Magic items. Objects imbued with magic in order to make them better, or even gain a completely different function. But apparently the only places they exist are in monster hoards and adventurers' backpacks.
Realistically however, everyone wants things that are better at what they do. And eventually, people get what they want.
Today i will go over some objects that are useful outside of the context of adventuring, as well as how they might change the world around them. I will not mention artifacts, since those are one-of-a-kind objects with pre-established locations, usage, etc.
While the topic has always existed, Tasha's Cauldron has added a few interesting toys to our proverbial tool box, which makes this as good a time as any to take a look and
Much like in the Spells and Society post, the rarer an item the more amazingly powerful it must be to be worthy of mention. Actually i recommend reading that post before this one. Since a lot of magic items just allow you to cast spells for free, knowing which spells alter the world gives a good idea of which items can do the same.

Uncommon

+1 tools.
That's right, +1 tools. Not +1 weapons.
Consider a guard. How much of his time is actually spent fighting? A minute every other day? That's not getting a lot of use out of his sword. Even a soldier spends weeks marching, or months guarding a fort, and then only fights for a few minutes or hours. Even if a guard has a superb weapon that doubles his combat effectiveness, it only makes him 1% or 2% better at being a guard[1]. Given a choice of uncommon item, any guard and most soldiers would rather have a Weapon of Warning to prevent being backstabbed, ambushed or caught off-guard.
Now consider a lumberjack or miner. They spend several hours a day hitting trees and rocks. An enchanted axe, saw or pickaxe would see continuous use in their hands. Not only that, magic items are also described as being "at least as durable as a nonmagical item of its kind. Most magic items, other than potions and scrolls, have resistance to all damage". This means the +1 pickaxe would be far, far more resilient to wear and tear than a mundane one, potentially being passed down for generations. And with your miners and lumberjacks being more efficient, you need less of them. Which in turn means you get to have more guards.
Another noteworthy thing here is adamantine items. They deal automatic critical damage to objects and are much harder to destroy. In other words, they're great at chopping trees and ores, bending hot metal, cutting cloth, plowing a field, etc. All while having a fraction of the wear and tear.

Bags of Holding, Handy Haversacks and Portable Holes.
AKA your transporty boyes.
The bag of holding is an old favorite among players, and the reason is obvious: it has a million uses.
Most adventurers use it for carrying all their junk. The bad guys in the original Baldurs Gate game used bags of holding to smuggle whole shipments to and from their iron mine base with just one guy. One of my players once put a huge boulder in it, then flew up and dropped the boulder on an enemy transport ship. And let us not forget the classic Arrowhead of Total Destruction.
All of these are perfectly valid uses. Smuggling a small object is easier than smuggling a large object. Dropping huge objects from a high place turns anything that flies into a siege weapon. And the Arrowhead, while expensive, can deal with very large threats that could level a city.
But honestly, every merchant is a smuggler at heart. After all, as long as brigands roam the roads, there will always be a need to hide your valuables in an extraplanar space small enough to fit any orifice. Not only that, the bag allows you to dump a cart entirely and just ride to your destination much faster (and therefore, more safely).
Of course not every merchant can afford a bag of holding, so this brings about an interesting topic of inequality in your campaign. Some merchants can go from A to B faster and more safely on a horse, while the majority must go with a bull-drawn cart that is slow and vulnerable. And bags of holding don't even require attunement, so once you have one and your income soars you can get another, and another... Its a serious rich-get-richer situation, and you risk running all the mundane merchants out of business.

Broom of Flying.
I'm gonna start this one with saying that brooms of flying and carpets of flying are overpowered. They are consistently better than items of similar rarity that provide the same benefit, like boots and wings of flying. The reason here is, in my humble opinion, the same reason why Fireball deals more damage than any 3rd level spell and most 5th level ones: its iconic.
As for the item itself, its pretty much a permanent flying speed of 50 while carrying up to 200lbs, or 30ft. speed while carrying 201-400lbs. Its a deliveryboy's dream... except not.
You see, the broom of flying isn't just a hoverbike, its also a drone. You say the command word, and it flies up to a mile a way. Say it again, it comes back. In other words, the crazy wizard in his tower can just tie some money and a note on the broom and send it to a shop, then call it back once the shopkeeper has tied the groceries to it. Poor delivery boy just lost his job.
But wait, there's more! If the broom can fly on its own, can it plow a field? Can it spin an "animal" traction mill? The answer is: yes. But there's no reason to use magic where a common animal would do, unless its a crazy high magic setting or something.

Decanter of Endless Water
I think anyone can see how infinite water is broken as fuck[2]. But that's not all. By speaking the command word and pulling the lid, you can cause 30 gallons (136.4 litres) of water to pour out with enough force to push a 200 pound object 15 feet. This action can be repeated every turn (6 seconds), since a decanter of endless water has no limit on how often it can be used.
So a decanter is not just infinite water, but also infinite energy provided you have enough technology to build a mill. Even more energy if you activate the decanter in a high place and use gravity to give those 30 gallons even more potential.
Do keep in mind however that in 5e there must be someone using their action to activate it every turn. In previous editions however one could leave the decanter open and it would pour water constantly.

Hat of Disguise
This wee cap is not game-breaking for its great usefulness, but rather for its ability to fuck the world up. Any charlatan with a Hat of Disguise can walk into a bank, guild, ship, etc. and pretend to be anyone. Sure it doesn't happen often, but when it happens the crime spree is enormous. And while there are ways to work around disguised criminals, the fact people have to work around it is an issue in and of itself.
Societies based on trust pretty much can't function. Does everyone sign everything? Do people start using IDs? Do organizations start using items or employing animals that can see through illusions? Is there an industry for door frames that detect illusions?
Even without the hat, Disguise Self is still a 1st level spell. Yet somehow the sourcebooks have no mention of how the world might adapt to the idea that you can't trust people to be who they seem to be. And if anyone with access to 1st-level spells can walk up to the king without difficulties, you wont have kings for long.

Ring of Mind Shielding
A great item, if you're an asshole. Keeps people from sensing your evil alignment, keeps them from reading your evil thoughts, keeps pesky zones of truth from sensing your lies, and it even makes itself invisible so nobody can notice you're wearing the "i am evil" ring. It even keeps your immortal soul from going into eternal damnation!
One thing i always think of soul-trapping items is that they're a good way for evil people to avoid the afterlife. If you're good, you want to go to Celestia, Elysium, Arborea or Ysgard. Yet if you're evil, being stuck in a ring and talking to its wearer might be better than Baator, Carceri or the Abyss.

Sending Stones
Another classic, unfortunately the stones were nerfed and now can only Send to each other once a day.
Still, long range communication is nothing to scoff at. And while hiring someone to Send for you is cheaper, the stones provide more privacy and can be sent to far off corners of the world where you can't afford to station a caster full time.
Expect each mayor or baron to have one of these, while someone in the capital answers their "calls". Something of a royal secretary if you will. While magic items are expensive, shaving days off of your disaster response time can be the difference between having a kingdom and having ruins.

Rare

Bag of Beans
An often overlooked item, the BoB is crazy powerful. It has 3d4 beans, each of which can trigger a random effect. Notably they have a 10% chance of creating a random potion that lasts 30 days, a 10% chance of creating 1d4+3 eggs that can permanently raise an attribute by 1[3], a 9% chance of spawning a full on pyramid with a mummy lord and appropriate loot[4], and a 1% chance of leading anywhere.
Why bother with tomes when you can get twice as many stats from a bag of beans?

Helm of Teleportation.
1d3 castings of Teleport every day, plain and simple. That means 9 people can travel about 14 times in a week[5].
That's a lot of potential trading to be had for sure, but why stop there?
Say your kingdom spent tons of time and money training and equipping an elite unit. You wouldn't want them to spend 80% of their time on the road and 20% solving issues right? One rare item can make your 9-men unit five times more efficient.
Adventurers are in much the same boat: small group, lots of capital invested into their gear and training, yet they somehow spend most of their time going back and forth between adventures (until level 9 if they have a bard, sorcerer or wizard in the party, past 9 if they don't). It honestly amazes me that the Helm of Teleportation is not listed more often as a must-have party item.

Manuals/Tomes
For those unaware: there are 3 manuals and 3 tomes in the game, each increases an attribute by 2 when used and then loses its magic for 100 years.
The #1 item on any adventurer's to-get list, the existence of the tomes raises far more questions than answers. Who makes these? Why are they not mass produced? Can i get a magically accelerated demiplane, throw the books in and recharge them in a fraction of the time? Why do people not abuse the f*** out of them?
And when i mean abuse, i mean make smart use of them. Say a kingdom has, over the course of generations, acquired 5 or so tomes. Then the ruler reads them and becomes super smart/wise/popular. That sounds like the sort of thing that would make the whole realm prosper. Do it on an elven/dwarven kingdom and the ruler can read his tomes multiple times, granting him a godlike mind.
And that's without considering the idea of immortals. Or even high level druids. Any lich or vampire could become insanely powerful, not only from being able to use each tome a dozen times, but also from having eons to look for more or even craft them[6].
One thing i really like about tomes is watching the party decide what to do with them after spending the magic. Do they auction the books? Trade with some elf for favors? Give it to a friendly vampire?

Very rare

Candle of Invocation
For 4 hours clerics and druid of the proper alignment within 30ft can cast 1st level spells without using spell slots. In other words, crazy amounts of healing. Pop one after a battle and in a few minutes your whole army will be ready for more. Or pop it during a battle, and have the Healing Word the crap out of your troops from a safe-ish distance.

Carpet of flying, Peregrine Mask
Carpets of flying function much like brooms of flying, except they are faster or carry more weight (depending on size). They would be a strict upgrade, except they lack the drone function the broom has.
A peregrine mask provides a flying speed of 60, but has no carrying capacity. That means if you have a Powerful Build or a similar feature it can actually carry more than the carpets.

Cauldron of Rebirth
If there's one thing Tasha's Cauldron has brought us, its this cauldron.
It has some minor uses for scrying making potions, but here's the deal breaker: you put a corpse in the cauldron, fill it with 10gp worth of salt (200lbs.) and it casts Raise Dead on the creature.
Resurrection normally costs 500gp. worth of diamonds. With the cauldron it costs 10gp worth of salt. Sure there's a one week cooldown, but who cares? I see two scenarios here: either a resurrection every week is more than the local demand, or less than the local demand.
If its more than the demand, that means everyone who dies of unnatural causes and has 10gp to spare gets resurrected.
If its less than the demand, that means you're raising one person every 7 days. Depending on how high the demand is you could be making as much as 500gp a week, or 26k a year. Considering that the DMG says a Very Rare magic item costs 10.000-50.000 gold, the cauldron can pay for itself in under two years. Even if the math is way off for some reason, it is still crazy strong.
Honestly, this should be an artifact. Or at least have some heavy downside. The idea that someone over at Wizards of the Coast read this and said "Ah yes, 10gp resurrection, perfectly fine" simply boggles the mind.

Crystalline Chronicle
Speaking of items that make things cheap, 1d3 times a day this spellbook allows you to cast a wizard spell without material components of up to 100gp.
That means two spells on average, so let's take a look at a few good options: Continual Flame[7], Magic Circle (exactly 100!), Stoneskin (100!), Teleportation Circle and Astral Projection.
The ones that stand out here are Continual Flame and Teleportation Circle. Both cost 50 and have a huge demand in the world. Where a permanent TP circle would normally consume 18.250gp worth of materials over a year, it will now cost nothing[8].

Legendary

Staff of the Magi
This is, i think, the most powerful item in the game.
Has a bunch of charges, yadda yadda, here's the important part:

When someone else casts a spell on you, you can use a reaction to absorb the spell. The staff then gains charges equal to the level of the spell it just ate.
It can cast Plane Shift for 7 charges.

This means on an average day you get 16 charges, or two Plane Shifts, from the natural charge generation. But what if you could have someone cast spells on you without spending spell slots?
There are several monsters who can cast spells at will, too many to list. But there are also a few ways for players to do it. The first that comes to mind is the level 18 Wizard feature Spell Mastery, allowing any 2nd level spell. There's also the level 15 invocation Shroud of Shadow that allows infinite casts of Invisibility. Either case allows a duo to have infinite Plane Shifts a day, which is really powerful.
As usual, trade comes to mind. But with infinite charges you might as well start a tourism agency or a hotel and/or casino that brings in people from all planes. Yet what few people realize is that Plane Shift can be used offensively in order to permanently banish anyone to any plane. Infinite save-or-die effects.
You could also just settle for a fuckton of Shifts instead of infinite, and use a warlock or four-elements monk to convert their short rest resources into charges for the staff.
Now think of the possibilities and plot hooks. Mad king banishing dissidents, Red Queen style. Alternative death sentence. A high level wizard/warlock stranded somewhere because the guy who was attuned to the staff died or got separated from him. Random archdemon bringing an army to the Material Plane a couple demons a minute.

Notable mentions

These are items i left out, but which i will get yelled at in the comments if i "forget" about them.

Anything that creates energy
The truth is that a lot of magic items can do that. Fire for heating things, wind or water for pushing things, etc. For an energy source to be noteworthy it has to provide a considerable amount of continuous energy, without charges or daily limitations. Otherwise you might as well just use a regular water mill or a bull.

Alchemy Jug (uncommon)
It creates an amount of a liquid (beer, honey, etc) every day. It does nothing that cannot be done by an amount of workers, and for it to be world-altering we'd have to go into a lengthy math argument of how many labor hours of a bee farmer are needed to make a gallon of honey, and how that compares to the initial investment of hiring a wizard to make the item.
As a general rule, if something can be done mundanely it will be done mundanely. Let the casters focus on stuff where they have an infinite comparative advantage, like flying stuff, teleportation, resurrection, etc.

Cap of Water Breathing (uncommon)
It allows you to breathe underwater indefinitely. Can be great if you have important stuff to do underwater, and might enable interaction with sentient water folk. But in and of itself, not a world-altering item.

Horseshoes of Speed (rare)
Essentially +30 speed for hooved creatures, without requiring attunement. Honestly this item does not really fit this list, but i just thought the idea of pegasi flying real fast with these was worth mentioning. Sure a helm of teleportation outclasses it entirely for travel, but that's not useful in combat.
And i really want to play a centaur monk with these some day. Unfortunately the item description specifically says you have to have four equipped to benefit, so don't even think about it you satyrs and tieflings out there.

Lyre of Building (rare)
At a glance this looks like a regular magic items, with nothing too weird about it. Until you look at its spell selection and notice you can cast them as an action.
Mending normally takes a minute to cast, with the lyre its an action, and you can do it at will even without knowing the spell.
Fabricate takes ten minutes to cast, with the lyre its an action. That means once a day you can turn the ground under an enemy into a spiky cage, his sword into sword parts, etc. Until the lyre came about the only way to instantly cast fabricate was with a Wish, and that is a pretty good combat use of the 9th level spell.

Conclusion

To be quite frank, a lot of these item uses are a little niche and wont work in every setting. Then again, that that is never the goal with these posts. I hope i have provided you with at least a few interesting plot hooks and other crazy ideas, whether to amaze your players or ruin your DM's plans.

Notes

[1] There is a notable exception however. If your kingdom has a group dedicated to fighting monsters, some of which are resistant to nonmagic damage, then those guys should be prioritized. Not only does the +1 weapon double their damage output in this scenario, it also prevents your kingdom from losing special soldiers that are very expensive to train and replace.
[2] Stuff like constant abuse of Decanters of Endless Water are why in my setting there is a doomsayer cult that believes the world will be flooded some day. As they say it, every time someone activates a decanter, magically creates water, creates food and water, opens a portal to the Plane of Water, etc; the amount of water in the world rises just a bit. Given enough time, everything will be flooded by it. Unless someone like, puts a Sphere of Annihilation by the shore or something. But nobody said the cult has to be right.
[3] The bag has 3d4 beans. Each bean has a 10% chance of spawning 1d4+3 eggs. That means 7.5*0.1*5.5 = 4.125 raised stats, on average. Sure I'm assuming you'll pass the DC20 save every time, but with proper preparation its quite doable. Be near a paladin, get bardicly inspired, have someone cast Resistance, find ways to reroll a failed save, etc. Since the eggs last forever, you have all the time in the world to stack the saving throw in your favor. Or just use Portents.
[4] The mummy lord could have anything, even another bag of beans!
[5] Someone will say "but what about the chance of going off target? What if nobody has teleportation circles?" To that person i say: associated object. Get a pebble every time you're in a region, and you wont need a circle. Buy a bit of silk and you can teleport to any place along the silk road. Buy a used horseshoe and you can go all over the country. Now I'm just imagining this badass-looking special-ops soldier, clad in the finest plate, wielding a blazing blade, his cloak cackling thunder... and with a rusty-ass horseshoe tied to his helmet.
[6] And thus is born the legend of Swolomon the Buff. He was once a base vampire, who got stuck in a tomb for 4000 years with nothing but a Manual of Bodily Health and a Manual of Gainly Exercise. Now he's... selling supplements or something.
[7] See On Spells and Society linked at the top for why there's a near infinite demand for Continual Flame.
[8] You can even make two circles at a time, but there's some math about it. You have 3 charges, use 2, so you should always be with one to spare. Until you roll a 1 on the d3, and then its gone. After that whenever you roll a 1 without first rolling a 3 you'll have to pay the 50gp or let the circle go to waste. In other words, you'd be paying roughly 1/6 of the regular cost.

