing From Below aren’t bothered by Sap. Unfavored matchup.
Big Shaman:
Sap is phenomenal in this matchup. Like any Big deck, there will be some games where you don’t draw what you need and get blown out on turn four. But much more often, you’ll find games where the deck puts out a big threat, it gets sapped, and they sputter for a couple turns while you make a giant weapon and start whacking them. Try to avoid playing minions in the mid-late game while pushing for lethal because Walking Fountain or Tidal Wave will allow them to find critical heals. Favored matchup.
Aggro Warlock (Pain/Zoo/Discolock):
We like this matchup because if your opponents lower their health total quickly enough, we can often start to threaten lethal with our weapon as soon as turn six. Our cheap and flexible removal generally lets us get priority targets like Darkglare, Malchezar’s Imp and Tiny Knight of Evil off the field before they kill us. Discolock doesn’t have the consistent board floods of the decks that really fuck us and Fence and Vendetta line up well against their threats. But at the end of the day, they are an aggro deck and will win if we whiff our draws at all. I faced few Pain and Zoolocks, but Discolock was one of my favorite matchups to play with this list and I felt like it was at worst even and potentially even slightly us-favored.
Cubelock:
A problem matchup. We simply aren’t able to kill waves of big demons. Vanish and Sap let us delay the threats but once we run out of stalling power Voidlord very effectively prevents us from swinging our weapon to face. Fortunately, Cubelock has an abysmal matchup against Priest and has thus fallen a bit out of the meta. I only saw a few on my climb, but if they start cheating Voidlords before we have them to sub-15 health, we are in huge trouble. Slightly unfavored matchup.
Renolock:
We stan Beneath The Grounds. Renolocks will generally play defensively and take damage fairly freely in the early game. Generally don’t play BTG on turn three because renolocks draw so much that they’re fairly likely to hit at least two ambushes if you give them enough time. If I have it in hand, I’ll hold it until I start buffing my weapon or until they’re sub fifteen health and might be feeling pressured enough to use Reno. If you don’t find BTG, follow the Zeph Rules and pray to God that you draw it quickly. Tickatus is rarely particularly relevant because if they find the time to corrupt and play it multiple times the game was lost a long time ago. Renolock will often have big taunt Demons also, but they come in more manageable waves than Cubelock. With BTG, this is a favored matchup.
Odd/Control Warrior:
This matchup is pretty simple. Make your weapon as big as possible as quickly as possible in order to chip through their armor. If they run weapon hate and are able to draw it, you will lose. If they don’t, you will eventually win - they don’t have much to stop you smacking them for 10+ damage every turn. I only ran into three of these decks on my climb and got Stickyfingered twice, so my gut says that it’s unfavorable.
Pirate Warrior:
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Pirate Warrior simply feels weaker than other aggro decks and its lack of boardwide buffs makes its minions much less threatening. Their highrolls are as scary as ever, but kill Ship’s Cannon and Skybarge on sight and be wary of burst coming in the form of Leeroy or Kragg, and the healing from your built-up weapon will generally outpace their damage. Their biggest strength (efficient trading with minion boards) isn’t particularly relevant against us. Slightly favored - one of our best aggro matchups. Beware of Bloodsail Corsair!
My Favorite Wins:
Playing a deck that runs on adding random cards to your hand will occasionally lead to hilarious victories with cards your opponent never expected to need to play around. There were too many to write about, but here were some highlights.

1. I played a Hunter and hit a terrible Dragon’s Hoard on turn one where my best option was a Knuckles. I reluctantly picked it and it sat in my hand until later in the game, where I pulled Houndmasters off both of my Swashburglars. Three houndmaster buffs (one got returned to my hand via Freezing Trap) and a Tinker’s Sharpsword Oil later, I beat my opponent into submission with an unkillable 12/13 Knuckles. I find it possible that it’s the only time Knuckles has actually won someone a game.
2. I found a Cloning Device off of a Clever Disguise and yoinked my Shaman opponent’s Shudderwock, followed by two Dragon’s Hoards that gave me Dinotamer Brann and a second Shudderwock. I waited until my deck was low enough that no duplicates remained, and played Brann, Shudderwock, second Shudderwock, and thwacked him with four large stompy dinos over three turns.
3. I burgled a Totem Goliath off Swashburglar, Totemic Might off Clever Disguise, and a Grand Totem Eys’or from Dragon’s Hoard. My poor Shaman opponent was beaten to death by a rogue’s board of basic totems.
4. While playing a Big Priest I got a Lucentbark off Dragon’s Hoard and a Seance and Power Word: Replicate off Clever Disguise. Turns out three 4/8 taunts that resurrect every turn will win you the game, even against Big Priest with a full rez pool.
5. A Pirate Warrior wrested board from me, beat me to two health with two cards in hand and one durability on my weapon, and began emoting aggressively. Fortunately, one of those two cards was an Inara Stormcrash which allowed me to deal 26 damage (and kill him) on turn 8.

This deck is by far the most fun I’ve ever had playing Hearthstone, and this list is viable at Legend ranks. I encourage everyone to give it a try. Thanks for making it to the end and please comment with questions!
Happy thieving!

My players went absolutely crazy over this low-prep mini-game that I home-brewed. It could not be easier to run. If you’ve heard of Japanese Gashapon machines, you’ll know exactly what this is.
TL;DR: It’s a vending machine that randomly gives out cute little “Get-em-Alls,” which are collectible, anthropomorphic animal figurines (the size of charms on a charm bracelet) that are dressed like each of the 12 main player classes. Collecting all of them grants a +1 bonus to charisma while in town. Collecting all of the gold variants grants the Lucky Feat.
Get-em-Alls! Get it? Like An-i-mals? It’s a pun...
Here it is in more detail:
In any tavern, or outside any place of business, players find a little mechanical machine (I describe it as looking as if it was designed by a toy-obsessed artificer). There is a sign above it which reads “Get-em-Alls! 1 Gold Wins a Prize!”
There is a coin slot and a lever, and the player wins a prize every time they play. They simply insert a gold coin, pull the lever, and then roll a d12 to see which prize they won. On each machine is a basket of complimentary leather bracelets that the Get-em-Alls slot into (like a charm bracelet).
After rolling a d12, players also roll a d4 to determine whether or not they earn the gold variant, which they earn if they roll a 1 on their d4. Obviously, if you want the chance of a gold variant to be lower than 25%, you can have them roll a larger dice.
Here is the chart:

1. Paladin: Lion 🦁 with a shield on its back holding a sword and torch wearing plate armor.
   
2. Fighter: Kangaroo 🦘 with axe in one hand, short sword in other in chain mail.
   
3. Monk: Panda 🐼 with a straw hat in a karate pose with quarterstaff.
   
4. Ranger: Fox 🦊 crouched with a longbow and a green tunic.
   
5. Druid: Tortoise 🐢 with pastel runes on shell and beaded necklace holding Staff of the Woodlands.
   
6. Wizard: Owl 🦉 wearing cloak and holding a spell book.
   
7. Barbarian: Elephant 🐘 with war paint on chest and giant glaive.
   
8. Sorcerer: Tiger 🐅 with flame in hand and glowing red eyes wearing a red robe.
   
9. Bard: Parrot 🦜 playing a mandolin with a frilly vest.
   
10. Rogue: Chameleon 🦎 with pearlescent sheen skin with leather armor and dagger.
    
11. Cleric: Mantis 🙏🏻 in a praying pose over a holy book.
    
12. Warlock: Bat 🦇 shooting an Eldritch Blast with decaying wings.
    

As I said, my players went wild for this. If you’ve got the type of players who have thousands of gold to waste and would grind forever to get the Lucky Feat, you could make it so that there’s only one gold variant and thereby reduce the chances for the obviously broken situation of having a full party with the Lucky Feat. There are limitless ways to expand or contract this to fit your needs.
Additionally, I had a notice board next to the machine (my players are in Port Nyanzaru) with a note on it which read:
“I’ll do ANYTHING for the Gold Owl variant! I’ve tried every machine in Port Nyanzaru! I’m starting to think they’re rigged! If you get one, I’ll pay 100 gold for it.”
My players played the Get-em-Alls machine at The Thundering Lizard in Port Nyanzaru for the entire first hour of the session. They literally screamed when their druid rolled the golden owl. It was a blast. I’m telling you, try it. The wizard was having withdrawals when they left the tavern. He was looking for Get-em-All machines everywhere.
I made a super simple handout for them to keep track of which Get-em-All charms they’ve rolled for.
Let me know how it goes if you plug this into your campaign 😊

Just a big ranty list of notes I scribbled down after the first playthrough on PC. Edits will be ongoing. Apologies for the formatting being trash on mobile, I don't know what I'm doing.
Should also mention I like this thing enough to probably do at least another 60 hrs.
My Rig:

-AMD Ryzen 3900X -nVidia 3070, drivers are most recent -32GB RAM -2TB SSD, game is installed on it and it is the C:\ 

Performance:

-Performance with my med-high RTX settings hovers around 50-65 fps, assuming the fps bug isn't happening. -I would say CTD has been very rare. When CTD did occur I dialed back my 3070 overclock gradually and they seem to not happen at all now. 

===Gripes===
Graphics & Atmosphere

-Puddles: almost all puddles don't make noise, the only ones I've seen that do are the ones where you meet Stout. I'm guessing this is because those are permanent and the rest come from rain. Driving through the rain puddles, having a splash, and a short wet tire trail would be nice. -Water: no sound or splash when items, NPCs or vehicles hit water. This made the 'car off the cliff funeral' quest have a bit of a lackluster sad ending. Just a silent, distant, explosion poof that glitchily lasted half a second. -Cyberware: Only an animation for the first two. After that it's just in the menu and there are no satisfying crunching or cutting noises where there should be. -Parking: there are weirdly few parking spots, it wouldn't be that noticeable except that the AI doesn't know how to drive around your pulled over car so it just stacks up traffic behind it. -Eating: there are no sounds or animations for drinking or eating, not even a chomp or glug noise in the inventory screen. -Darkness: RTX makes it so dark inside some locations that it would be REALLY NICE to have a flashlight or night vision headwear or cyberware. 

Character Customization

-Life paths are limited and it really feels like Streetkid is the only fleshed out one, and the Corpo and Nomad starts were just sort of glued on. Streetkid feels like the only story. -There is no way to customize your character after the creation screen other than hand/arm cyberware changes. -Character model customization is pretty limited currently. You are stuck with a choice of three 'heads' and can only change a few features to a few set options from there. -All the genital stuff was pointless marketing and they could just take it out to avoid the clipping bugs for all I care at this point. Unless they tie it in to a DLC or expansion it will never show up in anything so what's the point? -Cyberware and tattoos are extremely limited in choice and this is pretty surprising and disappointing. -Most hair options and beard options don't look great, some of this due to 'tall head' on the head options. -Almost all beards don't meet with the hair properly and the colors are different. this was a problem in the Sims 2 I believe. 