[S] Swoldow's Survivor: Rome

We have had 29 total newbie seasons, and this will be our 30th, and final one. We will be bringing this season back to the old days, as this final season has no theme, no tribe divisions, just pure, uncut social politics without any division whatsoever, and what better way to show this war between newbies than in the remains of a civilization known for it's bloodshed through Colosseum sports. Get ready for Swoldow's Survivor: Rome.

MEET THE CAST:
Ultimul Tribe:

Aleksander 'Triv' Trivanovic, 20, Political Science Student (u/judge_screw_life)
- Triv is a 20 year old Political Science whizkid at one of the top programs in the country. He’s just looking for a way to keep his brain busy, so he decided to play Survivor. In studying political science, he has learned about leadership dynamics, controlling populations, political strategies, game theory, and populism, all of which he plans on using to tale control and turn other players against each other, hopefully on the way to $1 million
Angelica 'Frannie' Frampton, 21, Nursing Home Caretaker (u/Ripecornball60)
- Angelica was a bubbly, strong, and pretty girl when she was young, but when she went to her first doctor's appointment, things began to be weird. Angel was shown off, and to the surprise of her family, Angelica was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. Her parents, being overprotective, decided to seclude her from the outside world until she was 20. Her grandfather taught her how to partially control her personalities, and thus decided to aid her grandfather by working for his nursing home. She has three different personalities besides her own; a physical and calm one, Isa, a bubbly chatterbox, Angel, and an angry, seductive manipulator, Tay.
Bao Ngao, 26, Lawyer (u/Pray_The_Gay_To_Come)
- Bao grew up in Vietnam, but emigrated to the United States when he was 9. He didn’t know the English language very well and was quite often bullied by his classmates. Bao eventually graduated high school as the valedictorian, and went on to study law in Harvard University. He graduated law school and now has a wife and a little girl on the way. Bao is hoping to win the money to give back to his parents and provide a great future for his family.
Candy Nordell, 39, Car Saleswoman (u/Ilovedogs1100)
- Candy hates almost everyone and everything and this is why: When she was 8, she got bullied very badly and no one seemed to care. She told her parents and they just laughed about it so she ran away from home. She lived on the streets and found a mouse. She kept as a pet and called it Clover. Clover got eaten by a snake which caused her to hate almost everything. Candy has never had any friends, except for her dog, Astroid. Candy is the type of person that laughs when people express there emotions. She only cares about winning and she doesn’t care if she is seen as controversial in anyway shape or form.
Jimmy Mackenzie, 30, Tattoo Artist (u/SilverOwl24)
- Growing up with his mom and younger brother in Boston, Jimmy didn’t hang out with the right people growing up and got into trouble along the way. He was well known throughout the neighborhood as being a grafitti artist. However, as time went by, he transitioned to the art of tattooing. Soon enough, he not only learned the basics of tattooing, he eventually got to own his own tattoo studio AND even taught his younger brother how to tattoo. Throughout their lives, they’ve had a habit of competing against one another, even today, as they are both tattoo artists. He’s ready to go into Survivor with that same competitive mindset.
Joseph 'Joe' Heck, 24, Bouncer (u/voltfalcon)
- Joe Heck was born in a lab to be a perfect genetic recreation of the Russian leader, Joseph Stalin. Of course, he was a failed experiment and the project was consider a failed and its funding was pulled by the Russian Government. However, Joseph survived on his own, moved to the USA, and become a respectable man. Now, he wants to show the world the glory of Joseph Heck.
Kim Juri, 35, Poker Dealer (u/Gemini_B)
- Kim Juri grew up with a fairly poor family and at a young age secretly turned to gambling to support her family. She got very good and became a poker dealer at a casino. She wants to destroy this game because she knows how to lie, cheat and play dirty. She's here to win, and nothing will stop her from her goal.
Nicolas 'Nicky' Harden, 21, Daycare Worker (u/Personal_Animal)
- When Nicky was younger she didn't have many friends and usually was excluded. Since she was alone, she usually spent her time studying and reading. She usually would be the top of her class academically, but that just made her more of an outcast. Although when she got he job as a daycare worker it made her open up more and she became more social. Watching kids grow and learn made her happy.
Rita Rizalte, 24, Medical Student (u/Troopher)
- When she was a child her parents had a vision for her to become an engineer but she didn't listen to them because she wanted to be a doctor instead. She was kicked out in her house when her parents discovered that she is taking the medical class, and she never wanted to deal with anyone that controlling ever again. She signed up for Survivor because the money will help her to pay her student loans.
Tex Bennett, 32, MMA Fighter (u/wordonthestreet2)
- Tex is known for his reputation as the bad boy of MMA fighting. He has made a name for himself by using intimidation tactics against his enemies and talking smack through the press. He plans on approaching the game the same way that he has approached his fighting career and is going to use manipulation and intimidation to his advantage.

Lupta Tribe:

Blanche Richmond, 27, Pharmacist (u/peculiarreader)
- Ever since she was a kid, Blanche has always wanted to give back to the community and save the lives of others, so she went into the medical field and now works as a junior pharmacist. Just like her name, she is pure of heart, and won't ever do anything disloyal in this game because of that.
Daphne Roth, 25, Model (u/ClayTAnderson)
- Serving as an inspiration for her little sister, it wasn't all good for Daphne growing up. Having abandoned by their father, Daphne had to work at the young age of 16, in order for them to have a normal life. She took every job that is possible for a youngster like her, and after landing a job as a barista at a local coffee shop - where someone took a picture of her and posted it online - this is where her stardom began. A lot of modeling agencies called her and she immediately took the job. Nonetheless, the popularity got into her head and she became a different person. The once caring and lovable Daphne turned into a cunning and ruthless woman who's never afraid of taking risks and cutting people off if you get in her way. For Daphne - fame is all that matters.
David 'Dave' Coolganata, 31, Lifeguard (u/zohnster)
- Dave was born and raised on the beaches of Gold Coast, Australia. Unlike all other babies, the first thing he learned was to surf. At 21, he moved to his favorite spot in the suburb of Coolangatta, the beach with the most striking waves of his life. Soon he traveled the world competing alongside great surfers and in this universe he met his current wife, Kate. In surfing competitions he took the name of his favorite beach as his main surname and won many, many awards. When he married Kate, he decided to live away from the big trips but without forgetting his love for the sea. Today he is a respected lifesaver on Coolangatta beach, where he is part of a great team of professionals in what they do. Kate is pregnant with her first child and they are very happy walking on the white sands of Australia.
Jarett Adams, 26, Biker (u/LordYeet777)
- When Jarrett was 6, his Dad died, and his Mom had already died during Childbirth, so him and his older Brother where sent into Fostercare. They ran away, and lived in the woods. He thinks he can do good in Survivor cause him and his brother have provided for themselves in the Forest all his life. When he got older, he became a Pro Biker and has won over 400 Thousand dollars already from Biking.
Jenna Sunshine, 30, Veterinarian (u/Rylandoesreddit)
- At a young age, Jenna was put into the gifted program with her brother Surf, who you all saw in Swoldow's Survivor: Ghost Island. After finding out that Surf lucked out on the test, Surf was kicked out of the school. When this happened, Jenna was terrified that that would happen to her. She decided to study nearly all times of the day, and got accepted into Harvard. This however, distanced herself from Surf and thus stopped contact with him until recently, where it was only to get on the show.
Leonard 'Mr. Dickens' Dickens, 21, Fanfiction Writer (u/Pray_The_Gay_To_Come)
- Leonard is a fanfic writer that goes by the name of Mr. Dickens and he plans to tell everyone this. He can be a bit pushy and definitely annoys everyone around him. Sometimes he throws out a random Japanese word that doesn’t make sense because it says it’s in his personality. He has no idea how to interact socially, and really has no idea what he is getting himself into.
Martin 'Santa' Murray, 71, Mall Santa (u/asiansurvivorfan)
- All his life, “Santa” has always strived to bring joy and laughter into the lives of as many people as possible. He didn’t have many family members/friends growing up, so entertaining strangers was very natural to him. For almost 50 years he worked as a television personality, after he stepped away from the spotlight, he started getting mistaken for the big man in red quite regularly due to his long white beard and his infectious personality, so he decided to start working as a mall Santa and enjoys the job very much.
Pandora Evans, 25, Swimsuit Model (u/blxxdymxry)
- Pandora was your run of the mill spoiled rotten rich girl growing up. She always got what she wanted out of people weather she could obtain her goals through her looks, or throwing temper tantrums against her parents. A self-proclaimed master manipulator, Pandora plans to try her luck at controlling the game.
Shelby Toffen, 26, Used Car Salesman (u/MrMannyfresh050505)
- Shelby went to Juvenile detention center when he was 15 for robbing a local liquor store in his home town. He was always a messed up a kid and found trouble every where he went. Since getting out he's tried to move on with his life. But so far that hasn't always been the best. He went back for abusive behavior to his now Ex girlfriend. He has been straight for the past two years and has a good job. He has anger issues but seems to be in good control most times. He knows survivor is a game but he won't hide his past in hopes it helps people fear him and keep him. He is going to try his car salesman talk to further his game.
Yvette Berger, 32, Receptionist at Veterinarian Office (u/dramaking_22)
- Growing up, Yvette has always had a love for animals, as well as a love of being active. In high school, Yvette was a great player on her high school's volleyball team and her team has won many awards for it. She's always had a love for animals too and wanted to be a veterinarian, however she was too ditzy to actually be a veterinarian so she settled with being a receptionist at a veterinarian's office instead. When she heard about Survivor, she decided to apply because she wants to prove to everyone that she isn't just good at being active, she is actually smart as well.

THE SEASON: https://brantsteele.com/survivo37/r.php?c=CgGA6QI5
GOOGLE DOC WITH WRITEUPS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-h54fCfY8RXZS8DW0qncuSpYPBuHu9SRjUw_iHqxycM/edit

My Thoughts:
That was a very fun season! The cast was great, and it was a great way to cap off this series' final newbie season. Despite two easy votes in Candy and Mr. Dickens, Episode three had probably one of the most legendary moves ever in Frannie and Kim manipulating Triv into idoling himself out. Watching the whole thing unfold was hilarious. After another predictable vote that sent Joe packing, the tribe swap got interesting, when Jarrett and Franny got terribly swap-screwed, and then Nicky getting blindsided due to Pandora bluffing about her idol. The merge tribal was very interesting, when Bao, Kim, and Tex turned the Lupta tribe against itself, leading to a tie vote between Shelby and Blanche, with Blanche getting the boot, and due to that move, and Daphne and Pandora flipping, we sadly see Yvette, Santa, and Shelby fall victim to this great move. After, we see Rita work with the people on the botton to take out social threat Daphne, and later on, Pandora getting flipped on, only to idol out Tex. The final 6 were all extremely iconic, with Jenna going out by technicality through a tie vote, Jimmy being blindsided by Pandora, and Pandora falling back on her word in firemaking, leading Kim to get robbed of the million dollar check. The final three, Bao, Pandora, and Rita all were a very deserving top three, but Bao ended up getting the win due to his moves making more logical sense than the other two. Other iconic players were Kim, Jenna, Tex, and Daphne.

Potential Returnees:
Bao, Pandora, Rita, KIM, Jenna, Tex, Daphne, Shelby, Yvette

OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Just take a hard left at Daeseong-dong…7