Weapons

-Ammo are too plentiful, I've only ever run out on Very Hard and I never crafted any -Grenades are too plentiful, I had hundreds by midgame without crafting -If grenades were less plentiful, perhaps they should sell for more than 2 or 3 eddies? -Scopes have weird stats that don't seem to do anything, ADS time in fractions of a percent and Range in units unknown -I don't see any immediately obvious way to tell which module effects do not stack. I heard %crit does not stack. -The skill that lets you throw knives seems like garbage as a single throw destroys a knife worth hundreds. No Idea why I would take this anyways -unless- you don't need blade skill to boost it. If you do it would seem simpler to just use silenced pistols which can easily one-shot anyways. -Item cards show very little info on the gun. You don't know the following by looking at the card: -Auto or Semi? -Silenced by default or no? (some of the Grads seem to be?) -Magazine size -Accuracy & recoil -Range -ADS time (Should be related to weight in my opinion) 

Armor & Clothing

-Characters end up looking like clowns unless you ignore stats HEAVILY, see suggestions below in Suggestions section -I'm not sure if armor does anything. Does anyone know? I noticed I was getting one-shotted a lot, made new armor stacked with Armadillo. No change. Maybe I'm receiving elemental damage that bypasses armor but I really don't know. 

Other Items

-Why are so many Junk items $3 or $750??? It's just weird. -Would be nice if there were more misc items that actually did things, like the cat food apparently does 

Crafting

-Upgrading is expensive and not too effective -Rarely need to craft anything because you collect so many drops and weapons aren't particularly unique 

Crime & Wanted System

-Police only exist in clusters standing around crime scenes OR when they spawn on top of you after gaining 1 wanted level. They spawn so close you see them appear on the mini-map and at times I've seen them materialize right in front of me maybe 30 feet away. -No police cars in traffic at all -Crimes don't need to be 'witnessed' in any way. It is simply this: if you brandish too long at an NPC, or kill an NPC, NCPD teleports within 30 feet of you in about 10 seconds max. -No bounties from NCPD or gangs or corps -It feels especially weird that you have some many quests that should have corps sending assassins after you instantly but nothing happens -Wanted stars accumulate ridiculously fast. 

Fighting

-Enemy AI could flank a touch more, but otherwise I think they're fine: Snipers hide and snipe, melee charge you, Netrunners hack and hide, the rest take cover and shoot/grenade you. -Incoming damage -I'm not sure if there is a way to see you are taking certain damage types quickly -It's hard to see if armor is doing anything for you -Healing: I never felt the need to use any healing item other than the lvl 1 maxdoc. 40% is too much for the starter healing item, and you get so many that again, I had hundreds by midgame without crafting -Stamina doesn't matter, generally, except when boxing -You have way too much stamina and/or running and dodging doesn't eat up enough of it. with Body 3 I can still run a long ways and never run out in a normal gunfight. This makes a whole bunch of foods and Chems pointless for all but melee characters. Maybe the heavy machine guns and sniper rifles should eat up a bit of stamina? Maybe if you run out of stamina you can't shoot them accurately while standing or something? 

Stealth

-Disable camera & turret quickhacks -Currently, you can shut off almost any camera and turret from far away and never have to really deal with them and you barely lose any RAM for it and this is for ANY CHARACTER that has a cyberdeck, not just hacking specialists -Alert mode -Alert mode is way too passive. The AI just seems to stand in place or wander a few feet, not actively searching. This means that shooting enemies and cameras with a silenced weapon has basically no downside and you can just pick apart the whole base piecemeal. -Vision cones -The vision cones on the mini map don't reflect the enemy vision accurately. They seem to have a shorter range peripheral vision cone as well. This is really cool, but it makes the vision cones on the mini-map a bit of a lie. (See suggestions) -hiding bodies kills them? Why? I get if you stuff them in a freezer, but why does putting them in a trash bin kill them? I noticed this on one of the gigs that has an optional objective for no Militech deaths. Bug? Hard to tell because whether or not you kill anyone ONLY seems to matter for these few quests and whether or not you collect the extra bounty amount. 

"Hacking"

-Mostly just composed of rare stat checks and the breach minigame -Terminals are generally only guarded by one NPC and let you do a few things: -Remote view through cameras (sometimes not all of them??) -Shut off attached cameras -Shut off attached turrets -read a few short emails, usually with the same few mixed in spam messages, usually the same emails repeat through the base. -View the same tiny text web pages -Access points seem to be glorified loot crates with the same breach puzzle repeated hundreds of times through the game. -on Access Points all three goal levels are all just the same loot, they don't do anything else or have any variety. -Occasionally you'll have to do the breach minigame on other things but it seems to be a one-off thing. 

===Bugs and Shortcuts===
Texture and model loading

-Something big is wrong with how the game loads and tracks resources -It seems to make up NPCs on the fly rather than keeping any track of them like any other open world game. Sometimes if you look back and forth, entirely different NPCs and cars spawn. -Also when you look back and forth, even on a 3000 series card, you can see the texture level of detail ramping up very slowly. -Glitches on animated posters/billboards 

FPS Bug

-Random times, could be a few minutes, could be hours, framerate will drop by a good 20 fps and stay that way until the game is restarted -Some say memory or CPU 'leak' issue, not sure. Can verify it's happening though on my AMD 3900X. -I 'feel' like maybe the FPS bug is something with DLSS running at a different setting than you told it to in the back end. 

Keybinds & Controls

-There are way too many unbindable keys in the game keybind interface. something like half the actual controls that exist do not appear in there. You can access them in the Steam\steamapps\common\Cyberpunk 2077\r6\config folder .xml files. -There are also wholly missing controls like a single button to holsteempty hands (you can double tap alt by default) or a button modifier to walk at the NPC walk speed. -At least pre 1.05 you couldn't use Autohotkey for rebinds, haven't tested 1.05 -Double tap to dodge is not a great default to have when there is already a single button dodge modifier in the config files that you can enable with some effort. double tap on a PC just results in a lot of scooting forwards off of cliffs. -I really don't like the way the game seizes your controls during certain quest NPC interactions. You may notice you can't crouch or sprint, sometimes it cranks down your FOV. if you were already crouching when the interaction started you are stuck crouching until the first line of dialogue ends. 

File size limit bug at 8mb

-Crafting too much bloats the file -Possibly other things not culling from the file properly, but really, there just shouldn't be such a low limit in a game that needs to keep track of so many things 

AI shortcuts

-Other than enemies in combat, there seems to be basically zero AI other than the following -NPC standing around in place -NPC zombie wander for a short distance -NPC car drive on set short path that it cannot diverge from in any way -Enemy NPC patrol (bases only seems like) -Enemies and police don't seem to have 'pursuit' AI, if you run about 50 feet away, they more or less give up like an MMO mob 

Other

-Loot Bags Floating: when you take a un-looted body to a container and hide it, the bag holding their equipment floats at head level. This doesn't happen if you do the move that kills and puts them directly in the container, then the bag is on the ground -Photo mode: taking a photo seems to mess with the brightness in the photo mode. Doesn't seem like it changes anything in the settings it just gets brighter or darker for some unknown reason and then stays that way for the rest of that photo mode session. -Mirrors: V is bald when you look in the mirror with headwear on. Should either show you without face and headgear or show you with them on. FPS also dies hard for some reason when using mirrors which is strange because nothing is really moving and the live action reflections with RTX seem fine. Would be nice if your character appeared in RTX reflections but it probably doesn't to hid the bizarre things the character model does like your body splitting when you aim. -Calling vehicle button makes your vehicle explode into existence, ignoring NPC vehicles. Frequently damages your vehicle -Vendors only spawn Legendary items the first time you talk to them and after that they're gone forever 

===Suggestions/Changes===
Small
Weapons & Ammo

-There should be muzzle attachments other than suppressors, it looks like there used to be compensators, some are still in the game with the names missing and are worth 0 eddies. -Sniper scopes should have different zoom levels and there should be ones with adjustable zoom. I have a feeling this was disabled to hide 2d sprite cars and such. as it stands though, sniper rifles barely see farther than any other weapon. -There could be more ammo types for guns, would add incentive for crafting and you'd actually run out of them. Would make more sense than the weapons having these traits, which seems pretty 'Borderlands'. -Explosive, chemical rounds etc -Could be armor piercing but I can't even tell if they have armor TBH 

Alert Mode

-Spawn extra enemies if alert is triggered -Enemy alert AI should have a few variants and some enemies should wander larger distances, searching -Alert mode could increase vision distances and/or reduce discovery time when they are spotting you 

Mini Map

-Remove vision cones on the mini map, they aren't accurate anyways, replace enemies on mini map with just a facing direction arrow for each enemy. -equipment, scopes, or cyberware could add levels of accuracy to the enemies on the minimap: -only scanned enemies, just facing arrow -only scanned enemies, vision arc -only scanned enemies, vision arc and range -all enemies, vision arc and range 

Cyberware

-More options for cyberware, there are far too few and once you have a full set it's like that system barely needs touched. Last half of the game the only thing I did was toggle whether or not I had the magic non-lethal eye mod turned on. -More cyberware should have visible differences on the character model -Negatives for installing a ton of cyberware -More stealth cyberware, perhaps one that gives you vision cones, on that populates unmarked enemies on the map and only show them? -Could be levelled too, example low level just shows the vision arc, high level shows the full coverage -Leg Mods for run speed, sprint speed, dodge distance, dodge stamina effect 

Quickhacks

-Distract enemy, disable camera, and disable turret are too cheap and effective to be the built-ins you don't need a daemon for. I'm not sure why these and distract are built-in, they are the most powerful ones in the game for stealth. -Disabling with the default disable camera/turret quickhack should cause the same alert state that shooting a camera does. the camera went dark. At least then you'd have some reason not to do it and actually have to go to a terminal. -You could have a higher level, much more RAM costly one that does it without the alert (say it loops the feed or something) -lvl 1 ping and breach maybe should be the only slotless ones, unless more are added. -Maybe there could be a analyze one that gives you the weaknesses and such instead of that just coming free with the scan view? 

Street Cred

-Street cred seems pointless; it's directly tied to things that give you normal experience and only seems to be used to gate off buying gear -Could affect discounts at vendors? -Other ideas? 

Character Customization

-Color sliders instead of few set colors. don't give us the sims 4 excuse, this sets a color on a single character you almost never see. 

Non-lethal

-Remove the nonlethal eye cyberware mod, it makes non-lethal missions trivial -Remove the nonlethal weapon mod, or at least make it Greatly reduce the weapon damage output (and maybe have an electric effect?) -If there were any kind of faction reputation, perhaps killing members should factor in to it? 