Continuing
Well, when the props fouled the third time, I suggested we call it a day, as we’d already made some 32 sea-kilometers. We were out on the fringes of the worst of the kelp forest beds, and after a good night’s sleep, we’d be ready to deploy bright and early and get some seismic data acquired and recorded.
But, first, there was the first night aboard ship. In a rusty old tin-can with few creature comforts, as the annual winter monsoon winds wane and the seas actually begin to settle slightly.
I took that as both good omens. The bitching and kvetching I head from the locals about the ‘abominable weather they had to endure’, even from the Coast Guard types, really struck me as uproariously funny.
I just chalked it up to being sequestered from the rest of the world for so long. Put these characters in the path of a Midwestern tornado, East Indian summer monsoon, or Siberian blizzard, and they’d shit themselves blind. I didn’t really think too much of it, although it became somewhat of a game when the imperialistic foreigners tried to one-up each other with horror stories from excursions past.
“No shit”, Dax said, “We were snowed in for a full fortnight.”
“No!” several of us recoiled in mock horror.
“Oh, yah, hey.” Dax continued, “It’s just great when blizzards snap the power lines, and all the toilets freeze. The house cat didn't die until we burned up all our wood. Considering we ate her raw, she tasted pretty good…”
Several of our handlers, a few in the Coast Guard and most of the Korean scientists reacted rather badly to Dax’s story; especially when it had been gorily translated.
Seeing this, Dax stood up, got the soju bottle, and asked if anyone needed a top-up. I asked while puffing away on a large Jamaican cigar if anyone needed a smoke.
At this point, Dax was winning. He had seven of the assembled crowd run to the rail to relieve themselves of our canned Chinese dinner.
Not ever one to shrink from a challenge, I related my second-hand story of my Brother-in-law, who was in the US Coast Guard for years and years. I waited for the green crowd to re-join us and regain what remained of their composure. I figured the quasi-military national Coast Guarders here would appreciate the tale.
Mine wasn’t a gory or shocking tale, just one of the incredible water conditions off the coast of California.
I waited until everyone was settled, drink in hand, and smokin’ ‘em if you got ‘em.
“Well”, I said, “It was on board a ship much like the one we’re currently on,” I said as a rascal wave broke over the railing in counterpoint. “About the same size as this vessel, but with smaller wheels. You know these Coast Guard shallow-water boys”, I chuckled. Always meaning to jab one group or another in the place where I know it stings.
Yeah, I’m a real bastard that way sometimes.
The Korean Coast Guarders sneered hardly at me; but not too hard. They liked my cigars, cigarettes, and open disbursement policy too much.
“Yeah, anyways”, I continued, “He was offshore California in one of the US Coast Guard cutters. It was a boat about 26 meters or so in length. They were out doing search and rescue after a mega-nasty storm blew in from the west and scuttled a sailing regatta race.”
I was drawing them in with my ‘just so’ story, nice and easy, until…
“Yeah, there were several capsized monohulls, catamarans and trimarans. Damn, these things were fucking yachts. Owned by rich idiots that almost knew how to sail but didn’t know enough to get out of the way of a fucking severe storm…”
I really had their attention with ‘soaking the rich’.
“Well, the waves grew and grew, but my Brother-in-laws's boat was built to handle severe weather. These patrol and rescue boat has the capability to roll over 360 degrees and self-right within 30 seconds. Like right now, you’d never even notice this degree rock and roll”, I said as I demonstrated with my cigar, tracing out tighter and tighter rolls, and higher degrees of rocking and rolling.
“They were approaching a capsized trimaran, but the waves kept growing and growing…” I said, leading by example and having them watch me with unblinking attention.
“The waves grew and grew, and normally you’d take these head-on. But that was impossible, because when afternoon came it was slashin' rain, in the face of a hurricane west wind. The boat rolled to the left, heeled, almost keeled, a then rolled the other way just as quickly.” I noted.
They followed me as I timed it with the heavings of our own boat, to the left…to the right…
“Then, just as they were about to reach upon the trimaran, a rogue wave! Out of nowhere”, I said, rocking and rolling along with our own little boat, “BAM! Hit amidships! It didn’t roll once, it rolled twice!” I made great and magniloquent gestures of a tiny boat being savaged by a monstrous rogue sea wave.
I stood up, blew a great blue cloud of smoke towards the poop deck, and said, loudly, “Rolled over once. A full 360! Then rolled right over again. A full 720 degrees!” as I demonstrated what happened with my cigar and drink.
The eyes following me rolled and rolled as well. Some straight back into the owner’s head and some to the left, some to the right…it was like ‘Loose Slots’ night in Vegas, they were rolling and rolling.
And then racing for the rails. Topside to deliver the remains of their hearty canned dinners.
“Beat you, Dax!” I smiled as I sat back down, “I got nine with that at one. And two of them were Coasties!”
“Did that really happen?” Ivan asked.
“According to my Brother-in-law. But he’s an engineer if you know what I mean…” I smiled.
We concluded story night as we had drifted free of the kelp forest and the Captain of the boat decided he’d risk an anchorage for the night. The weather was ameliorating, the seas calming themselves down, and the wind dropping a couple of notches on the Beaufort Scale.
“Well, gents”, I said, “I need some air. The aroma down here of Chinese Aplo™ for dinner, those who didn’t make it to the rails, and the solitary head for the entire crew has lost its charm. If you’ll excuse me”, I said as I grabbed a bottle of ersatz vodka, and several cans of Taedonggang beer, “I’ll be on the aft deck; in my comfy chair and contemplating the wonder of it all.”
With that, I ventured up the stairs and out onto the aft deck.
Dax naturally followed and he found his own not-bolted-down deck chair. We had a constant flow of visitors, foreign and nationals alike. It was shaping up to be a fine night for being out under the stars, there was no light pollution at all. We sat in our chairs, drank our drinks, smoked our smokes, and argued the finer points of astronomy as seen from this part of the world.
I had several side chats with the scientists and academicians from the Korean side. They all had one thing on their minds. Well, one thing after cigars and cigarettes. They wanted Western scientific journals. They were actually trying to bribe me to get those copies, any age, any subject; of Science, AAPG Explorer, and SEPM Proceedings, anything of Western science as it is today. I said they were welcome to a couple of copies of Science and SPE journals I had brought with as an afterthought, for free. With 900 won to the dollar, they needed every won they could get. I wasn’t about to take anything for the free dissemination of knowledge.
However, if they saw it fit to buy me a drink or seven, I wouldn’t object.
In reality, I’d buy those as well.
We made secret pacts to meet at the hotel-casino the night before we left, whenever the fuck that would be. We had a lot of work before us as it stands. It won’t be for a few weeks, I reminded them.
They had no problem. If I could ask the other in the team if they’d do likewise, the appreciation would be palpable.
Great. Now I have to go get my field notebooks and make some more new entries.
Dax cratered around 0100. I elected to stay the night and sleep under the stars as the boat slowly rocked one way and rolled the other. It was quiet, dark as a tomb, and brilliantly lit up by the stellar backbone of the night once the clouds fumbled out. Tomorrow looked as if it were to be bright and sunny if the gentle westerlies had anything to say about the next day’s conditions.
The next day dawned early, bright, and ridiculously sunny as it usually does when the monsoons have departed and it had stopped raining.
“OK.”, I thought, “Time for a hearty breakfast. For someone else. I wonder what’s available here.”
I ventured down to the cold galley and there were several boxes of dry Chinese breakfast cereal, “Shredded Tweet” and the like, some sort of obviously aged bakery, and a case of Taedonggang beer.
“Hmmm”, I mused out loud, “Beer and rice crispies. Breakfast of champions.”
Dax walks in, rubbing his eyes. He sees me drowning my rice cereal in foamy ersatz milk.
“Reminds me of field camp!” I smiled as I chowed on the morning’s offerings.
After our ‘hearty’ breakfast, all the scientific parties gathered in the main stateroom. It was cramped, but the walls were magnetic and we could hang maps, well, charts actually since we’re well offshore now, and plots the day’s course.
Out in the Yellow Sea, we were supposedly over a subsurface, and by dint of being offshore, submarine, dome. Salt dome? Unlikely. Probably more of a shale dome, which isn’t a bad thing when hunting for oil and gas.
Looking at the charts, I ask the locals what our current position was relative to the domal uplift.
After several long moments of silence, I asked again.
“Umm, guys”, I said, “If you’re not going to be forthcoming with something as simple as positional data, then turn this boat 180^0’s and take us back to shore. I am fed up, as are my team, with this tight-holing of the simplest of data when you are the knotheads that asked us here for help. We get paid either way, and I for one wouldn’t mind being paid triple to sit in the hotel’s basement and drink”
After telling the translator to translate that last part literally, I sat back, pulled out a really nasty cigar, and went through all the threatening moves of firing it up in the enclosed cabin.
“You will have to excuse us”, came the reply from one of the elders, “We are not used to dealing with oegugseon [foreigners].”
“Are you used to following orders?” I asked brusquely.
“Of course!” came the near-unanimous reply.
“Great. Then consider this an order: You will relay the appropriate information when asked by any Westerner on this cruise. Consider it as coming from the Supreme Leader of this expedition.” I noted.
Using the term ‘Supreme Leader’ was both a bow to their current bad-hair-cut in charge and my desire to let them know I was serious as a kick to the scrotum about the whole fucking deal.
There were a couple of gasps and some consternatious talk, but eventually, one brave soul got up, walked over to the chart, and pointed to our relative location.
“There”, I added, “That wasn’t so hard, was it? Didn’t hurt in the least, did it?”
There were a few chuckles amongst our national colleagues, so I figured that was at least a little progress.
“OK, then”, I continued, “Volna? Ack? You’re up to bat.”
I turned the proceedings over to the geophysicists. They would devise the configuration of the towed array, our speed, direction, charge size, which was based on depth, and all the other geophysical flips and twists one has to do in order to acquire the best data.
This shit doesn’t come cheap. The Mesozoic-Paleozoic marine residual basin in the South Yellow Sea where these domes live is a potentially significant deep potential hydrocarbon reservoir. However, the imaging of the deep prospecting target is quite challenging due to the specific seismic-geological conditions. In the Central and Wunansha Uplifts, the penetration of the seismic wavefield is limited by the shallow high-velocity layers (HVLs) and the weak reflections in the deep carbonate rocks. With the conventional marine seismic acquisition technique, the deep weak reflection is difficult to image and identify. We confirm through numerical simulation that the combination of multi-level impulse source (i.e., explosive) array and extended cable used in the seismic acquisition is crucial for improving the imaging quality.
With that, we’re going to be recording a minimum of four stacks, with a receiver interval of 25 meters. The array will have a shot interval of 50 meters, with a 25 meter near offset, and a 2500 meter far offset. We will attempt to record 180 channels, off-end, with a sampling period of 0.5 seconds, and a record length of 5 seconds. We’ll sail the same course 4 times to verify previous records and attempt to add ‘fold’, i.e., extra data from the same point, to the overall records.
That’s the plan, at least.
Loads of preparation, logistics, and execution.
After a half an hour or so, both Volna and Ack are finished with the national scientists.
They set down their notebooks, pens, notes, and pointers; walk out of the meeting room and directly over to the galley.
“Hungry, fellas?” I inquire.
“Rock?”, Ack asks, “You have explosives here, right? Sink us. Just fucking sink us right now.” As he pours himself and Volna a stiff shot of real vodka.
“Uh, oh. Problems in Dreamland?” I ask, utilizing the derogatory name for the geophysical domain of exploration data.
“Un-be-fucking-believable.”, Volna adds.
“Your colloquial American is coming along well, Volna.” I snickered a bit.
“I learn from you”, he spat, “Cannot believe this. They don’t record while underway. They tow single array and stop. Then drop dynamite over side. They record. Then they do it again. Claim this gives them good fold. This is bullshit. You said devise program. HA! Take us to shore and let me teach them the fucking basics of geophysical acquisition. Then in a few years, we come back and do it right.”
“Oh, fuck”, I reply, wincing, “That bad?”
“Oh, no”, Ack continues, “It’s worse.” As he down 100 milliliters of booze in one draught and pours another for Volna and is own self, “No on-board demultiplexing. No on-board pre-processing. No-onboard QA/QC. No on-board anything. It’s fucking hopeless. Sink us, I’d rather take my chances with the sharks.”
“They can’t do all that stuff or they won’t do all that stuff,” I asked, expecting the worst.
“Oh, it might be possible, with this museum-grade crap they call a computer they have on-board. It’s just time-consuming, tricky, and will need constant attention. But with this raft of sad-sacks, flub-a-dubs and third rate hobbyists?” Ack and Volna agree as one.
“Consider it job security”, I replied, “How about this? One test loop and we use that data to do what’s necessary; just once. Then we can say we’ve shown them the way. After that, I’ll leave it up to the National scientists.”
“Good thing we have 2 full days, Rock”, Volna said, “Because we do a single AC (acquisition) run, it’ll take the rest of the time to show these buggers how it’s done.”
“Ack? You agree?” I asked.
Ack agreed, in spades.
“OK, gentlemen”, I said, “Let’s make it so. About time, too. I haven’t blown anything up in a couple of weeks. I’m getting antsy. Let’s go tell them the good news.”
“NO! WE REFUSE!” was the cheery response from the nationals when Ack, Volna, and I laid out the rather lengthy program for the next couple of days.
“OK. Someone tell the Captain to head for home. We’re done here.” I calmly told our handlers and the translators.
Panic in Pyongyang.
Immediately, there is this hue and cry about how this was not supposed to be how this trip was going to work. This was to be an acquisition trip only. This was to be a one-off to show Best Korea geophysical prowess. This was supposed to be data gathering trip on the Western scientists…
Oops.
That last one was a bit of a mistake.
I turn to one of the translators and ask them to re-translate that last part, just in case I was hearing imaginary things.
“Oh, yes”, he replied, “He said they were here to gather data on the Western Scientists as well as offshore data.”
“Is that a fact?” I reacted. “Please tell them I need to see all my team members on the fantail immediately if you would. Sorry, translators and nationals not included in this little meeting.”
We reconvene on the fantail a few minutes later. I walk in on this little conclave with cigar and drink in hand.
“OK, gents”, I say, puffing a huge blue cloud, swigging a tot, “Here’s what I think we, as responsible international scientists, should do in this regrettable situation. We were asked to come here, with provisions that we would not be under cynosure, observation, or surveillance. Given ‘Open and Free Access’, no questions asked. We were to be treated as “esteemed guests”. This is obviously a load of dingo’s kidneys. I think we need to get as creative as possible and do whatever we can to provide as much deliberate misinformation to these characters to annoy, amaze, or disgust them as much as possible. Comments?”
There’s a general buzz, but no real dissention. After a few moment's discussion, Dax suggests we get a load of XXXXL condoms, and leave them around packaged as “Texas Medium”.
“That’s the spirit”, I reply. “Anyone one else up for a little Psychological Operations on our not-so-clever-nor-truthful hosts?”
We all agree that we will, in our own little way, start a campaign of deliberate misinformation, misdirection, and general petty bullshit nastiness for our hosts to discover and by which be dismayed.
Everyone’s in agreement. This trip has been a rotund bale of jeers from the get-go.
Promises made, promises broken. Itineraries approved then inexplicably disapproved. We make requests, they accede; and then nothing ever happens. It’s most frustrating.
We’re tolerating a lot of horse, bull, cow, and assorted other farmyard excrements; all in the name of international harmony and scientific goodwill. This has been an outgoing one-way street for too long. We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.
“Hellfire and Dalmatians!” I growl, growing angrier every minute I think about the subject, “We need to take the high, low, and middle ground on this offensive. Nothing too overt or obvious; however we need to jank these bastards good. But they can’t realize they’re being janked…!”
Ack cuts in.
“The esteemed Dr. Rock is right. Psychotic...but absolutely right. We got to take these bastards. We could fight them with conventional weapons. That could take years...cost millions of lives. In this case... I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires...a really futile and stupid gesture... be done on somebody's part.”
There’s a general buzz among the assembled.
“And we're just the guys to do it.”
Shouts and catcalls of deep agreement.
“Operation ‘Confound-a-Korean’” is now enacted.
“About fucking time!”
“Let’s do it!”
“Dissen gonna be bery messy! Me no watchin!”
“OK, I think, “Who’s the prequel-series wiseass?”
“OK, gentlemen”, I continue, “We continue with our scientific duties. No fucking around there. But, when it comes to…interpretation…opinion…or personal viewpoint; let’s go full impede. Dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with bullshit.”
We all agree and after a couple of quick rounds of old thought provoker, we realize this trip has just taken a hard left into Wackyland. We will have to let our comrades onshore know of this, but that can wait until we return. Right now, we all have jobs to do. Real jobs, serious jobs, covert and sneaky jobs…
So, it’s back to the recording shack as we lay out the plans for the next couple of days.
Volna begins: “OK, listen up you primitive screwheads. We’re going to assemble and layout a recording array that’s called a Meisenheimer Triplet. You do know what a simple Meisenheimer Triplet is, don’t you?”
There’s a slight murmur from our national friends, but in the end, they all plead ignorance.
“Right. Thought so. A Meisenheimer Triplet is a central towed array flanked by two shorter, subparallel flanking sub-frammitz arrays. We will assemble this array on-board, even though it’s probably going to take every ounce of silver solder and electrician’s tape you’ve got. The amount of data received is orders of magnitude greater than any single Sheriff-sonde array, like the ones you been using.”
Suddenly, there are nods and murmurs of agreement.
“Right”, Volna smiles sinisterly to me, “With that, we’ll need to devise an explosive package, well, actually, a series of explosive packages based on the harmonia of the pre-bottom fore-sets, water depth, tow vehicle velocity, water column density, and decomposition coefficients of the said water column. Oh, yeah. Fish too.”
Volna is really getting into the spirit of the affair.
“Who is your explosives engineer?” Ack asks, “He’s going to have to do some serious number-crunching with all the pre-blast data we’ll need to supply. “
One quick translation and there’s nothing but long faces and querulous looks from our national crowd.
“We have no explosives engineer”, the head Best Korean geophysicist laments. “Explosives are very, very heavily regulated by the government. That’s why we have several Government Observers on board. They handle the explosives.”
“Oh?” Ack remarks, “Are they fully up to speed on the Barnard-Reichmann equations for hydro-displacement of serial charges? Which subset of the marine rarefication coefficients do they employ?”
“Ummm, don’t know.” was the answer.
“Don’t know? Well”, Volna continues, “Then, they must be pretty good with the Langefors-Kihlström formulae, right?”
“No. Not as such.” Came the response.
“I see”, Ack sighs, “Well, then, I guess they must utilize the Il’yushin algorithms then. OK, it’s a bit old school, but they should still work.”
“Ah. Well. No.” was the rejoinder they offered.
“Well, then what the fuck do they use?” Volna explodes, “A modified Ambraseys-Hendorn model? Ghosh-Damen 1? Ghosh-Damen 2? Indian Fargin Standard? Prejaculated Rai-Singh protocols, fer’ chrissake? Which?”
Nothing but shaking heads and wringing hands.
“They take a case of dynamite, wire it up, and throw it overboard with a long fuse.” Was the eventual answer. “That’s why we stop to record.”
Long, exasperated sigh later, “Jesus Q. Tapdancing Christ on a crème cracker. No wonder you never get anything done.” Volna continues, “You characters are in luck. You just happen to be so lucky to have an internationally-renowned Master Blaster right here on board ship today.”
Volna turns the crowd over to me, “Doctor? Do your damnedest. And good luck.”
“Thanks, Volna”, I say, cigar in one hand, stalwart drink in the other, “OK, guys. Here’s the deal. When it comes to explosives and explosive design, I’m the hookin’ bull. No one has authority over me. Not the Captain. Not the boson’s mate. Not the Captain’s Consort even. Nor the guys in the cheap shiny suits. What I say, goes. No exceptions. No hesitation. We green or are we going back to shore?”
“Cholog?” they ask.
“Yes. ‘Cholog’. Green. Are we understanding one another? Are we all in agreement? Are you fuckin’ diggin’ me, Beaumont?”
There’s some quick back and forth in Korean, a lot of seeming bad noise. Even the shiny suit squad and Coasties join in the fun.
“Grudgingly, we agree. Green as you say, Doctor Rock. You are the one in charge.” Came the head national’s reply.
“Splendid. I’m in charge of the charges.” I chuckle, puffing an enormous cloud of expensive Oscuro smoke, “Volna, Ack; please get me the required parameters. I’ll be in the ordnance locker to see what we’re working with here. C’mon fellas, chop-chop!”
Volna and Ack take their select set of geophysical wishers and wannabes while I get the rest of the locals, the shiny suit squad in reserve, but in tow.
I head off to the ordinance locker.
Dax runs behind “Hey! Wait for me.”
“We have to”, I snigger a reply, “We’re going to need a drinks runner.”
“Marvelous…” was the one-word response.
We get to the locked ordinance locker. It’s one of the few original structures remaining on the ship. The boat was torn down almost to the waterline and re-built for seismic acquisition, but they had enough brains to realize that the source of the seismic signals was usually explosive in nature. Dinoseis and Mini-Sossie were closed books to them.
Therefore, the locker remained intact, however grudgingly.
“Whew! And what a locker.” I whewed. “And what a lock. OK, who’s got the keys?”
There are general hemming and hawing and no one seems to know where the keys for the ordinance locker are kept.
“Well, gents”, I say, pointedly, “I would suggest that one or more of you toddle off and fucking find the goddamn keys or this will turn out to be a very short and unproductive trip, indeed.”
A while later, a bit longer than I personally care for, the boat’s Captain wanders up, all a-scowl and generally pissed-off looking.
“Who here needs the key to the explosives locker?” He asks in his Captainly, no-nonsense manner.
There’s more muttering and murmuring, but eventually, all fingers point toward me.
The Captain looks at me.
“Hello.”
He’s giving me the once over with a LASER stink eye. I don’t know which irritated him the most; the lit cigar, the drink, the Stetson, Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, Scottish knee socks or field boots.
“And who the hell are you”? He asks, oh, so wrongly, through an interpreter.
I stand up, fully puffed to full mammalian threat posture and say in a loud steady voice;
“I’m THE Doctor Rocknocker, the MOTHERFUCKING PRO FROM DOVER!, that’s who.”
Since I had a good 6 inches and way too many kilos on him; my loud, American and very un-oriental answer took him completely by surprise.
His eyes got as big as dinner plates and he shakily held out the ring of keys for the explosives locker.
“Why thank you very much”, I said, bowing in his direction ever so slightly. Wasn’t his fault he wasn’t totally clued in on all the recent goings-on aboard his vessel.
I toss the keys to Dax, “Here, earn your keep.” I snickered.
Dax deftly fields the keys, chuckles back, and begins the game of ‘which key for which lock’?
I thank the Captain and explain that I’m the de facto leader of this special education class, and make some pointed, mild epitaphs about landlubbers, national scientists, and the cargo of the totally clueless on board.
He sees I’m not a total boor and relaxes some. We haven’t really had a real introduction, so I grab a translator and engage the Captain in a short, though insightful conversation.
Cigars were exchanged. Handshakes were as well.
Seems he’s just as aggravated by these know-it-alls who really know-fuck-all. We see eye to eye and part friends once Dax finally figures out the combination to the weapons locker.
“Holy fuck!” I exclaim, “Now that’s a door.” I say looking at the slowly-opening covering of the weapon’s portico. Fully five solid inches of solid steel. Triple reinforced hinges. Deadman's latches. Bringles-jams and solid, non-decabulated cast-steel cross-members.
Just the thing to contain an errant blast and send all that excess energy skyward instead of into the bowels of the boat.
OK, bonus points for that design feature.
I look inside, but it’s dark and fragrant as the inside of an irritated oyster in the bottom of the Tonga-Kermadec Trench.
Dax fumbles around and finds the light switch.