Swimming

-Default oxygen gauge gives you way too much time and should be shorter. see no reason to have gear that boosts it. 

Medium
Vehicle Damage

-Would be nice if the damage wasn't only cosmetic: blown tires, missing door causes more driver hits, etc -The need to take the car somewhere to repair it or at minimum, pay to repair in the summoning menu, as adding garages to the map might be not feasible 

Weapon Mods

-Power Weapon scope mod that makes the 2nd and 3rd zoom level an "extrapolated" view from the point of first and second reflection, showing where our bouncing rounds will go. Could utilize the same blur effect as the BD edit mode. -Tech Weapon mods that reduce shake during charging, speeds up charging, increases penetration (currently seems to have infinite) -Magazine size mods, reload speed mods -Compensators / Muzzle brakes 

Armor slot for hands

-Gloves, gauntlets, claws, those metal finger things Evelyn has, etc. Could be just cosmetic for all I care. 

3D model viewer

-Similar to Fallout 4, let you just view the 3d model for items you are carrying -Could maybe have some animations to run through 

Hacking

-Terminals should be either guarded more heavily, harder to break in to, or both -Terminals could have levels of access that lock out certain actions if you don't have the hack skill or didn't get a high enough pass on the breach game? -Terminals should let you do a larger variety of things in general -More locked doors -More systems to enable/disable -Ability to cancel alerts? -Access Points could provide an alternative way to access the system for the attached terminal 

Big
Faction Reputation

-Fixer reputation -Higher level fixer gigs could be gated by fixer reputation -sidenote, would be nice if fixers had unique item rewards for you completing major gigs or their whole chain -Faction reputation -Could determine if you are attack on site or friendly for various corps,gangs, NCPD, etc. -would matter more if there were factions driving around on the streets rather than just hanging out in clusters 

Body Customization in Character Creation

-Ability to adjust height, musculature, body fat, etc. -Make armor actually fit the model, no clipping or pokies -I've seen mention that Body stat is involved but I haven't seen it, though I do see the model sort of...growing weirdly sometimes when opening the inventory. 

ArmoClothing system changes

1.Transmog system like FF14, where you can apply stats of an item to the model of another 2.Remove stats from most of the current slots and add other slots so you can have armor under or over clothing -I'd almost prefer this because having an armor bonus from glasses and BD headsets is goofy -Buttons to hide head and face gear would be nice to have in either case -More items for the "Clothing Sets" slot please. So far I only remember seeing the one for the Heist and the Arasaka Hazmat suit which doesn't seem to do anything like a Chemical Resist buff. The hazmat suit actually nicely covered all my armor in a way where looked like it was still there. 

Apartments

-Ability to buy at least a couple other Apartments -Garages in the nicer ones to store cars, so they don't just existing in that one car summoning menu. 

Game world

-Arcade machines, pachinko machines, more Yakuza series type stuff -fewer fake vendors that just tell you to go away -NCPD, Gangs, Corps in traffic -WHERE IS TRAUMA TEAM??? There are several ways they could interact in the game but all they seem to be is a couple setpiece groups standing around and the one story section. 

Hidden collectables

-Similar quality to the cigarette cards in RDR2 -Maybe displayable in apartments -Actually hidden, not on the map 

Vehicle customization

-Garages -Paint color, cosmetic mods -Performance mods (not really important currently as cars don't really affect gameplay at all with no unscripted chases) 

Hi,
​
I'm doing my first SFF build inside the NR200 case and I'm a little lost on what to do about controlling all my fans properly.
​
Specs:
Mobo: Asus ROG B550-I Gaming
CPU: 5600x (but eventually 5800x)
Cooler: NH-C14S + an NF A12x25 (I'll explain below)
RAM: 2x G-SKILL Ripjaw 8GB 3600 CL 16
GPU: MSI 1080TI Seahawk Hybrid with 120mm AIO
​
For my cpu cooler configuration I was going to do what Machines and More suggested in his video here which is basically mount the 140MM fan that Noctua gives you on the side mount above the cpu cooler and use the A12 on the bottom side to pull air down through the cooler. Probably overkill for the 5600x but with a mild overclock on the 5800x once I upgrade my main rig to the 5950x I have backordered it will probably be justified.
​
Now the big problem comes from my GPU. I'm putting my older GPU to work and it has an AIO which needs a fan on it and it doesn't have a header on the GPU itself to control it. My motherboard only has 3 headers CPU, Pump, and Chasis, but I need to control the two fans for my cpu cooling solution which are different sizes, and my AIO fan which is an A12 15mm for clearance. I also want to be able to run other random corsair case fans I have lying around as my bottom intakes which I think are actually only DC control, but they don't need any tuning realistically.
​
So ideally I want a PWM fan controller where I can independently set each fan's reference temp and RPM in software. The only solution I can find that seems to do that is the Corsair Commander PRO which has features I don't really need like the RGB control and internal usb headers. The only other alternatives I found search around are like watercooling control PCBs which are even more expensive. Am I misunderstanding how cheaper fan controllers like say this function? Because my understanding is that you set the PWM signal for the source fan in the red slot and that gets mirrored to everything else plugged into it. Which doesn't seem good for my use case.
Should I just buy the commander pro or is there a better alternative out there? Thanks!

At the start of your game, your stash will be given only a few starting items. On your equipment side of your inventory you will have a secure container. Depending on what edition of the game you purchased, your container will either be 2x2, 2x3 or 3x3. Everything you put into this container will not be lost when you enter a raid. I recommend putting Keys and medical items into it. Speaking of losing things, when you go into a PMC raid, everything you take in with you will be lost if you die. That is unless you INSURE your items, which you will get the option to before loading into a raid. insuring your items means that if no one has picked it up at the end of a raid, it will be returned to you after around a day. I recommend insuring most of your gear, as to cut your losses. In escape from tarkov, you have 2 raid options. A scav raid, and a PMC raid. A scav raid means you will spawn later into a match with a randomized set of gear, while a PMC raid means you will spawn in with the gear you equipped at the main menu. The first thing you'll want to do in tarkov, is hit the escape from tarkov button, click PMC, click customs, click a time that is in the middle of the day (e.g 1PM), click ENABLE OFFLINE MODE so you dont lose your gear or encounter other players, click enable PVE, click next, and then click ready. You will then load the map and be placed in an offline raid. Here you can learn the map, practise PVP with scav AI, and also figure out where your EXTRACTION points are. Extraction points are a very important mechanic in tarkov, as you cant just click leave and exit the match with all your gear. Extractions are usually placed at different corners on the map depending on where you've spawned. I recommend looking up "customs map tarkov" and getting used to the layout before playing an actual raid without offline mode.
​
Once in an offline raid mode, practise some of tarkovs more in depth mechanics. Tab to check inventory, X to prone, Q to lean left, E to lean right, C to crouch, middle mouse wheel to change how fast and noisy, or how slow and quiet your going, Aim + Alt to stabilise your weapon aim, O to check amount of time left in raid, Double O to check what your extracts are, G to throw a grenade (If you have one in your rig or pockets), Caps lock to instantly slow down, Alt + E to side step right, Alt + Q to side step left, Double tap Y for voice commands, Middle mouse click to instantly inspect an item, Control + click to instantly transfer an item to your inventory, Alt + click to instantly transfer a Bag, Weapon, Rig, or piece of armor to an empty slot, Alt + T to check your weapons magazine, Shift + T to check your weapons chamber, Page up and page down to adjust your weapons zero'ing (only works with scopes or sights), Double tap Z to quickly throw your bag (useful when overweight and cant run).
​
Once back in the main menu, look at your hideout. Your hideout is your base of operations, and in the future can be turned into a money making machine. As a new player, i'd recommend not paying too much attention to the hideout until you've unlocked the flea market at level 10.
On the "Trading" button on the main menu, check each one of your traders tasks to see if they have a quest available for you. Quests are a big part of EFT and reward money, experience, skill points, weapons, armor, containers, etc.
​
Once you have familiarised yourself with the customs map, go to escape from tarkov, scav, customs, pick a daylight time, and click ready. Scav players have different extracts to PMCs' so you will have to learn them separately. Scavving on maps is a good way to make money, and also a good way to get PvP experience. Your Scav XP however does not go toward your PMCs experience, so i recommend doing scav runs more infrequently than PMCs.
​
One thing you will have to also familiarise yourself with is the tarkov ballistic system. In short, Armor classes vary from 1-6, 1 stopping only buckshot rounds, and 6 stopping most rounds excluding armor penetrating rifle rounds. For a more detailed explanation go here: https://escapefromtarkov.gamepedia.com/Ballistics
Durability is a big factor in armors, meaning that if a low penetration round were to be kept shooting at a peice of armor, it would naturally degrade and give the round a higher chance to penetrate. Armor that is zero'd is completely useless until you repair it in your stash.
Flesh damage is also a factor in rounds, such as having a 9x19 bullet that has no penetration but high flesh damage. This means that if someone were to shoot an unarmored body part with a high flesh damage round, it would be more devastating than if they shot with an armor piercing round.

Hello all,
So I have been having issues lately with my mining rig and I am posting this message a few places to see if someone has an idea as to what may be going on. I am starting to think I need a new motherboard, but before I pull the trigger some thoughts would be appreciated.
I have 2 six card setups, one works perfect. The other one started developing issues intermittently over the past couple years.
Rig 2, as I call it, is running 6 1070s. 3 Gigabyte, 1 MSI, 2 Evga.
Z370 Killer Sli/ac mobo Intel Processor of some sort 8gb ram GSKILLZ 2 PSUs 250gb SSD
Slot Configuration: PCI1 MSI PCI2 Gigabyte PCI3 Gigabyte PCI4 Gigabyte PCI5 EVGA PCI6 EVGA
The issue started a few months after the rig was built in March 2018. I would say around September, one card started having "issues" as such I disconnected the card that was not being recognized, and continued ahead. MSI card
Worked fine, then issues again. Would shut down randomly and crash. Disconnected another card and let it run. PCI3 Gigabyte Card
Fast forward a few years to mid Jan 2021, and this is the new issue that arose.
Machine would crash to an Bios A2 error. A2 states that no boot device found. Thinking the SSD is shot, bought a new one, replaced it, started everything running.
Got the rig running, installed OS and all.
Ran 2 cards fine PCI2 and PCI4. The rest unrecognized.
To make the overview short, I will breeze through some things.
To identify if the cards are bad, or the 2nd PSU is bad. I ran the entire rig from 1 PSU. And tried combinations of cards to see if any issues can be identified. I found that running any cards in either of the PCIe x1 slots, the machine will not go past the A2 error. The only case in which it would is if there is a card plugged into slot Only the full PCI2 and 4 slots can run the two cards I know to work.
Here are the results: All below tests are with a single PSU powering the CPU, MOBO, and SSD
Test 1: PCI1 PCI 2. Starts to Windows. PCI2 card recognized Test 2: PCI2, PCI 3, PCI 4. Does not start. A2 Error Test 3: PCI 2 and PCI4. Starts works perfect Test 4: PCI 2, PCI 4, PCI 5. Does not Start. A2 Error Test 5: PCI 2, PCI 4, PCI 6. Starts. PCI 2 and PCI4 recognized
​
What could be the problem? Has anyone had issues of this nature? Do I need to just get a new motherboard?

Hello all,
So I have been having issues lately with my mining rig and I am posting this message a few places to see if someone has an idea as to what may be going on. I am starting to think I need a new motherboard, but before I pull the trigger some thoughts would be appreciated.
I have 2 six card setups, one works perfect. The other one started developing issues intermittently over the past couple years.
Rig 2, as I call it, is running 6 1070s. 3 Gigabyte, 1 MSI, 2 Evga.
Z370 Killer Sli/ac mobo Intel Processor of some sort 8gb ram GSKILLZ 2 PSUs 250gb SSD
Slot Configuration: PCI1 MSI PCI2 Gigabyte PCI3 Gigabyte PCI4 Gigabyte PCI5 EVGA PCI6 EVGA
The issue started a few months after the rig was built in March 2018. I would say around September, one card started having "issues" as such I disconnected the card that was not being recognized, and continued ahead. MSI card
Worked fine, then issues again. Would shut down randomly and crash. Disconnected another card and let it run. PCI3 Gigabyte Card
Fast forward a few years to mid Jan 2021, and this is the new issue that arose.
Machine would crash to an Bios A2 error. A2 states that no boot device found. Thinking the SSD is shot, bought a new one, replaced it, started everything running.
Got the rig running, installed OS and all.
Ran 2 cards fine PCI2 and PCI4. The rest unrecognized.
To make the overview short, I will breeze through some things.
To identify if the cards are bad, or the 2nd PSU is bad. I ran the entire rig from 1 PSU. And tried combinations of cards to see if any issues can be identified. I found that running any cards in either of the PCIe x1 slots, the machine will not go past the A2 error. The only case in which it would is if there is a card plugged into slot Only the full PCI2 and 4 slots can run the two cards I know to work.
Here are the results: All below tests are with a single PSU powering the CPU, MOBO, and SSD
Test 1: PCI1 PCI 2. Starts to Windows. PCI2 card recognized Test 2: PCI2, PCI 3, PCI 4. Does not start. A2 Error Test 3: PCI 2 and PCI4. Starts works perfect Test 4: PCI 2, PCI 4, PCI 5. Does not Start. A2 Error Test 5: PCI 2, PCI 4, PCI 6. Starts. PCI 2 and PCI4 recognized
​
What could be the problem? Has anyone had issues of this nature? Do I need to just get a new motherboard?

My friends and I had some ideas for new locations, POI's and vehicles that we'd like to see in the upcoming seasons and game in general:
​

• LOCATIONS
  • A full town with grocery store, gas station, mall, school, etc.
  • A giant theme/amusement park in the center of the island (with rideable rollercoasters, Ferris wheels and bumper cars, along with carnival games where you can win better loot), Also during summer months, a water park
  • A giant Casino (that has the weapon vending machines all over the places, along with a bunch of ways to get metal)
  • A bank
  • A theater

​

• POIs
  • A beach area (Like Sweaty Sands, but with less buildings and more just beach homes)
  • 2 sections on opposite sides of the map: one that has giant buildings and the opposite having tiny buildings. (Think one section of the map is like Ant-Manor and the other is like all of the tiny island recreations in creative)
  • A mountainside laboratory (this could have different things from Chapter 1[Hop Rocks, bits and pieces of the rocket and the meteor and bits and pieces of the Chapter 2 island)
  • An Aquarium (Don't tap the glass! Holds all types of fish, including sharks[though their not rideable and are just for show])
  • A news station (Cameras and a green screen that can actually be used)
  • A travelling circus (You can get balloons and fiery items here)
  • A Train Station that takes you from one side of the island to another (all of the four cardinal directions + NE, NW, SE, SW)

​

• NEW VEHICLES
  • New Cars:
    • Police Car: Same speed as Taxi Cab, but can turn on siren to increase speed, however that could draw attention towards you (risk = reward type thing) (No siren-Taxi speed, w/Siren-Whiplash speed) (1000 HP)
    • Mail Van: Can store weapons, bullets, consumables, etc in the back, as well as players. Only two people can be in the front seat at a time (A bit faster than a Semi-truck, but still slow, also the back lift door can be broken with launches out all things inside, including players.) (1200 HP)
    • Minivan: Can carry up to 8 people (really good for larger team modes.) Unique feature is that, since the middle seat doors are slide doors, players can stand so that their entire body is outside the car (GTA style) (About the same speed as the Sedan, but is good with gas) (1000 HP)
    • School Bus: Can carry a maximum of 25 players! The School Bus is the slowest vehicle, slower than even the semi-truck. Though what it lacks in speed, it makes up for in durability, coming in at a total 2000 HP, the School Bus has the same size wheels as the Pickup Truck, though their more durable.
    • Agent's Car: The Agent's Car is unique, as it will be the first car to have attached weaponry. Akin to the Biplane's Gatling guns, the Agent's Car will have one of three different weapons. Two Assault Rifles on either side, One Gatling gun or One Rocket Launcher. All 3 have boosts and are the same speed as the Whiplash.
  • Revised Vehicles
    • Shopping Cart: When playing alone, can hold consumables (Medkits, Grenades, etc)
    • ATK: Can now hold one extra weapon
    • Quadcrasher: Boost refills a bit slower

​

• Brand-New Vehicles
  • Motorcycle: Exactly as the name suggests, it's a motorbike, plain and simple. there will be four types of motorbikes: Sportbike, the Whiplash of the motorbikes. Offroad Bike, Fast on the road, easier to get over mountains and through forests compared to the rest of the vehicles. The Retro Bike, a classic bike, second-slowest out of the four, though it still has some zip. The final bike is the Scooter. The slowest of the bikes, but it can hold two players The Motorcycles can only hold one player (with the exception of the scooter), though players have the option to shoot while on the bikes. Each Bike has a total of 800 HP, though they are hard to hit. If a wheel is popped, it will completely wreck the bike. Same as the previous vehicles before it, The Motorcycle will spawn in multiple places around the map, most times in a cluster of 4... HOWEVER, in each game, regular motorcycle spawns will be replaced by...
  • The Pedal Bike!: This vehicle is the weakest in the game. There are three types of Pedal Bikes in the game: The BMX bike is the fastest and goes quickly while off-road. The Practice Bike is the slowest, as it still has training wheels, though it can hold consumables in it's bar basket. The final type of Pedal Bike is the Big Wheel, it's a tricycle. it's slow, it's weak, it can be stopped by anything, even though there's no real brakes. Pedal Bikes will always spawn in town areas (Salty Springs, Pleasant Park, Holly Hedges, etc)
  • The Attack Helicopter: This is, in essence, as fusion of the X-4 and Choppa. Holds up to 5 players, with one pilot, each of the other players mans a weapon of some sort. Gatling guns, Snipers, Rocket Launcher, etc. When a player decides to exit the Attack Choppa, they will have glider redeploy. There is also a hook on the bottom of the Attack Choppa that is raised/lowered with whatever the equivalent of left and right bumpers are on your specific platform (RB+LB, R1+L1, L+R, etc), this hook can be used to pick up other things on the map such as vehicles, walls, roofs, etc. The Attack Helicoptor has a total of 1800 HP
  • THE TANK: This is the big one. This is what's inside the Bunker. The Tank is a two person operated vehicle, just like the B.R.U.T.E. One player drives while the other shoots the guns (A stronger grenade launcher, a basic rocket launcher and a homing rocket launcheguided missile return). The Tank does not have destructable wheels, though they are a higher damage spot (like the choppa's rotors). The Tank has a total of 5000 HP. This may seem a touch overpowered, but as I said, it's very like the B.R.U.T.E. in the way that: Once the tank is taken and starts to move, it will appear on the map. The Tank has two weak points: The caterpillar wheels and the gun itself, if you can land a direct shot with and RPG or an explosive in general, then The Tank will take major damage! Once The Tank is down to 0 HP, it will start a 3-second-countdown before it blows for good and deals 250 damage to anyone, and anything in the surrounding area.
  • The Tractor: It's just a tractor, it spawns at farm areas. It's slow and doesn't have much health (I think we just need more silly things in the game like the balloons or the snowmen.)

​

• NEW GAMEMODES:
  • Bicycle Race: A race from Point A - Point B using the Pedal Bike
  • Defeat the Horde: 5 players start as Husks, Zombies, whatever you want to call them, and the rest of the 50 person lobby needs to either outlast for 15 mins, or destroy the horde. Other players become horde members once attacked, there are three types of zombies (the ones that throw, the ones that slash and the walls)
  • Isle Defense: 8 players in Tanks must defeat Two Giants trying to destroy the island in any way they can (stomping, smashing, etc)
  • Tank Royale: Same basic idea as Air Royale, just with the Tank
  • Jewel Heist: A game mode where two opposing teams must steal 4 of the gem llamas from a building using C4, Grapplers, Smoke Grenades, etc and win by getting away without being caught by the opposing team, or by stealing the four gem llamas and eliminating everyone else.
  • Capture the Flag: 50 V 50, but each team has a Gem Llama and needs to get it to their side of the map before the other team. Best of 3, giant, indestructable wall divides the island and blocks the other team from seeing where they hid their llama. All vehicles (bar the Tank and B.R.U.T.E) are usable. The Gem Llama has the same properties as the Gas Can, minus the explosions.
  • Prop Hunt: It's just Prop Hunt
  • Escape Room: Get through 5, gradually more difficult challenge rooms before the other team.
  • The Toybox: A rapidly changing mode, kind of like Battle Lab, but you can use Creative exclusive items on the main island as well as true vaulted items (Zap-o-tron, Guided Missile) as well as choosing between the current Island, whatever changes to the Island after December 1st, as well as the Old, Chapter 1 Island. You will also be able to change the season of which island you're on (Ch1 Se4, Ch2 Se 3, Ch1 Se 8), it just won't have any sponsered/branded areas (no Gotham, Stark Industries, Pandora: However you can use the cel-shaded style.) You can also decide what you want on the Island before spawning in: You want 3 different volcanoes around the map? Go for it! You want every location to be replaced by Misty Meadows? Cool! You can do whatever you want and change the Island however you want. You can also choose to spawn in any Mythic items, they would just be name changed (Stark Rifle to Energy Rifle). You can choose if you want any AI bosses/henchmen around the map, and you can choose where to spawn them.
  • Bright Yellow: Solid Gold, but just with Mythic items
  • Truly Unvaulted: Unvaulted but there's also items like the Dart Trap, vaulted vehicles, the previously used Mythics, The Guided Missile, The Infinity Blade, the Zap-O-Tron.
  • Paint Ball: Just like Splatoon, two teams of [X] people will be armed with Paint Cannons that launch the Paint Grenades* in a contained area (Named Location/Larger POI)
  • Deathrace: 20 Players. 10 Teams. Traps, Ramps, Husks and Explosives everywhere. All in the Agent's Car. First one to finish wins......... Or the last team standing.