FLIP

“Hmmm.” I hmmed. “Well, we’re all set for dynamite, I see.”
Case after case after case of leaking, cheap-ass Chinese knock-off sort-of Du Pont-style 50% dynamite. Box after box of Pseudo-Dyno-Nobel blasting caps. Delaminating, unwinding spools after spool of “PrimUcord”. Sticky “Korea” brand silk-woven coated Demolition Wire.
“Gads.” I sigh. “What a nightmare. Either this stuff goes off when you give it a dirty look or it doesn’t go off at all.”
Dax looks to me, “So, the trip’s a bust. Is that what you’re saying?”
“If we don’t find something that’ll work, probably,” I reply. “This shit’s worthless.”
We continue to search after I shoo everyone but Dax out of the locker. It’s damp and musty in here, smelling disconcertingly of kerosene, gherkins, and old sardines. That’s one sure sign of dynamite going bad. I warn Dax to be extra careful, that this stuff hasn’t had the best of handling. We could be in for an unexpected surprise.
So, we redouble our efforts and are much more circumspect.
Knock-off this and fake-ass that.
All Chinese in origin. It might have worked one day; but after sitting in here, unattended, unturned, and uncared for? I’m ready to both literally and figuratively pull the plug on this whole fiasco.
Dax is all smiles.
“Doctor?” Dax asks, “What is it that would make you happy?”
“A nice fishing boat, a huge never-emptying bank account, endless cigars, and a comfy chair back in the north of Baja Canada in a tavern on a good fishing lake,” I replied.
“Well”, Dax smiles, “I can’t do that, but how about this?” as he opens a cleverly hidden door.
I look in, let my eyes adjust to the low-light scenario to see no lakes, no huge bank accounts, nor fishing boats; but what I do see makes me smile wide.
It’s a sub-locker full of familiar Made-in-the-USA, True Blue, American-manufacture cyclo-trimethylene-tri-nitramine, or Good Ol’ C-4 explosive. Block after lovely hexahedral block of the stuff.
“Dax”, I say, “Take a gold star out of petty cash. You’ve just saved the mission.”
“I’ll settle for a tall vodka and one of your cigars”, Dax smiles.
“Later”, I say, “We now have a little job which to attend.”
With C-4, designing the impulse charges is seriously a walk in the park. They’re already waterproof, so all I need is water depth and the number of seconds to which they want to record data. I can bundle a series of blocks of the stuff, charge them with a couple-three or four, just in case, blasting caps, and connect them with stout lengths of demolition wire. These will be dragged, with a ‘Herring Dodger’, to control depth, behind the boat as we are underway.
It’s a novel idea, I know. One that’s only been in use in the west for about 60 years.
We’ll drag a daisy chain of C-4 packets. One after another, individual charges in the packets will detonate milliseconds apart. I can bundle the packets so that we can run a charge string of up to 12 discrete packets which will attenuate the amplification of the arrhythmic flux, I tell one of my Korean onlookers.
With this set-up, we can record data for literally sea-miles.
First, we will moosh the C-4 into a flattened, semi-hydrodynamically stable pancake or airfoil, OK, hydrofoil, shape; wire three or five of them together, charge them, then repeat.
Depending on what parameters Volna and Ack supply, the chain will just be a number of similar packets, trailing one after the other, detonating from back to front; down below the hydrophones, but well above the seafloor.
We know that the hydrophones will be at or very near the surface, but we need to know, explicitly, the basal bathymetry of the area we're about to shoot. Wouldn’t do anyone any good if we drove over a seafloor hump and dragged the C-4 over it to have it detonate prematurely.
Or not at all.
So, we need to plot our course and sail it today while we get the hydrophone arrays built and we image the seafloor where we’re going to do some blasting. After that, it’ll probably be an all-nighter to create the blasting strings so we can spend the next day recording, and then head for home as we’re nearly out of victuals and potables.
At least, that’s the plan.
I convene a quick meeting and we plot a course on the latest charts. 30 kilometers of recording.
Shit, that’s going to be a lot of explosives. Doable, but a pain.
Remembering the quality of the recording equipment, I suggest we do a test run in the morning of just 5 kilometers. If that works, and we can up it in increments.
Dax, Sagong the head Korean geophysicist, and I go to visit the Captain.
We visit the Captain and lay out our plans. He has no objections, as were in Best Korean waters and there are no obstacles out here like sunken wrecks, kelp forests, American aircraft carriers, or other impediments.
With that, we tell him to align the ship and let us know when he can begin doing the recon sortie.
He says that he can do that immediately, and before we're out of the pilothouse, we’re recording bathymetric, i.e., depth, data. The technology’s not much different, nor advanced, than a standard Lake Winnebago fish finder, so that’s one disaster sorted.
We are sailing along in a series of parallel straight lines, which when the data are played back and deconvoluted, will give us a good idea of the bathymetry which we’ve been motoring over. It’ll basically give us both a depth map and a surface, ok, bottom, map of the seafloor above which we’re sailing. A little basic submarine hyperbolic quantum trigonometry and well, we have the data we need to plug into the various equations to see what we’ll require when we want to record seismic data to 5000 milliseconds.
With that, there’s not much else to do until we have the survey map. I dragoon Dax and Cliff into helping me inventory the explosives bunker.
“The hell with the dynamite, PrimUcord, and other Oriental-Knockoff Horseshit”, I instruct my helpers, “Let’s just count up the C-4, and see what our tally is. Oh, yeah, give me a tally of the blasting caps. Gotta use those ratty bastards, they’re the only actuators here I sort of, kind of, trust.”
With Dax, myself, and Cliff, we’re done in less than an hour. I decide that I’ll be the keeper of the keys and take them back to the Captain my own self. Rules of engagements, chain of command and all that hogwash.
I hand the keys over to the Captain and instruct the co-pilot to make an entry in the logbook that I returned the key to the Captain, this date, this time.
“By the book. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.” I muse.
To be continued…

"Chillwave" turns 10 years old today

Chillwave turns 10 years old today. Chillwave is curiously well-known among indieheads as a term but also somewhat misunderstood, maligned, and neglected. In the wake of this anniversary I began writing about it’s origins, it’s run from 2009-2011 and it’s subsequent influence on indie electronic music and indie music overall since.
Part of this plan was to highlight the big four - not three - artists key to it’s sound: Washed Out, Toro Y Moi, Neon Indian and Memory Tapes. In particular I wanted to set forward the case that Dayve Hawk’s run as Weird Tapes/Memory Cassette/Memory Tapes was not only crucial to the genre but arguably encapsulated it the best. I also wanted to flesh out the tangled web of various artists and genres closely related and essential to chillwave emergence instead of the usual focus of the handful of core musicians mentioned above that so many features have relied on. Phillip Sherburne’s 2010 article is a good example of what I mean by expanding on the list of music related to chillwave.
Ian Cohen’s amazing feature on chillwave from June 25 took much of the wind out of the sails of my motivation to write about chillwave, but I nonetheless wrote out an grand overview of sorts which I’ve posted below. It would of been the first part of a series of more detailed and likely less verbose essays broken up in sections: proto-chillwave music before 2009, a section on each of the ‘big four,’ another with notable mentions, and a section about everything since 2011. If you are interested I can write and post these over the next few weeks or months, along with playlists.
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Exactly 10 years ago “chillwave” was established as a genre, coined July 27, 2009 on the infamous blog Hipster Runoff in a quintessentially snarky yet borderline insightful post by Carles. It was a flash-in-the pan moment, albeit a substantive one long enough to sustain itself for over a year, culminating in SXSW showcases and the “summer of chillwave” in 2010. Discussion of chillwave online outlasted the overt participation of it’s core artists: in 2011 Memory Tapes, Toro Y Moi, Washed Out, and Neon Indian effectively bowed out from the genre’s main tropes, each releasing a ‘post-chillwave’ album of sorts as they moved on into their own artistic directions.
Only in hindsight can it be said that chillwave occupies a truly unique existence as a genre, an existence that can not be compared to earlier scenes or movements nor expected of trends to emerge in the years ahead. These musicians were united under a genre they neither embraced nor rejected. There was never a “scene” in any geographical manner, or even in a virtual sense as there has been with vaporwave. It was never as vague or nebulous as the “glo-fi” or “hypnagogic pop” style descriptors that have aptly been applied to artists that have both preceded and succeeded chillwave. In terms of legacy it was neither unfairly dismissed, despite its influence, the way witch-house was, nor is it a all-but-forgotten microgenre footnote in late 00s / early 10s history the way seapunk or wonky are.
It can be argued that at its core chillwave is a contrived label, a means of distinguishing it’s artists from it’s underground cousins glo-fi and hypnagogic pop and likewise arbitrarily categorizing specific musicians who fall under more comprehensive genres of synthpop, and electronic, and even broader styles of “dream pop” or “indie electronic.” It's no coincidence that an earnest effort by Pitchfork to dedicate a website, Altered Zones, to the varied yet broadly related minutiae of such underground artists and labels, was similarly doomed from the start, lasting just over year. The dilemma of genrewave. In fact if there’s one incessant footprints of chillwave it’s the ushering of vague hashtag styles, everything from Spotify’s ham-fisted “fluxwork” and “escape room” nonsense to lofi chillout hiphop beats to study to youtube playlists.
The real legacy of chillwave’s moment in the sun from 2009-2011 was bridging the gap between unabashed lo-fi weirdness of underground scenes and bedroom producers and more established producers making slick, more cautionary electronic pop and dance music. Before 2010 pop tended to be retro-informed, not explicitly retro-styled. The novelty of overt retro sounds of past music, especially from the late 70s to late 80s era chillwave drew from, were no longer cheap style nods made in the name of irony or gimmick but instead sincerely embraced by chillwave artists. There were plenty of 90s and 00s retro-minded music projects delving into overtly “summer” sounds but they worked within confines: ambient house groups KLF, The Orb, and Global Communication, l the critically acclaimed yet leftfield IDM projects Boards of Canada, Casino Versus Japan, and Freescha, Beck’s cheeky and gimmicky postmodern pop, Bjork’s diverse song stylings on her debut album, the shimmery warm ambient sounds within shoegaze and dream pop like later era Cocteau Twins and Slowdive or Yo La Tengo’s “Today Is The Day”, exotica and lounge music revival via Stereolab, Pizzicato Five and the Ultra Lounge compilations. The list goes on. It wasn’t until Panda Bear’s Person Pitch in 2007 and a string of releases by Sun Araw, L.A. Vampires, and Ducktails (many via the L.A. area label Not Not Fun) in the same timeframe that proto-typical chillwave took form as it did across the Atlantic via neo-disco and Bearlic Beat influenced bands Air France, The Tough Alliance, Studio and The Embassy. While not directly influencing the core chillwave artists directly (for the most part, Memory Tapes was contacted by Air France and later remixed them) they warmed up indie audiences to the vibe so central to chillwave’s general sound.
Despite the litany of precursors and influences, it was nonetheless the core chillwave artists that firmly and finally injected unabashed retro and vintage aesthetics and styling into indie music. Part of it was a lack of commercial liability in terms of appeal - mp3 blogs and social media pages cut the middleman of distro and major indie PR and let bedroom production and it’s DIY ethos get buzz far more immediately. They didn’t try to work within existing genres. They didn’t just drawn on old samples for a melodic hook or one-off song, they made it core to their musical output. The tape warbled, lo-fi samples of Boards of Canada could be coupled with pop vocals. Tropical sounds and instrumentation didn’t have to be in the form of instrumental downtempo electronica or chillout rave music. The utter experimental tendencies of hypnagogic pop like James Ferraro or Ariel Pink could be dialed down without losing any of its core weirdness and retro-sylings. It’s no coincidence that Best Coast - Bethany Cosentino’s surf rock-tinged summery garage rock project that paralleled chillwave’s emergence in 2009 - split off of Pocohaunted, another lynchpin in LA’s hypnagogic pop scene.
In other words the vast treasure trove of past music to sample or emulate was truly opened up as a viable option for indie musicians without hesitation or constraint. It help revitalize psych rock and dream pop. It’s not a stretch to say acts like M83 or Tame Impala would not have produced their unabashedly retro-tinged albums of the last decade. There wouldn’t be such mainstream appeal of media like Stranger Things and it’s soundtrack. The entire scope and direction of EDM in the 2010s toward a blender of genres it is now would have likely remained stratified and categorized in specific styles and tempos à la house, trance, techno, drum and bass, etc. as they were in the 2000s and earlier.
Chillwave isn’t alone in bearing responsibility for this, but it certainly stands out as a key example. One other genre comes to mind in it’s similarly rise and fall and subsequent pollination of vast influence and derivatives: dubstep. It bubbled within the electronic music communities and, ironically, already moving past it’s core sound when it exploded in popularity around 2009-2010. “Post-dubstep” and “bass music” succeeded it with much longer lifespans. Quirky and (and in the case of ‘brostep’ controversial) offshoots like wonky, future garage, future bass, etc. developed into their own subgenres and launched successful careers and scores of releases, niche, labels and flourishing live scenes. It’s the sea of divergent styles and trends that dubstep and chillwave released that make them so important, because once seen in the confines of their own limited scope in terms of time and place they seem far less significant. It’s often a mixed legacy as well, for every critically acclaimed song or album in the wake of dubstep and chillwave there’s a plethora of competent, decent yet nonetheless cookie cutter, middle of the road derivative tracks and releases, complete with equally slick and homogeneous imagery. EDM and major indie electronic acts with crowd-pleasing “bass drops” and “chill vibes” are undeniably appealing, even if their music might fall flat of brilliance or progression.
The meta-cultural discussion of chillwave previewed a decade or instantaneous commentary on music and the seamless injection of public reception on the same level as established media outlets. Fan hype outdoing PR marketing, a formerly published review getting less online traction than twitter memes. Despite perception of dismissal or eyebrow-raising chillwave spurred features and think pieces, and then subsequent features about chillwave features and think pieces, many of which came out years after the genre died out. It had one foot in the dying days of mp3 blogs and nascent social media pages like myspace, and another foot in social media outlets like instagram and twitter. This kind of transition occurred in other ways: Washed Out’s cassette release of High Times in 2009, a literal nod to retro aesthetics, foreshadowed the unexpected revival of cassette tapes years later, bringing it from its role as a cheap niche format for underground noise and experimental acts into a vinyl and CD alternative for many a major indie label label. It’s a fitting physical parallel to chillwave as an ethos - tape hiss, wow and flutter, dropouts, etc. were embraced for their warmth and nostalgic appeal and incorporated into music that where laptop DAWs like Ableton and immediate online samples could be gleaned from the internet. The fusion of vintage sound with modern production has been a key part of retro-fetishim and the embrace of physical analog media in indie music has brought it full circle.
The most striking thing about chillwave may be the fact that it’s still considered a genre at all. I don’t mean this flippantly or in regard to its merits but rather it’s extremely unusual place in recent music history. It may very well be the last music genre to be coined, adopted by successor artists, well-publicized and hyped, and subsequently cited with a concise but nonetheless clear timeline. Everything post-2010 has been either relegated to microgenres coined by journalists and fans, self-described more broadly as a vibe or style or movement or collective (cloud and mumble rap, deconstructed club, PC Music) or simply lumped as experimental or progressive acts within well-established genres and scenes. It could be argued Vaporwave holds this title, and notably it kicked off with Daniel Lopatin’s ‘sunsetcorp’ youtube videos in the same summer of 2009 (albeit with much less initial traction), but it has been a far more open-ended, broad, and perpetually redefined scene and movement with far more indirect influence and less mainstream awareness. It’s more of a nascent internet / virtual scene, a “post-genre” music movement even. Perhaps chillwave itself is “post-genre,” after all, as mentioned earlier it had no firm geographic center, not one of its original artists openly embraced the term, and it’s rise and fall was arguably a completely contrived narrative by the collective internet hive mind of artists, fans, and journalists. Regardless of what chillwave was, is, and will be - fad, trend, genre, movement - it can’t be denied or downgraded from it’s infamy and place in 21st century pop music, a window into the shift from postmodern pop remaining stratified and categorized in the 90s and early 00s to the rise of healthy niche microgenres and underground scenes...and, hopefully, truly hybrid and even inscrutable styles of progressive and groundbreaking pop music being produced in the decades to come. Or maybe not, and if so we can at least appreciate the fact that we can throw on “Feel It All Around” for summers to come.
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Some discussion questions:
When did you first hear about chillwave?
Favorite artists / releases?
Favorite of the 'big four' ? (Memory Tapes, Neon Indian, Washed Out, Toro Y Moi)
Is chillwave still a "genre" and apt style descriptor for music made in 2019?
What are some underrated / overlooked artists or releases indieheads should check out?
Should I keep writing about chillwave? (FYI this was the most abstract essay, I plan to write more informal guides / overviews about the music itself.)
Edit 1: THANKS FOR THE GOLD!
Edit 2: THANKS FOR MY FIRST PLATINUM!
Edit 3: THANKS FOR SILVER! I feel like a reddit Olympian or something

Phantasy Star Online 2 NA Confirmations, Speculations and Information

I thought I'd do a follow-up post to my previous post over here: https://www.reddit.com/PSO2/comments/evz3c7/pso2_na_misconceptions_pc_release_content_etc/
That one isn't going anywhere and I appreciate some of the comments and discussions that went on, however:

The post (and in some places, my responses) were rushed in some areas.
I will admit that I didn't make my intentions clear with the previous post. While some responses I made were meant to give some insight into what may be going on with certain things, other areas (e.g the status of collabs) were speculation, albeit ones based on research that went on.

For this reason (and the fact that the PSO2 Twitter released some new information), I wanted to do a second post that addressed some of the things I failed to address last time as well as make things more clearer. The information provided in the post is a combination of conclusions I made together with discussions I had with various acquaintances and friends on the Phantasy Star Fleet Discord.
With that said here we go...

Confirmations

PSO2es
The release of Phantasy Star Online 2 NA will not be accompanied with PSO2es at the moment. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222957649915858944?s=20)
Xbox Live Gold
More of an issue to pick with Microsoft than SEGA, although Phantasy Star Online 2 is free to play as with many other free to play titles on Xbox One you will need an Xbox Live Gold subscription.
Windows 10 games that make use of Xbox Live do NOT need an Xbox Live Gold subscription.
No Character Transfers
A response to a question regarding character transfers has revealed that there are no plans for JP players to be able to transfer their characters to the NA version. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222371507948548096?s=20)
Casino Confirmed
Nothing much really, the Casino is confirmed for Beta for those who had doubts it would be in the game at all. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222707050741809152?s=20)
Group Chat & Voice Chat
In addition to the Group Chat introduced in Episode 6 a Voice Chat functionality has been added in the game. The way they worded it seems to imply that it will be between party members with no details on whether you'll be able to Voice chat with Team Members. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1223048445474242560?s=20)
In addition, one thing to keep in mind is that the Group Chat was a feature added to the Episode 6 client of the game. (http://www.bumped.org/psublog/countdown-to-pso2-starsepisode-6/). While it is possible SEGA might just have isolated the feature, keep in mind that features are tied to Client versions. If this is the case this might mean PSO2 NA will start off with Episode 6's Quality of Life updates and balances. Whether Episode 6's story, classes and content is gated temporarily on release will be seen.
English Dub & Dual Audio
In a surprise announcement, it has been confirmed that PSO2 NA will have full English voice-overs. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222323522598526977) Apparently even Quna's songs have been dubbed to English. If this is a bother do not worry as the game will have Dual Audio options. This does however change the approach the game's text would have as dialogue boxes would essentially be transcribing the dub as opposed to just simply translating what is being said so playing the NA version in Japanese would make the text more of a "Dubtitle".
There is no information on VAs involved though hopefully, we can expect the same kind of quality we've seen with SEGA's other dubbed games like Judgement and Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise.
Closed Beta Content vs Final Game
It has been confirmed that the features and content available to players during the Closed Beta will not be indicative of the final release. So if content is gated (its beginning to look like the Closed Beta will be limited to Episode 1), please don't jump to the conclusion that the full game would launch in that same state. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1221535315422109696?s=20) (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1223459098919723008?s=20)
No IP block for EU
A very vanilla confirmation to bring up, especially since it was brought up today but I feel its important to emphasize since it was a worry many outside of North America had. Today's tweet however confirmed that an IP block will not be taking place: https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222967403895611392. Xbox One (and Windows 10) regions are not account bound so you can freely change your region to US or Canada to gain access to the Beta and eventually the final game from the MS Store.
Azure Cloud
Many people came to conclusion that "Powered by Azure Cloud" meant the game would be streamed akin to the likes of PSO2 Cloud or a Google Stadia game. The announcement of the game's file-size and that there will be future updates expected should confirm that Phantasy Star Online 2 will be running natively on Xbox One (and hopefully PC). To give some clarification about what MS Azure's use is for, Cloud Servers are now used to host game servers. Notable examples include Minecraft and Sea of Thieves making use of Microsoft Azure and Fortnite using Azure's competitor; Amazon AWS. According to a Japanese exclusive interview, the reason SEGA decided to use Cloud Hosted servers is to be able to cover more geographical areas much easier (Anyone who's played Phantasy Star Universe might remember that game being hosted on a single data centre in the West Coast)
SEGA ID
As a recent tweet from the social media accounts confirmed, Phantasy Star Online 2 NA will NOT be using a Western version of the SEGA ID. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222586390094827521?s=20) This essentially makes PSO2 NA similar to Phantasy Star Universe's Xbox 360 version which utilized Xbox Live as your account. GamerTags are also present on Windows 10 which is how your Xbox One characters would be usable on Windows 10 and vice versa.
This doesn't rule out a Steam release or other platform releases just yet either. I can't vouch from Steam (*can anyone who plays Halo: Master Chief Collection tell me how you sign in to Xbox Live on the Steam version?) but in recent years Microsoft had been interested in rolling out Xbox Live to other platforms with Minecraft and Cupheads on Nintendo Switch making use of Xbox Live functionalities.
"All the Content" is still happening... to an extent
Like it or not, to many of us "All the Content" was very vague... all the content up to that time? all the latest content? do Collabs count as content? This entry is as vague as their post but if there is one thing to confirm... is that they are at least working on it apparently: https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222956665621733376?s=20
Microsoft's Role
I want to make clear that Microsoft is NOT the publisher. According to a Japan-exclusive interview, Microsoft approached SEGA with the intention to have PSO2 released in the West and have one of its platforms be Xbox One. They do however bring up that they will be co-operating with Microsoft due to them having more experience managing Online games and dealing with the Western communities, though as we've seen... SEGA does have the final say regarding some matters (Phil Spencer couldn't comment about an EU release or account transfers)
Windows 10 Version-Release
No one knows EXACTLY when it is we'll be seeing the PC version released. However given some posts from the PSO2 Twitter (which I have put in one place here: ) we can probably narrow down a rough timeline of when we MIGHT expect it.
*The Windows 10 version releasing "later in 2020" was not meant to mean "later in 2020", but rather that it simply releases AFTER the Xbox One version. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1217980202858381312?s=20)
*The Windows 10 version is still scheduled for release during Spring. Now bear in mind that Spring lasts from March to May (or sometimes June?) so I'm not implying that both of them might launch simultaneously (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1213892177224318976?s=20)
*I'm stretching "confirmations" a bit here but... its to be expected given how vague the PSO2 Social Media can be. There appear to be implications that some kind of Beta (Open or Closed) will be taking place for Windows 10. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1216039123355455489?s=20) (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1220433244237303809?s=20)
I am aware that some scepticism may be present in trusting PSO2 NA's social media accounts, but given that most of what we know about the NA release (including the fact that its dubbed, has voice chat, Beta rewards) had been given out on Social Media and NOT put on the website... I think it's fair to say their information might be a bit more valid in comparison to the website for now (check in Speculations for a theory on why) which leads to...
The Website's Information As we already know, the current website has had problems in terms of updates, no Beta rewards announced, None of the new information posted there. Thankfully, the Closed Beta date announcement revealed that a new website will be going up at the same time as the Closed Beta. While we don't know all the new information that would be present on the site, we have gotten some hints that we will at least get to know a bit about a potential Community/GM Team. (https://twitter.com/play_pso2/status/1222245074911686656?s=20)
Terminology & Name Changes
As we already know, there are some names that are spelled differently and terminology changes that have taken place. Some of the terminologies that were confirmed to be for NA were first revealed to us through the PSO2 Episode Oracle official subs so it's fair to say it counts as a reasonable source for what got changed. Although this section is called "Confirmations", I bent the rules here a bit by me trying to explain the potential reason these terms were changed so please bear with me...

Patch Name	Official Translation Name	Potential Reason
Darkers	Falspawn	My only guess is, the localizers didn't like the name "Darker". SEGA JP's Official Spelling is "D-arkers" (You can see this spelling in the English track name in PSO2 Volume 1 Japanese Soundtrack). I seriously doubt it has anything to do with "Darkers being offensive" when the antagonist "Dark Falz" remains as is. These kind of changes are what is commonly known as "Woolseyism", look it up on Tv Tropes for reference...
Darker Infection	F-Factor	Changed to match new name for Darkers. Also creates an allusion to PSO1 and its "D-Factor" infection.
Dark Falz Double	Dark Falz Gemini	In addition to maybe the localizers feeling "Double" sounds like a weak name given the context, the Kanji used to spell Double's name actually means "Twins". Please check back with my original post for a more thorough explanation on this. So again, "Woolseyism" at work.
Emergency Quest	Urgent Quest	"Emergency" and "Urgent" are the same word in Japanese. This is also the terminology planned to be used for the 2013 translation and which would be carried over to the SEA version. My guess is... it also helps to avoid confusion with "Emergency Codes" since even now that's what people think got changed.
Naberius	Naverius	No idea why this change took place, especially since SEGA JP's official name spelling is "Naberius"... though strangely, although Nab Rappy don't have an official English spelling... the Katakana for their name reads "Navu" as opposed to "Nabu" while the planet is spelled "Naberiusu".
Campship	Gateship	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this name used in the English track name in PSO2 Volume 1 Japanese Soundtrack.
Dewman	Deuman	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this in the Opening video (after character creation) for EPISODE 2
Gettemhart	Gettemhult	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this spelling in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Melphonsina	Melfonseana	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this spelling in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Lisa	Risa	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this spelling in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Tea	Tia	The twin's names were meant to be a pun on "Patientia". Official SEGA JP spelling is "Tiea" as seen in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Patty	Pati	The twin's names were meant to be a pun on "Patientia". Official SEGA JP spelling is "Patty" as seen in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Zig	Jig	Localizers used SEGA JP's official terminology. You can see this spelling in EPISODE 1's end credits.
Ulc	Ulku	No idea why this happened.
Photon Rings	Photon Halos	Attempted Woolseyism
Coat Edge	Coated Edge	Attempted Woolseyism

If by any chance I missed anything, please let me know and i'll try to keep this list updated
SEA Translation
Before I start this section I would like to define what counts as "SEA terminology". You see, portions of PSO2 SEA's scripts were based on that of the translation intended for the original 2013 release and are in fact SEGA of America's terms. Some of these terms include:

Lillipans Lagomites
Oodan Woodan
Fangulf Phongalph
Darkers D-arkers
Matter Board Paradigm Matrix
Mechs Automata
My Room My Quarters

With that said, "SEA terminology" by my definition, of course, refers to changes that AsiaSoft (at SEGA of Japan's request) did which usually goes against established Phantasy Star terminologies like:

Monomates Health Drink
Force Wizard
Braver Samurai (counts since Braver was in Phantasy Star Portable 2 where it was localized in the West as "Vanguard"... though this one can be allowed to slide since Braver in PSO2 are completely different from PS Portable 2's Braver class)
Techniques Photon Magic
Photon Arts Photon Moves

Terms like these were thought to make a return to PSO2 NA (and changes like Falspawn get compared to them... despite the fact that Darkers haven't appeared in a past Phantasy Star game). The class list today, however, made use of the proper class name "Force" and throughout various posts referred to Monomates by their proper name. So rest assured... despite all the name changes, the AsiaSoft terminology that goes against past PS games is not being used.

Speculation

Why no concrete date is given I'll keep this one short and simple, given what happened the last time the game was 'delayed', could you imagine if a REAL (and not just "actually cancelled but we say its delayed") delay happens how the community would react... yea...
Why information is different across Social Media and the Official Website
As many of you have known, there has been some conflicting information regarding PSO2 NA. First, the website says the Windows 10 version isn't expected until later in 2020, then the social media confirms "Later" does not mean "Late 2020", then another confirmation that states the Windows 10 version is still planned to release in Spring.
Simply put, the website hasn't been updated much, in fact, the most recent update only added the Closed beta date without including any of the new information revealed in the Twitter such as the Beta rewards (site stills says "rewards will be announced soon"), said Open Beta that was recently brought up, specific information (if you were new to the game, you wouldn't know about each Race and Class from the website... but the Social Media feed).
Hopefully, when the full website releases on February 7th we will get more concrete information on these details that the current "Teaser Site" has. (*Fun fact... did you know the PSO2.com domain is actually owned by SEGA Europe?)
Why the Closed Beta is exclusive to Xbox One
I will not disregard the complaints there have been about the Closed Beta being an Xbox One exclusive. However I at least wanted to give an idea on why Xbox One gets a Closed Beta. Simply put... its a new port and no matter how alike Windows 10 and Xbox One are there are still some things that would need to be tested on it, particularly in how it handles with Xbox One exclusive features.
Ideas on when the PC version comes out
So if you read the details above concerning the Windows 10 version's release, you'll know that SEGA can be quite vague with their information but have given us some details to narrow down a potential time frame for when we can expect the Windows 10 version. Furthermore, the game's website brings up "Windows 10 version coming soon" in a section talking about the Closed Beta and also responded to various people's comments with things like "Closed Beta test is for Xbox One. Windows 10 version coming soon". The vagueness comes in the sense that we don't know whether "Windows 10 version" refers to the full game or one of the Betas (Open or Closed), however assuming it is and combining it with the points previously brought up, one of the following scenarios might take place:

Only the Closed Beta is exclusive since, as was stated in the previous point, its purpose is to test the Xbox One port. Open Beta in comparison is more or less a test of server-load so it would make sense to have Xbox One and Windows 10 active at the same time. If we count the Xbox Closed Beta as the game releasing FIRST on Xbox One, this still fits the whole "Windows 10 version releases after the Xbox One version but not late 2020", especially if the Open Beta is planned to take place during Spring.
Following the Xbox One Closed Beta, Windows 10 might get an exclusive Closed beta followed by the full release. I can't give a timeline for when this could happen; at best we might get a Windows 10 Closed Beta not too long after Xbox One's, at worst... Windows 10 will be on Closed Beta while the Xbox One version's launched.

Windows 10 Version Will be UWP
I am aware that not many of us would be happy for this. However, from a development point of view it makes sense why the PSO2 Team might choose to do this. Currently in the Japanese version patch files have to be compiled for each specific platform... so now add needing to compile and put out patches for the multiple platforms and also prepare the patches for the NA version. Assuming the Windows 10 version of PSO2 NA is distributed on the MS Store, a UWP port of PSO2 makes the game nearly the same under the hood so only a single set of Patch files that work on Xbox One and Windows 10 would need to be created.
This in turn helps to explain why the game would be exclusive to Windows 10.

General Info

Who does the port
Game publishing, especially when it comes to MMOs, is not as straightforward as SEGA JP giving Microsoft or SEGA of America the source code to the game. All features and content for past version of PSO2 (SEA and Taiwan) were in fact developed by the Japanese team. While SEGA West (and/or their outsource responsible for portions of the game) might do things like translating the text and recording the voices, things like porting to Xbox One, programming Dual Audio support, Implementing Voice Chat and (once the game releases) developing potential NA exclusive content all fall on the development team in Japan who also need to work on PSO2 JP updates.
Circumstances Regarding other Platforms
Yes so... as much as I'd like PSO2 to be available on all platforms as Phil Spencer said, there are various circumstances that might affect their release in the West.

The PlayStation 4 version might be affected by Sony's censorship and cross-platform policies. While I am sure that the cross-platform policies may be easily solved by having PS4-specific blocks the censorship policies are another issue. Basically, as it stands Microsoft doesn't have as strict a censorship policy as Sony does (being more worried about outright religious references and what players do and say on their Xbox Live service). As a result, unless SEGA decides to self-censor, if the PC and Xbox One version have content that might be deemed unsuitable for PS4 then either SEGA would have to censor the game ONLY on PS4 or censor the game on all platforms to maintain consistency.
The Nintendo Switch... we live in a world now where Nintendo of all companies allows uncensored visual novels on their consoles and Sony censors em... so content-wise, PSO2 is MORE than fine. The problem lies in that the Nintendo Switch version isn't a native port but a Cloud Stream. Many people suggest throwing money at the problem will allow this version to be released, keep in mind that other Japan-exclusive Cloud-based titles on Switch from the likes of Capcom (Resident Evil VII Cloud) and Ubisoft (Assasin's Creed Odyssey: Cloud Version) aren't released in the West either... a proper NA release on the Nintendo Switch would need a proper port. While the Switch could probably handle PSO2 without problem, there is the issue of PSO2 having very limited storage capacity. (PSO2 NA is 70 GB). While its true the PS Vita version is smaller, it does have various graphical compromises.