​

• NEW WEAPONS
  • The Cannon (Epic): I know that cannons were in the game before, but if they brought back like a shoulder cannon that shoots 4 cannonballs.
  • *Paint Grenade (Common): A grenade that does minor damage (at most 50), but covers a medium-sized area in a bright color of paint (blue, pink, red, green, yellow, orange, etc, it's random), this includes players, builds and vehicles. The paint remains on any objects it hits until they coming in contact with water. Spawns in 4.
  • Water Balloon (Uncommon): Just a water balloon. It can be thrown and will explode on contact. Does minor, flinching damage (25 headshot at most), but can be used for game modes, and cleaning off paint.
  • Elemental Sword (Mythic): Spawns on top of a mountain. Can be thrown, swung and used to deflect bullets. Using Deflect + Left Bumper or Right Bumper can switch between the four elements. Water has the effect of launching an H2O blast that homes in on opponents, goes a maximum of 150 meters before dissipating, has the same effect as running into someone in a Whiplash: Major Damage + Large Knockback. (Cooldown is 35 seconds) Fire can be swung, dealing not only a large amount of damage, but also giving whoever it hits a burn affect (like being in a 1X1 cube shot by a flare gun). It can be shot, just like water, but causes the same effect as a stronger flare gun, goes 75 meters. and can be thrown having the same effect. (Cooldown for all effects is 35 seconds) Earth can only be swung, though it deals the most damage. When jumping you can do the Earthly Strike: a downwards strike that increases in strength, the farther you fall. When it reaches the ground it causes and Island wide earthquake the stuns all other players, this takes the most time to cooldown (120 seconds). The final element is Air: This element allows you to launch a chargeable tornado towards opponents, the longer you hold the charge, the stronger and further the tornado will launch. This form of the sword will also allow for something I call: "Tornado Travel" where you start rapidly spinning and it will raise and carry you into and through the air, this will last for 15 seconds before slowly descending. "Tornado Charge & Travel" have a simultaneous cooldown of 40 seconds. Element changes are instantaneous.
  • The Homing Droid (Legendary): A small droid that, when placed will roll around for 30 seconds before either exploding or teleport back to you. There are two modes to The Homing Droid: One where you control the droid in a remote location and another where the droid rolls about on it's own. If the droid senses that there is someone nearby, it will immediately disconnect from the remote and bolt towards the sensed opponent before either exploding or coming back to you(NOTE: By disconnect, I mean that you won't be able to control it anymore, rather it will go on it's own, but the camera will remain on.) The droid will lose focus however if you get far enough away from it. It will track down any opponents for roughly 300M, though if you get into a vehicle, or just get away fast enough, you won't be hunted. It will have a separate health bar, at a total of 65 HP.
  • The Burner (MYTHIC): It's a flamethrower, plain and simple. It doesn't take regular bullets, rather it takes gas. If you have a gas can in your inventory when you have The Burner, it will gradually deplete from the gas can. It will also take ammunition from a *Propane/Propain Tank. The Burner takes up two inventory slots
  • *Propane/Propain Tanks(Around The Island): It's basically just the "KA-BOOM" tanks that could be found at The Rig and are currently found around Weeping Woods. They are bigger, stronger and can be put into your inventory. You can stack up to 5 ProPain Tanks in your inventory at one time. However, when you have both ProPain Tanks and The Burner in your inventory, a ProPain Tank will leave your inventory and attach to The Burner. After emptying a ProPain Tank, it will drop and fade out of the game.

​
I really hope you like my ideas and feel free to share your ideas in the comments! (just don't be mean if someone has a different opinion on the old island)
EDIT 1: I've added some more weapons and stuff.

Note: This is my first attempt at a short story on here. Enjoy!
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“Did you get that last one finished up?” Marcus asked. I set the barrel of the Browning .50 caliber machine gun down on the long metal table gently and smirked. I whipped the oil on my olive drab uniform pants. I picked up my olive drab uniform BDU top buttoning it up.
“Well seeing as how since the last month has been nothing but cleaning these damn things I can’t say I saw the need for it, but yes it’s still clean,” I replied. Marcus chuckled, he grabbed the barrel and checked it over before packing it back into the wooden crate it came in. Marcus sealed the crate with a pad lock and I helped him put it back on the rack were it went.
I traced along to my empty rifle rack slot were my rifle went. I looked quizzically at Marcus and then back around the Armory looking for my weapon. I carried one of the old M-16 A4’s that they only issued to the grunts going to the backwater worlds that no one really attacked. The damn rifle was more for show than use but it still functioned pretty well.
“Marcus, where is my gat?” I asked him pointing to the empty rack.
“Its locked in the pod bay with the rest. They want the pods loaded and prepped since we are about a week out of orbit range,” Marcus answered nonchalantly. I sighed in frustration.
“I don’t like that Marcus, its my god damn weapon, I’m responsible for it and when they fuck it up and my BZO is all jacked up its not their ass, its mine down there,” I growled. Marcus put his hands up in the, don’t attack the messenger, gesture.
“Don’t get mad at me man, I told them to let you guys secure them up in your pods after that last screw up. But they didn’t care,” Marcus explained. Last week they did a drill to see if they could realistically get the weapons and ammo and food loaded into the empty drop units in the event of an abandoned ship. It was a failure to say the least. Somehow I wound up with no ammo, double rations, and some guys weapon from the bridge. How they fit his new rifle in my old rack was a wonder since the hand guards aren’t even close.
“Well at least if they screw it up again, I still have my forty five,” I started patting the coyote tan colored 1911 on my thigh rig.
“Yeah well consider yourself lucky there, they don’t let the rest of the crew carry besides the duty officers and the captain,” Marcus pointed out, I knew he was right knowing that they never let anyone else carry weapons but the drop company and the ship officers. I smirked and turned back towards the door.
“Do you want any help with our other gear?” I asked pointing to the Mortars locked up along one of the bulkheads. Marcus shook his head giving me thumbs up.
“Your good man, I can get those counted up,” he said to me.
“Well with the weapons clean, I am goin back to the birthing for some rack time before I have watch, Ill see you later Marcus,” I said as I exited the Armory. Marcus gave a quick wave as he grabbed a clipboard and began to tick off weapons as he counted them off.
I made my way down the maze of short ceiling halls and narrow hatch ways. I passed the ship galley and I could smell the strong odor of freeze dried food being steamed and some low grade meat that was being cooked. It made my skin crawl and I loathed meal times aboard ship after a few weeks of no port.
Last week we had a “beef brisket” that had a green hue to it and had been boiled in a brine. I wasn’t sure if the following night in the head was from the meat or the way it was cooked, but I couldn't eat more than the stale crackers at the “salad bar” and some water. I was lucky and one of my friends had their mom send a care package and he gave me a peppermint to help settle my stomach some. I turned into the birthing area that reminded me of one of those old school submarines sleeping quarters.
It was a tight squeeze, just under a shoulder length of space from bunk to bunk. Each one was adorned in a wool blanket that was an olive drab green marked ‘REMC’. There was a second one folded at the foot of the bed and there was a over used white pillow at the head. I looked over and could see there was a mail call but I never got letters so I remained unsurprised that there was no envelopes or data pucks on my bunk like the others.
A deep part of me sort of regretted not having family or friends to send me things. It was a sad feeling to not get anything. To see other Marines and sailors opening boxes full of goodies from planets and colonies. Exotic candies, dried fruits and meats, sometimes toys or games. I had seen one Marine, a grizzled Sergeant open a box and withdraw a small stuffed animal. He carried it everywhere with him and it was a moral boost to him. I was a young boot then and I thought the man a bit of a sissy for doing that. Having been to the places I have been, seeing the things I have seen, I would have appreciated a little thoughtful gift like that.
I had a rack on the bottom closest to the floor and next to it was a locker that was about the size of a typical floor to ceiling gym locker. I opened it and gazed at the gear inside. My locker lacked in the typical ‘loved one’ pictures along the door, and mementos on the top shelf, instead they were replaced with some books on the top shelf and some motivational Marine posters on the door. In the center of the locker was a battle belt with loaded magazines of ammunition’s, a KA-BAR fighting knife, a dump pouch, a flashlight, a tourniquet and some other miscellaneous gear. I also carried my battle armor which was neatly packed into a sea bag at the bottom of the locker. It was nothing to put it all on but it was nice to have it all in one place.
I checked my gear and made sure that it was all still there and I checked to make sure that my pack was still arranged correctly. I still had all my spare socks and sleeping bag and whatnot together. It was always easier when I could just pick it up and go. Besides what kind of NCO would I be if I was just as behind as the next boot. I slid into my bed which was really just a fourth of a twin size mat on a steel bunk. A face poked into my bunk space and I saw the funny grin I recognized as my friend, Tom White.
“What are you doing in here you lazy ass?” he quizzed. I smirked and swung at him with a half closed fist. He ducked and laughed.
“I’m getting some sleep before fire watch.” I replied. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be working on one of the vehicles in the motor pool?” I asked.
“So what, now that you’re a Corporal you get to just question every junior Marine?” he asked mocking offense.
“Uh yeah, parade rest or some shit,” I said smirking. Tom waved me off with a hand and turned laughing as he walked to his bunk.
“When do we get into orbit?” He asked. I shrugged thinking to myself.
“Sometime around a week. Why?” I asked. Tom pulled out a small bottle of liquor, that looked like a whiskey and slid it back into his bag. “Oh…” I said puzzled. “How did you get that on board?” I asked.
“I know the customs guy that checked us. He rustled the bag a bit but ignored it,” Tom said with a smirk. I shrugged knowing I used to do things like that all the time. I leaned out of my cave a little further to watch him.
“Just keep that shit stowed till' we are groundside. I’m getting some shuteye,” I said as I rolled back into my bed. I hadn’t even stripped gear off. I could deal with the holstered gun but I did unbuckle my boots and toss them on the floor. The air felt good on my feet.
A klaxon alarm rang once to signify an announcement. It was always one ring and then this long five second pause before some mono toned and un-amused man would announce some mundane news that normally meant nothing to the drop team.
“Attention! Attention! We are passing through to un explored territory, all station heads please report to the bridge! That is all.” I rolled onto my side and ignored it, I was most definitely not a station head and I was most definitely going to get some sleep.
Space was funny in a way, the mad scientists on earth had managed to make the artificial gravity on these smaller ships, but the problem with this was that the gravity was never quite right. You could try to work out the kinks and make it feel right but when it came to Marines, they just gave us whatever. So whenever you lay or sat still you could feel your weight lift slightly, almost like laying there allowed you to lose ten pounds. It made for some great and deep sleep.
I quieted my head, my mind was always racing a million miles a minute. I would think about everything under the sun, mostly to quell my constant inner monologue. I feel like I would talk to myself about nothing and keep myself up. I started to do math in my head and focused on my breathing. Just like every time, it began to work and I felt my eyes get heavy as I began to drift off to sleep.
​
A loud crash and the klaxon alarm rang out. It was a steady alarm, not a single ring and I shot awake. Another boom and the whole ship shuddered. I scrambled out of bed and as my feet hit the deck I tried to find my boots. I sat on my rack and shoved my feet in as I listened to the screams and shouts of men.
“Battle stations! Battle stations! All hands!” the rushed sounding voice announced. I strapped my boots closed as there was a loud boom and another shudder. “Seal the lower decks! Battle stations!” the voice ordered. As I ripped my gear from my locker I noticed at least half the rest of the squad getting ready. Troy Gunderson, one of the older Lance Corporals was throwing gear on.
“In the pod bay! Gunderson, get your shit on in the pod bay!” I shouted. Gunderson didn’t hear me, and I jogged down the narrow corridors to the bay. I passed sailors as they sprinted as quickly as small and narrow hallways would allow. Two men clad in white uniforms were covered in burns and soot.
“Gang way!” Lead sailor cried out as he shoved past. They were headed towards the rear of the ship. As I squeezed against the bulkhead the ship jolted hard and launched all of us against the adjacent wall. I groaned as I heard the ship’s fire bells ringing. I tried to roll over onto my knees but I was caught up in the conduits along the wall. something was hung up in the large steel piping along the walls and the ship was shuddering and jolting around violently.
I could feel fear rising in me feeling trapped. I didn’t try to find what the snag was, my eyes locked on the next hatchway to get out of this corridor. I felt a fright that I would be locked down in this hallway and this ship would become my tomb in the void of space. I yanked hard to get free and felt something snap as I gained my freedom. I rolled to my feet and snatched my gear running for the pod bay.
The hatches were still open at the pod bay but there were crew members standing by to seal them trying to give us every chance to reach our pods. I dropped my bags at the deck and began to suit up. I sealed my battle armor. Scarred from the occasional random firefight over the last four years, but definitely serviceable.
I did a final check on my gear as I heard screaming and yelling down the hallway. One of the staff sergeants, Jenkins, jogged in wearing his battle gear already. He had a large scar across his left jaw and high and tight crew cut that reminded me of those old war-dogs from before. He had his rifle in his hands and began digging around in his pod.
“Give me sit-reps squad leaders!” Jenkins shouted, and I looked behind me seeing the three boots, Cowdy, Henderson and Boyd, in my fire team standing at their pods all geared up. A little proud that my guys weren’t holding us up I announced.
“Second fire team, first squad, green green up!” I shouted. Indicating that all my men were good to go. I looked back at them and pointed at their pods. They climbed in standing by. Jenkins was focused on getting everyone accounted for. I did another quick check of my kit and as my hand passed over my sidearm I panicked.
It was gone, and I realized I had no pistol on my hip. I growled audibly and turned to look in my pod. The rifle rack in the pod was empty as well and I realized what I had broken to get free of the conduits along the wall. I looked around for the weapons cart that would have my rifle. I could see it in the hallway outside the door. I rushed over to the hatch entry to the bay. It began to close and the staff sergeant screamed in anger.
“Open that damn door now!” He roared. The petty officer at the door turned to the staff sergeant and growled right back. I felt my stomach drop as I was going to be unarmed. I looked around but found nothing helpful in my predicament.
“Orders from the bridge! Seal the decks, I waited as long as I could,” the Petty Officer shouted. The Staff Sergeant turned in a roar of anger and keyed the com microphone.
“If we get the call for abandon ship we are dumping the pods and we will take our chances sending out our distress call. Remember we have enough rations for a week in these things and backup air scrubbers. Stay calm and we will make it out,” the Staff Sergeant was almost convincing but I could hear his voice quiver.
I checked my pod and made sure I had food at least. I climbed in as the ship shuddered heavily. It rumbled roughly and shook harder this time. Then another boom reverberated through the hull before I saw the Staff Sergeant clambering into his pod as the hatches shut and sealed with a hiss. The sound in the bay muffled to nothing inside the little pod.
There was an eerie feeling that washed over you in these pods. It was always just you, your breathing, and your heartbeat in your ears. You and the calmness before that violent kick out of the bottom of the ship. There was always that wait, and silence. And just like every time before, I waited breathing. In, one, two three. Pause, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. Pause, one, two, three. I controlled my breathing and felt the rush of my heartbeat slowing.
My hand grazed the broken polymer still strapped to my leg and a deep pang of shame rushed through me. The empty rifle rack to my left laughing at me, a Marine who lost one weapon and forgot the other. I felt a small level of disgrace and if I ever lived to see another Marine after this, it was going to be a secret I would bury in my mind and never admit to anyone.
As I waited I looked out my window into the bay. The pod across from me was empty. It was disheartening to see that. I could feel the occasional thump and rumble of damage that The Steel Rain was incurring. I felt my teeth chatter slightly as my nerves went a little wild, I clenched my jaw shut and wrangled my emotions back in.
Then the shaking grew more violent. I heard a metallic pop and there was a brief moment of no more shaking or noise as I watched the deck of the ship swallow my viewport and I realized my pod had been released. I felt the rumble of the jet on the top of the pod. It jettisoned me out of the ship and I went away as my observation window filled with the darkness of space. I felt my body float slightly against the harness in the free weight.
I couldn’t see the ship. I couldn’t see a moon or a planet. All I could see was stars and blackness. It was frustrating this feeling. I was trained for war. To close with, destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver. How could I do that in a single man pod? I sat in this pod quietly with only my thoughts to keep me company. I sat thinking, and waiting.
​
​
I think an entire day passed. I checked my gear and rechecked it. I ran status checks on the PDA I had on my wrist. I checked my ammo count despite my lack of a weapon for the rounds. I checked my pod status more times than I could count. We were never meant to be in these longer than a few minutes and they were better used as a faraday cage. Radios didn’t work in these so there was no way of knowing what was going on.
I dumped my five 1911 mags of the ammo, counted and reloaded the ammo just to keep sane. I didn’t want to snack yet knowing eating passed the time but soon I would need to shit and I also knew that I would be stuck in this pod with no food. I sighed, at least I have this fan. I thought to myself looking up to the right to see the small off white fan that softly blew circulating air.
I know that I did fall asleep a few times but I could only do that so often before I would wake up. My PDA indicated ship time and I didn’t look at it till after I was launched and I had no idea when that was. In all that rush, in all that mayhem of trying to get to my pod, I hadn’t even crossed my mind to check my PDA. I had turned it off so I had it later. The battery took weeks to kill but it wasn’t worth trying to do that.
I pondered over my thoughts as well about who attacked us. This was supposed to be un explored and uncharted, unless there was others out here hiding. There were stories of rogue groups of colonies that decided they were tired of earth rule and turned. But I figured at this point. None of it mattered if I was going to starve to death in the void of space.
I closed my eyes hoping time would pass faster if I slept, or tried to sleep. I crossed my arms and tried to just relax. I would have taken bullets to boredom at this point. I have had enough of all this today. I tried hard to just chill out. It took a while and I don’t remember falling asleep but I did.
When I awoke it was because it was bright. The dim red glow of light in the cabin of the pod was outdone by the bright white light coming through my viewport. I squinted hard trying to see through the white glow. For a moment I thought I woke up looking at Earth. I could see atmosphere, and ground. I could see blue oceans and greens and browns. I felt a rush of hope that was almost immediately dashed when I noticed all of the continents looked totally different. They were different shapes and sizes, and it hit me.
This is not Earth. Whatever planet I was looking at was not my home, but I was about to get very acquainted very soon. I could not see any space around the window, I was looking at nothing but planet. I knew that I was already being pulled into the atmosphere and it wouldn’t be long until I was jettisoned to the ground.
I started to turn on my other systems in the pod. I started to status check my chute, and the backup. I status checked the altimeter and shock pads. These pods were built for low orbit drops. They were built to be dropped from high altitude and land hard. We were always told they could survive this kind of drop but your survival rate was low.
I did one last check before I felt the pod begin to shake from the friction with the air outside. I was falling now. I felt fear rush through me, the adrenaline dumping through my system. I had to try hard to keep control from the panic rushing through me. I felt the pangs of fear and the thoughts of what if. I had to push all that down. This was not the time to panic.
The pod was heating up and I could start to make out definition on the ground. I was careening over water, I could see the ocean and as I approached for the next few minutes all I hoped for was land. I turned my PDA on so I didn’t have to do it later. It would transmit my location to friendly forces immediately.
I was approaching my mark in the altitude as I fell and I finally felt a bit of relief when I saw land in the viewport now instead of water. I felt the loud bang of the top of the pod separating and the heavy jolt of the parachute. My decent had felt like it came to a near halt but it was the best halt I ever had. The satisfaction that I had not just died left me smiling and laughing to the emptiness of the pod.
As I got closer to the ground I started to brace for that last ride. The landing in these steel bins always sucked. Out of all the things they developed they never settled on the soft landing. I came to a sudden stop as I crashed through the trees and I came to rest with my viewport staring at the clouds and branches.
I waited a long minute taking in the feeling of real gravity. I swallowed hard and then sighed deeply with a relief that I was still alive. I laid my head against the headrest in the seat and closed my eyes. I could hear the gentle tap of rain against the outside of the pod and I opened my eyes to see that there was a very light rain falling on the pod viewport.
I smiled and began to laugh, feeling a tear roll down my temple I slowed my hysterical laughing. I made it and I was thankful for at least that. I had no idea what this place had in store for me, but for now, safely nestled in my little steel cocoon, I was safe for the moment.