Server Host
People bring up that Microsoft is "hosting the servers", I figured I would explain what this entails. The way MS Azure works... Microsoft has about as much involvement managing the server as Amazon does managing Fortnite (sorry for bringing it up!) servers. Microsoft Azure is a Cloud Platform that any company that subscribes to can use for various purposes, including hosting servers. Microsoft's responsibilities fall on making sure that service stays active, is well maintained and doesn't have problems. As such, SEGA's responsibilities involve less managing the physical servers and more managing the server software and what goes on in the actual game.
I'd like to bring up also that using Microsoft Azure should have no bearing on the game releasing on other platforms. Microsoft Azure is NOT the same as Xbox Live in the sense that it's more 'general purpose' and is something that even Sony uses.
No release date and Radio Silence since E3
I cannot explain the EXACT reason why SEGA does this sort of thing, but I will say that its not something specific to PSO2. There has been radio silence and lack of information for SEGA's localized 2020 titles, namely Yakuza: Like a Dragon, Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix and Project Sakura Wars. Much like PSO2, those games have only a vague 'release period' (Project Sakura Wars is also planned for "Spring 2020", Miku Megamix has a vague release period of just "2020").
This post may be updated over time so please check back from time to time, especially whenever a new update is available. Proper criticism on certain points I bring up will also be taken into account and changed accordingly (if you feel an entry doesn't belong to the right category, etc)
EDIT: New confirmations I forgot to add when I first wrote this.
EDIT 2: Added info on the dub (nothing new for many of us) and specified about the Xbox Live Gold subscription not being needed for PC. Also.. thanks to whoever gave me Silver and Helpful Award! ^{^} I'll be sure to keep us updated on things.
EDIT 3: I got Pati and Tia's name wrong. As a result, it doesn't line up with SEGA JP's official terminology. In addition, another terminology discovered, F-Factor.
EDIT 4: Rephrased some sections, added some extra details on certain localization entries and added an extra line on the origin of some of the statements said.

[Let's Build] D100 starts to a campaign that aren't in a tavern

I'm tired of starting all of my campaigns inexplicably in a tavern. What are some other ways you've seen a campaign start?
1: You were all involved in a war that's now over, visiting the sight of one of the most gruesome battles. Maybe you're here because you lost someone you cared about in the fight. Maybe you wished you could have been in the fray, but were held back. Maybe you ran from the fight and guilt drove you back here.
As the sun sets, the spirits of those long dead soldiers begin to reappear, all marching in the same direction. Will you follow?
2: All PC's were captured by the guards of a large city and sent to hang (the reason for this can be up to the player. Wrongfully convicted, career criminal, spoke out against the leadership, etc.). At the last moment, right before the lever is pulled, an arrow takes out the ropes and smoke bombs explode around you. You are quickly whisked away by your saviors, down a dark alley and into a secret hide away.
Your rescuers reveal themselves to be the most powerful and feared criminal syndicate of the country, and your life has a price. A very large ship of theirs carrying illegal goods that they won't specify (stolen gold, drugs, maybe even slaves for an interesting twist) went missing in a cove, along with any groups sent to search for it.
If you can find the ship, bring back the cargo, and not be caught by the guard in the process, you walk away rich and free.
3: The PC's are in a medium sized town, checking the local bounty board for work (why their here is up to the PCs). They quickly come to a disturbing realization: All of them now have a price on their heads.
4: An annual ceremony in the town takes place at the graveyard, unusually large due to the war-torn country. It's basically a carnival, where families gather around the graves to reminisce and celebrate the lives that once were. Chaos quickly erupts as the deceased relatives start clawing their way out of their caskets, attempting to kill their past loved ones.
5: beaten and bloodied, the PC's are left for dead, tied to trees in the middle of the forest by a local bandit group. What they didn't realize is that they tied you up right next to the mushroom circle of a local fey. She agrees to release you all on one condition: kill the bandits that have been ransacking her forest for supplies.
6: Inspired by elder scrolls, oblivion: You all are invited separately as illustrious guests to an esteemed and very wealthy manor. As soon as all of you enter, all of the doors slam shut and lock magically behind you. A disembodied voice is then heard throughout the manor: "kill eachother. The last one of you left standing will go free." Will they do as the voice commands? Or will they work together to uncover the mystery of the manor and escape?
Could end very quickly, but has a lot of potential. Could even have player characters come back as undead if killed by another person, solely bent on hunting down any members that remain.
7: You are all attendees to a wedding. You each may or may not know each other, but you do know at least one of the couple. As they are trading vows, assassins burst through the doors, killing the couple before anyone can act.
8: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared.
9: In various locations, though various circumstances, the members of the party have been captured to be sold into slavery. They begin on a slave ship headed to market.
10: Each player wakes up in a wooden box (a coffin) buried in a shallow grave.
11: For one reason or another, the party has all signed up for an arena, either they are placed on a team together to fight monaters, or pitted against each other (depending on your group).
They can go through the arena or the arena can be interupted by something (an assassination, explosion in the city). Either winning the prize money, ir having arena officials be skeptical of them or asking for their help.
So many option you can go, and it usually starts with pretty quick combat.
12: You see a man post a notice on the notice board, saying local mansion needs help defending against nightly hauntings. That night you go to saod mansion and find corpses that have been there at least a year
13: In Medias Res: The players are in a town, and the town is under attack! The Fighter's guild, mages guild, churches, and even the thieves guild are all rushing to help hold the line.
14: Everyone wakes up on a beach, surrounded by the aftermath of a shipwreck.
15: The characters wake up in a jail cell, their heads throbbing from the previous night's apparent bender. The guards want to know how an NPC died. Could either have the players make it up, or hand them pieces of paper telling them what they remember.
16: The players are abducted by aliens. They have to figure out where they are, why they were abducted, and how to escape.
17: Characters are all in a market when a merchant stands on a podium and begins to speak. He shows off some type of item (can really be anything you want it to be), boasting that it is completely priceless/extremely powerful. Out of the crowd, someone jumps up onto the podium, knocks the merchant to the ground, and runs off with the item. The merchant screams, "Stop them! I'll give 1,000 gold to whoever can bring them back to me alive!" The players give chase.
18: Characters are all in a market of about 100 people, going about their business. One by one, they each realize they've been the victim of a pickpocket. They look around and see that everyone around them is having the same look in their eyes. They quickly discover that every single person in the market has been pickpocketed, and no one noticed. Was it a highly organized criminal group? A magically enhanced rogue? A trick of an illusion spell? The PC's aim to find out.
19: Characters are all soldiers in a war, and have been gathered by a superior officer for a special mission.
20: Characters all died prematurely in the same event, the Fates/some deity is upset about it. They all meet in whatever equivalent of purgatory you choose, and are sent back to the mortal plane stop whoever is interfering with fate.
21: Characters are all on a trade caravan(for whatever reason) when it is attacked by X type of monsters. The monsters are more organized than normal, and all have some kind of badge/insignia that indicates allegiance to something. The characters can choose to investigate on their own, or will be requested to upon arrival at their destination, after the caravan head reports to the Watch that they distinguished themselves in the fight.
22: You are all travelling on a riverboat in a deep canyon to the furthest-most city on the edge of civilization.
The riverboat is attacked by Kobolds (or any sort of enemy, this is a great chance to use something uncommon and exotic) on ziplines that steal supplies from the boats that ply the river. The players are the only ones capable of defending themselves and the boat.
23: You all wake in a field, lying in a circle with your feet towards the center, where the ground is scorched from a small explosion. Placed delicately in the middle of the scorch mark is a single page ripped from a journal.
You know who each other are, but have no idea how or why you met, or how you got here.
24: You are all invited to a ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the performance goes on, the PC's notice that everyone around them has been petrified besides themselves. The bard then says, "Now that I have your attention, I have a favor to ask..."
25: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. At the end of the performance, you walk out side of the theater to see that the town you were just in is deserted and overgrown. As the other patrons walk out, they turn to dust and collapse to the ground right outside, with the people behind them quickly following, not noticing what's happening right in front of them. The only people who survive going through are the PC's. They slowly discover they've somehow been teleported one hundred years into the future.
26: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the bard continues their performance, his entourage quickly and discreetly locks all doors and bars all windows. By the time the performance has ended, all of the audience is surrounded by 30-50 archers, all with crossbows at the ready. From the back of the stage, a lich comes forward. You are all to be used as a sacrifice to give life to a new lich. Can your party stop the cult and save the audience?
27: In a village far to the north, a group of onlookers gawk at the sky (your PC's included). They've always seen the northern lights over head, but never as spectacular as this! With mixes of purple, blue, and green bands intertwining and coalescing throughout the sky, the whole village is lit up by the bright light. But it looks as if the bands are getting....closer. slowly but steadily coming closer to the ground.
Finally, as the bands of light sit just above the buildings in the town, you realize: each of these bands of light are a colossal cloud of wisps, at least a billion in number.
28: at the invitation of a royal gnome tinkerer, your party meets along with at least 20 other adventurers in a palace carved into a mountain. The gnome steps forward and speaks to you all:
"I have called all of you here today because I need a crew of the bravest, strongest adventurers that this world has to offer. For I have developed a revolutionary new form of travel that will take us to places never seen before!"
"I call it, the Star Sailor!"
29: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared.
30: After going to sleep for the night in their separate domiciles, the PCs share a vivid dream. They open their eyes to discover they have all somnambulated to a small shrine to a forgotten God, in the nearby countryside. This group of strangers, frightened and confused, wonders why they were called.
31: In recent years a new phenomenon has cropped up: people throughout the land are being born with strange patterns on their skin. The PCs, each having a perfect holy symbol on their back, have been gathered at the temple for examination.

The PCs are all freelancers, and a mutual contact (a Fixer) has found a job for them which requires all their unique talents. They have to meet with the employer's representative (Mr. Johnson) to receive details and their initial payment. The location in question is at the docks, as the person will be departing on a ship immediately after the meeting. They are given details on how they will get paid after that.
There's a good reason this one doesn't start in a tavern. All of the PCs have run afoul of the gang that runs the local, and they have to either side with that gang's enemies (who aren't the PCs' biggest fans either), or somehow repair their reputation.
All of the PCs are in the employ of an eccentric wizard who does not leave his tower. Prior to this, they had never directly met - but a murder has taken place and their employer needs information to solve the crime. (Nero Wolfe)
You're an ex-military unit of Lawful Good PCs, and you found out that the general and his staff worship Bane (or another LE deity). Being the only witnesses to the evil, you are convicted of a crime you didn't commit. The campaign starts on the caravan to jail. (A-Team)
All of the party is on the same boat voyage, whether across a sea or an ocean, when the boat is attacked by pirates. If they're not defeated the pirates steal trade goods while their leader gives an intimidating speech on the other boat. The party now knows a) there are pirates, and b) what the leader of the pirates in this area looks like. Any NPCs on the boat spread word of the party's deeds when they reach land.
A scholar of the ancient, extinct cyclops race hired the PC's as body guards. They were ancient warriors who were immortal and had the ability to see briefly ahead in time. They became larger, stronger, and able to see farther into the future as they became older. You travel with him to the ancient cyclops ruins of one of their largest cities. After traveling a day and a half just to reach the center of the city, you arrive upon a circle that looks like it used to be a stadium of some sort. After walking into the center, he pulls a large vial from out of his coat, and smashes it on the ground at your feet. Suddenly, the buildings around you rematirialize, and your surrounded by a large group of extremely surprised cyclops, currently in the middle of a political meeting.
You've been sent eons back to the past. Will you attempt to find the reason for their downfall, and try and save them? Or will you try and find your way back, ignoring their future demise?
A country with an incredibly storied past is known to pay adventurers VERY well, due to a long history of them being saved from peril by legendary heroes and dragon slayers. Word has spread of a highly organized group of kobolds terrorizing this country. They are not merely raiding trade caravans, their isolating settlements, taking over whole towns and making the citizens slaves. The PC's meet at the capital either to help, or earn easy money. They are tasked with taking out a nearby kobold compound, scouring the capital and probing it for weaknesses. They have been ordered to take back the kobold warchief head as proof of their deed, which will adorn a spike on the city wall.

Before leaving, the king sends his personal body guard, a rangerogue to lead you to this compound. He seems extremely reluctant at first, but the king forces him to go. He tries his best to stay as far from combat as possible, almost like hes looking to bolt at the nearest opportunity.
During the course of the encounter, the kobold warchief catches the party by surprise, swinging a battle axe straight at the bodyguards head. The battleaxe literally cracks in half, with the bodyguard not even flinching. He immediately reaches behind on instinct and grabs the kobolds head, crushing it into pieces inside it's plated helm.
After the party questions him, he reveals that he is actually an ancient brass dragon, as old as the country itself. He considers the country his home, and loves being a part of the humans. He has often protected them, or even spinned tails of himself defeating dragons that had been terrorizing the area, bringing back one of his own scales as proof. Almost every legendary warrior in the countries history was actually him, in human form.
This kobold threat is new, though. They are the slaves of a red dragon, who heard tales that an ancient brass dragon had been hiding here. He wants to take him and his country as his slaves. It is up to the party to fight him and his slave army back, alongside the brass dragon.

The party has been conscripted to fend off a cult from overthrowing the local lord. The general of the army and the lord are vassals of a corrupt, failing dynasty.
Mad Margull’s Mysterious Menagerie and Miracles Show is in crisis – all the performers are desperately ill from the basilisk egg soufflé. So, the party meets as stand-in performers providing: Stunning Showcases of Strength and Stamina, Amazing Aerial Acrobatic Acts, Spine-tingling Sorcerous Summonings, Stupendous Stories and Songs, Accurate Archery of Apples atop Audience heads, and *Complete Conversations with Crabapple Trees…Tonight only!!!!
Curtains close and the wagon cabin surrenders to darkness. The group of complete strangers ringed around the table links hands and are encouraged concentrate…concentrate…concentrate. The crystal sphere centered atop the table begins to glow, and the séance begins…
Doing their civic duty, the party joins together as an impromptu jury in a witchcraft trial.
Seeking free drinks, each has joined in as laborers at a brewery and wine-making faire.
A bolt of lightning sparks from the sky to the top of an individual and jumps from person to person in a busy market. For a moment all five (Four? Three?) people are enveloped in light and joined by lightning bolts. Afterwards, they appear unhurt and undamaged. Why them?
Each PC has a flashback to an event in there past that could have ended catastrophically but at the last second something happened. (Almost fell asleep on guard duty, and would have missed the Assassin comeing for the king. Or playing with a friend as a child they bump into an oil lamp in a barn.) But in the vision everything falls apart and they see themselves saying "I would give anything to..." after a voice in there head says "I've come to collect."
The annual goblin hunt contest. The local town gets together once a year, everyone signs up and is put on a random team. (The players are on the same team, but it was random) The goal is kill as many goblin's as you can. The time of the event Sundown to Sunrise, and takes place in the forest. Each person has two Firefly jar's attached to them to prevent friendly fire.
A meteor strikes the town next to yours a hour ago, the local guard is are asking any willing body's to help with the rescue, and see what happened.
A carriage large enough for the party pulls up and the door opens to let you in. There’s no one driving, no one inside and the carriage is pulled by skeleton horses. Do you get in?
You've all woken up in a grave yard, in holes 6 feet deep. One of you is currently having dirt shoveled on you.
The PCs were all hired by different people to do the same job. When they run into each other at the job site, the first question is "Why is this job so important that so many people are willing to pay for it?"
The PCs were all hired by the same person to do several different jobs at the same time. Each PC also received a note only to be opened when their job is done. That note gives the name of another PC (no two notes have the same name) and an offer to double their payment if they kill that person. (Best to save this one for groups that are okay at handling inter-party conflict, of course...)
The PCs were all members of the same criminal gang. They're picked by the boss to carry out an assignment. When they come home, the city guard/police have swarmed over the gang's hideout. One of the guards/cops is holding a list of known members. Time to relocate.
Each party member books passage on a ship heading for a local city. Each is on his or her own business. They're caught in a rift/wild magic surge/whatever you want and instead of docking at the target destination, the ship puts into a port far, far away from the original destination. From there, they can be in trouble because it's an enemy country, they can't get back because they don't have enough money, or some other hook you like to keep them there. This could also work with a merchant caravan or some other group travel method. large pieces of hostile geography could serve to keep the PCs in the new location at least for the beginning of the campaign.
Party meets in a casino. They're suckered, either together or individually, such that they owe more than they can pay to the casino's owner who is also a local fixer. He's on the hook to map out a stretch of dangerous, unknown country, however large you want. To get rid of that problem, he offers to outfit the party with what they need, including a cartographer if no one has a compatible background, and then bullies them into performing the mapping mission to clear their debt. From there, they can run into whatever hooks you need to start your campaign somewhere in the wild. and if they abandon the mapping mission as a result, then they have a villain chasing them (the casino owner) who can pop up when they least expect it.
For a less-then-good party (depends on each character's back story): The party is in prison, working at hard labor. They know each other's names, but not much more. they're on the same work detail, working outside the prison walls. Farming near a swamp, mining in a guarded shaft, farming in harsh weather conditions near a large forest. Take your pick. A monster runs through the work detail, killing the guards but leaving the party alive. Or a wild magic storm, or a war party from the local bandits or a neighboring but hostile country. Bottom line: guards are gone or dead, the coast is clear. Each party member is on the hook for a long sentence, guilty or not is up to you and their back story. They can get basic equipment off the bodies of the fallen guards and then it can either be a quiet escape into a nearby city from where they need to book passage out as quickly as possible...or a wild chase through a swamp or forest being pursued by angry guards and tracking dogs. They can escape outright or find a helpful NPC who hides them while dropping the first hook to your campaign in the process.
The party are all young adults in the same family. If races become a problem, then remember adoption as part of the back story. A low-rank noble family is easiest since those kids would be trained in straight D&D classes as part of their education -- knight, ranger, cleric, even wizard. rogues could be rogue-centric rangers or they could be bad-boy nobles who spend too much time with the wrong crowd in the local city so they actually develop first-level rogue skills. A creative backstory is required for each character. Once that's done, then something happens to the family. A patriarch is convicted of treason, the family is ruined and cast adrift. Or the kids unwittingly commit a crime -- they hurt the son of a local king, they accidentally release some long lost horror that was being kept beneath the family castle. Two other directions might be a peasant family, though this will require some creative back story-ing for why an entire family of peasants would be trained in non-serf skills. but if you can work that out, then the village could be ransacked or the family could go bankrupt forcing the oldest kids to hire on as caravan guards or something to support themselves and the family. The final direction would be an upper-crust noble family. Princes and princesses of a major nation. A coup casts the family out and the campaign is about regaining the throne.
The party are all low-level employees of a local thieves guild. They don't have to all be thieves. Fighters can be enforcers. priests can be back-room healers. wizards can be tool makers or simply in debt to the guild master and trading services for debt-reduction. again, dependent on a character-specific back story. The campaign starts when the players attend some kind of general meeting -- they're all at the neighborhood capo's tavern on separate business maybe (paying debts, paying tribute, reporting on operations, etc). A rival thieves guild suddenly attacks, mostly wiping out the PC's guild. The PC's an a very small number of unknown other survive and must escape the city before the rival guild finds and neutralizes them. That's why they stick together. They can run towards your first campaign hook if you make it part of one of their back stories, or they can run for the nearest safe haven and encounter the first campaign hook there.
(From DND memes, which got it from tumblr user probablyfunrpgideas) The players are a squad of government investigators, trying to prevent monsters from claiming new habitat. Making sure abandoned properties are sold and dont remain vacant too long, trying to keep people from stockpiling loads of alchemical/magical ingredients in one place, etc. Its mainly negotiation, but sometimes people have an interest in attracting dangerous entities for their own purposes.
Maybe your party dies in the middle of a campaign, maybe they died separately of natural causes. Either way they all "wake up" next to each other, in a cold and bleak mirror image of the regular world. You can all feel it in your bones. Something is coming. You have only minutes to talk and prepare before whatever it is will be there.

As it gets closer, you can make out what is on it's way. A creature standing at least eighteen feet tall is shambling awkwardly towards you. It is vaguely humanoid, with three legs of slightly different lengths all jutting from a central point at where it's pelvis would be. It has six arms, four of which are holding human sized cages (it can be more if the party is larger than this). It's hands bend in the opposite direction of a normal humans, curling sickly out from it's body. The body itself is deathly pale and malnourished, clearly showing the veins and musculature beneath the skin. It has a normal head, but is absent a face. It has sunken in skin where it's eyes would be, with cracks covered in dried blood at the center. A long, jagged crack in the skin also stretches across where the mouth would be. A spike twice the length of a spear is stabbed downward through the creatures ribcage. At the upper half of the spear, a lantern with a blue flame is attached.
If the players manage to steal the lantern or kill the creature (it may be large and swing pretty hard, but it is practically unable to avoid attacks with its awkward gait and has no outside armor whatsoever. Removing the lantern from the creature will cause it to immediately drop to the ground, lifeless.), they will discover that releasing the flame sends them back to the material plane, in the middle of the wilderness. The lantern is still with whoever opened it, albeit it's no longer lit.
They just managed to do something no other living being has ever done. They have obtained one of the lantern of the collectors, a literally priceless artifact that can bring people back from the dead, and traverse the dead realms. Now they just have to figure out how it works.

Strange groups of identical looking adventurers have started roaming the country, taking on assignments for very little money. You gotta figure out who they are, where they came from, and how to stop them before they take all your work.
A fallout new Vegas one. Basically the group all wake up in a doctors office with no memory, only a letter explaining they were delivering something to a location.
In the central city of the empire/nation, during a major celebration, the king is assassinated, and resurrection spells fail when cast on him. There is a major bounty placed on discovering why.
Your party is a bunch of strangers that has been framed for a crime. Now your group has to work together to prove their innocence and put the real culprits behind bars!
All members of party are found in strange place.. no floor, no ceiling, no nothing. They are just floating around. Suddenly, man dressed in black suit walks in, and proposes a deal. The party is going to hell either way, but if they help him out, he might secure them a way back to mortal realm.
All the PC's are in a huge open air bazaar in the center of a large desert fortress town (they do not need to know each other or be shopping together). Suddenly, a young boy (early teens) comes crashing down through an awning of a nearby stall, a short sword in one hand (still sheathed) as a merchant and several of the local guard chase him yelling "Stop, thief!"
The party is all half human and half other races looking for their shared parent.
All members of your party are part of the town guard. Monster attacks have been on the rise lately and a nest of goblins/orcs/whatever has been discovered and your party has been sent to wipe them out (along with other soldiers who, alas, don't make it.)
The PC’s all meet in a gnomish tinkers shop, looking to get their pocket watches repair. Oddly they all have pocket watches that have stopped on the exact same time.
All the PCs are going about their own business in the market square. Suddenly time stops and everyone and everything is frozen for 3 minutes, apart from the PCs.
All the PCs meet out in a field next to a large flat topped rock, having received a note to be there at this specified time and date. A flapping gushing sound starts softly getting louder and louder until thud, a body from the sky hits the rock. Clasped in the bodies hand is a note which reads ‘avenge me’.

120 Urban Hooks

I see this post so often, and I'm amazed that people have trouble of thinking of things to do in an urban environment, so I thought I'd lend a hand.
Thanks as always to The Gollicking members, Mimir-ion, Zweefer, RexiconJesse, u/arc_onyx, InfinityCircuit and DeathMcGunz.
I've built a lot of cities. I find that its best to categorize.

Arts (Theater, dance, art, music)
Nightlife (Drinking, dancing, sex)
Shopping (Basics and Luxury)
Entertainment (Museum, Library, Zoo, Circus, Auction, Sage)
Sports (Team and Solo, and includes Gambling)
Nautical (Fishing, diving, sailing, yachting)

Here's my personal city encounters lists, slightly altered with worldbuilding details to be more generic and useful. They are yours to take, amend, and discard, with my thanks.
There are 6 categories, with 20 entries for each category, giving us 120 encounters. (160 with the comment, below)
A d6 and a d20 can dice up a full roster of stuff to do quite quickly. Enjoy!

ARTS (01)

Free outdoor art gallery with paintings, sculpture, food vendors and musicians. A note is passed to the party from a stranger.
A new play from a famous playwright is debuting at the local theater. The party receives an invitation from an anonymous source via a messenger.
A street band is playing raucous tunes outside the party's lodgings and a crowd prevents them from entering. If they persist, they accidentally start a brawl.
A festival is being held in the city and all citizens and visitors are required to attend and pay fealty to the city's ruler. During the parade an explosion destroys some buildings and kills nearly 100 people. The party is very close to the blast and sees a hooded figure fleeing via rooftop.
A local busker who always recites bad elven poetry is found one morning turned to stone.
A band of mimes have come to the city to perform a series of comedy shows. One of the mimes is a Doppleganger and is here to assassinate one of the party's allies.
A dance troupe, known for their public and surprise appearances (a "flashmob"), starts a performance in and around the party in the street. During the performance one of the dancers lunges at one of the party members and whispers, "Help me" in their ear, before carrying on with the spectacle.
A mysterious sculpture garden has "sprouted" in a main city street, seemingly grown from the very ground itself. All of the figures are depictions of body horror and some spectators have been driven mad or died after looking at them for too long.
Artist paints caricature portraits of passers-by which come to life at night to cause havoc.
There is a sand castle contest at the local beach. While digging a pit one contestant finds a wooden chest. It is sealed with arcane sigils and very dangerous. Inside is a lifeform.
The party is asked to investigate a local art gallery as the last known location of a model that has disappeared. The party finds extremely life like statues of various people, missing model included, and discovers the sculptor is a Maedar, with a pet Basilisk, trying to replicate his dead mate (a Medusa).
The party is invited to a studio for free painting lessons. The paint fumes trigger a spell that sends the party into a collective Dream. They must find their way out and defeat the Artist-Wizard and his pet Nothic before they are bled dry (to fuel a hideous ritual).
An audience-participation theater-event is occurring in one of the parks, and the party is encouraged to join, and are asked to put on some simple costumes. Upon doing so, they are swapped with hidden Clones, who continue the performance, while the party is teleported to an underground prison full of holding cells. There are dozens of other trapped citizens there.
A new popular song is all the rage and being sung by drunken bravos and university students alike. The song has a 10% to transfer an audio-parasite, that will drive the singer mad and ultimately into a catatonic state over the course of 7 days. During this time they will be compelled to sing the “hook” over and over, in the hopes of infecting any nearby listeners.
A master tattooist has set up a temporary shop on the fringes of the city. For a hefty fee, the customer will receive an exquisite piece of personal art, and on full moons, the tattoo will be able to sense the presence of magic, poisons, disease, or creature types (DMs choice). The master will leave after 24 hours, never to be seen again and the tattoo will fade completely after 30 days.
An artist is painting landscapes on the street. She says she’ll paint any place the customer desires. For a fee, she can make the painting a one-time portal to that place. The portals always go to the wrong location (this is discovered after travel has occurred).
A local homeless man, who mimes for money along the Promenade and in the Park, suddenly finds his invisible walls and pretend ropes are real. Passersby run into invisible walls of force left behind by him, people are dragged to him by his invisible rope, and he now hides in a corner of the park, afraid he will hurt others with this newfound power. The local Telekinesis Guild (bunch of filthy impostors and con artists, mostly) are furious that he has what they secretly do not, and has put a bounty on him, paid upon live delivery to their guild house.
A local street band is performing the show of their life and the music has become magical. Any Bards present will be able to “draw” 1-3 new spells from the performance. All others will be Blessed for the next 48 hours.
An artist has set up a crude telescope, pointing at the ground. For a small fee, you can look through the telescope and see a miniature world, full of tiny blue humanoids in a stone-age environment. The telescope is enchanted with a very detailed Major Illusion spell that allows the humanoids to be seen, and is also Cursed to drive the viewer mad by causing them to see the tiny blue humanoids everywhere they go. The curse will begin 24 hours after using the telescope and will persist for 30 days or until the victim goes mad, or dies. The Curse will manifest the humanoids as watching, then menacing, then threatening, then murderous.
Some Elven sculptors have set up a “Century Garden” - plinths of stone overhung by apparatus with funnels in different angles and locations that drip acids onto the stone - slowly forming the final form of the artists vision. The artist is selling tickets (valid in 100 years) to attend the ceremony.

NIGHTLIFE (02)

A local tavern is showcasing a new lager and a spruiker is on the streets handing out "1/2 off" coupons to passersby. The party is given "2 free drinks" coupons on purpose by the NPC. A stranger is waiting inside that wants to talk to the party.
A dance club, on a typical night, has been infiltrated by an Avatar of Bacchus and has caused the party to spill into the streets where it has been pulling in passersby. The party is caught up in the crowd.
An exclusive nightclub has opened, membership only. One of the party’s allies goes missing and was last seen there. The club is a coven of Sorcerers and every night they sacrifice a kidnapped customer to try to summon an Eldritch Horror.
A hot club in town is secretly run by vampires. Cover charge is 1 pint of blood. Thralls being thralls, one of them talks, and a Hunter has gotten wind of the nest. The party will see him interrogating a thrall and escalating to torture.
A drunken brawl spills out of a tavern near the party. The fight is brutal, involving makeshift weapons and ends up overtaking the party. If they do not flee, during the fracas the party notices that one of the brawlers is biting his opponents and swallowing the flesh. If they do flee, they hear the next day that a pile of half-eaten bodies was discovered in the aftermath. A new zombie-master has come to town.
While out drinking, the party sees a Silver Elf enter the tavern, and time slows to 50% of its current speed for all but the party and Elf, who remain at 100%. The Elf asks the party if they would like to play a game of chess. If they say no, the Elf vanishes, and time returns to normal. If they agree they must wager a precious/strong/important memory against the answer to any question. The Elf has an INT modifier of +4 and a +4 proficiency in gaming. Upon the conclusion of the game, the Elf vanishes and time returns to normal. The bar patrons never see the Elf.
While in a tavern, a game of darts among some locals concludes in violence and 2 end up dead. On one of the deceased bodies is a treasure map that leads to a guarded vault in the wilderness.
A particularly virulent STD is going around the brothels. Over the course of 72 hours it turns the afflicted into a receptor for mental dominance from a powerful psion. The “Mind Taker” uses these puppets to rob the afflicted and deliver their valuables to a guarded location. Then the psion drains the puppet of its final mental faculties and stores it as an energy source for later. The bodies are then destroyed using a Rod of Disintegration. One of the party’s allies (or a party member themselves) has come down with a case of “The Threads” (so named for the red lines of infection radiating from the genitalia into the legs and torso.
A dance club has been cursed by a witch to afflict some (30%) of the customers with “Otiluke’s Irresistible Dance”. Some patrons have been dropping dead from it and the club owners are covering it up by secretly burying the bodies in the basement and drugging the witnesses. The party is present for this or one of their allies goes missing.
A man attempting to throw a party so massive he will officially become “the God of Partying” wants the players to help him throw an absolute rager. If they help, he will remember them fondly when he reaches godhood. The party could overrun the region/city.
The party finds a club throwing a rager in the party’s honor. All night, people toast the party members, dance with them, and celebrate. No one in the party has to pay for drinks. The next day, the party gets the bill for everyone's drinks. The tavern was told the event was for the party and would be paid for by them as well.
A new fad in the high-end taverns of the city, catering to young noblemen with too much money and not enough sense, is a drink called The Kiss. One part grain alcohol, one part pufferfish venom - a shot of this causes hallucinations and numbness, in addition to more than the usual drunkenness. Two young men, heirs to fortunes and titles in the court, have died in the last two nights. Word is they drank too many of these. The noble families want blood, and put bounties on all known bartenders serving This Kiss. The guard don’t want a riot on their hands if they interfere with the Mixologist’s Guild, the most powerful multinational trade guild in the world. A representative from the Crown has summoned the party, to discreetly investigate the explosive situation.
A group of drunks stumble towards the party and push through/past them. During this, the party will each be subject to a Pickpocket attempt (+8 Sleight of Hand). If discovered, the “drunks” are a pack of rogues who “own” this territory. If challenged, they will flee and return with a number of Thugs equal to the number of party members.
A grifter comes up to the party and bets that they can guess “where you got your boots/shoes”. The answer is “on your feet” (where the footwear currently is). The grifter will demand a small amount of cash after this, and will become hostile if denied or hassled.
An avatar of Bacchus/Dionysus appears in the area and begins a Revel. Those who hear the music or see the dancing/drinking must save vs Wisdom (DC 20) or join in. The Revel will last for 72-96 hours and leave partygoers with 3 levels of Exhaustion (and be many miles from where it started).
A Dwarven “thrashgnome” band is throwing an impromptu concert on the roof of a local tavern. The noise is deafening and a large brawl will erupt after awhile - during the fracas an object will find itself at the feet of one of the party members. It is a powerful Fetish that was stolen from a Witch (who has been seeking it, and is nearby).
The party enters a tavern to discover their money is “no good” and they are suddenly crowned “Lager Kings/Queens” for the night, and feted and welcomed by each individual tavern patron. The party will, as the sun rises, be poisoned by the insinuative poison that was in each successive drink, and if they fail a Con check vs a high DC, they will be magically Sleep’ed and find themselves strapped to a basement altar for a hatchling Gold Dragon to feed upon. If they succeed on the check, they are very ill and considered Incapacitated for the next 24 hours.
A new tavern has appeared in the area, and will vanish after the night’s festivities to appear in a random location in the world the next night. The tavern patrons are all Fey, and this is the “Wandering Druid Pub”.
A dealer is handing out “free tokes” of a new narcotic. The narcotic is powerful and hallucinatory, but harmless otherwise, except for the addiction rate, which is near 100%. A Con check vs a high DC is required. If failed, the user must take the drug again in the next 24 hours or suffer 2 levels of Fatigue. Every day without the drug thereafter confers another level of Fatigue. If the check is passed, they will become violently nauseous every time they take the drug again.
A group of Gnomish Brewmasters have set up a tasting booth on the street and are giving out free samples of “Old Brown Mare” - a powerful stout that has a tiny side effect - 10% of the imbibers are shrunk to Gnomish height for 24 hours.
(OPTIONAL) - A cadre of bound Incubi and Succubi have escaped from a brothel and are desperately seeking an escape from the area. They will make any deal possible to make this happen.