EDIT: Please also look here for an updated version with a lot more details and information than here: https://www.reddit.com/DnDBehindTheScreen/comments/isnbft/the_nine_hells_of_baator_i_made_the_layers_unique/
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Before I start, let me mention that this is the first time that I wrote something like this in English. While I think that my English is quite good, it still isn't my first language and so I lack the knowledge and cultural understanding of some words and their meanings. This is important as I try to use single words to describe themes and ideas related to every layer of Baator. Some might fit, some might be off. So please comment if you know how to improve my choice of words and if you see mistakes that need correction.
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So, recently I had the idea to base my next campaign partially in the Nine Hells of Baator, which are my favorite place in all of DnD. Some years ago, I read all the supplements but then I focused on other stuff. Since then, things have changed. So I grabbed the Dungeon Master Guide, Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes and searched through the web. I came across some really nice summaries, (special thanks to kami1996 who did a fantastic work bringing the nine hells to life in the Atlas of the Planes). But rereading the information again, I struggled with some of the ideas. The layers seemed so ... samey. Starless red sky, hot, fire. And then there was Stygia and Malbolge.
Stygia as the place where devils train their martial prowess against animals? This just felt so wrong. Devils are immortal outside of Baator. They can only be killed in the hells. Why would they train in Stygia instead of just sending the troops to Acheron or Hades, or even the Abyss itself? So that the devils respawn back home instead of ending their existence? I think that here is room for improvement.
Malbolge had a different problem: it read and felt like a poor mans Phlegetos. Fierna is so similar to Glaysia. And having the infernal court and torment in Phlegetos while the prisons and lawyers searching for loopholes sit in Malbolge is just ... unimaginative.
So, first I wanted to give every layer a certain distinct look. So I came up with the following 2 tables (had to split them for formatting reasons):
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Layer	General look	Earth	Elevations	Water	Vegetation
Avernus	Battling waste	Basalt/bones/skulls	Meteor Craters	Rivers/lakes of blood	Thorn bushes
Dis	City	Metal and Concrete	Skyscrappers	acid	None
Minaurus	Nature	Clay, humus, peat	Thick jungles/giant trees	oily brown swamps	rotten trees/bushes
Phelgetos	Fire	Obsidian/Brimstone	Volcanoes	Rivers of lava/ fire
Stygia	Cold Water	Ice	Icebergs	Dark blue Ocean	Algae and seaweed
Malbolge	Living	slate covered by flesh	giant bones, abscesses	bodily secretions	Hair, bones, teeth
Maladomini	Decay	Marble	Ruins	filth, excrement	withered plants
Cania	Freezing Mountains	glaciers and snow	Mountain ranges	Ice	Crystaline trees
Nessus	Hot Deep Pit	Limestone	Giant Stalagmite	Deepest Black	Fungus

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Layer	Air	Smells	Sounds	Precipitation	Sky
Avernus	brown smoke	Dead bodies	Eternal fighting	Meteor showers	red
Dis	Thick grey smog	Exhausts	Construction	Acid rain	no sky visible
Minaurus	humid green fog	Pestilence	Animals dying	Oily razor-sharp hail	very bright yellow
Phelgetos	yellow haze	Sulphur, burned flesh	Screams	firestorms, lightning	black
Stygia	clear	salty water	Silence	none	clear blue
Malbolge	Very humid	sweat/blood	wet gurgling/munching	bodily secretions	pink
Maladomini	swarms of insects	stench of filth	flies buzzing	thick black droplets	green
Cania	thin air, white fog	Ice and snow	Wind blowing	Blizzards	White with a blue sun
Nessus	Mirages	Moist caves	Rattle of chains	Hot rain	Deep purple

The nice thing is that every layer looks and feels unique. Also, most layers are in direct opposition to their next one: City vs. Nature, Fire vs. Water, Living vs. Decay, Mountains vs. Pit. I struggled a little bit with Nessus but came up with hot Cave/Pit theme. If somebody has better ideas, please comment. I feel like Nessus changed from every edition to the next.
Next I thought of themes that could be used to describe what these layers are about. Why do these layers exist, what is their purpose in the grand scheme of things? Everything in the nine hells is there for a reason. Every layer should have something that the others want and can be sold. I also like to think that every layer prefers its own devils. It is easy to see why ice devils feel most at home in Cania. But I think that other devils also deserve a kind of "birthplace", something where they might belong a little more than on other planes. And If I am already there, I added common non-devils as well that fit the theme I was going for:
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Layer	Theme	Purpose	Basis of Economy	Home of	Common Non-Devils
Avernus	Battlefield	Defense	Mercenaries	Bearded Devils	All different kinds
Dis	Technology	Industry	Weapons	Bone devils	Constructs
Minaurus	Exploitation	Trade	Resources	Barbed devils	Wererats
Phelgetos	Pleasure and Punishment	Justice	Entertainment	Chain devils	Succubi and Incubi
Stygia	Memories	Graveyard	Archives	Amnizu	Hydroloths
Malbolge	Addiction	Nourishment	Narcotics	Erynnies	Othyugh
Maladomini	Bureaucracy	Accounting	Waste Disposal	Horned devils	Oozes
Cania	Arcane Research	Education	Magic	Ice devils	Frost giants
Nessus	Dominion	Government	Tithe	Pit fiends	None

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Next were the Archdevils. They all promise things to their cults, but while they all pretend to be perfekt and boast of their power, they themselves are deeply flawed individuals. They rarely succeed with what they wanted to obtain. I like to think that every Archdevil represents one major sin (therefore I added 3 new sins that are a lot older than the 7 mentioned in the divine comedy). I also thought how to connect their personalities and flaws with the chults described in Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes. While most stay the same, I had to switch a few around. For Glasya, I still have to find something:
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Layer	Archdevils	Promises	Sin	Fitting cult in MTF
Avernus	Zariel	Conquest	Wrath	Cult of Zariel
Dis	Dispater	Blackmail	Envy	Cult of Dispater
Minaurus	Mammon	Wealth	Greed	Cult of Mammon
Phelgetos	Fierna	Control of emotion of others	Vanity	Cult of Fierna
	Belial	Finding legal loopholes	Lust	Cult of Glasya
Stygia	Levistus	Freedom	Despair	Cult of Levistus
Malbolge	Glasya	Bliss	Gluttony	tba
Maladomini	Baalzebul	Restoring honor	Sloth	Cult of Baalzebul
Cania	Mephistopheles	Magic	Pride	Cult of Mephistopheles
Nessus	Asmodeus	Power	Faithlessness	-

For the Cult of Glasya, I think of princess that wants to eat but still stay look pretty, of a gambler that wants to cheat and rig the game, of drug addicts that want to fell the bliss of their first hit. But with every time their cravings get satisfied, they just get deeper into their addiction. they need the next fix. And Glasya will provide, if you pay the price. I just don't know what fitting spells or boons would be.
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So, now that we have the foundations, how does this all work together?

Avernus

In contrast to Phelegtos, the layer of infernal fire and damnation, Avernus is a black waste where rocks, stones and meteors fall like rain from the sky. Huge Craters dominate the landscape. The styx mixes itself with the blood of the victims and runs like veins through the layer. Zariel rules here and she promises conquest and martial prowess to her followers. Still, the irony is not lost: Avernus is the only layer not united and fully controlled by their Lord. Independent warbands roam the layer in infernal machines and try to carve dukedoms out for themselves. The reason she cannot succeed is that her wrath consumes and blinds her. All she wants is to strike down demons and has no mind for logistics and political intricacies. An former angel herself, she doesn't understand that devils don't want to fight in Baator if they can avoid it. Why risk your immortality in some meat grinder when you can use yugoloths or hags? Of course, devils do what they are ordered. But they stick to the letter not the intention. Hold the position at any cost is a very malleable phrase. Nevertheless, her soldiers are well trained and disciplined. As such, they are highly sought after by the other lords of the nine. Which is a good thing as she needs all the money she can get to keep the machines of war running.

Dis

This is the great city of Dis. Surrounded by impossible high walls, it is a city of skycrappers whos tops can never be seen. They are covered by smog clouds that hang in the air and make it nearly impossible to breath. From time to time acidic rain clears some of the constant fog that is created by the exhausts of burning furnaces and factories. Here, the weapons for the blood war and the giant infernal war machines are created, technological marvels that rival those of Mechanus. In this strangely calculated realm, everything bows to the iron rule of Dispater. Loyal bone devils, iron golems and flying sensors patrol the streets, looking for signs of disobedience. Paranoid, he doesn't trust anyone but his automatons and his most loyal devils. For Dispater, Flesh is weak. Steel is strong. While he upgrades his underlings with artificial limbs, those that have broken his laws are implanted pain chips and thrown in the bellies of the factories, where they shovel coal to fire the hungry furnaces. Dispater dreams of the perfect city, of progress and scientific discoveries. So he takes the greatest engineers, the best inventors that the mortal plane has to offer and uses them for his purposes. But envy runs deep in his veins. No one is allowed to have anything that is not Dispaters. Even the idea that someone might think a thought that was not his first is devastating to the Iron Duke. A tragedy, for free thinking is the basis for every research and creativity, the things he craves so much. He wants others to marvel at his achievements and feel their envy. But instead, they laugh at him. Or at least, that is what he thinks. For Dispater fells every friendly jab as a deep burn. So he retires in solitude and barricades himself behind iron gates and metal walls.

Minaurus

Contrasting the artificiality of Dis is the nature of Minaurus. The layer is covered in giant swamps and bogs surrounded by impassable thicket and jungles. Undead or sick animals roam under rotten trees and attack intruders that have not already been consumed by flesh eating plants. Here, Mammon reigns supreme, the archdevil of wealth and greed. He seeks to possess all the coins, jewels, art, and magic items that exist only to store them deep within his palace. And his layer is the same. Below, under all the fiendish and deadly nature, lie resources of unknown wealth: coal, oil, metals, gemstones of every kind and size can be found. But Minaurus doesn't let you get them. Plants regrow at an alarming rate and cover up your progress. Razor-sharp hail will tear your flesh from your bones or destroy your digging machines. Many have tried to access the wealth below but only one constantly manages to succeed: Dispaters engines, for the Iron City hungers! Giant Machines with pumps and flamethrowers drink the swamps and burn the plants while colossal drills tear massive wounds in the layers crust. But do not worry, Mammon gets his fair share. But one must be careful. If something breaks and the engines stop, nature is taking its revenge. So is the layer littered with carcasses of these colossal excavators, half swallowed by the moors.
But Minaurus is not only a place of nature. In the middle of the largest swamp, fixed by massive chains to surrounding trees is the city of Minaurus. There, the coin mint is located and the largest Bazaar of all the lower planes.Here, everything can be bought for gold: slaves and even souls. As long as you pay Mammon first. Rumors are that there exists a group of rat-folk that live deep within Minaurus under the protection of Mammon. These vermin of the planes burrow tunnels from their city of blight through the astral sea and ambush all the planes that they may reach. Their goal is to get all the valuables they can get and trade it for souls. Why they need the souls is not quite clear. But Maybe this is just a myth.