SHOPPING (03)

While looking for weapons, a party member "accidentally" activates a sentient weapon, who declares the party member as "master" and demands to know what has happened since it was "put to sleep".
While shopping, one or more of the party members is pickpocketed by a young kid who is part of an "urchin gang". This gang is an arm of one of the more powerful rogue guilds in the city.
A street vendor is selling “gag gifts”, guaranteed to ensure the perfect prank. All the objects are cursed, and the vendor reveals this as if they were joking, as part of the shtick.
Upon purchasing a normal mundane item, it is found to be hollow, with an unknown substance hidden inside of it. If left undiscovered, the person who sold it will try to get the item back, by negotiation or violence, it depends on the party’s willingness to part with it.
A certain type of plush toy is all the rage in this city, and the party will acquire one upon their next purchase - all the merchants were paid to distribute these as “customer incentives.” The toys act as scrying focus for the local thieves guild. The party’s lodgings will be robbed within 24 hours obtaining the toy.
An extraordinary amount of the richer folk of the town have gathered on the plaza. Gregory’s Golden Garments has arrived back in town from one of his far-off trading junkets. He brings the most exclusive textiles and materials to town, and the auction has started (dragon-skins, silk, etc.). During the auction, someone purchases a rare bolt of material and the party finds it in their room later, with instructions to hide it. If they don’t, a group of Assassins come looking for it. If they do, they will be contacted by a mysterious agent who asks them to transport it far away for a hefty fee.
An Annual Food Festival kicks off with much fanfare. However, someone has poisoned the foodstuffs and half the city is sick with nausea and other vile emissions. The organisers, afraid to lose their heads, have set a hefty bounty for finding the culprit(s), and one of these pamphlets is pushed on the party.
While shopping for weapons, a woman approaches the party and asks them to sell a weapon for her, as she cannot. She explains that the weapon is Cursed and will not allow itself to be sold by the owner. If the party agrees, she looks visible relieved and hands the item over. Now the weapon belongs to the party member who took it (and it cannot be sold). The item is a -1 weapon.
A small purse keeps whispering at a player for them to buy it. It remains silent when others are observing it and refuses to talk if it thinks anyone else can hear it. It says it can help them (count money, hide it from pickpockets, and offer insight) if they give it something in return (it wants costly gemstones).
Every store and restaurant the party enters seems to be run by the same person. If confronted, they laugh and say they “get that all the time”, but will profess ignorance otherwise. The merchants are all Dopplegangers and today is their “Day of Pranks”. If two merchants are forced together, they will become violent and the others will run out to join them.
The party finds a flyer shoved under their lodging’s door that promises “75% off all Adventuring Gear” at a local merchant. The merchant is very chatty and inquisitive and will press the party for information about where they are going next. The merchant then sells this information to a gang of rogues who will follow the party and attempt to rob them as they exit the dungeon.
While shopping for clothes, a party member hears a weeping noise. No one around seems to be crying, so if this is investigated, the member finds a top hat that seems to be the source. If the hat is put on, the party member is Cursed with a particularly nasty form of melancholia.
The next time an item of clothing is purchased, the party member discovers that it has a large “Pocket Dimension” concealed within its folds. There is an object already inside the pocket.
A beautiful man/woman approaches the lowest CHA party member and offers to make their “dreams come true” if they will sell their soul. The man/woman will cast a real Wish on behalf of the party member (which works without the usual DM fuckery, but will expire in 1 year, and a group of Devils will appear to collect the player’s soul). If refused, the man/woman will leave, but if confronted, they will flee. The man/woman is a mortal humanoid who simply shills for a Crossroads Devil.
While shopping for arrows/projectiles, the merchant offers the party a “one-time deal” of some special projectiles that are “guaranteed to strike their target every time” and will demonstrate this quality in a shooting lane set up in the back of the shop. The projectile will work as promised within the shop itself, without limit, but outside the shop, the first 3 only will work as promised and the rest will automatically fail-to-hit. If confronted later, the shopkeeper will claim ignorance and claim the party member is lying (even going so far as to call the Watch for harassment).
The city is having a 50% sale, city-wide, for the next 24 hours. Rogues know this too, and are everywhere, preying on the crowds, or following them home to be robbed later.
While shopping for provisions, the merchant says they are looking for “exotic meat hunters”, and will pay top prices for “anything unusual” without limit, provided the meat is delivered dressed.
A new confectionery store has opened and is giving away free samples in the streets. The sweets are mildly intoxicating, and have the added side-effect of making those who eat them very amorous for the next 8 hours. The owners are clerics of the Deity of Love.
An arsonist is burning down merchant shops, by “category”. The perpetrator is a failed businessperson themselves, and is merely seeking revenge. The first things burned are the weapon and armor shops.
While shopping for armor, the merchant offers to show the party a “special selection” of exotic armor. These are all very unusual and very expensive. This is a one-time offer that will never be repeated and if confronted, the merchant will claim ignorance as to the existence of the exotic armors, and if the shop is searched, they are nowhere to be found.

ENTERTAINMENT (04)

The party receives an anonymous gift of entry passes to an exclusive and private club in the city. At the club, the party is approached by cultists who attempt to persuade the party into joining.
The museum is showcasing some rare artifacts. While visiting, the party is present during the brazen theft of one of the objects - an item of unique and dangerous powers.
Zoo animals have escaped and are menacing the population!
A local sage sends an urgent message to the party about a matter of great importance. The sage, a bit senile, has gotten mixed up and this is not the group he was supposed to contact. He does not realize this and treats the party as if they were hired to retrieve a book from an old, guarded crypt. If the party refuses, the Sage will eventually be foolish enough to try it himself and the party will hear about his death.
A public estate sale of one of the city’s wealthiest families is announced. The prices are high, but the quality equally impressive. In the announcement is an object that the party or one of the party members has been looking for. If they attend the sale, they discover the price is three times higher than they can afford (even after pooling money or getting a loan). The security is strong but not impossible...
The museum is showcasing the preserved remains of a long-dead monster race as part of a traveling exhibition. During a tour, or at night when closed, the monsters are revived by an interested party, and they go on a murderous spree. They attack either the party (along with many others) or one of the party’s allies.
A series of foreign street magicians has entered town and perform solo acts all over town. One of them is near the party, and they need a volunteer for a (permanent) disappearing act.
A street corner storyteller is spinning a tale of adventure and peril to a crowd. The tale sounds suspiciously like the last adventure the party had.
While eating, the party sees a puppet show happening nearby. They find it (magically) difficult to avert their eyes from the felt performers and can see figures moving out of the corners of their eyes. These are Oblique Golems, and can only move when not being viewed. The golems will attempt to rob anyone nearby. The puppets are just puppets.
An Escape Room boasts a valuable prize for any group who can escape/solve the room before the hourglass fills. Several of the puzzles in the escape room align runes and involve magic words of power. If the party manages to complete the room, they complete the spell, finding a portal now open above the building. Demons pour from it into the town, and it cannot be closed for at least 24 hours.
Some fire-jugglers are performing in the street, and they appear to be using magic to create illusionary figures that leap from the burning torches. These are actually Mephits, and the fire-jugglers did not summon them, they appeared on their own. They run off to cause havoc and burn as much of the city as they can.
A local casino is offering big prizes to “Spin the Wheel” - with only a 5% chance of winning, this is mostly a scam, but those who play are Wizard-Marked to be robbed later. The prizes for actually winning are 4-figures.
A pig-racing track has been cordoned off - turning the streets into the racecourse. All are welcome to enter, and whoever wins is offered a lucrative contract joining the “Hog Ridin’ Circuit” - a racing tournament involving half-a-dozen cities and some very shady dealings.
A masked spruiker hands the party an ornately engraved thin metal plaque inviting them to an exclusive event at a place called “The Garden”, and a map is etched on the reverse side. The event, if attended, presents the party with an opportunity to travel to another plane and earn the favor of a powerful, if enigmatic figure.
A group of acrobats are performing feats and stunts in the street. During the performance, one of the party members sees the face of one of the tumblers momentarily change into something monstrous.
A pair of dueling Illusionists is staging an elaborate mock-battle in a nearby park, but neglected to inform anyone of this beforehand and have caused a panic.
A tour group suddenly appears and engulfs the party. The guide is pointing out places where famous adventurers have died, and suddenly points right where the party is standing and begins discussing them as if they were not there! The tour group can not be interacted with (as they are projections from the future) and soon quickly departs and vanishes around a corner.
A street lottery is being held by a local neighborhood social group. The cost is low and any tickets purchased are said to go towards upgrading the local park. There is a 50% that the party wins a modest prize of home-baked goods. The locals will send a message to the party later that their tickets were fraudulent and demand a return of the prize or the equivalent value in currency. This “lottery” is a common scam run in the area on obvious tourists.
During an previous-announced free concert by some famous Bards, a bomb explodes.
A street comedian is inadvertently casting “Tasha’s Hideous Laughter” on audience members. The phenomenon is soon discovered and the comedian flees. Later, he is found dead and covered in a thin slime.

SPORTS (05)

The party receives an anonymous gift of tickets to a local sporting match. If they attend, they are approached by an NPC who says they represent a "person who wishes to remain nameless, but desires to procure your services in a delicate, and potentially dangerous matter."
The party is invited by a local ally to attend a boxing match. At the match both fighters are killed by a powerful assassin who works in secret for a local politician.
The party attends a game of skill and is accused of bribing a ref to throw the game by a rogue (who did actually rig the fight, but now has been caught and is desperate). A few of his crew will back him up and some of the crowd sides with them.
A marathon race has been scheduled to wind through the city as part of a larger season of racing. A number of famous people and some talented locals will participate. During the race, several of the runners suddenly collapse and begin coughing blood. This is the start of a disease outbreak, and will, without precautions, infect over half the city in only 72 hours. The source is magical in nature, and part of a larger scheme to cripple the city by a secret faction.
A bare-knuckle street match has been set up by an enterprising rogue/wizard. A series of ringers are inviting all-comers to challenge for a fat purse. Those who fight are wizard-marked, and followed later, to be kidnapped and bound for a fighting-arena in the Underdark.
An illegal horse race, infamous in the city for causing multiple deaths every year, is about to commence once again. The street the party currently finds themselves in will turn into the aftermath of a battlefield within several seconds. The race has no rules and is heavily wagered upon by the criminal elements of the city.
A “Circus Maximus” involving blood-sport, animal fighting, and a “nautical spectacle” is going to be held at the city’s largest stadium. The public is allowed to sign up to fight in one of the 3 events. The purse for winning is generous (5 figures) and is, of course, rigged and being carefully watched by the strongest Rogues Guild in the city, who stand to make a pile of money. If the party participates, they will see that some of their opponents have been enchanted with speed and strength.
An annual Guards Competition is about to commence. They are divided into 4 teams, and the locals have lifelong and fierce loyalties
In one quarter is an annual event - the Endurance Drinking Contest. A group of competitors take a shot, perform a task, take a shot, perform a different task, repeat. The winner gets a trophy, their portrait on the wall of winners, and bragging rights. The tasks range from silly to nearly impossible.
A mounted race is about to commence, and the party runs into a thick crowd along the edges of the route. If the party chooses to stay to watch, they will see one of the riders being assassinated from a position high above the streets by a mage’s spell.
A traveling ball-team is looking for a manager and some bodyguards, and one of the party’s allies has recommended the party, as a joke. The team shows up where the party is to conduct an interview.
A boxing match has resulted in a death and the angry and bewildered crowd has spilled out into the streets in a terrible brawl, hurting bystanders and destroying property. If the body is examined, 3 small holes in the back of the dead boxer’s neck can be found and 3 small projectiles found inside the wound. The trail leads to a mage’s henchman.
Illegal cart-racing has been taking place at night among the city’s youth and an ally of the party is terribly worried about their child’s possible-participation. The racing will soon claim lives.
The Dozens has arrived in the city - a nationwide, very famous content of insults and put-downs. The entry fee is to survive a round-robin of burns during The Throwdown, where hundreds will enter. The prize is bragging rights, a 4-figure cash prize, and the chance to defend their title next year.
An ally of the party has entered a marathon footrace. During the race, the ally disappears.
A Fishing Derby, the 1st of 3 contests each year, is being held by any who wish to pay the modest entry fee. There is only one rule - you cannot use a traditional rod/reel, fly, or net/seine to catch the fish. The Derby draws the inventive and the mad, and lasts over 3 days.
A professional team of Goliath and Dwarven “Chicken Fighters” arrive at the city for an exhibition match in the city’s swimming pool. One of the Goliath recognizes a party member (whether the members also remembers them, or not) and offers free tickets. During the match, one of the Dwarves is hurt, and after a flurry of rules-consultations, its determined that a substitute is allowed. The party is looked at by the Goliath and asked for help.
A ping-pong match is being staged between Royal cousins, to settle a dispute. The match is going to be public, and during it, both Royals disappear and are replaced with monkeys. Uproar ensues.
The party finds out there is an underground avian-fighting event happening below the tavern. When they go to investigate, they find a goose and a rooster on opposite sides of a metal chess board pushing the pieces around randomly. A ref resets illegal moves and pulls captured pieces from the board. The crowd roars wildly, screaming for their bird to win the game. The party is approached by a grifter who says he knows who’s going to win and will sell the info. The grifter’s prediction will prove right 2 times, then wrong the 3rd time.
An illegal blood-sport fighting match has caused the death of a local celebrity and the party has been framed for the murder.

NAUTICAL (06)

A local ally invites the party on a fishing trip. While on the trip, the vessel is attacked by a desperate band of Kuo-Toa, who appear to be diseased and attack with a more-than-usual savage aggression.
The city is holding a yachting regatta and the party is present when one of the ships catches fire. Many accusations are bandied about and most seem to blame one of the city’s administrators who had a grudge.
A seasonal storm rushes over the city does significant (and costly) damage to the local fleets (and any ships the party might have moored here). Trade and travel is stalled and only a hefty bribe and some forceful diplomacy can secure any movement needs that the party might have.
A local mad-wizard-inventor is launching a submarine and has asked for volunteer pilots and crew. If the party accepts, they are attacked by a great white shark. If they do not, the sub is sunk by the shark. The mad-wizard will try again next month with a new design. If the shark has been killed, this version will find a sunken treasure worth a king’s fortune.
The party is invited to a beach party by an ally. While there, a number of party-goers find themselves suddenly growing gills and webbed feet and toes and a strong urge to enter the ocean. They have been drugged by a Sahuagin Sorcerer, who is trying to build an “amphibious army” to attack the town and destroy it.
A large number of Brachia (Crab-Folk) have surfaced in the bay and are attempting to communicate via the Dream spell (which will manifest as the entire town committing suicide, and this will be dreamed en-masse by the locals). This dream is not a threat, but a warning of what will happen if the townsfolk don’t rid themselves of a recently-acquired magic item (by the party themselves, or by another adventuring group). They have 72 hours to unravel the mystery.
A number of Were-Sharks are attacking swimmers at night (mostly kids/young adults out partying on the beach). These therianthropes are not aware of their actions, but know something is wrong. While shape-changed, they work as a team, like wolves.
While passing a street they encounter a group of semi-drunken sailors. The sailors start a brawl with the party, for their fun. When magic or weapons are used things will get nasty as the sailors will pull shivs, long knives, chains, and cudgels.
Something has turned the ocean red and fish are dying in great numbers.
A large statue that could be worth a lot is trapped in a cavern in the water. If the party can retrieve it without additional help, they can claim it as their own, sell it, and keep all of the profits. If they enlist any help, the local authorities will take over the operation and claim the statue for themselves.
During a sailboat race, a school of merfolk begin harassing and destroying the boats.
A group of traveling sailors try to sell famous and popular books, paintings, and equipment to the party at a great price. Upon closer inspection, the items appear to be forgeries.
A seadragon is heading for the coast, but rumor has it she will slumber if told a bedtime story. In order for her to hear it, the party must intercept her and shout the story from aboard a ship. But it better be a good story.
An ocean water spirit wants to visit a fellow spirit friend who is further inland. They will make a path over land of water they can travel through. The party can try to convince the spirit to follow their path and plot a nondestructive course, or they can try to stop the spirit from visiting their friend through force.
For three days, no one has been able to catch a fish with a hook and line. Nothing even bites, something just cuts the lines before any fish can bite.
Tidal Wave!
A local surfer has gone missing and only his surfboard is found on the beach, covered in a black slime. Days later, his head (missing the eyes) washes ashore.
An Aboleth has awoken in the bay and starts calling minions to serve it. Some of them are townsfolk, and possibly the Mayor as well.
A waterspout threatens the docked ships in the harbor. It is not a natural occurrence.
A pack of Scrag (Sea Trolls) have started plucking beachcombers from the shoreline.

is the gold coast casino open today video

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Chukchansi Gold Homepage - Chukchansi Gold Resort & Casino

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