Phlegetos

This is the layer of eternal damnation, of fire and brimstone, of pain and punishment. Here, the souls of those petitioners are brought that do not follow the lawful evil ideals. They are tortured till only obedience and hate remain. Only then are they thrown into the Styx to forget every memory they ever possessed. Later they leave the river on their assigned plane, reborn as lemures. While the torture is not really necessary, it increases the quality of the product and the patrons, with whom these doomed individuals signed their contracts, persist on this service. Besides, it makes for good entertainment. Especially the Chain Devils of the jingling hiter love this custom. Once located in Minaurus, are these now relocated to Phlegetos, where they relish the cries of the tormented and think of new ways to hurt their victims. Devils from all over the planes watch them carry out their duty. Like a sadistic amusement park, it is the main diversion for the devils. But punishment is not reserved for mortals. Some devils want to participate as victims and feel the bliss of pain themselves. But not only mortals get punished here. Also devils that broke the law need to be corrected. The severity of their sentence is judged by Belial, the infernal judge, who knows the laws of devils and the planes better than any being except Asmodeus. He decides about demotions, exile, torture, death, or the worst of all punishments: the deletion of their achievements from the records of Stygia. Because devils might get killed, but if they are also forgotten, then they are truly dead.
Like all other Archdevils, also Belial falls victim to his sin, his lust. It is so easy to abuse your position to sentence some a little less than others. It is well known that those who visit him in his chambers before a trial get a slightly more favorable judgment than the others. Especially those of beauty. And the most beautiful is his own daugther, Fierna. Oh, and she knows. Vanity made flesh, she uses her advantage every time they meet. She loves how Belial falls victim to her games and how easy she can manipulate the old devil to get every one of her wishes. But not every devil is so easily controlled. Most Archdevils see her for the shallow being she is. A spoiled brat that tries its best to stay on top and would long be gone if Belial was not her plaything.

Stygia

The river Styx erases the memories of all that drink from him. And nowhere in the nine hells is its magic as strong as in the great ocean of Stygia. It is hard to concentrate and to remember why you came here. Quiet and silent, the layer is filled with a special kind of melancholy. A feeling of hopelessness with no way out. How easy it would be to end it all, to fall into the dark depths and forget that you ever were. Drown your sorrows. Escape it all. Like all of the petitioners did. All except one, Levistus, the eternally imprisoned. Deep in his block of ice with no change of ever escaping, even the sweet embrace of death is denied to him. Once he envied all others for their freedom. But this is gone. There is nothing to hope for. There is just despair. Sometimes when he helps one of his petitioners to escape his doom, he feels a glimpse of freedom himself. Only to be crushed again by the reality of his sentence. He wished that Geryon would find a way to break the ice and kill him once for all. So all that is left to Levistus is the past.
It is said that at the bottom of the styx you can find all the memories that it took away. In case of Stygia this might be true. Amnizu, the Styx devils, are immune to its touch and built with the help of Hydroloths giant floating structures deep within the oceans. There, large archives of all the signed contracts and of all the deeds and misdeeds of the devils, living and dead, are collected. In addition, all available knowledge of their enemies or the mortals planes is here stored. This is the great Memory of Baator. To gain entry is nearly impossible. To gain access to the files, an application form has to be sent and signed. Next, Amnizu will copy the documents and blacken all confidential information before transporting it to the surface. Only then is it possible to view the information. But information is power and a reason why devils from other layers must visit this place every once in a while.
And when they visit, they have no choice but to see the great monuments placed on the Field of Glory. Located at the entry of Tantlin, every devil is allowed to sponsor a statue sculptured after his own liking and place it there. Some are made of ice that will soon melt and is the cheapest material, some are made of wood, clay, gold, marble or steel. The most expensive ones are made of diamond and last forever. Created by the best artists from all kind of planes, these sculptures are monuments to the achievement of the sponsor. Engraved are their mortal origin an selected deeds that show their greatness. For devils fear death, but the statues will persist. The more costly the material, the longer the devil may be remembered even after death. No one may destroy or touch them, except Belial decrees it. Which is the worst sentence imaginable.

Malbolge

When you first set foot on this layer, your impression is quite different. You might think you found a portal to the fields of Elysium. Rivers made of milk and honey flow between lush green fields where baked chickens run. Talking Swine that eat themselves and invite you to do the same. Fountains of wine and beer are a welcome distraction for the weary traveler. Especially here, where hunger and thirst are stronger than normal. So, you might as well try one of the presented meals or drinks. Or play a game of cards? Test your luck on a slot machine? Where is the harm. You will win, I assure you. Bliss lances through your body and you experience unknown happiness. You need more. And while you continue, the magic slowly fades and the true face of Malbolge is revealed.
Because once, the hag countess ruled this layer. But then, she was consumed by hunger. Not able to control her urges, she started to feast on everything she got in her hands. Until only the layer itself remained. Giving in to gluttony, she lost her mind and grew to gigantic proportions. Cancerous tumors and abscesses started to grow on her skin and, today, it is not quite clear were the hag begins and the layer starts. Flesh and skin cover the earth that once was rock, teeth and nails grow at random spots and clusters of hair act as foliage. Eyes without eyelids follow your every step while ears growing everywhere listen. But the worst thing on this horrible layer are the devils and petitioners alike. Bloated figures, half fused to the layer they are on, they eat the flesh, suck on teats and nipples and drink rancid smelling pools of secretions while frolicking blissfully. For every new bite is a new sensation and a new high. Forgotten are all your sorrows, only happiness remains. But also those that gamble, hoard items, or cannot stop playing games find here their home. This is the layer of addiction. Whatever your obsession, you won't be judged.
And in the middle of it lives Glasya, daughter of Asmodeus. She has her chambers in a gigantic skull surrounded by walls of bone. She looks down on her subjects in disgust. How weak they are to give in so easily. How they would do everything for the next fix. And she is in control of it. They would do whatever she wants, if she just asked. All their attention, all their love. Directed solely on her. What feeling of power. And she enjoys it. Craves it. She needs how her masses hail their queen! It is not vanity, not pride, it is adoration that is her addiction. And she fell for it a long time ago.

Maladomini

Once it was the crown jewel of all the layers. A place of ambition and pride. Still, Baalzebul was not content. He wanted more. But perfection is unattainable. The more he pressed, the less motivated his subjects became. They knew that no matter how good their work, they had to redo it all tomorrow. So why try. And they gave in to sloth. What you can do today, you can easily do whenever. Now the layer is a disgusting place full of ruins and filth. The stench of excrement fills the air and stirges fly around in swarms. It is the dumpster of the layers. They pay a high price to unload all their waste into Maladomini. And it would be filled to the brink if not for the layer above. Huge tentacles from Malbolge suck up what they can get to sustain its cancerous life.
The only working structure is the city of Malagard. There adminstration and bureaucracy of the hells is located. Forms are filled, applications are accepted or denied. Also, the numbers are run by the accountants. How many souls does every Lord possess? Who fails in his duties? But there is no hurry. Legions of lazy horned devils are in charge and do only somewhat care for efficiency. Rules are rules. So they work along regulations. Surely not more. For here, they are in charge. And it is nearly impossible to punish a devil for lazyness as long as he obyes the law. And Baalzebul? the years have not been kind to him. Transformed into a giant slug as punishment during the reckoning, he revels in his hate. He plans his revenge on the other lords and especially Asmodeus. And how to finally regain his honor! But for that, he would have to move. Or do something. Which, lets face it, is really exhausting. Maybe tomorrow. Or, you know, whatever.

Cania

The air is thin and hard to breath. Freezing cold fills your lungs while you stare in the white-out in front of you. Below you snow, above you white sky, razor-sharp ice crystals blow ito your face and no amount of clothing can remove the feeling of numbness that crawls under your skin. Welcome to Cania. Miles deep glaciers on top of giant mountains ranges cover this layer. It is so cold that every source of water freezes. Even the styx is frozen. So it is impossible for the lemures to reach the river bank. Instead, the get covered by even more ice. So, Mephistopheles, the Lord of this layer, has to employ harvesting companies. In small towns, located in the middle of nowhere, they search for hidden veins of the river, which they try to reach with heated picks and axes. Some of the bigger companies even employ mechanical machines from Dis. The frozen lemures are then often brought to the capital Mephistar by frost giants. The work is laborious but very well paid. For the Lord of Cania does not lack in wealth. His is the arcane research is well known even beyond the borders of the Nine Hells. He only seeks the souls of the most powerful mortals. Sorcerers, Magicians, Wizards, Warlocks. His goal is to uncover all the hideen truths, for he is already the most intelligent of all devils. Is he not the one to which the devils are sent to unravel the mystery of the arcane? It is pure circumstance that Asmodeus is still in charge. Asmodeus, he is nothing to the almighty wielder of Hellfire and the best Baator ever had to offer! Yes, it is pride that has taken its hold in mighty Mephistopheles. He dreams of grandiour but is unable to see his faults. Hubris is his undoing in every single plot against his master. And Asmodeus is quite entertained.

Nessus

If Cania resembles the highest mountain ranges on the mortal realms, Nessus represents the deepest pits. Hot and humid, the place stinks of rust and stale water. Made of limestone, a cragged surface surrounds the pit where, according to legend, Asmodeus fell from the heavens. Today, there is a huge hollowed-out Stalagmite, the mighty Citadel of Malsheem that serves as the seat of Government to the Nine Hells. Run by Pit fiends, a non-devil is a very rare sight. Only with special allowance by the Lord of the Devils himself, are such creatures allowed to touch the layers unholy surface. Asmodeus, whos amibition is so far above the others. He is the dark paragon for every devil. His schemes have allowed him to become a god! The god of Heresy. The god of Unbelief. The god of Atheism. What an irony. He forbids worship from his worshipers, instead has to bind them with contracts, still. Unable to brake the shackles that bind him to this plane, for all his power, he will never know true freedom. Like all the other Archdevils and Lords of the layers, Asmodeus is not the jailer, he is just the most powerful prisoner. And it is his sin of faithlessness that will forever bind him here.
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Ok, that is all I got for now. It is still work in progress and I will change stuff if somebody has better ideas here and there. But for now, I am quite happy how it turned out. If somebody can help me with the Cult of Glasya, that would be incredibly nice.
Thanks.
Edit: may original idea was to make Stygia some kind of graveyard. But then I could not make it work. But I think I just had a nice idea so the graveyard is back.
Edit2: I had an idea for a
New cult of Glasya, focused on addiction:
Goals: Addictions of any kind, make others depend and control the supply
Typical Cultists: bandit captain, thieve, thug, noble, cult fanatic, cultist, addicts of any kind
Signature Spells: Guidance (cantrip), heroism (1st level), Enhance Ability (2nd level), haste (3rd level)
Members of the cult of Glasya think that everyone has to find their own path to happiness. But what is happiness compared to the bliss hidden in excesses? The cult members promote every possible addiction, from gambling to substance abuse or the search for adrenaline. And they control the supply.
Members of the cult can gain the Substance Abuse trait. Cult leaders can also gain the Numbness trait.
Substance Abuse (Recharges after a Short or Long Rest). As a bonus action, this creature gains advantage on all ability checks and attack rolls it makes until the end of the current turn.
Numbness (Recharge 5–6). As a reaction when this creature takes damage, it can roll a d10 and subtract the number rolled from the damage.
What do you think?
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